A copy of that list. [ laughter and applause tomorrow is valentines day, where children all around the world learn to knock first [ audience oohs [ laughter and applause oh, they got to learn. Dennys is offering a valentines day promotion allowing customers to get married at its las vegas location, and if you want a honeymoon, theyll give you the bathroom key [ laughter ] mattel has launched a more inclusive range of barbie dolls including one with a prosthetic leg. Though the bigger news is that the other leg isnt. [ laughter and applause [ laughter ] fans on social media were outraged about the results of last nights Westminster Kennel Club dog show after burns the longhaired dachshund was snubbed for best in show although i think it might have something to do with his old yearbook photos. [ audience oohs [ laughter and applause [ laughter ] esquire magazine recently featured a profile on quote, what its like to grow up white, middleclass, and male. The article is three words long. [
And democrats living abroad said, one democrat abroad, leave me out of this. [ light laughter ] former congressman beto orourke appeared at a Joe Biden Rally in dallas yesterday and announced his endorsement in spanish then out of habit, biden said, that sounds good, ill have that. [ laughter and applause Election Officials in multiple states are encouraging voters to use mailin ballots due to the coronavirus. That story again, several states are fighting coronavirus by asking people to put their saliva in the mail [ laughter and applause just send it out, just get it out of there [ cheers and applause former new york mayor Mike Bloomberg said yesterday that he would vote for senator Bernie Sanders if he was the democratic nominee but, quote, would not be happy doing it. Yeah we know. Youre [ laughter ] youre never happy [ light laughter ] you always look like youre on your way either to or from a colonoscopy. [ laughter ] msnbc anchor Chris Matthews abruptly announced his retirement y
Coronavirus. That story again, several states are fighting coronavirus by asking people to put their saliva in the mail [ laughter and applause just send it out, just get it out of there [ cheers and applause former new york mayor Mike Bloomberg said yesterday that he would vote for senator Bernie Sanders if he was the would not be happy doing it. Yeah we know. Youre [ laughter ] daniel tonight, on a youre never happy little late with Lilly Singh Lilly you know what men do [ light laughter ] when theyre feeling overweight . You always look like youre on they just come up with cool, new your way either to or from a names for it, like dad bod. [ light laughter ] colonoscopy. Daniel and lilly Erin Moriarty from the boys. [ laughter ] you discovered that on instagram, someone follows you msnbc anchor Chris Matthews yes lilly and that person is, abruptly announced his casually, drake. Retirement yesterday following a string of recent controversies was like, youre lying. And onair gaffes. I
The whistleblower report made against President Trump. And if they dont shes going to well, shes going to politely ask again. [ laughter ] while addressing the whistleblower complaint about ukraine, nancy pelosi accused President Trump of endangering national security. Yeah, nancy, where you been . Youre like, my moms friend who is watching season four of breaking bad. And says i think this guy might be dealing meth. [ laughter ] getting a bad bounce off this guy. [ light laughter ] President Trump today attended the United Nations Climate Action summit in new york. Im assuming as a heckler. [ laughter ] burn. White House Press Secretary Stephanie Grisham said today she is not likely to resume Daily Press Briefings because reporters were using them to, quote, get famous. Yeah, what kind of loser would use White House Press briefings to try to get famous [ light laughter ] oh, right. That [ laughter and applause that kind. [ cheers and applause new york mayor bill de blasio announced th
Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, biden his time plus, stephen welcomes Craig Ferguson. Ronda rousey. And bear grylls. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen come on wooo oh, hey welcome band playing hello please please, have a seat, everybody. Welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. And it is cheers and applause i feel the same way. I feel the same way. It is friday. You can feel it in the air. More importantly, happy trio de mayo. laughter thats a thing . Its not a thing. Trumps been riding high this whole week. Its been a very good week for him. Thanks to his old obstructinin buddy, bill barr, the Mueller Report might be behind him. But hes facing heat from a brandnew, gentlyused enemy joe biden, because trumps own campaign has internal polling showing biden to be trumps most dangerous opponent unless theres a surprise candidac