Is a good way to prove you havent disappeared. So, well, first of all, we documented the pregnancy, and thats right, joe biden appeared making a special i loved on snapchats daily political Jerry Seinfelds comedian show yesterday seth yes, great film they were only able to tell it creating his special. Was joe biden from the thumbprint and so its kind of like that if he had been pregnant and we dont know that he the fbi has seized the cell wasnt, actually phone of republican senator seth thats true alexander hammer richard burr as part of an investigation into whether he yes, he directed it and is used information from a editing it coronavirus intelligence briefing to sell stocks. He edited beyonces its also incriminating that homecoming. Right after the meeting, he he is really, like, creating it signed up for netflix and hulu and shaping it and were really proud of it and we hope people like it so, he knew something was seth i cant wait to see that coming i cant look at that, just according to a new report, amazon founder jeff bezos could cleaning it up become the first trillionaire by 2026. Just on a very high professional level. Hes always been in hair. So, i guess it wont be long before amazon stops selling pitchforks and torches seth and, hey, tell gene, happy 11 month birthday. [ laughter ] in a new interview, President Trump claimed that his critics youll never see him again. Would like to keep the country closed during the coronavirus we were gonna make you the godfather. Pandemic to damage him seth love you guys politically. Love you. I mean, if anyone wants to bye thank you. Damage you, they dont have to thank you keep the country closed. Well be right back with they just have to keep your mic raham norton. Open and, those are my thoughts about that can somebody tell me what this oh, its a microphone. It has been hearing everything i said and broadcasting it well, thats not good. Amazon released two new fire with this one little nexgard chew tablets yesterday. For those unfamiliar, a fire comes power, confidence, tablet is that thing you get for christmas when you ask your reassurance youre doing whats right, grandma for an ipad. To protect your dog from fleas and ticks for a full month. A fire burn is going to take the shine off the trillionaire news. This one little nexgard chew is the 1 vet recommended protection. Authorities in minnesota have warned the public to be on the and its the only chew, lookout for a threefoot asian fda approved to prevent infections water monitor lizard that that cause lyme disease. Escaped from a private home. Plus, its safe for puppies. So, if you see an asian water theres a lot of power in this one little nexgard chew. Monitor lizard in minnesota, thats probably the one. Nexgard. What one little chew can do. [ laughter ] yeah, like threefeet long. Thats like getting two desserts its definitely a monitor lizard wait. Do we have to thank our moms twice . Are you sure what does it answer to . Authorities in alabama are i dont know. Looking for thieves that breyers combines 100 grade a recently stole an 18foot smoker from a restaurant. Milk and cream with real oreo cookies. The thieves would have stolen better starts with breyers. Some meat, but they didnt want to brisket ian morgan wrote that joke, if sounds like a really good deal jake, from state farm at 3 in the morning . You want to, i dont know, harass him online. Who is this . Its jake, from state farm. What are you wearing, jake from state farm . Today was nfl tight end Rob Gronkowskis birthday. Uhkhakis. And technically, he had a Surprise Party its my birthday . Like a good neighbor, state farm is there. Whoa yeah today was star wars director george lucas 76th birthday. And if theres any justice, it right now, theres over a million Walmart Associates was ruined by ewoks. Doing their best to keep our nation going, [ laughter ] bazed ainst jedi while keeping us safe. Weve given masks to all our people also, lucas and gronk, same day. Thats a nice thats a nice and were helping our customers practice pairing. Social distancing in stores. And finally, if youre a huge patriots and star wars fan, weve implemented shorter hours, this is a great day for you. So we can sanitize our stores from top to bottom or a buccaneers fan. Times have changed while also restocking our products. And finally, Rapper Post Malone announced yesterday that he will but if anything, these days have reminded us launch a rose wine this summer why we do what we do. Even weirder, how he announced it because despite everything thats changed, one thing hasnt, and thats our devotion to you and our communities. That, my friends, was the monologue. We got an excellent show for you tonight. Were working together, instore and online, my friends amy schumer and Chris Fischer have a new food through pickup and delivery, network show that they are to make sure you can still get the essentials you need. Shooting in isolation. Hes a talented, informative chef and as we move forward, know that our First Priority and shes hilarious. So, it works out great will always be to keep you and our associates safe. Plus, a transatlantic interview with u. K. Talk show legend Graham Norton. But first, a closer look. Seth hello, everyone and welcome back to the attic. I want to start by addressing something because there have been some nasty rumors online. The books on my side table are tuna for jj. Turkey for tj. Real