Colonel sanders here to make dinner time a little easier. Mealtimes can be overwhelming. Especially when youre trying to work, parent, and help with the schooling all at once. So let us help with kfcs 20 fill ups. Its like a homecooked meal you dont have to cook. Drivethrus open. Or get contactless delivery. You can go your own way go your own way your wireless. Your rules. Only Xfinity Mobile lets you choose shared data, unlimited or a mix of each. And switch anytime so you only pay for the data you need. Switch and save hundreds on your wireless bill. Plus, get 300 off when you buy the Samsung Galaxy note20 ultra 5g. Learn more at your local xfinity store today. [school bell rings] all we are south park, green and white lets go, cows fight, fight, fight nobody can beat a cow. [yawns] hey, south park, do you have School Spirit . [all mooing] i think us cows have the best School Spirit, huh, mandy . Yeah, and south park is really gonna stick it to littleton next week. So lets bring out our mascot and get this pep rally going [thumping dance music] its mooey mooey, wave to me wave to me, mooey butters, shut the hell up. [all shouting angrily] we are people for the ethical treatment of animals we protest your insensitive use of cows as your School Mascot oh, jesus, not peta again. Cows are maimed and slaughtered and used as a commodity [screaming] this is the fate of the cows this is your insensitivity all eww [sobbing] the cow is a slave. The cow is a commodity to be thrown away by a society gone wrong [bell rings] all right, children, i have just been informed that since our school has been attacked by ecoterrorists for the 47th time, we are going to change our School Mascot. [all groan] but, mr. Garrison, if we change our mascot, that means the ecoterrorists win. Thats right, stanley, the ecoterrorists win. Now, i have here a mascot selection sheet. Every student is supposed to check the box next to the mascot they like the most. And the most popular selection will be the schools new mascot. But we like being the cows. Youre responsible for the enslavement and genocide of millions getget out of here, peta were changin the mascot already we speak for those who cannot speak for themselves go on, get outta here getget out jesus, where do they keep coming from . Go on, get outta here. This is bullcrap, dude now, children, its not that bad. Theres plenty of great new mascots on the sheet to choose from the hurricanes, the blizzards, the redskins, the indians. But arent indians and redskins just as offensive . No, those are fine. Peta doesnt care about people. God damn it, vegans piss me off now, were gonna end up with a stupid eagle or a faggy bobcat as a mascot. Wait, you guys i have an awesome idea. We should secretly go around and tell all the students we can to not check any of the mascots on the selection sheet and instead, write in giant douche. Yeah [muffled] yeah, thatll be awesome then, no, wait, wait i got a better idea, you guys. What we should do is, we should secretly go around and tell all the students we can to not check any of the mascots on the selection sheet and instead write in turd sandwich. [laughing] turd sandwich isnt better than giant douche. Its only about 1,000 times better. Am i right, guys . Come on, we have to tell everybody fast. This is gonna be so funny it was my idea, and were gonna tell everyone to write in giant douche its way funnier it is not kenny, whats funnier, giant douche or a turd sandwich . [muffled] giant douche. Ah, youre just saying that because i broke your cats leg last week stan, do you pick giant douche or turd sandwich . Dude, i really dont care. Thats 2 against 1, if stan doesnt care. So its giant douche. Wait, wait, what about butters . Huh . You hate butters god damn it, you guys, butters is our friend and he should be allowed to have his opinion butters, which is funnier . A stupid, not funny giant douche or a super funny turd sandwich . Haha, turd sandwich you misled him, fat ass its the best choice, and me and butters are sticking with it. Yeah whats this for . Jimmy, were gonna have everyone write in a mascot thats really funny, and you have to tell us which one would be funnier. Thats a fantastic idea, fellas. The key to successful humor is staying power. Tell me the first mascot idea. A giant douche. [chuckles] okay, thats pretty funny. Now, whats the second . A turd sandwich. [chuckles] okay, okay, now, lets wait ten seconds. Okay, now tell me the first one again . Giant douche. And the second . Turd sandwich. Jeez, theyre both screamingly funny, fellas. Better give it another ten seconds. All right, now well see which one really has staying power. Number one . A giant douche. Okay, i think thats it. Number two . Turd sandwich. Jeez, i dont know what to tell