[ cheers and applause and now, here he is, seth meyers [ cheers and applause seth good evening, everybody im seth meyers. This is late night. How is everyone doing tonight . [ cheers and applause seth quick welcome to our guest announcer for the evening, my brother, josh meyers, is with us for the night [ cheers and applause very good job on your first time announcing thank you i watch the show seth that helps. That helps lets get started, i like this, i was happy to see this. Nascar released a Statement Today calling for the removal of South Carolina capitol released a statement, nascar released a statement, they should have sent a pit crew. That thing would have been down in like nine seconds [ laughter ] [ whirring noise ] thats the noise it makes, right . Yeah. [ whirring noise ] seth according to a new poll, 65 of americans do not consider donald trump to be a serious president ial candidate [ laughter ] 65 . Thats nearly 2 out of his 3 wives, to give you a sense of that number. [
Is a good way to prove you havent disappeared. So, well, first of all, we documented the pregnancy, and thats right, joe biden appeared making a special i loved on snapchats daily political Jerry Seinfelds comedian show yesterday seth yes, great film they were only able to tell it creating his special. Was joe biden from the thumbprint and so its kind of like that if he had been pregnant and we dont know that he the fbi has seized the cell wasnt, actually phone of republican senator seth thats true alexander hammer richard burr as part of an investigation into whether he yes, he directed it and is used information from a editing it coronavirus intelligence briefing to sell stocks. He edited beyonces its also incriminating that homecoming. Right after the meeting, he he is really, like, creating it signed up for netflix and hulu and shaping it and were really proud of it and we hope people like it so, he knew something was seth i cant wait to see that coming i cant look at that, just ac
You ask me, israeli unnecessary. Matt goldich wrote a joke whose punch line is israeli unnecessary. Mothers day is this sunday. So now all i have to do is figure out when sunday is. Is today sunday . Hmm. Ceo of grocery chain kroger said yesterday that americans will have meat during the coronavirus pandemic so long as they are quote, flexible. Although isnt being flexible on meat what got us into this in the first place . So tomorrow is no socks day good, because im starting to feel creepy Walking Around the house wearing just socks and finally, Budget Airline Allegiant Air has begun offering customers free health and safety kits on all flights to stop the spread of coronavirus. That story again, some airline you never heard of is offering you more help than your president. That was the monologue, everybody. And shout out to my son, ashe, who promised he would be quiet the whole monologue and he did it good job, buddy. Thank you seth we got a great show for you tonight. She a coach on
A copy of that list. [ laughter and applause tomorrow is valentines day, where children all around the world learn to knock first [ audience oohs [ laughter and applause oh, they got to learn. Dennys is offering a valentines day promotion allowing customers to get married at its las vegas location, and if you want a honeymoon, theyll give you the bathroom key [ laughter ] mattel has launched a more inclusive range of barbie dolls including one with a prosthetic leg. Though the bigger news is that the other leg isnt. [ laughter and applause [ laughter ] fans on social media were outraged about the results of last nights Westminster Kennel Club dog show after burns the longhaired dachshund was snubbed for best in show although i think it might have something to do with his old yearbook photos. [ audience oohs [ laughter and applause [ laughter ] esquire magazine recently featured a profile on quote, what its like to grow up white, middleclass, and male. The article is three words long. [
So thats probably fine, right lets get to the news. Vice president mike pence is facing criticism after he toured a coronavirus testing facility yesterday without wearing a face mask but he might be okay, because looking at him, he drinks plenty of bleach. Hillary clinton endorsed former Vice President joe biden yesterday during a virtual town hall and this is nice, she even virtually smiled how nice for him following the news that the number of coronavirus cases in the u. S. Has surpassed one million, President Trump yesterday defended his february prediction that the number of infections would soon reach zero, adding, in fact a million has like six zeros, so when you think about it i was extra correct. An abc News Reporter appeared on Good Morning America yesterday without wearing pants while broadcasting from home pfft rookie mistake, bro. The trick is use a desk. [ knocking ] ah, old deskie fighter jets from the air force thunderbirds and Navy Blue Angels performed a joint flyover