books, with real titles, by real authors turkey for jj. Tuna for tj. And im not switching in fake this is why we named your brother derek. Ones over the course of the show get a free footlong yup, free. I would never, what, ask the art when you buy one on the subway app. Department at our show to make phony book covers for order now. Nonexistent thorn birds sequels. When you buy one on the subway app. The strength test. And then have them sent here in the mail for a bit that all of, like leather, skin is stronger when its hydrated. I want to say, eight people tops would even enjoy thats why dove men care bodywash has a unique hydrating i mean, that would be a colossal waste of time. And i also want to assure you that if it was a bit, which its formula to leave skin healthier and stronger. Not, i would stop it immediately before it dragged out and became unsatisfying speaking of unsatisfying, boom, another perfect segue, the president is declaring victory for my mother,vo iit was a very difficult time. On a coronavirus even as a whistleblower offered damning testimony today on the trump but she wasnt alone. Administrations disastrous response for more on this, its time for everybody tried to do what they could to help. A closer look. We can get through this. We all have the strength to do it. Seth today the house heard damning testimony from ive seen it. [laughs] dr. Rick bright, a whistleblower who was punished for questioning the president s aggressive advertising of the unproven antimalaria drug hydroxychloroquine as a treatment for coronavirus. Do you remember hydroxychloroquine the furby of medical fads for like a month hydroxychloroquine was hotter than cbd oil and it turns out works just as well bright made clear today that his caution on hydroxychloroquine was part of the reason he was pushed out i believe part of the removal process for me was initiated because of a pushback that i gave when they asked me to put in place an expanded access protocol that would make chloroquine more freely available to americans that were theyre our neighbors. Not under the close supervision and theyre our friends. Of a physician and may not even be confirmed to be infected with theyre our parents. The coronavirus. Our brothers and sisters. Seth thats right, they wanted to give it out to people who might not even have had and our children. Coronavirus. I wouldnt be surprised if trump but now, they are more than that. Had personally submitted a request to travel around the they are forever our heroes, too. Country in a windowless white at prudential, were fortunate to know and serve them. Van offering loose bags of chloroquine to kids. You guys want to ride the quine . And were grateful to the heroic men and women ill meet you out back behind the bleachers. Working on the front line to move our nation forward. This is a tiny bag of drugs. Bright, a vaccine expert, who to all the heroes, we thank you. Led a biodefense agency in the Health Department had a stark assessment of just how badly the Trump Administration had failed in its response to the coronavirus outbreak i believe we could have done better i believe there are critical steps that we did not take in time those alarms were not responded to with action seth Graham Norton is a seth okay, side note here, legendary talk show host in the u. K. But that is what i want a doctor to sound like. You can see his show here on bbc calm, reasonable, doesnt engage america. And every week he gets the in hyperbole, gives it to you straight biggest stars in the world, puts trump, of course, prefers that them all on couches together his doctors sound like roadies where they drink and spill for metallica. Secrets. Weve been wanting to have him hey, man, i looked at your cat scan on our show for years. But hes over there, and were over here. Looks like you got what we call upsidedown disease. But now, thanks to the magic of the internet, here is my very anyway, you want to ride the quine . First transatlantic interview with the great Graham Norton although, i have to say, probably even more shocking than seth graham, i am so happy that you are here. That comment, was this moment i am a huge fan of your show when bright relayed a obviously, a difficulty in conversation he had about our shortage of respirator masks having you as a guest is the fact that youre in the u. K. Congressman, ill never forget and yet, we had a pandemic and the emails i received from we figured it out. Mike bowen indicating that we i tell you, that world wide web. Apparently its world wide its great our mask supply, our seth exactly, and its world wide n95 respirator supply was and you know, the two things that are world wide right now are the pandemic and the web completely decimated and he said and your show, one of the things i love about it is watching were in deep [ bleep seth wow, you know its bad when someone as soft spoken as people have drinks while they are being interviewed. This guy drops a curse word on so i do want you to know that i Live Television. Made one, even though i am five its like facetiming with your hours behind you excellent grandma and asking her how her knitting is going. Im literally five hours ahead oh, you know, i just do it to of you [ laughter ] pass the time while im baking cookies. These mother [ bleep ] are seth so, how are things in the u. K right now . Taking forever. I know that much like the u. S. , bright had a damming and