you, fellas. Theyre both instant classics. But i guess ill have to go with giant douche, simply because the fact that it is a giant renders it useless, adding a parody slant to the satire. Awww aw, we lost . All right, its decided. Lets all write in giant douche. Okay, you win, kyle. Attention, students, we have tallied your mascot nomination sheets, and there will now be a schoolwide vote between the top two nominations. So heres the first most requested candidate a giant douche. Yall ready for this [dance music] go, giant douche hey, south park have we got School Spirit . [sparse clapping] weve got spirit, yes, we do giant douches, me and you lets goooo. Douches [scattered clapping] and now your second nominee, turd sandwich. Who let the dogs out . Who, who, who, who, who who let the dogs out . All right, turd sandwich cartman, what the hell . Giant douche sucks weve got spirit, yes, we do we are sandwiches filled with poo, yeah [sparse clapping] students can now cast their choice between the giant douche and the turd sandwich. Well count up the votes on tuesday. You wont get more votes than us, asshole game on, jewboy yeah, game on, jewboy [school bell rings] be sure to vote for giant douche [muffled] giant douche, hes the best giant douche is your man kyle, arent you taking this a little too far . I mean, do we really want a giant douche to be our School Mascot . Dude, i am not going to lose to cartmans stupid turd sandwich. [patriotic electronic flute playing] vote for turd sandwich this is the most important election of your lives. Turd sandwich brings the hope for change a vote for turd sandwich is a vote for tomorrow. There, you really want that asshole to win . Im not voting. What . You gotta vote, dude. Havent you seen the rock the vote stuff or puff daddys vote or die . I just think this whole thing is stupid. Kenny, we have got to make stan understand the importance of voting, because hell definitely vote for our guy. Yeah how was school today, stanley . It was ridiculous. We have to have a new School Mascot, and were supposed to vote between a giant douche and a turd sandwich. What did you say . Did you just say that voting is ridiculous . No, i think voting is great, but if i have to choose between a douche and a turd, i just dont see the point. You dont see the point oh, you young people just make me sick stanley, do you know how many people died so you could have the right to vote . Mom, i just dont think theres much of a difference between a douche and a turd. I dont care. You dont care you really want a turd sandwich as your School Mascot on your football helmets a turd well, hold on, randy. I think a turd sandwich is a little better than them having a giant douche on their uniforms. Youre crazy a douche is at least clean. Its sexist is what it is you dont understand the issues, sharon are you calling me ignorant . If you think the School Mascot should be a turd sandwich, youre not exactly einstein i am sick of you belittling my opinion, you son of a bitch [glass shatters] i hate this family. I hate it [doorbell rings] puff daddy . Your friend kyle told me you dont understand the importance of voting. I apparently you havent heard of my vote or die campaign. Vote or die, what the hell does that even mean . What you think it means, bitch . Ahhhh vote or die, mother[. ], mother[. ], vote or die rock the vote or else im gonna stick a knife through your eye democracy is founded on one simple rule get out there and vote, or i will mother[. ] kill you yeah. I like it when you vote, bitch, bitch shake them titties when you vote, bitch, bitch ill slam my jimmy through your mouth roof, mouth roof now, get your big ass in the polling booth i said, vote, bitch, or ill [. ] kill you vote or die, mother[. ], mother[. ], vote or die you cant run from a. 38, go ahead and try let your opinion be heard, you gotta make a choice cause after i slit your throat you wont have a [. ] voice vote or die vote or die okay, ill vote. [whats this . ] oh, are we kicking karly out . We live with at t. It was a lapse in judgment. At t, we called this house meeting because you advertise gigspeed internet, but we cant sign up for that here. Yeah, but im just like warming up to those speeds. Youve lived here two years. The personal attacks arent helping, karly. Dont you have like a hot pilates class to get to or something . [ muffled scream ] stop living with at t. Xfinity can deliver gig to the most homes. Hello, clyde. What do you guys want . We were just wondering who you might be voting for, for the new School Mascot. I havent decided yet. Oh, really . Well, thats interesting. You certainly should think about it and make the right decision. Butterscotch candy . Sure. Clyde, are you aware of what turd sandwich can bring to our