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Hood of a police car with his hands, you dont see that in minnesota, do you . This is the time when the best of the year lists start to pop up. Time magazine today unveiled their person of the year, and that person is greta thunberg, the 16yearold activist, the youngest woman, youngest human ever to be named person of the year, and to honor this young woman whos dedicated her life thus far to saving the environment, time, will cut down 2 Million Trees to print the magazine. Greta is a very worthy recipient of this honor. I have to hand it to our president. He has yet to throw a temper tantrum about this. He wasnt named, but hes on his best behavior, unfortunately, his namesake, donnie jr. Was not. He said time leaves out the hong kong protesters fighting for their lives and freedoms to push a teen being used. As a marketing gimmick. How dare you. Then he went back underwater to strangle an endangered dolphin. Hes full of surprises. ....
Chestnuts pretty fogood [cheers and applause] democrats in the house made donald trump only the third person, president ever to be impeached. This morning he woke up on the floor next to his tanning bed and tweeted the words i got impeached last might. Yes, and our Long National mightmare continues. Not a single republican voted for impeachment, which means they either really like donald trump or really hate mike pence. But the debate went on well into the night. Trump was in battle creek, michigan when the vote happened, pepping himself up with a rally. And this is what the president was talking about when the Impeachment Vote was coming in. The dish washer, you press it. Thered be an explosion. Five minutes later, you open it up, the steam pours out, now you press it 12 times. Women tell me, again, they give you four drops of water, and theyre in places where theres so muc ....
Kimmel live. I am your guest host for the night. Brie larson. [cheers and applause] thank you. Jimmy couldnt be here tonight. Hes recovering at home. And jimmy, if youre watching, were thinking of you, and wish you the best of luck with your new butt implants. Actually, jimmy had a big primetime special with norman lear tonight. So he asked me to fill in. He told me to make myself at home. So i went into his office, took off my bra, and drunkordered a bunch of quilts on etsy. This is an interesting place to come into work. Right outside that door is the hollywood walk of fame, which is overflowing with tourists and people dressed as superheroes. Today i got to see what captain marvel would look like as a chainsmoking old man in a wig. Yeah, and it as still kinda hot. 2019 has been pretty big for me. [cheers and applause] thank you. Between captain marvel and avengers endgame, my films grossed almost 4 billion dollars this year. [cheers and applause] yeah. And tonight, im getting 800 bu ....
Our president donald jumanji trump said something on friday that might top off all the things he said. The best words, stable genius, covfefe, all of them may pale compared to what he shared on friday at the white houses Small Business round table event. We have a situation where were looking very strongly at sinks and showers. And other elements of bathrooms. [ laughter ] where you turn the faucet on and in areas where theres tremendous amounts of water where the water rushes out to sea because you could never handle it. And you dont get any water. You turn on the faucet and you dont get any water. They take a shower and water comes dripping out. Its dripping out very quietly dripping out. [ laughter ] people are flushing toilets 10 times, 15 times as opposed to once. [ laughter ] jimmy 15 times . What are you eating . [ laughter ] the only time you flush a toilet 15 times is if the d. E. A. Is banging on your door and you have a ....
They are done with it. This elf on the shelf is like the fbi watching them at all times. My daughter jane is 5 now. Shes very focussed on the elf. We have to move him around at night, she says where does the elf go every night. And my wife says he goes home to the north pole to tell santa what he saw. Am s and she says how does he go all the way back there and then back here for morning. And then she said, am i supposed to believe everything . Things are hard to believe. In washington tonight, they are decorating the halls of congress as we celebrate impeachment eve. Tomorrow the house will vote to presumably impeach donald trump. If i worked at the white house, i would definitely call in sick tomorrow. Id be like, oh, i feel something coming on. Republicans continue to insist theres nothing illegal about the illegal things the president did. Theyre doubling down on conspiracy theories, distraction techniques. Theyre demanding to know the identity of joe bidens secret santa. Its gotten ....