You ask me, israeli unnecessary. Matt goldich wrote a joke whose punch line is israeli unnecessary. Mothers day is this sunday. So now all i have to do is figure out when sunday is. Is today sunday . Hmm. Ceo of grocery chain kroger said yesterday that americans will have meat during the coronavirus pandemic so long as they are quote, flexible. Although isnt being flexible on meat what got us into this in the first place . So tomorrow is no socks day good, because im starting to feel creepy Walking Around the house wearing just socks and finally, Budget Airline Allegiant Air has begun offering customers free health and safety kits on all flights to stop the spread of coronavirus. That story again, some airline you never heard of is offering you more help than your president. That was the monologue, everybody. And shout out to my son, ashe, who promised he would be quiet the whole monologue and he did it good job, buddy. Thank you seth we got a great show for you tonight. She a coach on
Anyway, story gave me a whole just keep that in mind when new appreciation for my nonlethal wasps who im almost reading hotness surveys. Certain arent murder hornets in in a radio interview last week, disguise although one of them new York Governor Andrew Cuomo keeps telling me im pretty and bringing me trinkets was asked if he was still an eligible bachelor. And based on every true crime doc ive watched on netflix, though i think he made that that is a a red flag. Clear at his last press conference but to thank them for not being a strip club in oregon is murder hornets, i have added a offering a drivethrough experience for customers in the few of the wasps to the writing parking lot during the coronavirus pandemic staff which we think will help you know its bad when a strip give the show some good buzz i told you that joke was a dud, club is following safety charlie. Guidelines better than the vice put your stinger away, charlie president. Although in his defense, i bet not today. It
Trump sitting through a movie . Whos that guy . Why is she mad at him . Are there boobs in this . Why cant we just watch porkys . according to reports, the Treasury Department has ordered that president trumps name will be printed on Coronavirus Relief checks, which would be the first time hes ever put his name on something helpful. Thats right, president trumps name will reportedly be printed on the front of paper checks for Coronavirus Relief payments, president trumps name, however, still has yet to appear on a the reality dating show spinoff the bachelor listen to your heart premiered this week and features 20 single musicians living in a mansion. 20 single musicians living together are they trying to distract from the virus or create an Even Stronger one the Tour De France has been postponed due to the coronavirus. Well, of course it has i mean, things havent been this abundantly clear since they invented bike shorts and finally, according to a new study, eating a diet with fish,
From work last night to find this hanging on his door. This is another ad for mike bloomberg. Even his ads are too short to reach above the doorknob. Mike bloomberg has poured more than 500 million of his own money into this campaign. If he didnt have a good night tonight, he basically spent the cost of an avatar movie to find out nobody likes him. He did win he won American Samoa today, the election there. Biden won North Carolina and virginia. Bernie took vermont and expected is win california. Around twothirds of californians vote by mail. The other third now have coronavirus. I voted by mail. I have to say the ballot they ita messocratsn the ba tom steyer at the top even though he dropped out over the weekend. Deval patrick also out. Michael bennet out. Michael bloomberg, hell be out soon. Mosie boyd. I dont know who that is. Might not even be a real person. Then cory booker who dropped out at like christmas or something. Mayor pete dropped out, not in the race. I like seeing their
Its also his dogs name coincidentally. The coronavirus this coronavirus is all i hear about from whoo . [ laughter ] people are selling off stocks and buying up toilet paper. And if you are buying up toilet paper, i have a question. Why are you buying up toilet paper . I think youve got the body upside down because people are canceling events. The south by southwest festival in austin was canceled over the weekend. Theres talk they may hold nba games with no fans in the crowd. Italy the country is closed. For real. You know, i try not to get too worked up about this sort of thing, but then, i saw this headline over the weekend. And for me, now this is serious. Costco is pulling their free samples. [ laughter ] trump needs to send mike pence to costco to figure this out right now. This is also scary news for costco shoppers. This was from the weekend too. O. J. Posted, coronavirus . Whos afraid . [ laughter ] i dont know. Are those two separate questions or one . Because whenever youre