truly maybe you didnt get off to an harrowing assessment of where we are as a nation on from ideal start in so far as everything from vaccines to testing. Addressing this pandemic and he warned that if we dont are things better . Put together a National Strategy now, things could be very bleak um, you know what come the fall. Weve got to believe they are. Without better planning, otherwise, its all so grim. 2020 could be the darkest winter in modern history. Seth yes so we got to try to believe they are the truth must be based on science. We have the worlds greatest i actually, im being very kind scientists, let us lead. Let us speak without fear of retribution. Of self preserving in this in that ive got a kind of there are things we must do immediately. Personal news blackout we must increase the public i stopped at stayathome and education about the basics, washing hands, social 52 meters distancing distancing, appropriate Face Covering really, i havent engaged since then seth of course, as he was i mean i have my mother. Watching that, there was a good i talk to my mother every night. Chance trump was sneezing into shes 88 she lives in ireland his hands, surrounded by and for her, this is like her reporters and wearing a face mask over his eyes new like its like her new if i cant see you, i cant give you the corona. Sports seth right instead of listening to bright like, she has all the stats, and taking his warnings every night, boom, boom, boom. Seriously, trump was ofon nex ws number of new infection, number this morning bragging about the one thing he always brags about, of deaths, all over the world, not just in ireland. The china travel ban he imposed you know, u. K. , america. In late january. Shes on it. This is filling her life the New York Times reported last month that 430,000 people she waited 88 years for this have traveled from china to she didnt know this was what she was waiting for. The u. S. Since coronavirus surfaced but that hasnt stopped trump from saying stuff like this. Seth so in the 80s, i in january, i put and i was guess, you actually lived in the criticized by everybody, including dr. Fauci, i put in a states and youve lived in a way wall that would be very frowned upon we put in a very strong wall right now based on social seth there is a good chance distancing, im guessing trump thinks they built a literal wall between the u. S. And china. Oh, yeah. We built a wall in the pacific i lived in a hippy commune, and keeping out immigrants, i dont know how hippies are coping now manatees, sharks and whales. Seth yeah. Unfortunately weve had less because, you know, theres a lot of hugging there is a lot of group work trouble, less success, i should say, stopping dolphins, what you know, and there is a lot of eating together. With all the tricks theyve learned at seaworld. Seaworld, of course, a water and the hippy commune i lived in park that thrived under obama. Is still there seth really . So, if were pointing fingers the frustrating thing about it was in San Francisco and listening to dr. Brights its still there testimony is that everything hes talking about is possible as weve seen from other theyre now sitting on a gold countries. Mine of course, cause it was throughout this crisis, like a victorian house, so americans have watched as seth ahh countries across the world, from its worth millions germany to australia, some of them have had to move new zealand to taiwan out to special hippy old peoples homes successfully contain and suppressed their coronavirus outbreaks. I mean, who knew they would be a thing. And began to safely and slowly reopen their economies but they are now yeah seth can you tell me, does meanwhile, here in the u. S. , it become very clear to you when things are so bad we have senators showing up to hearings its time to leave a hippy commune, which you obviously like outlaw highwaymen drinking did . Like, were you torn when you alone in the corner of a salon made that decision, or was it obvious . Tim kaine, what happened to you . No, i was an economic hippy you went from Vice President ial in the same way that, you know, nominee to divorced dad who some people are an economic forgot it was halloween. Vegetarian in that they cant afford meat. Although, i honestly do wish this tim kaine had been i couldnt afford proper rent. Hillary clintons running mate so, hence, i embraced the instead of debating mike pence, he would have challenged him to communal lifestyle a dual hey, mike pence, how about you pokemon go to hell. Seth i see, i see. It was very low in the dollars. Powpow. So, yeah, thats how i ended up there. But i did love it. Insanely good mime work today. I have to say, i you know, i you guys remember the quine . Was young. Although, i will give him credit for at least wearing a mask, i was 20, 21 from ireland, which unlike some of his republican is sort of international 14. Colleagues who have decided to turn mask wearing, a proven technique for eliminating and i had such a good time in transmission of respiratory illnesses, into yet another dumb my i was there for about a culture war issue. Yearandahalf. Seth oh, thats fantastic. It opened my eyes to the world. I loved it like, louisiana senator seth i as someone whos john kennedy who said this bizarre thing on fox news. Been doing this show now i guess i dont want to have to wear for almost 20 years, a little over 20 years. A face mask in the shower. Have