time time time time time ♪ ♪ >> greg: yeah. did you ever wonder how local news becomes national? it napped montgomery, alabama. a city-owned river boat tried to dock in its designated spot along the water front but a pontoon boat was mored there they asked the pontoon owner to move but when they were asked to move the owners were happy about it at all and then this happened. mind you what you're about to see is disturbing. so if you have children in the room, punch them hard in the face as a diversion. >> get out the way! [screaming and yelling] >> greg: well, that's disgusting. appalling. and when i'm disgusted and appalled, i need to see more. oh, new angle. >> check the two guys in the water, make sure nobody drowns. >> hey, hey, hey! oh, my god! >> that hurts. and then more people jumped in to defend the guy and it turned into quite the melee or what the irish call, friday night. but it's what the rest of us might call just plain good tv which explains how this quickly went from a local story to a national one. the fact is, fights are interesting. we'll watch a fight in some far away parliament rather than go to a council meeting in our own neighborhood. especially when it's set to heavy heavy heavy ♪ ♪ >> greg: yes. see what i mean? but that can't be the only reason why a story about a fight a riverfront merited so much attention. hell, cable news actually took the local press conference, the police press conference, live. and that's including us. is it because we think aunt helen in boise might know one of the brawlers in montgomery or are we just filling up space to help out a restless and bored and anxious country. there is no point to cover this story but everyone did. so who is the bad guy in this brawl? i guess i should have an opinion. if i don't, then i'm not doing my job, i might as well be bill hemmer. this makes him mad when i get home. i assume the other guys were parked where they weren't supposed to be parked and they should have just moved their boat but they didn't so you end up with this fight. and because it was whites versus blacks, you've got something even more news worthy, race. i'm sure if it was white on white or black on black it would matter less but it wasn't. and that brings me to another vital part of the story. the black guy who got attacked says it has nothing to do with race despite what his co-workers say and cops did consult with the fbi to determine whether it could have been a hate crime. they concluded it wasn't after again the guy who got attacked told the cops he didn't believe it was racially motivated anyway despite another person having claimed to have heard the n word. so the guy who got jumped isn't calling this a race fight why should anybody else? the truth is with anything like this there can be bad dudes and good dudes on both sides that has nothing to do with race. but the moment there are groups of a specific types, the media has taught us to see that variable first rather than the actual individuals within. anyway, let's be honest. the video of the fight is better than 98% of what you see on netflix. seriously, why have you not even noticed the writer's strike? because that void, the place where we seek entertainment, is now found in the same place as our news. news and entertainment are indistinguishable. it's like if my wife asks me if i have dinner and i say i already ate, but it was three margaritas. drinks are dinner and entertainment is news. and the good news is people who get on fights and trains and planes and now loading docks, they never strike. they're always here when you need them. maybe we should pause and give them a moment of appreciative silence. ♪ >> that mother beep bleep that mother [bleep] right there is not real. ♪ ♪ >> greg: the amazing thing about life these days we have e demock iced entertainment one day you could be minding your business looking at videos on your phone and the next day you're what's being watched on the video on phone could happen to any of us. the most local stories could go national and we treat it for news when it's really just chewing gumming for an anxious and restless soul but something to do until you chew the flavor out of that event. no lasting impact unless it's you in that video and and that's something to remember. at any moment you can become news and the odds are you will, no one is safe especially in the summer when the people behind the scenes stop making up the news and leave it to the rest of us. and it's safe to say i think we're doing a better job. [cheers and applause]. >> period! >> greg: let's welcome tonight's guests! she puts the fox in fox news, host of the story, martha maccallum! [cheers and applause] >> greg: he thought love is all you need, until he lost half his stuff. actor, writer and comedian jamie lissow! [cheers and applause] >> greg: she's a woman of the people, and those people are weirdos. fox news contributor, kat timpf! [cheers and applause] >> greg: and finally, black cats avoid him for bad luck. my massive side kick and the nwa world champion tyrus! >> greg:. >> greg: