it s nice and airy out here. - yeah, well that s because the windows are open inside. (audience laughing) what are you so dressed up for? - oh, this? well, can t afford not to, after all, i m going to college. - well, you went last year and it was all we could do to get you to wear shoes. (audience laughing) - well, i was only a sophomore then. - oh, sit down, ronnie, i ll get you lunch. - oh, mother, i m sorry, i didn t call you, but i m taking one of my classmates out to lunch. - oh, oh. - so, dad, can i have 10? - 10 dollars for lunch? - well yes, you see, i m taking her to la rose. it s nice and quiet, and we can study greek philosophy there. - la rose? (audience laughing) look, ronnie, there s a nice little greek restaurant on sunset boulevard. it s cheap and you can get your philosophy right from the kitchen while it s still hot. (audience laughing) - oh dad, all i want - oh, ronnie, ronnie. if your father is going to be so cheap, here. - thank you, mother. - you re we
- whew, man, when you dream, you ain t kidding. - look, those crazy japanese blew up my cook shack. how could you? my own people. - hey, here he comes. - hey, listen, mr. parker, listen, when s the war going to end, huh? - has my girl been true to me back home? - that new nurse at the new base, is she or ain t she? - oh, now wait a minute, guys, wait a minute. i m not a fortune teller. i can t tell you every little thing that s going to happen. - what about last night? don t tell me that was just beginner s luck. - well, no. as a matter of fact, my mother always said i was a little supernatural. when you ve got e.s.p. though, you can t just turn it on or off. - e.s.p.? what s that? - i learned about it in college psychology. e.s.p. means extra sensory perception. doesn t necessarily mean you have any extra sense. uh, as a matter of fact, i flunked the course. - in my book you re a sea-going swami. now, look, there s a crap game tonight with some high-rolling marines, so clo
get him away from me, mchale! - there you are, sir. nice and comfy. now, in a week you will be as good as new. - a week? what about the war? who s going to run the base? - well, sir, your aid lieutenant carpenter can - oh, that ninny, he can t even oh, i suppose i ll have to. where is he anyway? where, where, where, where? - he s just outside with a couple of other visitors. - oh. - you can come in now, quint. - thanks, molly. hi, captain. i hope you re feeling better. we just dropped by to see if we can do anything to help. - yes, you d like to see if there s anything you can do to help me stay in here longer while you pillage the base. - sir, just look at you. it s heartbreaking. the tiger of taratupa in dry dock. - well, chuck and i will be running along but don t you worry, sir. we ll keep things running. yes, sir. - i know how you think you ll be keeping things running, mchale, but just you forget it, because while i m in here, i m putting carpenter in charge. - carpy
- item 42. item 43. willfully creating a disturbance during duty hours. huh? item 44. fraternizing with female personnel. - aw, take it easy captain. the boys needed a little relaxation, they haven t had a leave in months. give em a break, captain. - oh, i ll give em a break, all right, mchale. i ll give em a break right about here and i ll personally tie the noose myself. now don t you interrupt me anymore. - yes, sir. - if i d a known he was that mean, i d have never asked him to dance. - you shut your fat little mouth or i ll give you a. - [knock on door] - come in! i ll sink you. - excuse me for interrupting, sir, but there s a new ensign who s just arrived and he s very anxious to speak to you, sir. - i don t know anything about a new ensign. that s all i need around here is another ensign. item 45. - but sir, sir, he s not assigned here, sir, he s not assigned here. he s just laying over for three days until he can get a flight out to bora luna, sir. - here are his
the other day while i was telling him how to fill my tooth. (canned laughter) now von zell wants to be romantic. is he conceited! he thinks he looks like he did 15 years ago. wait a minute, i ve seen von zell 15 years ago, and if he thinks he looks like that, he s not conceited. (canned laughter) not that harry is bad looking. he s not, but he s not handsome, either. he s like tapioca pudding, nice, but not exciting. (canned laughter) and also a little lumpy. (canned laughter) but everybody likes to give advice. and when they give it to an expert, no wonder he loses his temper and tells the other person to keep quiet. like this doctor i knew who was taking care of this woman who was going to have her fourth child. no matter what he wanted to do, she made a different suggestion, so he finally lost his temper and he says, madam, how many babies have you delivered? and she said, doctor, how many babies have you had? he kept quiet and listened to the expert. and i know one fe