school . Turd sandwich is not only the first turd to be nominated School Mascot but even the first sandwich. You see, what turd sandwich brings to our school, clyde, is a complete package the turd and the bread and the lettuce and the olive. Whereas giant douche is just, well, just a giant douche. So come voting day, youll now most likely vote for the turd sandwich, yes . Im still not totally sure. Well, then perhaps we could interest you in. Another butterscotch candy . Youre doing the right thing, stan. Dont you feel like youre a part of something now . I guess. [gun cocks] look, it may not seem important now, but your vote really does count. And we all have to do our part. Okay. Whoa, wait, what are you doing . Im voting. No, you wrote down turd sandwich. Yeah, i know. Dude, youre supposed to vote for giant douche. I thought i was supposed to make my own decision. Well, yeah, but not if your decision is for turd sandwich what the hell is wrong with you . Wait a minute. You didnt want me to vote you wanted me to vote for your guy well, i just figured youd vote for my guy whose [bleep] friend are you . Puffy hey, [bleep] off, kyle dont let them intimidate you, stan. Ill help walk you to the booth. And then im gonna buy you a nice steak dinner with all the trimmings. Oh, forget it im not gonna be persuaded into voting, and im not gonna be threatened into voting if i dont feel comfortable with it im not gonna vote, and you all can just live with it weve simply had it with your son, mr. And mrs. Marsh voting just doesnt appear to be important to him. Stanley, when you left for school this morning, you said you were going to vote the whole thing is a joke you see . Hes out of control its nearly torn our whole family apart. Well, my hands are tied. We can no longer have stans behavior jeopardizing the other children. He must be removed. Oh, are you happy now, stan . You just got yourself suspended. No, im afraid its worse than that. By county law, im bound to enforce the harshest punishment possible. Expulsion . No, banishment. Bbanishment . You can appeal to the city council, but i dont think itll do any good. Your son must leave south park, never to return. Oh, randy [sobbing] our son. Banished where did we go wrong . [sobbing] you. Youre all joking, right . As it was in the time of our forefathers, so it is now. Stan marsh, for not following our most sacred of rites, you are hereby banished from south park for all eternity or until you decide that voting is important. Goodbye, stan. May the gods treat you more kindly than we did. Stan, dont you think this has gone far enough . Is it really that big a deal . Yeah, just vote. For giant douche. Im not voting yo, puffy, man, we just gonna let this happen . We got to kill this nonvotin fool no, chester, just let him go. He wont survive a fortnight in the wilderness. This is breaking your mothers heart, stan. She couldnt even help tie you to the horse. Dad, isnt this a little extreme . Jesus. I guess maybe youll never understand how important voting is. Goodbye, son. Yah [horn sounds] thats one of the hardest things a parent ever has to do. Look. What is that . Oh, the poor thing hello . Dont worry, well free you. Just sit still for a moment. Oh, thank god. Get off of him, you filthy human poor thing needs water youre safe now. Shame on you, making this horse your slave awww come, you can live with us. We will give you food and shelter. What about me . Open the gate this poor creatures in need of food and water. You have a home here, friend. The kid wants to stay too. I was put on the horse. I didnt wanna ride it. I dont know if you can stay. Well have to ask dr. Cornwallis; come. We dont normally allow outsiders. You see, here, we live in harmony with he animals. Theyre not our pets but our fellow living beings. We work with the animals and try to live as they do. We make friends with the animals. We coexist, and we intermarry. This is my wife, janice. The outside world looks down on a man marrying a llama. But our love knows no boundaries. Wow, you guys really love animals. And why not . Mark here has been with kelly for three years now. And gary and sally here have just managed to have a child together. Kill me. Yes, life here is good and natural. But now that you know where our compound is, youll have to either live with us or be murdered. Ill live with you. Its not up to you. You will have to talk with dr. Cornwallis. [munching] what did he say . He said i can stay. Excellent dr. Cornwallis is wise beyond his years. Heres your peta tshirt and a bumper sticker. You could be inhaling toxic metals like nickel, chromium, and lead that can damage your lungs. Keep your social reccircle small. You of course, as the original light beer, weve always recommended that. Its