Last straw . I thought she looked fly. You know who i feel really bad for . Prince charles. Think about it, when he was born, he was set to inherit a massive global empire. By the time he finally takes over, though, hell basically just be ruling seattle but with a fancier accent. At this rate the only caribbean island british royals will be welcome at is jeffrey epsteins. Barbados basically ghosted the queen hello . Hello, barbados, hello . Shhh dont answer the phone, rihanna is our queen now. To another country where people are desperate to rid themselves of a despotic monarch, the United States. One of the big clashes between protestors and police is on junr gas, spray and batons to clear the white house so President Trump could hold a bible in front of a church. I want to show my people it doesnt burn my hand like in the movies, we can hold it. But as overheated as that response was, we are finding out ut it could have been hotter. The military whistle blowers said federal officials
Save the post office, Michael Kosta tries to smuggle coronavirus on to an indian reservation and how donald trump intends to win the popular vote. Lets do this, welcome to the daily distancing show. From trevor noahs couch to your couch somewhere in the world, the daily distancing show presents the Democratic National convention, electing americas first black president s friend. Trevor so tonight was the first night of the Democratic National convention, and i was actually going to watch it but i was in a bust fight on ghost of tsushima. It was too late by the time i beat it. I promise tomorrow well bring you the best highlight of tonights speeches. This years conventions are anything but normal. This pandemic is change hough we nominate president ial candidates. The Democratic National convention will get underway tonight to nominate joe biden, but hardly any speakers will be there in person. It will be almost an entirely virtual event. There will be no Convention Floor packed with de
[mellow native american music] [blows whistle] the cowboys kick it off. [grunting] [cheers and applause] hut hut hut hut [all grunting] hut hut hut. Hut hut hut hut [all grunting] [whimpering and coughing] hut. Hut hut hut. Hut hut [all grunting] all oh just stay down, for the love of god [feebly] hut hut. Hut [all grunting] stop make it stop just stay down please, just make him stay down go redskins go redskins boy, this is the life, huh, guys . We finally did it i might just sit here until my ass fuses into the couch. What the hell is that . [crowd booing] whoa, whoa what . Change your name it doesnt belong in Todays Society change our name . But you all thought our name was sweet. Theres nothing sweet about a people who were decimated, a once proud nation that finally lost hope and left their leader to be massacred by cowboys in a defiant last stand. When was this . Last night. Until you change your name, we are asking all your subscribers to boycott you thats right. Isis will no lo
On, everybody . Welcome to the daily distancing show. Im trevor noah. It is monday, august 17, which means the Democratic National convention kicked off today in milwaukee. It also means theres still three days left for john delaney to maybe win the mom no nation. Youve got this, my man some of you may have noticed my face is a little swollen. I wanted to address this before people start rumors. I was walking to subway to get my usual 3 00 a. M. Sandwich, and this guy in a maga hat jumped out of nowhere and said, hey, arent you that super funny comedian from the daily show . And he punched me in the face and ran away and hopped on a flight to nigeria. Now that weve cleared that up, tonight, america fights back to save the post office, Michael Kosta tries to smuggle coronavirus on to an indian reservation and how donald trump intends to win the popular vote. Lets do this, welcome to the daily distancing show. From trevor noahs couch to your couch somewhere in the world, the daily distan
Trevor lets kick things off with the bad news. Or as it is known these days, the news. America surpasses 150,000 deaths. The staggering toll with florida, california and texas breaking single day death records. The u. S. Economy shrank at a 32. 9 annual rate in the april, june quarter, the worst quarterly plunge ever. The Labor Department says 1. 43 million americans filed jobless claims last week. Its the second straight week new unemployment claims have risen. Lawmakers are still at odds over another stimulus bill with added Unemployment Benefits expiring tomorrow. Talks are actually going backwards, not forwards, two months after democrats agreed on their plan, republicans still cant seem to agree on what they want. Trevor guys, i dont want to overreact but im starting to worry that trump is not going to make America Great again and i think i could see what the problem is here, guys. See, the economy is cratesserring. But the covid deaths are rising. So clearly what America Needs to