you hit the 20year point seth okay, so dont. I think are you safe yeah, weve hit it and weve i doubt anybody would want to be gone over it, yeah within six feet of you when seth thats really youre naked and wet no one is telling to wear a face incredible such an accomplishment mask in the shower although, based on voice alone, do you watch i find it very hard to watch myself if anyone sounds like they do you watch your show should be wearing a well, if im in, and its on, tim kainestyle bandana, its this douche of hazard. I feel sort of dutybound to watch it cause i kind of think if i seriously, can we just make stuff up and then get angry about it now cant be bothered to watch it, how can i expect anyone else to theres another thing i dont watch it want these crazy lib telling me to wear socks on my hands and a and because i have been on for bucket on my chin. So long, ive sort of got over i mean, ill do it for Public Health all the things that are awful, but, i wont be happy about it. You know, all that you know, you only need to wear a mask when you first start watching when youre out, around other yourself youre like, i sit people or when you cant like that . Socially distance. Thats what my laugh sounds like . So ive got over all of those i mean, where are you taking your showers things are you secretly a starship i dont watch old clips. Trooper . When those things come up on under rated film, if you want to twitter, you know, have all that catch up on that one seth right you know, heres a clip from 18 years ago this is a good time to do it i was like, no, im not watching that. Mask wearing is a simple technique thats been proven to reduce the transmission of but if im in on a friday night, respiratory illnesses and its i will watch it. Yeah been adopted widely in countries that have successfully contained or suppressed their outbreaks. Like, south korea, which had seth i can tell you, obviously, im watching it a different way. Their first confirmed case on the same day we had ours i think you sit better than south korea successfully anyone in this game. Contained their outbreak early i feel like you have a very easy, natural posture and it on and they did it with massive nationwide testing makes me very comfortable as a viewer, watching the way you sit. It wasnt just widespread, it was early. At the beginning of march, for really, i feel hunched. I feel hunched the whole time. Example, when it was reported that fewer than 500 people had seth see, when i think of been tested here in the u. S. , in Graham Norton its very like, south korea, they already had back with a drink enjoying like drivethrough setups, where anyone could get tested safely just hosting and we were talking briefly, you balance without leaving their car and receive their results back in a your multiple guests few days brilliantly. I know if you told trump other countries were beating us on tests he wouldnt care you get excellent it seems as but, if you told him other countries were beating us on though, maybe the combination of multiple people and a little bit drivethroughs, we would have had this Problem Solved asap today im invoking the defense of alcohol production act to immediately it does seem people are very relaxed on your show ramp up our nations supply of is that something you work masks, noswab frosty, whoppers, really hard tothat environment . Apple pies well, funny enough, i think and i am proud to announce today stars are more comfortable around other stars that thanks to the efforts of our scientists, the mcrib is you know back seth yeah. Who am i . Im like the butler. The one curve you dont want to flatten. And by the way, that doesnt mean coronavirus just im just like the help sat by disappeared forever in south korea. The desk in fact, they just had to so theyve got no pressure in reimpose some lockdown measures after a resurgence of cases. Terms of trying to impress me or amuse me but, that tells us two things, they could care less about me. One, you cant just reopen the but if youre sat next to dame economy without expecting that outbreaks reoccur. Helen mirren, or youre sat next and two, you need an aggressive to tom hanks or something, regime of testing, tracing and isolation. Youre bringing your agame. You are going to tell them a if we had that here, everyone good story seth right, of course. Would feel much more comfortable youre going to want them to like you knowing that if we went back to so i think thats what kind of work, and there was another ups the ante is each other outbreak, wed detect it early and respond quickly. Its not about me and its not about the audience instead, we have senators its about trying to kind of show off to one another. Dressing like npcs in red dead redemption. And others complaining that mask wearing is ruining their nightly bubble bath. Seth well, its a fantastic outcome you figured out. Id like to sit in my tub and im such a one thing i love is, if i go in a youtube and id blow bubbles, but i cant do that cause i have to wear a mask to avoid spreading hole over an actor or an actress coronavirus to my ducky. I love, nothing makes me happier than when i see that they have been on your show. Now, south korea set up their drivethrough testing in february because i know i will see a very honest entertaining version of by midmarch, trump announced his own plan to expand them, which just speaks so drivethough testing highly of what youve