And please, please shes not doing parking tickets today, people. Please. laughter also on tonights show, the price of gas is going up, new accusations are coming out against brett kavanaugh, and mike pence fights a horse. So lets catch uh on todays headlines. Lets kick itff with an update on that College Cheating scandal and the celebrity mom whos getting locked up. We are back now with intense reaction to Felicity Huffmans sentencing. The actress must report to prison in the next six weeks to serve 14 days for her role in the College Admissions scandal. She paid 15,000 to inflate her daughters s. A. T. Score as part of a massive College Cheating scandal. In the courtroom an emotional huffman told the judge, i was frightened, i was stupid and i was so wrong. Trevor okay. She said she committed the crime because she was frightened and stupid . I get the stupid part. What were you frightened of . Was the principal to have school, like, maam, your kids score is only good enough nor the university of phoenix. No, no please, no laughter by the way, if the judge let her off lightly because she was emotional, the judge is a fool. Felicity huffman is one of the best actresses around, getting emotional is her job. laughter if i was a judge, i would only be impressed if someone got emotional in character as another person. I would have wanted her to plea to me as Nelson Mandela please forgive me and my husband william h. Macy in mandela accent laughter obviously this short sentence has a lot of backlash with people saying Felicity Huffman only got the special treatment because she san actor. I dont know if thats true, but if you know someone out there is being busted for drugs, and theyre, like, your honor, before you render your verdict, in high school i played danny in grease. The judge is, like, tell me more laughter over the weekend an oil refinery in saudi arabia was attacked and this could be the; is that correct sets off the next big war. Out of saudi arabia, there was an unusual attack resulting in explosions. Drones trargtd two facilities. Yemeni rebels fight fight ago war against the saudi baghdad government took blame. But iran was blamed. Iran calls the claim meaningless. President trump says they have reason to know exactly who is behind the attacks and is locked and loaded but he also says hes waiting to hear who the saudis blame before deciding how to move forward. Trevor that is the most confusing threat ever. Trump says americas locked and loaded were ready for war, but, first, lets see who the war is with on the count of three, ready, saudi . One, two, three, iran i was going to say iran laughter thats right, an oil facility in saudi arabia was attacked. Yemeni rebels have claimed responsibility, but america was, like, got it, i havent iran. At this point sounds like america is a drunk guy in a bar trying to turn anything into a fight with iran. You looking at my girl, iran . No, not with a girl. Yeah, she left because you pissed my pants, iran laughter heres the big thing that confuses me. Donald trump says that america has to go and fight for scrape because theyre one of americas allies, right . And what makes them an ally is that they buy billions of dollars in u. S. Weapons. So my question is, why dont they just use those weapons they bought to fight for themselves . Why does america have to go fight for them . Are the saudi leaders just, like, we spent a billion on this shit were not going to get it dirty, no, no, no. These are special weapons. laughter moving on, this next story involves mike pence, Vice President and man who avoids eye contact with barbie dolls. Turns out last year he was on the campaign trail and got attacked. Vieps reveals triple crown winner american pharaoh bit him on the arm. He says he was helping campaign for congressman andy barrer last year when the two were invited to see the prize winning horse in lexingson. Pence says he and barr were posing for pictures when american pharaoh bit him so hard on the arm he almost collapsed. laughter oh, yes thats right, the Vice President was bitten by a horse. laughter and lets be clear he didnt almost collapse from the pain, he almost collapsed from the pleasure. laughter oooh, it hurts so good dont tell mother about this laughter now the good news is pence wasnt badly hurt, all right . The horse bit him but middle east let go because horses dont like the taste of mayonnaise. laughter there is also good news for the horse after it came out the horse bit mike pence, nbc made the horse a paid contributor laughter finally, in fun news, we might have gotten used to fox flattering the president all the time, but recently the great lou dobs took it to the next level. A lot is happening in washington and across this great country of ours because we have a president who is a true leader, i believe, and who i happen to believe will be regardlessed as one of the countrys greatest president s, indeed the greatest. I spent time in the white house yesterday and i want to give you unauthorized report of what i witnessed in the white house. The mood couldnt be more high energy. Ive seen a number of white houses. I want you to know the joint is hopping, at every level on every floor, this white house is energized. Theres sunshine beaming throughout the place and on almost every face. Trevor the joint is hopping . laughter at the end, though, when he was rhyming, sound like the whitest version of rappers delight ever the joint is hopping throughout the place and sunshines beaming on everyones face cheers and applause what was that . Actually, my favorite part is that he said, sunshine is beaming on almost every face. laughter almost like even the propaganda about trump cant go that farm. Come on, guys, i