By the way, this is my little sister valerie, and im jills husband. Oh, no. They witched on me. This is my wife, this is my sister. They switched on me. Jimmy i hope they dont mix up the hotel room keys, because oh, boy. It was a shocker of the day for bernie sanders. The bottom fell out. The biggest take away was a lot of people waited until the last second to decide, it was like a wedding ceremony on love is blind. In california, lines were, some voters here in los angeles waited three hours to vote, and if im waiting in line for three hours, i better get a popeyes chicken sandwich at the end of it. This is what it was like in sacramento last night where one unlucky dad learned the value of the words vote by mail. You can also take your mailin ballot and drop it in. Youre at the end of the line. Yeah. What an honor. Hold on, dad, im on the news. Im trying to get him to come vote. It closes in two minutes. Never mind. Jimmy could have been the one that put Tulsi Gabbard over the top.
He cant be here, hes on fox news. President trump this morning attempted to solidify republican support in the face of impeachment proceedings, tweeting, quote, stick together play their game and fight hard, republicans. Our country is at stake. When he goes all caps, its got to be something serious like the future of the country or, you know, a meal [ laughter ] according to cnn, people close to President Trump believe hes in denial about the gravity of impeachment, and also just regular gravity. [ laughter ] is it me or do you guys feel the earths pull . [ applause ] today was lumberjack day in that case, ill grab my axe, said douchebags. [ laughter and applause its not all politics. We have fun. [ laughter ] a delivery van in pennsylvania overturned on tuesday and spilled over 130,000 eggs on a highway. And in a bad sign for the climate, they were done in 30 seconds [ laughter ] today was National Pancake day first reported by a desperate fox news [ laughter ] oh, yeah, no, id love
Finally i read that abc is working on a new version of the bachelor for the elderly [ light laughter ] im not sure its necessary. Theres already a place where old people can meet. Its called the democratic debates. We have a great show give it up for the roots [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause jimmy we have a fun show tonight. Supertalented show. One of my favorite guys, nick jonas is here oh, i love nick jonas. [ cheers and applause teve a delight. Jimmy hes awesome steve man is a delight jimmy love that guy. Also, one of the funniest people out there i love him, too. Steve coogan is here steve come on. [ cheers and applause jimmy good movie hes really good and we have a great were so lucky we get to have broadway performances because were here in new york and broadways right down the street and theyre so talented we have a performance from the new Broadway Musical featuring the music of bob dylan girl from the North Country is here tonight. [ cheers and applause im excited
Sorry, coach. Were so bummed we cant learn how to bump, set and spike [ laughter ] the only thing we spike is heroin, coach [ laughter ] im sorry i yelled at you, coach. Basically, what we know about iowa is that Bernie Sanders won the popular vote Pete Buttigieg slightly edged him out in the delegates, thanks to obscure rules and Elizabeth Warren came in third. And the Iowa Democratic party is having trouble keeping things together in some cases, together literally. The chair of the iowa party held a press conference on monday to update the media on the results and this happened. The seats are assigned not only by the precinct chair and the precinct secretary [ crash [ laughter ] uh seth oh man, did you did you use an app for your podium, as well . [ laughter ] was the app called metaphor . [ laughter and applause and you can tell [ cheers and applause you can tell that we have moved on from iowa to New Hampshire, because it seemed like virtually every candidate showed up to greet the
Position of all obligatory. [ laughter ] if youre smart, youll do what i do on valentines. You dont have to make a big deal out of it, you dont have to spend a lot of money. Just hand your wife a single rose and say this means you get to stay. [ laughter ] but i thought you loved the bachelor this is something i learned today. You know those little candy hearts that have the messages on them that taste like a mix between rubber and chalk . Originally, they were called wedding candies. Now we call them sweethearts. But they were invented in the mid 1800s by a man named daniel chase who invented a machine that stamped words onto candy. But the messages on the hearts in 1860 were different. There were things like the saloons on fire. [ laughter ] pas dead. Your blanket has pox. [ laughter ] richmond has fallen. Trains been blowed up. Bear ate lil joe. Youre my favorite prostitute. [ laughter ] and cobblepot. The cobblepot talk got people going back then. If youre still looking for a lastm