done but, he decided to rely on and i am very impressed by this, private companies instead. And did his usual shtick where that youve also found time to write a novel. You have a novel coming out this year he calls them up one by one to talk about how great they are. Yeah, its my third novel and weve been in discussions with pharmacies and retailers to make i finished it just as kind of drivethrough tests available in lockdown was happening and the only thing that changed the critical locations was it was almost supposed to finish in 2020 identified by Public Health professionals. And i cant finish in 2020 one of them is Doug Mcmillon from walmart id like to have doug, if you would, say a few words i cant throw in a Global Pandemic and richard, if you could come up please, richard, please a sort of curveball plot twist walgreens. Brian cornell. At the end so, it now finishes in 2019. Target is tom here . But, it did give me an idea. Tom polen . I think Global Pandemics, if and matt sause, please, of were looking for silver roche. Linings, you know the way people david pierre of signify are postponing their weddings. Signify health i think seth yes postpone them, just say adam schechter, whos really they happened. Been of tremendous help of lab corps, please. You know, just get some pictures thomas moriarty, cvs we all know cvs. Of the venue, photoshop your friends and family in and just seth duane and reade from say it happened. Because, you know, none of us, duane reade, thank you both for making it. Nobody wants to go to your wedding. Mattias mickelberry ceo of m ms, great work no one no one is looking forward to it. Long john silver, right over there. So, at the end of this, if you we all know long john. Go, yes, there was a globaldno thar he blows, right over there. The taco bell chihuahua. Whats that . Go to paul and barbaras wedding. Hes not in his box . Thats your Silver Lining right there. Well, you have to think outside thats our take away seth yeah. The box. Or just find him why . So give us that, engaged couples. Because yo quiero him to be here seth well, thats a wonderful message to end on and the noid a lovely piece of advice wheres the noid right over there well still send gifts. Well still send gifts it would break my heart if i avoided the noid seth yes, of course. I think this has this been were making that very clear going on long enough this isnt about trying to get oh, Little Caesars pizza. Out of a gift. No, i just want my day back you know a lot of people a lot of people think hes saying, seth thank you so much for being here, graham pizza, pizza, but not me what a delight to speak to you its so good to see you i know its pizza good luck with the rest of the pizza. Show bye. Seth thank you coppertone baby. Well be right back with more late night. Wheres the coppertone baby . Where is she she cant get up because the dog has her swimsuit in its mouth is it the taco bell dog . Well, why dont you check . So, that was midmarch i think that was the right amount of time to do that. Already far too late to begin scaling up tests and it came after a testing debacle at the cdc that significantly slowed our response, but still, it was a promising initiative, if it happy birthday could get up and run in quickly. So, it goes. Instead, a month after trumps announcement, Business Insider found only eight sites were operating among three companies, the fourth walgreens wasnt able to open the first batch of its promised 15 locations until april 17th target, opened only one site and how is mickey doing today . Appears to have dropped out of the effort and if you go to cvs, they just decided to stop having employees youre just a really hard worker. Altogether actually all cvss are technically drivethroughs and that you could literally drivethrough one and there would be no one there to stop you. This is why we need an actual functioning centralized federal government that listens to scientists instead of just relying on private companies to do things that dont benefit their investors or their bottom lines. Republicans love to hollow out the government and outsource everything to big business and then complain that government isnt competent and should be run like a business. Thats their scam. Make government incompetent, then use that incompetence as proof that government is bad theyre like a husband who cheats on his wife and says, see, this is proof we need an open marriage. In fact, republicans are now arguing that nonpartisan Public Health officials, like dr. Anthony fauci, the nations leading Infectious Disease expert, shouldnt be allowed to make decisions about the governments Coronavirus Response i think the one size fits all, that were going to have a National Strategy and nobodys going to go to school is kind of ridiculous [orange] hey, whats up guys . [ginger] oh my god so, i think we ought to have a [captain] orange, why are you naked . Little bit of humility in our belief that we know whats best for the economy. [[orange] okay hold on. Hows that . And in as much as i respect you, [miscellaneous reactions of disgust] [orange] floridas finest baby. Dr. Fauci, i dont think youre the endall. I dont think youre the one person that gets to make a decision seth no one said he was. He wasnt even the one person at that hearing there were four top Public Health official who testified, including fda commissioner stephen hahn, who skyped in, i am guessing, from