cant say everyone is happy. People know melania lives there. Come on, now laughter i know we kid trump for watching fox news, but i get it, if there was a tv channel that talked about me this way, i would watch that show all day. How can you resist . I would be there all day trevor noah and the folks at the daily show, greatest comedic minds of all time, ass cheeks couldnt be firmer. Dobbs did such a good job of pleasing the president , out of habit trump paid him 130,000. Thats it for they said license. Lets move on to the top story. cheers and applause todays top story is all about brett kavanaugh, the newest member of the Supreme Court and the only justice to be sponsored by bud lite. laughter you probably remember this but Brett Kavanaughs Supreme Court confirmation was one of the most contention in american history. He faced multiple accusations of inappropriate behavior including drunken misconduct and Sexual Assault. But after being cleared by the f. B. I. , he managed to get just enough senate votes to be confirmed by the Supreme Court. But a yeefer later the New York Times dropped a bomb story that put kavanaugh back in the spotlight. Tonight questions about a new report, another Sexual Assault allegation against Justice Brett kavanaugh, this one reportedly never pursued by the f. B. I. The New York Times publishing the previously unreported account of mike stier, one of kavanaughs former yale classmate. Told the senator and the f. B. I. He saw mr. Kavanaugh with his pants down at a drunken dorm party where friends pushed his genitals on to a female student. Trevor goddam every College Story we hear aboutbeck makes him seem worse and worse. Its always something about him exposing himself. Hes lucky that mike pence horse wasnt around during his College Career because you see what they do to carrots, yall laughter and you know, when you hear stories like this, its hard to believe someone like that could ever go on to the Supreme Court. It must be even harder for people who actually went to school with kavanaugh. Can you remember their conversations . Whatever happened to ballsout brett . Actually, its justice ballsout brett now. laughter now, heres the thing, this story is messy and what makes it messy is that the woman who this allegedly happened to says she doesnt remember any of this happening, but the guy who says he saw it says she was so drunk at the time hes not surprised that she cant remember it. We may never know for sure what happened that night especially since the f. B. I. Never even investigated it, which may seem like a surprise to some people but according to the New York Times, the f. B. I. Didnt look into a lot of the accusations against kavanaugh. The incident echos a similar but separate algailings made by Debra Ramirez who came forward last year accusing kavanaugh of exposing himself to her at a yale party. In his denial kavanaugh claimed that, had the incident happened, it would have been the talk of campus. Now the New York Times is reporting on evidence that it was the talk of campus. Per the times, at least seven people heard about the yale incident long before kavanaugh was a federal judge. Ms. Ramirezs legal team gave the f. B. I. A list of at least 25 individuals who may have had corroborating evidence but the pure to interviewed none of them. Trevor the story keeps getting more and more strange. The f. B. I. Ignored 25 normer yale students who could give evidence . I didnt know police also ignored white people. Crazy. Yale and the bronx . Who would have known in the f. B. I. s defense, the reason they didnt interview the potential witnesses was because the white house reportedly told the f. B. I. That when it came to kavanaugh and the accusations, they were only allowed to interview eleven specific people and no wilson. Yeah. Its not something you do when youre confident in someones innocence. Youre just, like, interview anyone no, just them. Like Jeffrey Epstein saying, i have nothing to hide dont look there, but anywhere else laughter if these stories werent true, why was kavanaugh constantly whipping his dick out at parties . laughter at every single story, hes doing at high school parties, college parties. Im starting to wonder if kavanaugh even ups what parties are. Shows up to his Grandmas Birthday Party happy 90th, grandma no, brett we said bring your famous dip laughter applause if its true, it would explain why kavanaugh wanted to be a Supreme Court justice. He gets to wear a robe all day. Easy access the job he should have should be an astronaut. It would be a disaster if he was to meet aliens join us at our welcome party. Did Someone Say Party . No laughter as has become normal in the age of trump, reactions to this story have become as partisan as everything else. This new report prompting Democratic Candidates for president to call for kavanaughs impeachment. Kamala harris who serves on the Senate Judiciary committee tweeting he was put on the court through a sham process and his place on the court is an insulto the pursuit of truth and justice. Republicans saying democrats need to move on. Tropical storm nobody they dont want time peach and at some point they just have to let the anger go. Trevor yeah at some point youve just got to let the anger go. Donald trump said my wife was ugly and my dad killed j. F. K. And now i go on tv to support him and im perfectly happy fake laugh laughter speaking of trump, the president is also weighing in on the kavanaugh news and no prize for guessing which side hes on. President trump also coming to kavanaughs defense, twilighting, he is an innocent man who has been treated horribly. Such lies about him. Brett kavanaugh should start suing people for libel or the Justice