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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20240711

Off from news from the world in boxing, the only sport where it always looks like the athlete is yus about to kiss, watching grown men punch each other is the perfect way to work off some of that post thanksgiving a gresmghts and over the weekend there were two big fights that showed how the sweet science is as sweet as ever. Saturday night 54 year old mike tyson fought 51 year old roy jones, jr. , eight two minute rounds at staple center. The fight was unofficially ruled a draw by the judges ringside. The other match of the night, youtube star jay paul took on Nate Robinson, eventually paul hit robinson, thats right, knock out punch, sent him right to the canvas. Trevor wow. That is the first tame have i seen a human get dumped, it looked like one minute he was trying to catch a bus and he was like oh no, im supposed to be taking a nap. Can someone tell me why a youtube star is fieght an nba star anyway. What is this, is this 2020 making shit up, it doesnt make sense t sounds like the

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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20240711

Its the reason you know what all your coworkers bedrooms look like without creating a problem for h. R. Right now, things are not looking good all over the world, and especially not in the united states. In fact, robert redfield, the director of the c. D. C. And man whose face got put on upsidedown by god, said yesterday that the next few months could be the most difficult in the Public Health history of this nation even worse than that sixmonth stretch when you couldnt go anywhere without hearing baby shark. We thought that was the pandemic the good news is that a vaccine is right around the corner, but you still need to get enough people to get the vaccine so that people are immune. And lets face it, in a country where millions of people refuse to wear masks, theres a good chance many of them will resist getting an injection, which is sort of like a mask that hurts. So thats why some highprofile people from across the political spectrum are forming a supergroup to promote the vaccine

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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20240711

Thanks to kyle i got a golden twinkle in my eye aw, shit aw, shit captioning by captionmax www. Captionmax. Com welcome to the daily social distancing show. Im trevor noah. Today is thursday, the 3rd of december, which means theres only 48 days left until donald trump is no longer president and can finally Start Building the first president ial library that has a ballpit. Anyway, coming up on tonights show drake wants to be in your house, ivanka trump wants to stay out of prison, and ludacris is joining me on the show. So lets do this, people welcome to the daily social distancing show. Announcer from trevors couch in new york city to your couch somewhere in the world, this is the daily social distancing show, with trevor noah. Trevor lets kick it off with the coronavirus pandemic. Its the reason you know what all your coworkers bedrooms look like without creating a problem for h. R. Right now, things are not looking good all over the world, and especially not in the united states. In

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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20240711

[grunting loudly] you cant just take dances with smurfs and call it Something Else [grunting loudly] [school bell rings] [groans] dude, what happened . Youre not doing the morning announcements anymore . No, because it turns out that by rule, the student body president cant also be the morning announcement reader oh, well. At least as president , you can run the school the way you want. I cant do jack i went to my First Student Council Meeting all we did was talk about what colors to make the stupid Sadie Hawkins dance Student Council is retarded [chime sounding] the sun is up, and the birds are chirping. Im casey miller, and these are the morning announcements. I have a letter from second Grade Student brian felner. Brian writes, dear casey, why is our School President such a fat, stupid dickhead . My desk is broken, and so far, eric cartman has done nothing about it. Will you please let that walking bowl of anus pus know that we are not happy . Well, brian, i couldnt agree more. Our

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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20240711

Christmas tree. And just like Everything Else in 2020, thissiers tree is doing the best it can. The Rockefeller Christmas tree in new york city is usually lifts our spirits this time of year. But this area well lets just say that by 2020 standards, its pretty perfect. The tree was put into place atop of rockefeller center. Look at all the holes and it just kind of, i dont know, it kind of loosks look a very, like a Charlie Brown tree, like a large version of the Charlie Brown tree. Trevor into, no, no, no. You leave that poor tree alone. You already killed if, now you are going to make fun of its appearance. Who are you people, do you do this at funerals too, damn, uncle mark, you got fat, look at you, you cant even fit in that casket, anyway, rest in peace, were going to miss you. I mean think about it, that tree has been through a pandemic, a race war and a contested election. I think it deserves a round of applause for just staying upright. And by the way, its not like that tree ask

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