Was, quote, treated like a rock star. Specifically jackson maine when he pissed himself at the grammys. [ laughter ] a local television station released video today showing President Trump bragging about the crowd size at his rallies while talking to medical staff treating victims of the el paso shooting said one doctor, thats very interesting, have i shown you our psych ward . [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause former Vice President joe biden said during a speech today that, quote, half of winning is showing up. The other half is obama. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause after sparking outrage by claiming on his show that the rise of White Supremacy is a hoax, fox news host Tucker Carlson announced last night that he will be taking a vacation and man, is he going to be upset when he finds out whos sitting in for him [ laughter ] president ial hopeful andrew yang has qualified for the next two democratic primary debates while john delaney has qualified to save 15 on his Car Insurance .
And magic sprays shell keep the dark psychic forces far away well, i guess youd say what kind of candidate talks this way . Marianne williamson talkin about marianne she knows oprah sung to got to have your loving tune baby, he knows obama got to have barack obama has joe mentioned he knows obama . Yes, hes really tight with obama sung to heard it through the grapevine tune i bet youre wondering if we knew Michael Bennett was running too with some other guy named jay inslee also, whos john delaney . It was a surprise to our eyes to our eyes just who the hell are all these guys . Are these guys . Today, i saw them for the first time and of course, this moving tribute to the host of the debates, cnn. sung to abc tune cnn will these debates ever end . Your coverage i cant commend cnn please stop interrupting them announcer its the late show, live with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, dejabait. Plus, stephen welcomes rahm emanuel. And Michael Ian Black. Featuring live jon batiste and stay human a
Jimmy thank you very much. Welcome, everybody welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome. Welcome to the tonight show. This is it [ cheers and applause youre here. You made it. Thank you very much. You guys, this is fun. Shark week is officially here steve yeah [ cheers ] jimmy and if youre excited about that, youre either a marine biologist or really high [ light laughter ] i read that shark week started back in 1988 yeah its been around for over 30 years even crazier, theyve just been airing the same ten shows and nobodys noticed [ laughter ] get this, every year there are about 80 unprovoked shark attacks. Yeah, 80 unprovoked attacks. Or as President Trump calls that, a weekend. [ laughter ] [ cheers ] actually trump loves shark week. Its the one time he can tweet, i love great whites, without being called a racist. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter and applause steve really jimmy speaking of the president , the other day he invited some reporters in to talk about how he might put a tax on french
So i know, boris. I like him. Ive liked him for a long time. You know hes the bad guy, right . Yes. laughter please, sir, i want some more. Absolutely no. laughter mr. President mr. President mr. President , what do you think about calls for your impeachment . I would say, yeah, i would think that it will happen, and it probably should happen. Its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, london calling. Plus, stephen welcomes adam scott, and musical guest, spiritualized. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen wooooo stephen wooooo thanks everybody. Welcome. Welcome, one and all, ladies and gentlemen, and children of all ages. Welcome to the late show. Im your host Stephen Colbert. For yet cheers and applause it is a good feeling, a good feeling today, because for yet another day, america was 239 pounds smarter because President Trump is still in england. Take that, yo
A guy can dream, said trump, with his two projectiles [ laughter ] reporters have found that a doctored version of the president ial seal was projected behind President Trump at an event earlier this week, which featured a twoheaded Russian Eagle clutching a set of golf clubs and a banner reading 45 is a puppet in spanish. [ laughter ] hmm. Somebody doesnt like trump and also speaks spanish . Busted [ laughter and applause according to reports, Rudy Guiliani is serving as President Trumps lawyer for free well, i think we can all agree he is worth every penny. [ laughter and applause thats right guiliani is serving as trumps lawyer for free. Well, actually, what trump said is, you can bill me all you want but i am never going to pay you. [ laughter and applause according to Campaign Finance records, indiana mayor, Pete Buttigieg has spent 300,000 on private plane travel, while Bernie Sanders just asked Spirit Airlines if they have a punch card [ laughter and applause every tenth flight