Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight mr. Schiff goes to washington. Plus, stephen welcomes john mulaney. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen come on oh hey, nice to see you lovely. Hey, everybody, please, have a seat. Good to see you. Happy wednesday. Happy hump day, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. cheers and applause it is day two oh, the excitement in the air. Everybody knows its day two of Donald Trumps Senate Impeachment trial. And if Mitch Mcconnell if Mitch Mcconnell has his way, this trial will go just like Donald Trumps dating career quick and disappointing, and no questions asked. Also, i would like 130,000 to forget i ever met him. And i will tell you all about it in tonights don and giant impeach. Hes such a pain in the ass. laughter stephen now. laughter once again, the lead manager of the
Trumps impeachment trial to begin next Tuesday Morning and he says it could last as long as later that Tuesday Morning [ light laughter ] the white house said, yesterday, that President Trump will likely assert executive privilege to limit what his aides can say during his impeachment trial and hes working with the makers of taboo on a fun way to do it [ laughter ] [ imitates buzzer democrats held their latest primary debate tonight, and former Vice President joe biden and senator Bernie Sanders were placed at the center podiums, instead of where theyre usually placed, in the balcony [ laughter ] president [ applause ] President Trump and First Lady Melania Trump attended last nights College Football national championship, and stood on the field during the National Anthem and a little bit during the first quarter. [ laughter ] theyre still cheering. Im not going to my seat till they stop cheering. [ laughter ] oreo announced yesterday they will be releasing a limited edition most stuff
Sandwiches again [ laughter ] President Trump was impeached today. Though i think its a little like having a raccoon in your garage and poking it with a broom. Its still there, its just mad now. [ light laughter ] President Trump was on twitter during todays Impeachment Vote and accused democrats of carrying out, quote, an assault on america and an assault on the Republican Party filled with atrocious lies by the radical left. Oh my god, stop yelling. [ laughter ] i feel like we elected a 2 00 a. M. Mattress commercial as president. Why do you always have to use all caps honestly i cant wait until trump is finally out of office and the only time we see all caps is when joe biden smiles. [ laughter ] according to a new report, women worldwide will not receive equal pay to men until the year 2277 in that case, let it all burn, said greta thunberg. [ cheers and applause a new study has found that iceland is the most genderequal country in the world, because it turns out its pretty hard to
President trump was impeached today. Though i think its a little like having a raccoon in your garage and poking it with a broom. Its still there, its just mad now. President trump was on twitter during todays Impeachment Vote and accused democrats of carrying out quote an assault on america and an assault on the Republican Party filled with atrocious lies by the radical left. [ laughter ] i feel like we elected a 2 00 a. M. Mattress commercial as president. Why do you always have to use all caps honestly i cant wait until trump is finally out of office and the only time we see all caps is when joe biden smiles. [ laughter ] according to a new report, women worldwide will not receive equal pay to men until the year 2277 in that case, let it all burn, [ cheers and applause a new study has found that iceland is the most genderequal country in the world, because it turns out its pretty hard to discriminate based on gender when everyones wearing 12 layers. [ laughter ] the Motion Picture a
Karlie kloss musical guest solange, and featuring the legendary roots crew questlove 1168 steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause jimmy oh, my goodness. Hi, everyone [ cheers and applause oh, i feel the love i feel the love thank you. I give it right back to you. Welcome, everybody welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show. This is it [ cheers and applause youre here. Well, you guys, today is cyber monday [ scattered cheers ] yeah all across the country, people spent the day ordering a bunch of crap online in their underwear, then remembered it was cyber monday steve oh [ laughter ] jimmy seriously, americans love cyber monday. Mostly because its like black friday minus the cardio. [ laughter ] i dont know, maybe its just me, but i feel like cyber monday has gotten way too commercial it used to mean something. But now its just about buying stuff. [ laughter ] but this is cool i saw that forever 21 had a great cyber monday deal. The entire store was 40 off [ ch