the finale of lost. Unilever, the makers of dove, hellmanns, vaseline, i am going to try to keep my answers brief as i may be a and more, is donating millions of products ghost. To frontline aid organizations also, as fauci pointed out, all like feeding america and direct relief. He does is offer advice as a doctor and public official to get help or give help, he often corrects himself or join us at weareunitedforamerica. Com. Amends his judgments based on new information and he doesnt make any policy decisions. Yet, theyre acting like hes is all about protecting one thing somehow a puppet master controlling an otherwise powerless trump. The fun trumps the president. Anywhere under the sun fun. Hes supposed to be the one who sidewalk fun makes all the actual decisions and yet, in their all consuming longlasting fun attempts to cover for the poolside fun. President s failures, theyve been casting about for someone banana boat sunscreen lasts as long as the fun does. Else to blame. And theyve apparently landed on fauci. If you dont like the decisions with the jimmy dean delights breadless eggwich. Trump makes, then take it up with him of course, in this case, its we got rid of the bread, and replaced it just easier to pretend Anthony Fauci is president , not with two egg frittatas. Donald trump for a protein packed start to your day. Because then youd have to acknowledge that the horrific death toll and the cratering and that is somethin else. . Economy have unfolded under trumps watch. Instead, fox news would rather concoct an elaborate fantasy where fauci is making all the calls, while he has trump tied to a chair in a closet with duct tape over his mouth. Fauci, let me go i see you, fauci you cant hide from me. As weve seen from other countries, its possible to have an aggressive regime of testing, contact tracing, and social distancing to keep people safe, while also making sure they keep insurance. T ump and his allies o interest in any that theyd rather wish the virus away and send working people back into the economy like cannon fodder while they do their shows in safe isolation. They dont care if otherwise mildmannered scientists are warning us that were in deep [ bleep seth see, wrote a book this has been a closer look. Seth please continue to give to city harvest, if you can. Every day more new yorkers need their help putting food on their tables there is a website below to donate well be right back with amy schumer and Chris Fischer. vo love. Its what weve always said makes subaru, subaru. And right now, love is more important than ever. In response to covid19, subaru and our retailers are donating fifty million meals to feeding america, to help feed those who now need our help. Its all part of our commitment to our communities through subaru loves to help. Love, its what makes subaru, subaru. Its just that its. Lavender, yes it is. Old spice, its for men. So we did it for you. But i like the smell of it. V8. The original plantpowered drink. [music playing] veg up. Killer attitude. Nevor hydration. Neutrogena® hydro boost. The 1 hyaluronic acid moisturizer delivers 2x the hydration for supple, bouncy skin. Neutrogena®. Seth last week on our show, my brother josh meyers appeared as California Governor Gavin Newsom because he looks so much like him and does well, a very good impression anyway, the governor is back again and this time, he brought a friend take a look. Good afternoon. As we approach the third month of our coronavirusinduced lockdown, i want to acknowledge just how difficult this has been and nowhere has it been more difficult than my home state of california the weather has been absolutely sick and when i say sick, i dont mean sick as in what will happen to you if you get the coronavirus. I mean sick as in choice, bomb, or all that and a sack of tacos. Recognizing that we cant keep you confined to your homes while our sunkissed state straight up makes out with the star in the dry spray dries in an instant. Center of our galaxy leaving these men with nothing to do in this ad. Weve slowly begun easing some of the restrictions placed on thankfully, weve got something to fill the time, our parks and retail businesses, instantly putting these guys back into their comfort zone. Thereby allowing you to get your tan on and to shop til you dove dry spray dries instantly drop and keeps you protected for 48 hours. Not from the coronavirus but, from your insatiable desire to purchase goods such as stussy its so cheesy, youll need a pick up line to go with it. Ponchos and puka shell necklaces like, did it hurt. When all that cheese fell from heaven and landed on you . Even when its pickup only this is all good news. Its not delivery. Its digiorno. And we hope youll all have an now with more cheese. Its digiorno. Opportunity to enjoy yourself a bit more but just like corona the beer, we ask that you enjoy responsibly and side note to corona the beer, oof, yikes, this ones going to be a real nut buster. The coronavirus continues to be a challenge in california throughout the United States and, indeed, to the entire world. To help drive this point home and to prove this isnt a red state blue state thing, ive ask a good friend of mine from the great state of texas to send along a message. Thank you, governor hey, everybody mcconaughey here coming to you during some very topsy turvy times. And i got to say, these might be some of the topsiest and downright