miller time. To Severe Plaque Psoriasis uncover clearer skin that can last. In fact, tremfya® was proven superior to humira® in providing significantly clearer skin. Serious allergic reactions may occur. Tremfya® may increase your risk of infections and lower your ability to fight them. Tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms or if you had a vaccine or plan to. Tremfya®. Uncover clearer skin that can last. Janssen can help you explore cost support options. This is debate 2004 with your host, jim lehrer. Welcome to the cable access televised debate between a giant douche and a turd sandwich. Well start with giant douche. Sir, some students and parents are reluctant to have a giant douche represent them. What do you say to those people . Jim, first of all, i would like to thank you for monitoring this debate. And i would like to thank all of the students and their parents for coming. Oh, suckup, suckup shh what . Thats an obvious suckup move. But i would hope that those students and their parents who question my qualities would simply look at my opponent. He is a turd sandwich. Youre a turd sandwich. No, sir, if youll pardon me, you are, in fact, the turd sandwich. Youre a turd sandwich sir, you are a turd sandwich. Youre a turd sandwich uh, turd sandwich, i will ask you not to speak out of turn. Im sorry, jim. Anyway, as i was saying uh, wait, i forgot what i was saying. Ha, what a douche. All right, turd sandwich, this next question is for you. How should south park elementary enforce its laws of conduct for Young Athletes during sporting events . You know, my opponent wouldnt even know the answer to that question. If you ask him the same question, he would not answer it. He would stand around and just babble on and on about nothing until finally, he was saved by the buzzer [buzzer] your time is up, turd. Stan, i want to introduce you to my stepdaughter, theresa. She seems to have taken a liking to you. And shes ovulating. Uh, no, thanks, thats okay. Stan, some peta members are growing concerned that maybe you dont love animals. I do love animals, just not like you guys do. You dont belong here, stan. You should return home. I cant; i was banished for not voting. But why on earth wouldnt you want to vote . I think voting is great; i just didnt care this time because it was between a giant douche and a turd sandwich. But, stan, dont you know . Its always between a giant douche and a turd sandwich. Nearly every election, since the beginning of time, has been between some douche and some turd. Theyre the only people who suck up enough to make it that far in politics. I guess. I guess youre right. Yo, what did i say was going to happen to you, bitch . Ahh ah hes wearing the skin of an animal take that i hope that teaches you a lesson about wearing fur. Idius, ronicus . [gunfire] vote or die protect the animals protect the animals ughugh, ugh. Janice, we shall die together in each others arms [gunshots] oh, kill me kill me mkay, thats one more vote for turd sandwich. So who won, mr. Mackey . Its pretty close, but it looks like giant douche is gonna win oh, no, no ha, you lose, fat ass hey, wait a minute look stan stan, you came back, does that mean. You learned the importance of voting . I learned that id better get used to having to pick between a douche and a turd sandwich because its usually the choice ill have. Hes going to vote hes going to vote hes going to vote lets get out and vote lets make our voices heard weve been given the right to choose between a douche and a turd its democracy in action put your freedom to the test a big fat turd or a stupid douche which do you like best . Stans vote brings the total votes for turd sandwich to 36 and giant douche has 1,410. Giant douche still wins [all cheering] [all groaning] dude, so my vote didnt even really matter hey thats not true, stan. You cant judge the merits of voting on whether or not your candidate won. Your vote still mattered. Hey, everybody they just found all the peta members murdered at their compound [all gasping] what . Theyre all dead . That means that we can go back to being the south park cows [all cheering] now your vote didnt matter. Lets get out and vote lets make our voices heard weve been given the right to choose between a douche and a turd its democracy in action put your freedom to the test captioning made possible by Comedy Central im going down to south park gonna have myself a time me Friendly Faces everywhere e humble folks without temptation emptai going down to south park outh gonna leave my woes behind ample parking day or night day o people spouting howdy neighbor dy neigh headed on up to south park o south gonna see if i cant unwind cant u [muffled] mbling come on down to south park to sout and meet some friends of