I am for us. You know how you spell us, right . You spell us u. S. I just picked that up, has anybody thought of that before . I said, you know, you think about it, us equals u. S. U. Letter s. U. S. Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, better late than never plus stephen welcomes jim gaffigan, and musical guest caroline polachek, featuring louis cato and the late show band and now live on tape from. Sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert [cheers and applause] stephen thanks for being here please have a seat, everybody. Welcome, welcome, ladies and gentlemen to the late show. I am your host Stephen Colbert for the last three weeks, the house gop has repeatedly humiliated itself with its inability to do even the simplest legislative function pick a speaker of the house, proving themselves to be not so much a legislative body, but a flaming bag of poop left on the capitols doorstep. But today was the piece de resisstupid. After multiple rounds of vot
Voice they called skye down, only after she hired legal counsel. Scarlett johansson may not be interested in being the voice for chatgpt, but the late show found someone who is. Hello, chatgpt. Im j. B. Smoove. Now, i heard about Scarlett Johansson refusing to allow you all to use her voice. I just wanted to let you guys know that j. B. Smoove is willing and able to provide his services and has no objection that all about getting some of that sweet, sweet robot moolah. Hey, chatgpt. How many quarts are in a gallon . What i look like . A damn measuring cup . Google it chatgpt, can you suggest a vegetarian meal plan . Dont care what you eat suck on a corn cob. Hi, can you please write me an essay talking about the cause of world war i . Whoowhee why dont you crack a book open, mother[bleep]. Write your own [bleep] essay. Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight. Silent but deadly plus, stephen welcomes Billie Eilish featuring louis cato and the late show band. And now, li
Within the ranks. We saw that play out over the past few weeks, with kevin versus steve and steve versus jim. First there was freddy vs. Jason, then alien vs. Predator, then kevin vs. Steve, then steve vs. Jim. But now, get ready for a nightmare like any before. Its tom vs. Austin vs. Byron vs. Kevin vs. Gary vs. Jack vs. Mike vs. Pete vs. Dan. Who will win . Who will lose . And who is this one again . Pete . Maybe dan . Is there a dwight . For the love of god, just pick someone tom vs. Austin vs. Third guy vs. Whats his face vs. Whos his name vs. Cant remember vs. The rest of em. Rated r for ridiculous. Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight. A house misguided. First, stephen welcomes Daniel Radcliffe, Jonathan Groff, and lindsay mendez. And musical guest arlo parks. Featuring louis cato and the late show band. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert still valerio girl. Thats right. How are you . [cheers and applause]
Have you recently gotten into a little hot water and need somebody else to blame . Then call me at bobs blame bus. Heres how it works. You throw your wife under a bus and ill run her over. Its that simple. And it doesnt matter what the indiscretion is. Gold bars from egypt . It was the wife. Supporting an insurrection . The wife. The results are the same. Toss, toss, honk, honk, thump, thump. Call now and ill be there in a halfhour guaranteed. And if im late, its my wifes fault. If bad decisions are causing you strife call bobs blame bus and throw under your wife announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight. In Justice Alito plus, stephen welcomes Sarah Paulson and paul scheer and a performance from merrily we roll along. Featuring louis cato and the late show band. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert [cheers and applause] stephen oh oh. [cheers and applause] thank you, everybody. Youre very kind. Welcome one and all to t
Without being detected. New from milton bradley. Its battleship trump edition where the former president reveals all the secret locations of your naval fleet. He has his submarines on g8. Hit c7. Shoot him hit listen to the former president spill military secrets and say things that nobody should hear. I have a much better body than joe biden. Battleship trump edition. Fun for the whole family and our nations enemies. From the makers of trumperation. I will take electrocution every single time. [buzzer] announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight. Subthing to talk about. And anniversary first drafts with stephen and evie. First, stephen welcomes Arnold Schwarzenegger and musical guest metric. Featuring louis cato and the late show band. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert [cheers and applause] stephen please have a seat. Thank you very much. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. T