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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20240713

500 million active accounts around the world, now all eyes are on the people behind the app. Two top senators targeting the Chinese Tech Company that owns tik tok. In a letter to the director of national intelligence, asking for an investigation into tik tok and other chinesebased companies warning they may pose a National Security risk. This is a threat to american security. When china has data on 110 million americans, who knows what they do with it. Trevor thats right. Chuck schumer wants to launch an investigation into tik tok. But i feel like hes just doing this so he can have someone come to congress to explain what tik tok is. Hes, like, i tried to subpoena my granddaughter she never returns my calls never returns my calls it would be very serious if the chinese can use tik tok for spying. With this information, china can learn of all of americas dance moves. You know, just going to be figuring it all out. Yeah, we figured it all out. Thats the thing thats kept the u. S. Ahead o

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20240713

But its obvious you arent tolerant of your own behavior. Vhat do we have here, new recruits . I assure you, the next veek will be nothing but pain and suffering oooh, this could be kind of fun. Ohh lemmiwinks has made it out the tale is nearly through great job, lemmiwinks thanks to you, we are all free. But your adventures are just beginning. For you are no ordinary gerbil, lemmiwinks, you are the gerbil king. All all hail the gerbil king now that youre the gerbil king theres more adventures to go on fly away to faraway lands and to the setting sun theres still so many enemies and battles yet to fight for lemmiwinks the gerbil king to be told another night lemmi, lemmi lemmiwinks lem, lemmiwinks lemmiwinks lem, lem lemmiwinks lemmiwinks, lemmiwinks from comedy centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with trevor noah. cheers and applause trevor welcome to the daily show, everybody thank you so much for tuning in and thank you for coming out thank you so muc

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20240714

And please, please shes not doing parking tickets today, people. Please. laughter also on tonights show, the price of gas is going up, new accusations are coming out against brett kavanaugh, and mike pence fights a horse. So lets catch uh on todays headlines. Lets kick itff with an update on that College Cheating scandal and the celebrity mom whos getting locked up. We are back now with intense reaction to Felicity Huffmans sentencing. The actress must report to prison in the next six weeks to serve 14 days for her role in the College Admissions scandal. She paid 15,000 to inflate her daughters s. A. T. Score as part of a massive College Cheating scandal. In the courtroom an emotional huffman told the judge, i was frightened, i was stupid and i was so wrong. Trevor okay. She said she committed the crime because she was frightened and stupid . I get the stupid part. What were you frightened of . Was the principal to have school, like, maam, your kids score is only good enough nor the un

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20240714

Please. laughter also on tonights show, the price of gas is going up, new accusations are coming out against brett kavanaugh, and mike pence fights a horse. So lets catch uh on todays headlines. Lets kick it off with an update on that College Cheating scandal and the celebrity mom whos getting locked up. We are back now with intense reaction to Felicity Huffmans sentencing. The actress must report to prison in the next six weeks to serve 14 days for her role in the College Admissions scandal. She paid 15,000 to inflate her daughters s. A. T. Score as part of a massive College Cheating scandal. In the courtroom an emotional huffman told the judge, i was frightened, i was stupid and i was so wrong. Trevor okay. She said she committed the crime because she was frightened and stupid . I get the stupid part. What were you frightened of . Was the principal to have school, like, maam, your kids score is only good enough nor the university of phoenix. No, no please, no laughter by the way, if

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20200210

on the show! ( cheers and applause ) also on tonight s episode, how to win big on the z the worst way to be a millionaire, and neil brennan tell us what donald trump and 50 shades of grey have in common. so let s catch up on tads tads. let s kick it off with big health news. if you re a person who likes being alive and does not want to die soon, first of all, congratulations on being basic and, second, here s some good news for you good news this morning, americans life expectancy has increased for the first time in four yearserring according to a new record from the centers for disease control. it shows life expectancy rose slightly in 2018 to 78.7 years. trevor: wow! this is major, for the first time in four years, american life expectancy is on the rise! big shout out to betty white for bumping up the average! we see you, girl! we see you, girl! ( cheers and applause ) but you know what? it s weird that life expectancy is even a thing. it feels like we re giving h

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