mine nds o f were the croods. Welcome to a better way to live. Welcome to my house dun, dun ,dun. This place is changing everyone. Give this place a chance. Go i have to like him . Grug. Gruggers. Grug. [ screaming ] grug. You have to be nice. I dont know if cave people belong in a modern world. Were evolved people. [ grunting ] maybe we should take it down a notch. Bah, bah, bah. Bah, bah, bah. Wow. You can go your own way go your own way your wireless. Your rules. Only Xfinity Mobile lets you choose shared data, unlimited or a mix of each. And switch anytime so you only pay for the data you need. Switch and save hundreds on your wireless bill. Plus, get 300 off when you buy the Samsung Galaxy note20 ultra 5g. Learn more at your local xfinity store today. Theythey dont care whwho you marry. M. They dont care about your age, how you look, or if you go to therapy. Pets dont care about what makes us different. They just love. 1 in 5 pets find homes through petsmart charities. Adopt today at petsmart. Com adoptions. I love bedtime. The thin, sweet bite to end the night. Oreo thins. [cheers and applause]ppla if there is anyone out there tonighte tonig who still doubts that america is a placelace where all things are possible,poible. Who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time who still wonders if the dream of our founders who still questions the power of our democracy. Tonight is your answer. Yeah we did it, we fing did it oo its been a Long Time Coming but tonight, because of what we did on this date in this electione at this defining momentinim change has come to america. E chaange its changeeeee sasha and malia, i love you both more than you can imagine. And you have earned the new puppy you hav thats coming with us to the white house. We will name him sparkles. M heheso awesome where we are met with cynicism and doubtwe r and those who tell us that we cant,who tell we will respond with that timeless creedat that sums up the spirit of a people spiritf yes we can yes i can can yes i can here comes the change, everybody the h whoo you se did you see . Our man is in we did it everything is going to be awesome now this is the greatest day of our lives everything is going to be awesome now yes we can y i dont even know what to do now don i know what to do looosers loosers sers loosers looosers loosers we lost . Lost . Its natural, tonight, to feel some disappointment. We fought as hard as we could. We fo the failure is mine, not yours. S mine, no no aww, poor ol john mccain. He looks real sad. No, no, this cant happen no l o, this steven its all over, linda l o the country as we know it is about to change. Were all dead. You dont know that, steven you d with an inexperienced man as president inex we do know it we hes right, game over man, mkay well probably be dead by sunrise e butters, daddy loves you. ,d just remember that. Butters, daddy loves you. ,d he always loved you. [knocking at door] wooo obama [knocking at door] [doorbell ringing] dude, have you seen my parents . No, everyones out partying in the streets. Whats wrong with your brother . He was a mccain supporter. Its okay, ike, obama will do fine. Wahhhh mr. President gratulat congratulations change mr. President great job, obama thank you all for your support. Were going to spend the rest of the evening pend getting some much needed rest. Pend president obama. [laughter] boom, baby boom, baby ba oh, man, that was perfect oh man i almost thought we were going to tiet thog for a minute there. That would have screwed us you played it perfectly. Nuthat there was no way. Perfecs its mccain, we did it. Ts mcca oba obama is president. Yeah, so ive heard. You guys are out of your freaking minds, you know that . At . Assemble the rest of the team. Weve only got ten hours. Asse assemble the rest of the team. Sure, hard parts over, right . Actually, the hard parts just starting. Ovegh yahoo yahoo obama, yeah, i cant believe it Obama Obama Obama obama obama a celabrate good obama come on its obaobama bleechh bleechh yes, id like to make a noise complaint. Ike to m whowho whowhowho whowh obama whowho whowhowho [siren blaring]en blari ohoh, police are here e are he oooohhhh all ooooh okay people, time to disperse. Y peopl partys over. Par boo boo party, obama come on, time to go home. What are you, a mccain voter . Hat are all yeah sorry pal, but obamas president now oba obama obama [all chanting obama ]ama yeah, flip the cop car flip the cop car flip th hey, put down my car yes we can no. Hey, stop it p jesus christ. Obama youre so fine youre so fine you blow my mind hey obama a hey obama ama hey, you guys wanna buy a tv . Ou guys [light applause] bravo, obama and mccain. Bravo ten years you two have been working on this plan,havee and you finally pulled it off. Pul guys, knowe all known each other a long time had many incredible adventures,incre but this is going to be our greatest feat ever. Test fea i knew it i knew when you two ran for president you were just working an angle. Orkinga always workin the angles. Th my friends, while the entire country is busyire u reacting to the electionlection we are about to pull off the greatest heist in human history. We are about to pull off the greatest heist so, come on, enlighten us. Come what are we stealing this time . E . The hope diamond. Rated number four of the ten most precious diamondsdiou in the world. Rld. Going street value, middle eastern market, of course, 210 million dollars. 