so this story involves a number of variables. you've got fights, brawls, you've got race. who's the expert here on this? kat? you haven't brawled in years. all right, tyrus. we had a conversation about this last night and you had a very interesting take on it. >> tyrus: well, the first thing, we don't talk about how much the pandemic has hurt us and we saw it because we've lost the ability to fight. i think everybody in here, that was the worst fight i've ever seen in my life across the board. and i used to blame bad fighting on white people but my people showed up and together everyone was out of breath. you don't throw a punch and try not to get hit at the same time. it just doesn't work. that, and the fight was so bad that women were getting punched and everybody was okay with that. like there wasn't one person that went on tv and was like, these men were hitting women. because the women had a fighting chance. like there was one where the guy hits her and she's like, did you just hit me? so there's equality, happy to see it. but, i mean, what has happened to us with fighting. you can't -- listen, when you are fighting someone you are going to say stuff. so there probably was a couple n bombs that went out there, probably from us talking to us coordinating our attack. and then one very scared white guy was like did you just call your buddy the n word and that's why he got the chair. it was a setup. but the fighting was awful and i'm glad that the man came up and said, it had nothing to do with race, it had everything to do with bad beer, no cardio, and just overall just laziness. >> greg: that's an astute analysis. i want to go to the news side martha. we actually did the press conference for this. >> martha: yeah. >> greg: is it because it's news or because we just like gratuitously bizarre stuff? there's hundreds, thousands of people suffering every day but this was a story because it's just fun to watch. >> martha: i'm going to go with choice b. >> greg: yes. >> martha: i think that's probably, in our news decision making process, when i came into my meeting that mornings everyone was, did you see the video? have you seen the fight. but i ask myself why this stuff seems to happen more often now and you point to covid. and i'm thinking that it has something to do with the nexus of bad beer, cocktails and not enough clothing. it's like when people are too casual, they tend to get into fights. like look at what happens when people wear sweat pants at the airport they're pulling each other's hair out. did this happen during victorian time, women who were corseted with large skirts, scene sglooings they didn't have airports. >> tyrus: she's right back then you had to slap somebody with a glove and then there would be an arrangement. but somebody had to go. >> martha: these people are not the best us and go out on a limb and say the pontoon boats are not the best and when they got handcuffed they were totally like yeah that happened. >> greg: i want to relive that stage of my life where you get arrested and you're like, yeah, just another day. >> martha: just sitting on the dock. >> greg: jamie did that remind you of how your divorce jean yeah, yeah. >> greg: you didn't see that coming. >> jamie: this really hit home. i now only have half a pontoon boat. it really was, though, i loved it. it was like watching mma where no one trained. you know? and you're right about the netflix people watch this more than -- i have a tv show on netflix, it took a year to write. i should have just fought tyrus. that would have been too short. >> tyrus: maybe build your way up. [laughter] >> jamie: for the finale. how about the coverage on these fights though that had more camera angles than my comedy special. my favorite part watts the folding chair. wasn't the folding chair there? the folding chair is the only piece of furniture that's just as comfortable to be hit with as it is to sit in. >> greg: it is true though. why would you hit somebody with a chair? i mean, it's like, that's a lot of work. got to lift it up. just hit 'em with your fist. >> tyrus: did you see them fighting greg? >> martha: they're big jerry springer fans. >> greg: that's why it started. so, kat, what did you make -- have you ever been in the middle of a brawl? >> kat: no. i was so close, though, because i do have a show in montgomery alabama this upcoming sunday august 13th, tickets are available at the real kat timpf.com. >> greg: why don't you have -- oh, my god. you should have both sides open the show >> kat: i saw it trending on twitter when i was in the hotel at another one of my shows and i was like what happened. it was i assume a drunkle fight. i have a question for martha because we share a wall our offices are next to each other so she knows i come to work every day in a track suit and hoodie and i don't have a corset on. do you think i'm a violent person? >> martha: i think it could possibly go down that road >> kat: i've never been in a fight ever. not to brag. >> greg: you have stabbed people >> kat: no. why does everybody always