Department should come to his rescue. Trevor the justice should come to his rescue . What . Trump doesnt likely understand how the government works. He just acts like the Justice Department is his own personal Emergency Line . Hello, Justice Department, theres a monster under my bed, come quick no, dad, its me, eric even worse come quicker come quicker applause so looks like President Trump is once again ready to fight to clear Brett Kavanaughs name. And im sure, when hes done, you know, hell probably throw kavanaugh a big Victory Party where hell go, no, brett, no no, not again well be right back cheers and applause 60 of women wear the wrong size pad, and can experience leaks. You dont have to with always my fit try the next size up and get up to 20 better coverage day or night because better coverage means better protection always. Therthen he tried tostitoshael scoops and salsa. And he started following them in real life. Hey, mike. Sup. Oh tostitos. Get together already. I dobut we will make sure you get home. Are you crazy . Its two thousand miles away. Come on guys lets go. First thing in the morning. [ laughing ] there are people looking for you. Need a ride . Get them you can do magic . This is impossible. This is amazing blueberries . Everest do something. Packs carbs to refuel and electrolytes to replenish so you can bring the heat. Nothing beats gatorade. Its softer than ever. Charmin ultra soft is softer than ever so its harder to resist. Okay, this is getting a little weird enjoy the go with charmin cheers and applause trevor welcome back to the daily show. My guest tonight is the first latina and third woman ever appointed to the Supreme Court of the united states. She has written a new Childrens Book called just ask be different, be brave, be you. Please welcome Justice Sonia sotomayor. cheers and applause it is truly an honor to have you here on the show. Just so were all on the same page, ahead of time, there are certain rules when speaking to a Supreme Court justice especially on tv and a few of those are i know that you cannot speak about any cases or any of your colleagues or anything that could negatively impact the institution that is the Supreme Court, that is correct . That is correct. Trevor so i just have a few laughter these once. These ones. These ones. Okay. No, these ones. laughter welcome to the show, lets begin with the book. I havent left you with much. Trevor no, you have. I want to talk about the book. After the break, it will be great to get into the court and everything youve experienced while serving on it. A Childrens Book is not exactly where you would expect a Supreme Court justice to be. You would expect it to be a book about law or a book, you know, about whats happening in the country or life and legalese, but a Childrens Book is what you wrote. Why . I write law every single day. laughter and most of it and most of it is going to go down in the history books, and after much time passes, some people may read one or two of those decisions. But if i can affect the lives of children, if i can inspire them to be bigger, better, braver than they believe they can be, then ive left a real legacy, in my judgment. Trevor you are talking to kids from a very personal place. Right. Trevor the book is called just ask. What i really love about the book is you have these stories of a group of kids going to a garden and really its a tale about children who may be facing difficulties in their lives. You have a child who has a. D. H. D. , another childs has tourettes, sonia has diabetes i wonder where that came from and its a story about the kids having whatever they have to deal with, but the one obstacle you dont want them to have to face is people judging them because of what they have to deal with. Judging them because of their difference. The just ask title was born over 30 years ago. When i was seven and a half i was diagnosed with diabetes and i started to give hiself injections of insulin every day, and as was common back then, gratefully less common today, i was embarrassed by my condition. Trevor right. I thought it showed weakness, i thought my friends would make fun of it, and, so, i hid it. The just ask is encouraging, not just the children like me who are differently abled to speak about their conditions, to be brave about them, in the way they are every day. Trevor right. Think about how far it is for a dyslexic child to read. Or julia, who bears the name of a special little girl in my life who has tourettes syndrome. Its actually one of my favorite scenes is that one. If you look in the book, you will see one of the symptoms of tourettes is uncontrolled body movements. Trevor right. Blinking is one of them. Julias blinking, and the owl blinks back at her. But julia had an incident when she was smaller, she was in a store, and her tourettes went into action, and she was moving around uncontrollably, and a woman looked at her and said, dont you have a mother that can control you . Trevor wow. Thankfully, she does. She has a mother whos a School Teacher and set that lady straight. laughter applause trevor oh i love it every single story in the book has that feeling of overcoming. I also love that you have the book in spanish as well. Just ask. And the book is available now. Just ask, which is what im going to be doing with Justice Sonia sotomayor after the break, i will be just asking questions i have about the Supreme Court. Well be right back. cheers and applause paul Wireless Network claims are so confusing. Americas most reliable network. The nations largest and most reliable network. The best network is even better . Best, fastest, best. Enough. Sprints doing things differently. Theyre offering a new 100 total satisfaction guarantee. I mean i think Sprints Network and savings are great, but dont just take my word for it. Try it out and decide for yourself. Switch to sprint and get both an unlimited plan and one of the newest phones included for just 35 a month. For people with hearing loss, visit sprintrelay. Com. Another foodie trip. Who even cares . 