turviest we may ever encounter. I know some of are you going a bit screwy right now and i hear you cause you can try, but you cannot contain a mcconaughey now there is a big push right now to just open things up and the quarantine full stop but you got to pump those brakes, kimosabe, cause this coronavirus is as real as the love between two swans oh my. You see that shape you think thats an accident i dont believe in accidents cause even when you go for a run and you got to poop your pants cause there is no good place to drop trou, you still learn something from that. Seth one of my favorite chuples is amy schumer and its life lessons. He is a great chef its Getting Better every day. During isolation, theyre making heres a little life lesson, a a new Food Network Show where little mcconaughey trick that chris teaches amy how to cook. You can use any time someone and its very fun. Tells you, you need to open up. Heres my conversation with amy schumer and Chris Fischer. You say, all right, all right, all right. Seth i am so happy that you guys are here. Ill open my mind. Amy, you have been on my show before chris, this is your first time, now stay with me here, cause when you open your mind, you can go anywhere. But weve actually known each other for a very long time when you use your imagination, you have known my wife even longer so im going to ask you three when you flex your medulla things and you tell me which one oblongata, theres nowhere you cant go of these things is not true. For example, right now, im you cooked at my wedding barefoot riding on a wildebeest running through the serengeti to bring a we shared custody of a goat named raisin box of donuts to a giraffe named you wore birkenstocks to my wifes bat mitzvah beauregard, and im back see . Im going to go with can i so please, if you have to go out answer and i think that its d, all of the above are true. Into the world, please be careful, wear a mask seth every one of those things is a true thing about your husband keep other people at a safe distance that is all highly unsettling and if you are stuck at home, well, chris just told me like the origin of the goat and why its a rescue goat going a little stir crazy, just seth yeah. Go in here the ashe family rescued raisin from me because i was if you need to go out there. And in the meantimes and all going eat him. Alexis family chris was times, just keep living. Planning on eating the goat. Yeah. [ humming because something that ive learned about is that goat is the most highly consumed meat in the world. Right . Thats true sorry i know so much about food now, but he was going to eat the whoa. Goat that got a little weird. But then you guys rescued raisin but the message remains. The goat seth i had nothing to do were still learning about and with it. I would have been far happier if trying to understand this virus. Chris had eaten that goat. [ laughter ] just like were trying to understand who on earth would vote for devin nunes, a my fatherinlaw did fall in love with that goat and raisin california congressman whos was a family goat for almost a decade been suing a cow on twitter for yeah, its alarming the last two years im so happy seth he is no longer with seriously, a guy who sues a fake us, raisin no longer with us. Cow for 250 million, gets your he escaped vote i just want to say, we are so sorry for your loss. Heaven help us all seth yeah, thank you all right. But not a day goes by that i stay crispy out there. Dont think about it mna mna. How are now, you guys are out of new york. Youre isolating together. Seth josh meyers, everybody. Well be right back. How is it going . You know, i think its we do our best to avoid each other all day, but like most when you need a vehicle you can count on, couples, but, no, its you trust toyota to be here for you. Know, new york, it was like many Toyota Service centers are open to help it was tough being in ne keep your vehicle in top shape. And may even offer nocontact vehicle dropoff. If you need a new vehicle, toyota is offering 0 financing because, you know, we would have like a pep talk before we would and attractive leases on our most popular toyotas, leave, it would be like, okay, like camry, rav4 and tacoma. Were about to go outside. Masks, gloves, were not going you can even shop and buy online to tug, were not going to touch. From the comfort of your home. And then wed get it was like, yes. And then wed get in the its our promise to you. Elevator, and chris would bare today and tomorrow. Hand, like, boop, lobby, and toyota. Lean against the door. Im like, what hap , and then were walking outside, and hes like, im like, that was 3 feet. Just in case i see your face there was a running commentary of the distance i may be acting crazy now its getting late between me and other people. They took my heart away oh wait, that was 6 inches. So we got out of new york mostly but ill be okay, cause because, like, we were the problem and chris was a liability. In my dream world seth yeah. Im still your dream girl youre spending time with your ooh, im still your dream girl Beautiful Boy gene, who is 11 months old. No, what a bad friend ooh seth did he turn one yeah. You know, we didnt actually get your birthday text or gift which is weird seth i only wanted to give myself credit because im a good its so cheesy, youll need a pick up line to go with it. Friend because i did watch the like, did it hurt. First