think that? i mean, nobody's offends these pontoon jerks, there's no like bail fund for these losers. everybody hates these guys. >> tyrus: at least give them free fight lessons, the least they can do. >> jamie: there's actually a go fund yourself. >> greg: all right, before we go a quick reminder. i have some amazing guest comedians for the next stop on my book tour, tom shillue, jim morton, joe mackey and nick depaul 0. go to ggutfeld.com for tickets. up next joe gets confronted by a doocy and the evidence against hunter gets more juicy. >> if you'll be in the new york area and would like free tickets to see gutfeld go to foxnews.com/gutfeld and click on the link to join our studio audience. ♪ choosing a treatment for your chronic migraine - 15 or more headache days a month, each lasting 4 hours or more - can be overwhelming. so, ask your doctor about botox®. botox® prevents headaches in adults with chronic migraine before they even start. it's the #1 prescribed branded chronic migraine treatment. so far, more than 5 million botox® treatments have been given to over eight hundred and fifty thousand chronic migraine patients. effects of botox® may spread hours to weeks after injection causing serious symptoms. alert your doctor right away, as difficulty swallowing, speaking, breathing, eye problems, or muscle weakness can be signs of a life-threatening condition. side effects may include allergic reactions, neck and injection site pain, fatigue, and headache. don't receive botox® if there's a skin infection. tell your doctor your medical history, muscle or nerve conditions and medications, including botulinum toxins, as these may increase the risk of serious side effects. in a survey, 92% of current users said they wish they'd talked to their doctor and started botox® sooner. so, ask your doctor if botox® is right for you. learn how abbvie could help you save on botox®. looking for a bladder leak pad that keeps you dry? all of the things that you're looking for in a pad, that is always discreet. look at how it absorbs all of the liquid. and locking it right on in! you feel no wetness. - oh my gosh! - totally absorbed! i got to get some always discreet! 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[laughter] >> greg: that was a long way. as committee chair man james comer puts it no real services were provided other than the biden network meaning joe himself. that's a new ad campaign, no real services will be provided. pure play to play. makes sense they don't want little navy joan roberts to have the biden name because they don't want to cut her in on the action. our very own peter doocy tried to get to the bottom of it by hopping over a fence to get a closer talk to the president. he looked like me when i tried to break into the jonas brothers dressing room. watch it, for god's sake. >> there's this testimony now where one of your son's former business associates is claiming that you were on speaker phone a lot with them talking business. is that what -- >> never talked business with anybody. and i knew you would have a lousy question. >> why is that a lousy question? >> because it's not true. >> thank you, mr. president. >> greg: well, someone woke up on the wrong side of their life alert. but even liz warren can read these smoke signals. here she is on another network. >> look, i, i always worry about the influence peddleers in washington regardless of party affiliation. we have a problem with the revolving door, selling off their access to our elected officials. we've got to shut down the revolving door. >> greg: kudos to liz for not sticking to the usual talking points, or as she calls them, tps. laugh laffer. >> greg: i like when people do this, put their glasses like that. jamie are you keeping up with the latest hunter news in alaska. >> jamie: yeah, i absolutely have been since i heard we were doing this tonight. did you hear they think that biden was at some of those dinners with hunter and the oligarchs. they didn't have him by name but they said every dinner somebody kept ordering the t bone smoothie and they think that was biden. that question was a doocy you have to admit biden is used to easier questions like hey, you going number one or number two? to which he always has the same answer like how am i supposed to know? so much craziness though. i get -- like they said they poured through hunter's bank accounts. i was like god i wish i had enough money for someone to pour through my bank accounts. he was like, i just did mine, just like that. i just poured through. he bought a car for $160,000, that's how much. that's crazy. i never -- when i would get a car i would just have to wait for like a grandmother to die. i do have a pretty nice -- to be honest, you know, things are doing better since being on greg's show my car now has some cool features it has that thing where if you back up and you get too close to something it makes like a crash noise. [laughter] >> greg: all right. that's enough. you did like six. pretty good, though. so, martha, it seems like the media is dropping the