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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20240711

[grunting loudly] you cant just take dances with smurfs and call it Something Else [grunting loudly] [school bell rings] [groans] dude, what happened . Youre not doing the morning announcements anymore . No, because it turns out that by rule, the student body president cant also be the morning announcement reader oh, well. At least as president , you can run the school the way you want. I cant do jack i went to my First Student Council Meeting all we did was talk about what colors to make the stupid Sadie Hawkins dance Student Council is retarded [chime sounding] the sun is up, and the birds are chirping. Im casey miller, and these are the morning announcements. I have a letter from second Grade Student brian felner. Brian writes, dear casey, why is our School President such a fat, stupid dickhead . My desk is broken, and so far, eric cartman has done nothing about it. Will you please let that walking bowl of anus pus know that we are not happy . Well, brian, i couldnt agree more. Our

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20240711

Christmas tree. And just like Everything Else in 2020, thissiers tree is doing the best it can. The Rockefeller Christmas tree in new york city is usually lifts our spirits this time of year. But this area well lets just say that by 2020 standards, its pretty perfect. The tree was put into place atop of rockefeller center. Look at all the holes and it just kind of, i dont know, it kind of loosks look a very, like a Charlie Brown tree, like a large version of the Charlie Brown tree. Trevor into, no, no, no. You leave that poor tree alone. You already killed if, now you are going to make fun of its appearance. Who are you people, do you do this at funerals too, damn, uncle mark, you got fat, look at you, you cant even fit in that casket, anyway, rest in peace, were going to miss you. I mean think about it, that tree has been through a pandemic, a race war and a contested election. I think it deserves a round of applause for just staying upright. And by the way, its not like that tree ask

Transcripts For KNTV Late Night With Seth Meyers 20240711

Announcer tonight on late night with seth meyers, ethan hawke, comedian lewis black an all new closer look, featuring the 8g band with carter mclean. And now seth meyers. Seth good evening, im seth meyers and this is late night. How is everybody doing tonight thats fantastic lets get to the news. When asked about President Trumps refusal to concede the president ial election, president elect joe biden yesterday said, quote, i think it will not help the president s legacy. Oh, yeah it would be a shame to tarnish that what was it going to be . The man who finally stood up to the sun . President trump tweeted today that he was, quote, now preparing to win wisconsin. And next week they will beat hillary according to estimates, President Trump has been offered book and Television Deals that could be worth 100 Million Dollars but he still wont come out. President trump visited Arlington National cemetery today in observance of veterans day and while he was there, he helped put out a fire. Yo

Transcripts For KNTV Late Night With Seth Meyers 20240711

[ cheers and applause thank you all for watching stay safe out there. Wash your hands. Dont touch your face. Stay tuned for late night with seth meyers. Good night, everybody [ cheers and applause announcer tonight on late night with seth meyers chat and music from john legend, comedienne sarah cooper, an all new closer look, featuring the 8g brand with Carter Mclean. And now seth meyers. Seth good evening, everybody and welcome to late night. Sorry, wally, is that the only thing on the card . Thats it seth huh, i guess we were over relying on him. [ laughter ] all right, let me tell a story when we first started the show about six years ago, our First Episode in this studio we had two guests amy poehler, my dear friend, and joe biden. And it was important to me that amy poehler was our first guest. Because i really did not believe then, and do not believe now that i would ever have this job if it wasnt for her which meant that we had to ask the then, Vice President of the United State

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20240712

Its been six months now since the 26yearold emt was killed in her own apartment by louisville police, and after months of protests in the streets, online, and at major sporting events, the city of louisville has finally responded. A Major Development in the killing of breonna taylor. Attorneys for taylors family say they have reached a settlement with the city of louisville, kentucky. That settlement includes a financial agreement and Police Reforms. 12 million in a civil settlement for breonna taylor. But the lawyers and the mom and everybody there making it clear that this fight is not over. They did announce, though, that along with that civil settlement, there are a number of Police Reforms including a housing credit for officers to live in lowincome housing, to live in the communities they police; creating a program to include social workers for assistance on police runs; a Commanding Officer to review search warrants before the officer seeks a judicial warrant. Those are some pre

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