10 ml 210 . Million. M no, no, no, no, no. No, no, the hope diamond is ungettable. Every thief in the world knows that. Ld almost ungettable. Almos the diamond is kept in the Smithsonian Natural History Museum long considered to be the mostt thiefproof structure ever built. The diamond wing is protected by impenetrable walls of twofoot wide steel. Idee on the northeast side, a sevenfive laser system. There is simply no side of the smithsonianof th that can be breached. T cab so you go in from the roof, drop into it from the top. Drop cant get to it from the top,get to because a polymer shelf runs the entire expanse. Okay, you cant get into the museum from any side,geo and you cant drop in from above. t so you cant get the diamond. U cant meet the president ial escape tunnel,e presi a twomilelong underground passageugr that runs from the White Housethe whit to a location outside the city limits in case of an attack. Casef the tunnel is only accessible from the oval office and just happens to travel. Pens. Right underneath the Smithsonian National history museum. L hr together boom, baby m ba you get somebody into that tunnelyou get they can blast into the museum, into let the others in. The heisthis on. So you both run for president ,you both because one of you has to win, and youve got your access to the tunnel. And we run a particularly Brutal Campaign particu so that the nation is as distracted as possibleract over the next eight hours. Next this all sounds very risky. S weve spent ten years putting this plan together. Ther. If we are indeed the greatest thief club in the world. Ld, and we are. If we are indeed the greatest thief club in the world. Ld, we wont get caught. T yes, im trying to locate my parents. E myp my name is kyle broflovski. Yes, i know obama won. Kyle kyle, you gotta get out here get o what . Your Little Brothers climbed out of the window i think hes going to jump he w oh, my god my god [crying] ike, dont do it theres still so much to live for till so i know you really w wanted mccain to win,y but its going to be okay. I know you really w wanted mccain to win,y [babbling babyspeak]ingb no, no, thats not true, ike the economy could easily stabilize with obamas plan nl [babbles] ike, dont jump you could really hurt your ankle or something. [crying] really, ike thats like five feet off the ground. Dont do it really, ike thats like five feet off the ground. Goodbye. No no ike. Oh, crap, ike . E. I had this hundred thousand dollar student debt. Two hundred and twentyfive thousand dollars in debt. Ah, sofi literally changed my life. It was the easiest application process. Sofi made it so theres no tradeoff between my dreams and paying student loans. Student loans dont have to take over for the rest of your life. Thank you for allowing me to get my money right. Thank you for allowing me to get my money right. The fighting spirit is one we for eduardo perez, it drove him to thrive in his search for a better life. Immigrating from guatemala at 18, he found work as a dishwasher. A line cook, sous chef, and eventually. Fought to the top of one of the most challenging professions in the world. Proving that there is no challenge that can hold back a fighting spirit. Since 1925, weve proved that it doesnt matter where you come from, it matters what youre made of. Modelo. Brewed for those with a fighting spirit. Last night i switched bodies withfreaky, right . Er. [ screaming ] im just a girl its me, its millie. Yeah. Yeah. Blissfield high. Feel our glory and our might. [ screaming ] im just a girl everybody is freaking out. Im just a girl guess im some kinda freak are you serious . Oh my god its a slaughterhouse. Freaky, right . All right, everyone, im turning in for the night. Go to standard security, team three. Te sir, we have a bit of a problem. E have what . The new president elect is here. He wants in to th the oval office. O barack obama . Theyre all right th through here, sir. Ht is there something we can do for you mr. Obama . Is t just checking out the new digs. King ou how are you guys . Are yu good, sir. How are you