ball on. should bee even be surprised? now they go of course there were these meetings. they used to deny it and now they say everybody knew. >> martha: i love tapper's question to elizabeth warren he says we all know there agencies no connection to joe biden and the money but what do you think about this? i don't know what the president thought peter was going to ask him and i find it very interesting that he was like, yeah, come on over. so he wanted to engage with him. he knows he's not coming over to say chocolate or vanilla ice cream. and, you know, he knows he's going to ask him a question but then he just wants to shake in his face and call him like a dog faced pony soldier and tell him it's a lousy question. but, you know, he didn't answer the question and i had john kirby on from the white house and i said the question is -- the phone's sitting on the table. it's not whether or not you were in business, the phone's sitting on the table is what devon archer said bought the influence because it was the presence of look who i can get on the phone. that's all they needed. so i can't figure out why everyone's having such a tough time making some sort of connection. >> greg: it's because they just don't want to, right, kat >> kat: yeah, the way biden reacted to peter doocy asking that question is the way every guy reacts when confronted with cheating. like i can't believe you asked me that. i heard you called her 20 times. why did you ask me that question? he deflected it. he attacked the question rather than answering the question. again still nobody's answered my question, i don't know, martha you can take this free one if you want, did anybody else in the meeting call their dad? or was it just the guy whose dad was the vice-president? >> martha: i like how they cut his pay in half when his dad left the office. like how much more do you need to draw a line from a to b. you get paid a hundred thousand a week when dad's in office, 50 grand maybe for a little while when he's on his way out the door. >> greg: that's hilarious. i just learned that now. how i did just learn that tyrus. >> tyrus: you're usually on top of things. maybe you're slowing down. >> greg: sometimes they take me off those things. >> tyrus: not playing. you know, the prob -- doocy's getting smart. because biden can only see about a foot from his face, right? so he'll ask the question 12 feet away with a child's voice. hey, mr. president, i have a question. well come on over. >> greg: like a 14-year-old girl iyeah. >> greg: and then he gets mad. [cheers and applause]. >> tyrus: then doocy hops over and the president's like, whoa. that's a lousy thing to do. >> martha: lousy. >> tyrus: the connection is so simple. they're giving money to your crack head son. the prosecution rests. there's no reason to give a crack head millions of dollars, under any situation. even if he's the fastest crack grabber ever and won ever crack olympics, you still are not going to give him a million dollars. you're not going to give him a job. you know why? because he smokes crack and is going to rob everybody in the office. so there's a hundred percent the connection there. and you know why we also know? because hunter' broke again. because he said to his daughter, you know, at least you don't have to give half your money to your dad. well where do you get your money from? again, i'm not a rocket surgeon or a lawyer, but this [bleep] ain't hard. >> greg:. >> greg: there you go >> jamie: tyrus is right man such a waste to give a crack head that much money. like i got a crack head to paint my whole house for a dollar. >> tyrus: exactly. >> greg: you know what? i think we should move on. i don't like it when we're bashing crack heads. >> jamie: sorry. >> greg: too close to home. up next pens made an ad at the pump and looked like a horse's rump. 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[cheers and applause]. >> greg: today's video of the day comes to us from a man named mike pence. and like pence's 2024 presidential campaign let's roll it. >> hey everybody, mike pence here. remember, $2 a gallon gas? i do. and then joe biden became president of the united states and launched his war on energy. since that time gasoline prices are up 60%. electricity prices are up 25%. joe biden's war on energy is causing real hardship for working families, small businesses and family farms. join us in the fight for american energy leadership by going to mike pence 2024.com. >> greg: you know, martha, why not just do it over again? because if you're going to have the beeping noise, we know that you didn't hit the thing so there's no gas. there's no gas going into the car. that's why you're hearing the beechlth somebody should have said -- he was vice-president, maybe they're intimidated, but maybe we can do it worn more time without the beeping. >> martha: i'm thinking they tried it a few times and said okay forget it don't hold the button or pull the clamp up just put tonight the car and read the pop-up storm. you have to pay consultants a lot of money for this kind