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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20240712

Noah. Trevor so, election day is over, but because its 2020, election week has just begun. And that means its time for more election coverage in our continuing segment votegasm 2020 the awkward day after. Lets kick it off with really the only news right now. Joe biden looks like hes on president of the United States. At the time im saying this, he has leading in enough states to win the whole thing, and it may even be declared tonight. In fact, you might even know, watching this right now, if the election is over. And if you do, dont tell me no spoilers i like this feeling of stress. Now, this is all happening after a chaotic, nervewracking Election Night that featured all sorts of weird moments, predictions flipping left and right, ballots being delivered with a police escort, Steve Kornackis khaki butt. But maybe whats weirdest is that after all of that, the night actually ended up going mostly as everyone expected. Trump jumped ahead early in a lot of states because republicans most

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20240711

Trevor thats right. Corona is blowing up in europe and america again. In fact, its rampaging across the western world so hard that scientists have had to invent new shades of red for the covid maps. Right now the midwest is blood meets fire engine but the east coast is only at pothead eyes. I see what corona did, it waited for us to be distracted by the election and, boom snuck into our lungs. How joey snuck into n sync, they were so focused on the dance moves they didnt realize the bus driver jointed the group. Its gotten so bad even utah is under mask mandate. You know its bad even when mormons are using protection. Thats the bad news. I promised you the good news, too. The news we have been waiting for pfizer said its vaccine candidate was more than 90 effective in early testing. Dr. Anthony fauci called the news extraordinary, he also says there are likely to be other effective vaccines coming soon. The news from pfizer was even better than expected. I would have been very satisfie

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20240711

Joes, and best believe people will be angry that joe is but really deep down inside they are happy because people love having a reason to not workout. I mean not me, yesterday i was planning to work out but then i had to cancel because i think i have got a cramp in my ear lobe, i just dont want to risk it, but to put it in perspective n some states the coronavirus positive iterate is around 50 right now. So if you live in south dakota or iowa, look at the person to your left, now the person to the your right, why are you sitting between two people, you are going to get coronavirus. So yes, coronavirus is getting worse and worse as the winter months arrive. And with things spiraling out of control just in time for the holidays, the cdc has issued new geud lines for how families can have a safe thanksgiving. To which some families are saying mind your own goddam business. Experts saying half of all americans plan to travel for the holidays, going against those new cdc guide lines which r

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20240712

Colonel sanders here to make dinner time a little easier. Mealtimes can be overwhelming. Especially when youre trying to work, parent, and help with the schooling all at once. So let us help with kfcs 20 fill ups. Its like a homecooked meal you dont have to cook. Drivethrus open. Or get contactless delivery. You can go your own way go your own way your wireless. Your rules. Only Xfinity Mobile lets you choose shared data, unlimited or a mix of each. And switch anytime so you only pay for the data you need. Switch and save hundreds on your wireless bill. Plus, get 300 off when you buy the Samsung Galaxy note20 ultra 5g. Learn more at your local xfinity store today. [school bell rings] all we are south park, green and white lets go, cows fight, fight, fight nobody can beat a cow. [yawns] hey, south park, do you have School Spirit . [all mooing] i think us cows have the best School Spirit, huh, mandy . Yeah, and south park is really gonna stick it to littleton next week. So lets bring out

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20240712

New york city to your couch somewhere in the world, this is the daily social distancing show with trevor noah. Trevor lets kick things off with the tore that everyone is talking about. Mitch mcconnells hands. This was terrifying. What the hell happened . You see his hand . Guy looks like he was them wrestling a raccoon. Whats going on with that color . Looks like he was thinking about doing blackface but decided to start slowly. One hand at a time. Didnt say anything about black hand. Mcconnell says hes fine and has no medical condition to be worried about. So that shits just like normal i guess. Im glad hes fine but i guess that means his hands patchily look like a banana that fell under the fridge two months ago. Makes it taste sweeter, maaa. Last night was the second and final president ial debate of all time no, of this election. And Donald Trumps last president ial at the bait ever until 2024 because, no matter what happens, we all know hes running again, people, hes not going any

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