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Transcripts For COM The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore 20160415

Marginalized by one of their own. laughter cheers and applause right . Yes this is what im saying you understand me id expect more from one of our most prominent human dildos, and i just think dildoamericans should be standing up for other dildos. Is all im saying here. But i guess back in 2004, cruz was just another selfhating dildo. Im sorry, youre right this comparison is totally unfair. Dildos have actually pleasured women. cheers and applause man man i cant get over this, a brief that cruz wrote said using sex toys was like hiring a willing prostitute. I know what youre thinking, willing prostitute . Thats a strange choice of words. Well, its actually a legal distinction. Under the haw, there are willing prostitutes, which means they engage in sex work of their own volition, and unwilling prostitutes, which probably means they just got hired by ted cruz. Thats the distinction. Thats how you separate that. I am not making this up, guys. Cruz also wrote, there is no substantiveduepr

Transcripts For COM The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore 20160315

Might have to kill him. audience reacts larry i dont like how casual old racist cowboy was when he said that next time, i dont know, we might have to kill him. The only thing missing was a yawn yawn i dont know, we might have to kill him. You do know youre talking about murder. A little too casual to say those words. Now if youre going to give trump the benefit of the doubt, youd assume hed disavow this guy immediately. Its possible you could help him with legal fees if this man needs it . Trump ive actually instructed my people to look into it, yes. Larry ooh, i hope its the same people who were looking into obamas birth certificate for trump, because those people are horrible, which means that racist cowboy is going to jail for a long time. laughter and this incident is not just isolated to old racist cowboy. It seems to be a trend. Oh, oh, oh larry this is becoming violent. There is pushing and shoving going on. I have never seen anything like this. Larry this is reaching a boiling

Transcripts For COM The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore 20160310

Trump. But im sure he cant support the thuggery thats going on in these crowds. I love the old days. You know what they used to do to guys like that in a place like this . Theyd be carried out on a stretcher, folks. Larry contraried out on a stretcher . You know the president isnt supposed to openly advocate for violence, right . No, you do the right thing and quietly go through back channels to authorize drone strikes on weddings. Its called class. Learn it. Actually, my favorite trump rally ejection was this guy. Get out of here. Get out. Sure, sure. Loser larry i dont know if you saw that. Show it again. See whats on his head. Computer, engorge. applause i mean, my god, you guys hes wearing a penis hat. This is so beautifully ironic. I mean, think about it an actual dickhead is getting kicked out of a rally by dickheads who are there to support a dickhead. Pretty good. I think thats pretty good. cheers and applause but kicking out dickheads isnt the most disturbing thing going on at

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20160307

On friday in a speech but hes clearly going to bow out of this race. Trevor thats right, people. Ben carson announced they had hed leave the race two days from now. laughter because he even drops out slow. laughter i have an urgent announcement to make. And so i will make it in two days time. laughter oh, were gog miss you, ben. So its official, folks. Donald trump won big last night. Yeah. Republicans in seven more states said they would choose donald trump as their commander in chief and the cheeseburger as their favorite fruit. And now, the human tan has opened a commanding lead in the delegates from the republican president ial nomination. And you know what . At this point, we cant be surprised anymore, because like antibioticresistant bacteria, donald trump is an uncomfortable reality. But ill tell you what was a surprise last night was the poor showing by senator marco rubio. Yes. The king of sweat. laughter going into super tuesday, he was supposed to be the candidate who could

Transcripts For COM The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore 20160322

First gentleman. For the first time in nearly nine decades, a sitting american president is waking up in cuba. President obamas historic arrival in havana yesterday ends decades of isolation between the u. S. And cuba. Larry you know, according to fox news, obamas sitdown with castro marks the first time an evil communist dictator has met with the leader of cuba. laughter fox news, man. Fox news, telling the truth applause yeah, i know same thing bleep is true. Up in the stands, you know what im talking about, right. There was a bit of an awkward moment when castro was finishing ducking a question on Human Rights Violations. Cheek thi check this out. laughter larry what was that, obama . Like this makes your arm invisible, by going limp . Oh, i dont want you to do that. Let me give you some advice, mr. President if you dont want fox news to call you cubas puppet, dont act like a marionette. Human rights, they went laughter of course, many are criticizing obama for going to cuba when th

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