Take a pill. Then cheat on your wife with a porn star, pay her off to win the presidency, and then be forced to defend yourself in court. Its that simple. Then its off to dreamland. [farts] announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight. Courtroom drama plus, stephen welcomes John Leguizamo and laura coates featuring louis cato and the late show band. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert [cheers and applause] stephen there you go. Nice. Please have a seat. Thank you very much. Very kind, you lovely people. Welcome to the late show. I am your host, Stephen Colbert. [cheering] im not surprised these people are in a good mood. It was a beautiful spring day here in new york city. 10 out of 10. Warm, sunny. A perfect day for donald trump to be stuck in a courtroom freezing his drowsy balls off. You know what . To be fair. He is somebodys little boy. But im sure his spirits were buoyed by the show of force today from his legion of
According to the wall street journal. Apple now says it has a fix we here at apple have heard fire. Thats why we are excited to introduce the stateoftheart apple harris leave. Crafted from cutting edge cutting edge silos vital it instantly pairswith her phone. Starting it 249. 99. Iphone 15 plus and venti. Its the late show Stephen Colbert [cheers and applause] tonight, stephen welcomes bob odom kirk and fortune feaster featuring louis kato and the late show band. And now, live on tape from. Sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert [cheers and applause] musical magical stephen hello, friends [cheers and applause] hey, everybody thank you, thomas. Welcome, welcome one and all in here, out there, all around the world to the late show, i am your host, Stephen Colbert. [cheers and applause] the United States Congress Continues to be a brimming bucket of garbage. After ditching the speaker for the first time in history, congress decided job well done. Took the rest of the week
American universities make the mistake of existing. But Trump University had the wisdom to be shut down for fraud 13 years ago. Sign up at Trump University. Warning you cannot sign up for something that was shut down for racketeering. You cant set up a tent on a place that cant legally exist announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight. Breaking the grass ceiling. And Carol Burnett takes the colbert questionert. Plus, stephen welcomes phil keoghan and musical guest Jacob Collier. Featuring louis cato and the late show band. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert stephen perfect. Whoo thank you, my friends, please. You are all my friends. Welcome one and all in here, out there, to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. [cheering] folks, its no secret im an entertainer, but i pride myself on not pandering to my audience, and im not afraid to stand on this stage and ask the tough questions, like who here smokes weed . [c
Hmm announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight. Burning down the house. First, stephen welcomes Anderson Cooper. And musical guest japanese breakfast. Featuring louis cato and the late show band. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert [cheers and applause] stephen hey thanks, everybody. Welcome, one and all to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. The nation is still reeling from yesterdays big story about former speaker of the house Kevin Mccarthy, seen here saying, hello, monsterdotcom . After just 9 months of sucking at his job, mccarthy was stripped of the gavel by eight members of his own party. To make it even worse, this all happened and this is true on national kevin day. [laughter] [applause] theres a national kevin. Today is, of course and, again, this is true is National Taco day and National Vodka day. Tacos and vodka. Or as Kevin Mccarthy called them this morning breakfast. Following the vote, a defeat
And ive done it all and i have passed all the bars im going to pass and if you think for one minute that you jury are going to walk around telling the world that don trump is done, youre out of your mind chaos in the court today when trumps new attorney hit the judge with a pile driver. Im holding you in contempt announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight. One fine day plus, stephen welcomes jeff daniels and Hannah Einbinder featuring louis cato and the late show band. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert [cheers and applause] stephen oh salt on french fries. [cheering] we got a good one, a long one. Welcome. Welcome one at all in here, out there, up there to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Now for those of you, anyone at home keeping score, today was the start of week two of testimony in Donald Trumps hush money trial here in new york city. It is clearly taking a toll on the man. Here he is entering the co