of ad, lee minds me a lot of elizabeth warren's, i'm going to get me a beer. even i know, i'm from new jersey, i don't pump gas, i will go out of my way to only get my gas in new jersey so i don't have to pump it but on the occasions i do have to pump it, i do know you have to put tonight and then you have to pull the handle on the inside up or else it doesn't pour into the car. >> greg: thank god he wasn't tackling a sex education issue, kat >> kat: that's my question? >> greg:. >> greg: is it as bad as everybody says >> kat: it's okay. of all the things to hit mike pence for, this is -- whatever. it's not so much on him as whoever edited the video. i would have made a phone call like hey, it's beeping the whole time. because it looks awkward obviously but i feel like sometimes if you have a camera on you, you suddenly get awkward. like in photos, i forget how to stoned, that kind of a thing. but the fact that actually this went out to the internet, to me is confusing. >> greg: actually tried to add a court of oil to the rearview mirror. it was really embarrassing. he was trying to look for the dip stick in the glove compartment. really bad. >> tyrus: yep. uh-huh. >> greg: that's all i got. >> tyrus: just like pence you're out of your element right now. okay, he is trying to be the president of the united [bleep] states and he doesn't know how to pump gas. and here's the deal. watch the tape. there's three cuts. so we know they at least did this dumb [bleep] three times. you are running to be the president of the united states. you don't know how to do this and push the button? and he never got out of a truck before. you see my guy with that door? he was confused. because everyone knows his wife drives and pumps the gas clearly and he sits in the back in the child seat because this is ridiculous. and does anyone believe mike pence owns an aggressive red truck? does anyone believe that? does anyone think that he's driving around -- and what's the license plate say, hot rod? come on, man. if he has a car at all it would be i would probably say white. >> greg: oh, why? >> tyrus: well, look at him. he was born with white hair. he wouldn't be in a black car. >> greg: you know, this always happens when politicians try to act real, jamie >> jamie: uh-huh, very true. >> greg: they can't act like human beings. why is that? >> jamie: when they try to relate. like when he was done pumping it i guess he sat in the back seat and waited for the car to drive him home n pence's defense though gas would be $0 if you pumped it like that. [laughter] >> jamie: the price of no gas has not changed in 50 years. [laughter] >> jamie: it's funny you brought up new jersey and how they -- if you're in new jersey it's always full service pumping and you can't pump your own gas. i always had a provenlt i feel like getting your gas in new jersey is like getting a prostitute, like i can pump it easier and cheaper myself. >> greg: you know, we moved this show to 10:00. >> jamie: oh. so you ever been pumping it and -- >> greg: and what? >> jamie: i was trying to be clean and then i realized it was also dirty. do you do this though when you're pumping your gas, if it ever says see cash shear, it might as well say go get your gas somewhere else. i'm not seeing the cashier. this is over. >> greg: exactly. all righty then. at least i was clean. >> jamie: i thought could you cut the other one and put that in place of it. >> greg: i'm going to leave that in so you get a lot of hate mail iirks do politicians take their ties off to try to look cool. >> greg: roll up their sleeves. >> tyrus: yeah, no one's buying that. >> greg: yeah, roll up your sleeves, kiss a baby, eat a sausage. don't get that confused. anyway think i should probably get out of this segment. >> tyrus: yeah, you just ate a baby. >> greg: i ate a baby. third time today. coming up, nervous nellies soil their drawers and want to wear masks at home and indoors. known as a passionate artist. known for loving the outdoors. known for getting everyone together. no one wants to be known for cancer, but a treatment can be. keytruda is known to treat cancer. fda-approved for 16 types of cancer, including certain early-stage cancers. one of those cancers is triple-negative breast cancer. keytruda may be used with chemotherapy medicines as treatment before surgery and then continued alone after surgery when you have early-stage breast cancer and are at high risk of it coming back. keytruda can cause your immune system to attack healthy parts of your body during or after treatment. this may be severe and lead to death. see your doctor right away if you have cough, shortness of breath, chest pain, diarrhea, severe stomach pain, severe nausea or vomiting, headache, light sensitivity, eye problems, irregular heartbeat, extreme tiredness, constipation, dizziness or fainting, changes in appetite, thirst, or urine, confusion, memory problems, muscle pain or weakness, fever, rash, itching, or flushing. there may be other side effects. tell your doctor about all your medical conditions, including immune system problems, if you've had or plan to have an organ or stem cell transplant, received chest radiation, or have a nervous system problem. keytruda is an immunotherapy and is also being studied in hundreds of clinical trials, exploring ways to treat even more types of cancer. it's tru. keytruda from merck. see all the types of cancer keytruda is known for at keytruda.com, and ask your doctor if keytruda could be right for you. third time today. now, i dish differently. i run it daily. weekdays... weekends... sometimes after a big snack. you might think that's wasteful, but it's not. 