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Transcripts For KYW The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20171018

And he had two feet, so it was like he had two vietnams. If they awarded a purple heart for minor foot discomfort, trump would have been first in line. Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, russia invades facebook. Plus, stephen welcomes Jerry Seinfeld featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause cheers and applause stephen thank you so much. Oh, jon, jon, that you know thats a friday crowd. Jon oh, thats a friday crowd. Stephen thats a friday crowd right there. You cant fake that. Now, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. cheers and applause i dont know about you, but im happy this week is over. Im ready for the weekend. You know who else is ready for the weekend . Donald trump. He tried and failed to repeal obamacare for the third time this week. But you know what they say, if at first you dont succeed, please stop. laugh

Transcripts For KPIX The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20171018

And he had two feet, so it was like he had two vietnams. If they awarded a purple heart for minor foot discomfort, trump would have been first in line. Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, russia invades facebook. Plus, stephen welcomes Jerry Seinfeld featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause cheers and applause stephen thank you so much. Oh, jon, jon, that you know thats a friday crowd. Jon oh, thats a friday crowd. Stephen thats a friday crowd right there. You cant fake that. Now, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. cheers and applause i dont know about you, but im happy this week is over. Im ready for the weekend. You know who else is ready for the weekend . Donald trump. He tried and failed to repeal obamacare for the third time this week. But you know what they say, if at first you dont succeed, please stop. laugh

Transcripts For KYW The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20171019

Street has switched places with the trump march to war with north korea protest at trumps plaza in new rochelle. Everybody got that. Okay, lets go protest oh, hold on. Hold on. Trumps tweeting again. Cannibalism has its merits. Wow. Okay. Revised plan. Everybody over to the trump ice rink for the eating humans is wrong rally lets go announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, stephen welcomes senator Bernie Sanders. Caitriona balfe. And musical guest the national. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And, now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause band playing cheers and applause band playing stephen very nice. Very kind. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Now piano riff cheers and applause quickly here, Hurricane Irma you guys heard of this . Hurricane irma, it continues to grind its way through the caribbean. Its the largest atlantic storm in history, with sustain

Transcripts For WCAU Late Night With Seth Meyers 20171019

Seth according to the washington post, in july of 2016 former Trump Campaign chairman, Paul Manafort, offered to provide private briefings on the president ial race to a russian billionaire who is close with vladimir putin. So Paul Manafort was the Campaign Manager for donald trump and met with a billionaire, who is friends with putin, who is in a movie with kevin bacon. I did it, you guys [ cheers and applause ] President Trump tweeted yesterday, quote, alabama is so lucky to have a candidate like big Luther Strange for the special Senate Election to fill attorney general Jeff Sessionss seat. But look how he spelled so. Hey, man, anything more than one o means youre being sarcastic. [ light laughter ] but you must know that. Youre soooo smart. [ cheers and applause ] and in an interview yesterday, bill gates said that he regrets requiring Windows Users to press control, alt, delete to log in. Saying that he would instead make that a single key. He also wishes hadnt made clippy such a

Transcripts For WPVI Jimmy Kimmel Live 20171019

[ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome. Hello, brooklyn. Thank you for coming. Thanks for clapping and standing and all that stuff. Thats very nice. I appreciate it. Welcome, welcome. Sit, sit, relax. Thanks for coming. Thank you for watching at home. In case youre wondering what the hell is happening right now, we are broadcasting all this week from the Howard Gillman opera house from the Brooklyn Academy of music. [ cheers and applause ] im very glad to say that, it would be extremely embarrassing if we hadnt. Its our third night here, its our third time in brooklyn. Weve been here twice before. I love brooklyn but i want to be honest the real reason were here is to get as far out of north koreas missile range as possible. We dont feel safe in l. A. Anymore. This is a big night for baseball around these parts. [ cheers and applause ] and in l. A. Too, and chicago. But tonight in the bronx, the yankees right now are playing the astros in game five of the American League championship se

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