guys . Are yu i id like to see the oval office, please. Right now . I dont waste time, gentlemen. Aste n. Ive only got two months to figure ouths how i want to redecorate,e, if you know what i mean. You know, change the drapes and stuff. Sure, right this way mr. President. I will need absolute privacy. I wil is that understood . Erstood yes, sir. Thanks. I got 100 i got a all right, mccain, im in. Ight, mc nicely done, b. Iceldon were in position outside the smithsonian. N. You find the escape tunnel . Im already on it. Boom, baby. Boo [crowd cheering] whoo, change change change dad. Dad, we have a problem . Dad not anymore we dont we everythings different now fferen no, dad we gotta take kyles brother to the hospital hospit we dont have to take crap from the rich fat cats anymore e ri dude, hes wasted. Hey its my boss. Boss hey boss oh, hello, marsh. Yeah, you know what . W wh [bleep] you fk huh . You heard me you [bleep] piece of [bleep] i can finally tell you what i think of you of yo [bleep] asshole. E. Dad, what are you doing . Ad what its okay, stan, everythings changed. I dont need his stupid [bleep] job anymore ob anr youre a little [bleep] ass [bleep]ass piece a [bleep]. You know what obama said . Yes we can yes hey, i voted for obama obamas not talking about you s not can someone help us . Eonel my little brother fell out the window i just want to say to everyone just wa whos a little disappointed that we lost the electionthc that theres always next year s maybe ill run for Vice President again in 2009 i uh, mrs. Palin, h have you seen o or heard from john mccain . Uhh, no, i dont really know where he went. I dont kind of seems a little odd, i guess, buts, but [phone rings]ng oh, my phones going ringy. Excuse me. Halllo . Hello sarah, its mccain. [british accent] i hope to god yourehope o e calling to tell meyoure youre in position below the vault with the l7 charges. Im in the tunntunnel now, sarah. Should be almost below the museum. L just make sure you dont blow the transformers ther because it will trigger the 5. 4 laser system. And dont damage any coupling wires ge because it will trigger the 5. 4 laser system. Or itll be worthless when garret shuts down the grid. Coupl ill be there in 30. ll bt god, shes awesome. [palin voice] oh, i guess senator mccains gonna fly me back to alaska now. Hes got a private jet you know. Priv okay, byebye then kay, bye bloody idiots. All right, here we go. Whats that noise . Its okay, just some construction outside. St se [explosion] oh, no. Mccain, weve got a problem. Hang in there ike, we were gonna get you help. E, hey, theres some people theres listen, stay back. Stay back st we dont have any more room in the ark oro you have to let us in have to you know the country is doomed who are you to turn us away . You i built this bunker in case mccain lost turn there isnt enough room for everyone oom hey excuse me, but we need some help. T wee i know you do u do but theres no more room, i tell ya youre going to deny them too . Ing to god sakes, man, theyre children look them in the eyeshe es and tell them you wont take them in let go of my face, asshole. Let g all right, damn you the children can come in no, we dont want in your stupid shelter okay, then i want their place. Lace. Me too we need to get a ride to the hospital there isnt going to be a hospital the hpi dont you get it . Dont y let us in now [all shouting] oh, jeez, its already happening oh societys breaking down iet oboba hasnt been elected four hoursn and already the country is going to hell is g [knocking at door] mr. Obama . Sir . Obama. All right, give me the keys. The is there a problem, gentlemen . Uh, no, no sir. Ever everything okay in there . Why wouldnt it be . W im sorry, but i asked to be left alone. I asked yes, sir, its just that your wife is here. Your wif barack, everyones been looking for you what on earth are are you doing . Come on in, darling. M ththank you boys. Ththan okay, barack, tell me whats going on. Y rack michelle, theres something i need tell you. What is it . Barack, what is it . The laser system guarding the diamond was replaced by an optical relay three days ago. Y you gotta be kidding me dding me so the entire diamond vault is inaccessible . Diam is mccain online . I your guys werent running update checks on the security logs . Michelle, we need you to do a different scan hack to the vault relay. T sck on a new system, in an hour . On a my job was to pretend to be married to this bozo and get you three scan hacks into a laser system. Hacks michelle, its sarah. Lle, they did replace the laser system,laser but the new one isnt brandnew. Brand ne its an old h7 series. H you can break this baby in 30 minutes. Ugh, tell davis to get me a foretrans emittert me and enough pulse