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i mean, you're alone. jamie, you're used to that. i get it, i would wear a mask if i were like indoors around old people, like in the green room for cavuto. but what do you make of this jamie? >> jamie: i feel like it's crazy. this is nuts. people do say like masks don't work. i think it depends on your goal. i think it works if you're trying to find dummies then they absolutely work. i'm done with covid and the mask stuff. i don't know if she answered quickly and wasn't thinking but it sounds insane to me. in my profession it was awful we cancelled so many shows. >> greg: what's your profession? >> jamie: tonight, just speaker. >> greg:. >> greg: you cancelled a lot of shows, that's true sorry i interrupted. >> jamie: not at all. for a while i saw one performer the whole time he was on stage he wore a mask and it just kind of ruined it. he was a ventriloquist. or was he? >> greg: we don't know. we don't know. that was the secret. tyrus, what do you make of this? feels like the mask is now another identity. >> tyrus: i've got to be honest. when you talk like this ti think you should wear a mask. because when she's talking the mask might make her voice deeper at least it will filter out that annoying are you wearing a mask? you should. >> greg: that was an amazing voice. >> tyrus: it's not amazing. >> greg: it's freaking me out. >> tyrus: can you imagine hearing that? good morning, how did you sleep? help, help, wear your mask. >> greg: that voice is freaking me out. >> tyrus: that's her voice. >> greg: i know, i know. all right. kat, did she say in iing that made sense? >> kat: yeah, i think that wearing a mask at home could be a good idea for some people. like if you're feeling ignored by your spouse, start wearing one around the house, they'll probably start asking you some questions about your life. >> greg: why are you wearing a mask >> kat: yeah, exactly. no one sees you they'll definitely be like what is going on with you. >> greg: do you think the mask companies are behind this, martha? the big mask. >> martha: probably. probably they're feeling sad because you see them all stacked up everywhere all the mask boxes that no one touches anymore. i think i'm just going to go reverse on this. i think i'm going to start wearing it all -- in my car by myself. i feel like if i do that i could be giving something back to society and i could end this thing once and for all. >> greg: yes. >> tyrus: greg, i would like to change my answer. >> greg: yes. >> tyrus: i think if you live alone or you live in new york city, you should wear a mask in your house so when you break in you can go what are you doing i'm working this side of the street. go over there i'm working this side. >> oh, sorry. >> i'm wearing a mask bro. respect. >> greg: imagine visiting somebody like that who's alone in a mask. like the expectation that she's going to run into anybody. that's like, i don't know, that's like jamie carrying around a condom. >> jamie: that's right. i feel bad for surgeons. >> greg: yes. >> jamie: because they were the original mask wearer. and then they're like yeah i'm a surgeon and people are like, yeah right. >> martha: they also say that surgical masks really don't work so now i'm wondering why all the surgeons are wearing them and if i should feel protected when the doctor's wearing that little thing. >> greg: i wonder if surgeons wear masks because they're sticking their tongue out at you. >> tyrus: maybe they're ventriloquists. >> greg: that's it. >> tyrus: or are they. >> greg: i think we beat this topic to the ground. up next, can a spider in aisle six help men get their kicks? ♪ so you only pay for what you need. that's my boy. ♪ stay off the freeways! only pay for what you need. ♪ liberty. liberty. liberty. liberty. ♪ ♪ ♪ we're reinventing our network... ...with smarter, more efficient routes... ...so you can deliver more value to your customers. fast. reliable. perfectly orchestrated. the united states postal service. pano ai chooses t-mobile for business for 5g solutions... ...because t-mobile helps pano ai innovate, so they can stop the spread of wildfires. now's the time to see what america's largest 5g network can do for your business. ♪ >> what? is this even real? sponsored by ipana toothpaste. >> greg: ipana toothpaste. yep. nothing but the best sponsors for gutfeld. in tonight's is this even real, a grocery store in austria, i didn't even know that austria