211 people. Thanks, captain obvious. Dont hatelike their trip, book yours with hotels. Com and get rewarded basically everywhere. That fish is done, carol. Hotels. Com. Be there. Do that. Get rewarded. Try my free chocolate cake with a 10 piece meal. But i wanna pay for it but its free coach but i wanna pay for it but its free. My whole life i have paid for chocolate cake get a free chocolate cake with a 10 piece meal at kfc but there is so much more you want to do. New starbucks tripleshot energy. 225 mg of caffeine for the energy to do what matters to you. What gives you energy . Doto be our next spokesperson . M hes so boring. Hm. Sounds like youre on the fence. Why dont i just leave you my resume . Yes, its laminated. No thanks. Youre hired try caramel m ms. Ow. cheers and applause trevor welcome back to the daily show. We are honored to be joined by a Supreme Court justice, Justice Sonia sotomayor, everybody still with us here on the show. cheers and applause so ive always wondered what it is like to be on a Supreme Court and not just in terms of the legal part of it but all of the pressures that come with the job, you know, shaping the course of a country and, at the same time, trying to remove yourself from the fray of whats defining what is happening in that country. How removed are Supreme Court justices from the everyday fray . Are you instagram only, no twitter . Is that what you do . I dont do either. Every one of the nine justices were incredibly devoted citizens, and they were very active in our world before they became justices, and i dare say that every one of us is a little bit above the fray because we cant comment about the fray, but we certainly read about whats happening in the world, and we stay tuned to the news. Were not monastic in the sense of not knowing whats happening in the world. Trevor the court is constantly thrust into the spotlight, especially in american news. Now, what do you think is important in and around, you know, a confirmation of a justice or what do you think the most important qualities of a gum has to be because it is, you know, one of the highest positions you can possess in the land. Im going to answer that differently. Im going to answer a question you havent asked but i think is much more important what should you possess as a citizen . Trevor hmm. And i think that, in this roomful of people, if i ask every nonlawyer in the room and maybe some lawyers how many Supreme Court decisions have you read from beginning to end, no one will raise their hand. All the news people get is from the newspapers or television, unless you engage with the arguments you dont understand how hard the questions are. And the fact that, even when you win, sometimes it wasnt so clear that you should have. And, so, i think it would make people much more respectful of the court as an institution, but of courts generally, if they took the time to read those decisions that they feel affect them so deeply. Trevor thats powerful. My counter would be what you just said. You said people get their news from the tv, headlines and sound bytes. Mmhmm. Trevor the Supreme Court is still only in written and audio form, and im saying, like, i could produce, like, a courtroom show where you guys are on camera. laughter do you think maybe the court should jump into the era of tv and broadcast what youre doing . No. laughter you walk into our courtrooms and were not made for tv, and i think if our arguments were televised, it might change the dynamic, and were human beings and the draw to play to tv affects every human being. Trevor now that youve said that, i feel like no part of the u. S. Government should be on tv. laughter actually, thats what some senator said to me, that the partisanship in the senate started to grow when cameras went into the senate room. Those senate rooms now are completely empty. Its the chair of the senate, it is the senator speaking and some members of his staff. There is no one else in the room but the camera, and theyre speaking to the camera, not to each other. But many senators told me that they felt that much of the collegiality died when they stopped getting together in that room and were forced to listen to each other and were forced to sit next to each other and talk to each other. So i think you said a joke, some might think it might be a good idea to return to those days. Trevor because i understand how difficult it can be to be natural on tv laughter Justice Sonia sotomayor, everybody cheers and applause one, two, three. singing and many more. Google nest hub max well, happy birthday, i miss you. By google nest. [trumpet plays] [gust of wind] [sounds of items hitting phone] [trumpet plays] [thud] [spray of sprinklers] [trumpet plays] good morning. Good night. The allnew versa the most techadvanced car in its class. This is nissan intelligent mobility. cheers and applause trevor thats our show for tonight. Thank you so much for tuning in. Lights out with david spade is coming up next. But first, here it is. Your moment of zen. Have a great weekend. The president makes such a thing possible for us all. Good night from new york. Bang bross is offering 10 million for the naming rights of miami heat stadium number that doesnt work they request go to houston to buy dad astro dome. Amazing. cheers and applause captioning sponsored by Comedy Central whatever. And now david spade spade hey