drives to light a spark. To l th you catch that, davis . Ch im on it. We love our new home. Theres so much space. We have a guestroom now. But, we have aunts. Youre slouching again, ted. Expired, expired. Expired. Thanks, aunt bonnie. Its a lot of house. I hope you can keep it clean. At least geico makes bundling our home and Car Insurance easy. Which helps us save a lot of money oh, teddy. Did you get my friend request . Uh, ill have to check. doorbell ringing aunt jonis here for bundling made easy, go to geico. Com. Hello . For bundling made easy, go to geico. Com. Metro has the best deal in wireless. So whatever your goal, however you hustle, metro has you covered, so you can rule your day. Get unlimited data with 5g access included for just 35 a line. All on americas largest 5g network at no extra charge. And right now, get the latest 5g phones for less than 100 bucks when you switch. Thats the best deal in wireless. Metro. Empowering you to rule your day. We made it, ike. Youre going to be okay. Oure go [groans] [people shouting] there, just take a seat over there excuse me. My little brother needs medical attention. Was he an obama supporter en or a mccain supporter . Eeds why does that matter . Was he an obama supporter en or a mccain supporter . Eeds because then ill know if he partied too hard or if he tried to kill himself. Lf. [all groaning] maam, please, i think my little brother needs immediate help hel you dont understand, kid theres only two doctors on call uly and doctor wilson is out celebratingout cele in the street somewhere eete so wheres the other doctor . Heres hey, come on people we can keep partying, cant we . T we . Ohhhh bama hh ba well you came and you gave without taking shut up when you kissed me and stopped me from shaking d but i sent you away a ive almost got it. I youre only going to have five minutes. Going t do you understand . Do yo did you really not like pretending to be married . Oh, jesus, now is not the time, b. Esus, n come on, you have to admit we had some fun. On, you my girls need somebody bettersomebod than a worldclass diamond thief. Diamo wait, there, i got it. Wait, all right, everyone were about to go. T e veryogo so heres the revised schedule the at the northwest exit of the museum. Est 4 45 a. M. Michelle hacks the optical relayelle ha allowing me access to the rear doors. Go g and let in the rest of the crew. 5 10 am, at the department of power quincy shuts down the grid, disabling power to the vault room. 5 12, my grandmother,onday who faked her death on monday, calls in a bomb threat to the museum. I said i put a bomb in your building, yes. Eum. 5 13 the guards open the southwest door, t checking the museum for any bombs. Bombs. 5 14, mccain, dressed as a football player,s enters security and shuts off the diamond case alarm. Arm. Ey hey, you, stop michelle and i head back into the tunnel,e and i and the hole is patched. Le a 5 15 am, i walk out of the oval office with the diamond securely hidden in my anus. Y all done, thanks. All don [laughter] all boom, baby m baby just one thing. Dont you think people are going to be suspicious when you disappear, go looking for you . We hired a guy for that a couple months ago. Y fort beep c [explosion] what the hell . Here are all the tickets for your group, mr. Sanchez. Es thank you very much. K yov well, friends, let us depart. W hey, uh, you guys go ahead. I just came to say goodbye. Ay good what . Ive decided to hang it up,t . Cid maybe give this president thing a shot. Psit b, you cant be serious u cant besides, you died in a jet in the rocky mountains, remember . O could have been i didnt make that flight. D have what do you say, michelle . What o would you an and your girlsou like to move into the white house with me . Just be president and first lady for a while . Youre serious. Who knows, maybe we could change a few things. Ybe w whatdya say . . Ah. What the [bleep] . I j i just love happy endings. Its still here. Its all still here does that mean maybe we overreacted . No, no, i wouldnt say that. O, no, i its just, maybe. S just maybe obama will be all right. Be obama [groaning] oh, ow. Ow. Hey, where are my pants . Where wheres our tv . Where are my pants, and wheres my tv . Dad, your boss called. He he said youre fired. D ugh god dammit obama said things would be different ld be d that son of a bitch lied to us ied to i knew i should have voted for mccain have ragh captioning by captionmax www. Captionmax. Com im goin down to south park, gonna have myself a time Friendly Faces everywhere humble folks without temptation goin down to south park, gonna leave my woes behind ample parking day or night people spouting, howdy, neighbor heading on up to south park, gonna see if i cant unwind mrph rmhmhm rm mrph rmhmhm rm