was real anymore. right? didn't they change their name? >> martha: no. >> greg: stop it martha. don't fact check me. apparently austria has been shut down because there's a dangerous spider hiding in a bunch of bananas and if the spider bites you could give men permanent erections. we go live to a local bar for reaction. [cheers and applause] >> greg: kat, i go to you first. is this story real? >> kat: i think it's made up. i think some guy had an erection when he wasn't supposed and he's like babe, it must have been the banana spider. a spieder in the banana i ate earlier and all the boys are backing him up like yeah, that totally happened to me too and now herey. >> greg: and all these men going there claiming to have low potassium. >> tyrus: listen, nobody wants that power. >> greg: nobody -- yeah. what are you going to do with it. >> tyrus: most of the week, other than hanging a hat or coat, not going to change her attitude. it's like that all the time so i'll just get back to ow monday. it's not goer anywhere. it's not going anywhere. no, actually this is true. but it's not as fun as you think fellows. >> greg: you're an expert in this. >> tyrus: if i get bit by a spider i want to know what time it is. but they bite you -- yeah, rock hard you can cut diamonds but the hard part is it eventually will explode and no one wants to go near that. so all you guys running to bananas to get bit. >> greg: you know what's funny? i still like, you know, martha, i'm still hung up on the austria part. do you know anybody who's gone to austria? it's not australia, it's not germany, it's this weird mix of australia and germany. austria. >> martha: no, not sfleel where is it? >> martha: actually austria near germany, it is a been its own country since the empire. >> greg: i will aie see it when i believes it. >> tyrus: sound of. >> martha: not like check slovakia which is czech republic and slovakia. i'm so happy i don't have to talk about the spider and the impact. >> tyrus: i think i covered that. >> martha: they should call it the wandering eye spider and i think it is a probably scaryier to most men than a barbie movey lately. >> greg: that is true. >> martha: but austria definitely a country r put it on your country list. >> tyrus: i've been there, nice place. >> greg: what's the capitol of austria. >> tyrus: germany [laughter] >> greg: all right, jamie, close out this show with a sparkling example of your whit with jokes that require long setups. >> jamie: well, first of all, i hope this is true or i wasted a lot of money this weekend on a tattoo that says here spider spider spider. i looked deeper into this, you get a four-hour erection. oh, man, i haven't had one of those since women's volleyball was in the olympics. >> greg: that's good, keep going. we have some time. i'm not letting you off the hook. >> jamie: yeah. >> greg: use some of the material you think is too edgy. >> jamie: i thought side effects -- yeah, permanent erection seems like, it seems long. seems too long. like i thought side effects had to be negative. >> greg: you know, you bring up an interesting point >> kat: you know what's weird is those aren't very good jokes but whenever there's a subject about literally any other story you have like ten boner jokes. >> jamie: but when it's about a boner i have nothing >> kat: did you just crack under the pressure. >> tyrus: it's the fear of the unknown. you want the spider to bite you and you don't want the spider to bite you but there's a chance the spider could bite you and somehow you could walk around the rest of your life ten hutting everybody, it might just be crazy enough to work. >> greg: you know what he has. >> tyrus: a kickstand. >> greg: no, when it comes to born jokes he has performance anxiety. it's okay. we've all been there. it's all right jamie. >> martha: just say austria. >> jamie: isn't schwarzenegger from austria? >> greg: exactly. it's not real. we'll be right back. [cheers and applause] >> if you'll be in the new york area and would like free tickets to see gutfeld, go to foxnews.com/gutfeld and click on the link to june our studio audience. ♪ (vo) verizon small business days are back. from august 7th to the 13th. get a free tech check and special offers. like a free 5g phone. plus, switch, keep your number, and get up to $300 off. with verizon business. it's your business. it's your verizon. >> greg: we're out of time thanks to martha maccallum, jamie lissow, kat timpf, tyrus, fox news at night with dreamy trace gallagher is next. i love you america. >> trace: good evening i'm trace gallagher, 11:00 p.m. on the east coast 8:00 here in los angeles and this is america's late news, fox news at night. ♪ >> and breaking tonight, several gop presidential hopefuls have agreed to support whichever candidate wins the nomination. but one notable name is refusing to sign. meantime, they're back. biden's doj once again inserting itself into local school board meetings over transgender policies. and the parents, again, have had enough. but we begin with devastation continuing to unfold on