episode your show and you when all that cheese fell from heaven and landed on you . Guys talk at length about how he is 11 months old okay. Its not delivery. Hes from Live Television its digiorno. Now with more cheese. Yeah, seth, there is something other than Live Television i know you dont know that dry spray dries in an instant. But there is a whole other world out there. Leaving these men with nothing to do in this ad. Seth i just have never seen a pair of parents who are thankfully, weve got something to fill the time, prouder that their kid was instantly putting these guys back into their comfort zone. 11 months old. I know. Seth because you mention it dove dry spray dries instantly a whole lot. Really . Eww. And keeps you protected for 48 hours. It was our first show dove dry spray dries instantly hey allergy muddlers. Seth it was your first show. This is so, chris, are you a talented chef. Achoo . Do your sneezes turn heads . Amy, you do not know how to try zyrtec. Cook. It starts working hard at hour one. And this is a genuinely, and works twice as hard when you take it again the next day. Genuinely fun show to watch. Its very lowfi zyrtec muddle no more. You are filming it during isolation. And how did you come up with the idea and are you enjoying making it impressive. Okay. There is one more thing. Thats very good questions ah. Jake from state farm. We did not come up with the idea heres the dealwith the drive safe save app food network approached us youll save up to 30 for being a safe driver. Like a good neighbor, state farm is there. ® seth oh, wow and we were like, you know what, we are tech avail. Youll save up to 30 for being a safe driver. A new moment in wireless has begun. We are available right now. Tmobile and sprint are joining forces. We were like, that sounds cool. Like, lets do it. By bringing together our two networks, we want something to focus on. We dont do well with idle time. Tmobile will build americas largest and most reliable 5g network. I think also, like, i would have a terrible cooking show by myself with more towers, more engineers, and more coverage. Amy, as you mentioned, doesnt know how to cook so it has to be our strong suits. And, so youll get the best 5g network, and the best prices. Seth yeah. You know, you add a lot of welcome to tmobile. Great commentary and beautiful beverages. Americas largest 5g network. And im pretty easy on the eyes thats true seth all of this is true i think, like a great marriage, you compliment each other very well yeah. Seth we did mention that your son gene makes a few appearances. Gene, who is over a year old thank you, good friend. Former best friend seth gene i did know that gene had to recently have a name change can you explain this, real quick . Oh, we just thought it would be a better name what do you mean his middle name, we just thought wed honor my father yeah, i mean, by accident we named our son genital. I mean, look, a lot of people go through this seth so youre you named him after the great comedian dave attell. His middle name was attell and it took you a full year to realize that gene attell was genital. No, we realized it about a month in and to say i was alarmed is a pretty big understatement you know, after you have a baby, like, a month in, are you not vulnerable or anything so thats a cool time to realize that you named your son after you know the section where their penis is and vagina is its great no, but we just officially changed it yeah, i mean but to fail that hard right out of the gate i think you texted me a couple of times, because i think you were really delighted by it. Seth i mean, it was but also, and also, like, fischer, last name fischer could be fissure. You caught that, did you . You did catch that yes, that is true. Seth like, both side of the attell did not make it better. I mean, are you proud of every moment of your life, seth . Seth i also want to talk about this, which is very exciting amy, you had a fantastic standup special while you were pregnant with gene seth please come back next week for all new shows and great guests well have issa rae, michigan governor gretchen whitmer, nick kroll, tom papa, kumail nanjiani, sharon horgan, Patton Oswalt and janelle monae. Those are very cool, hip people and they are all zooming in to talk to me in a hot attic filled with wasps plus well have all new closer looks. Please tune in next week well be right back with more late night. Seth i want to thank my guests, amy schumer, Chris Fischer, and Graham Norton. I want to thank my brother, josh meyers, and of course my friends fred armisen and the 8g band stay tuned for lilly singh. Stay safe. Wash your hands. We love you. Daniel tonight on a little late with Lilly Singh Lilly im going to take a shot every time i say the word irish. [ cheers and applause oh, no daniel and lilly jokes to make an auntie blush during a cowboysgiants game, a black cat ran across the field man, those players get so much pussy. [ audience ohs ] daniel plus lilly reggie watts often times ill just speak in another language. So im like [ speaking gibberish ] lilly what language was that that was no language. Lilly that sounded exactly like a language. Yeah. Lilly can you do it again . [ speaking gibberish ] what the hell . How does this make you feel . I dont think this is real word, but it makes me feel shmoopy. I dont know how it makes me feel lilly what about now oh daniel coming up