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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20240713

Will scale up the program if it is successful, guys. Very cool. We love it, will, thank you. Trevor okay, if i wanted to get my news from a guy not wearing pants, id just go on the subway. And props to the other anchors for playing it cool. Although, it would be great if when they came back to the studio, one of them would be like thanks william. I kind of imagined that report would be. Longer. But this just shows that people are getting too comfortable working from home. Just because youre at home doesnt mean youre not at work, people. And ill be honest, im guilty of this myself, which i am sure some of you noticed if you paid attention to last nights show. Donald trump, you look like an idiod have some self respect and, finally, if youre sick of all the news being only about corona and wish we all had Something Else to talk about, good news. Your wish came true if everything going on right now wasnt odd enough for you, take a look at this the pentagon releasing these videos of what t

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20240713

The social distancing show with Trevor Noah Trevor although things may seem dark right now, its important to remember theres some sort of light up ahead and, yes, that light may just be the world on fire, but beyond that light is another lying. And that second light is what i like to call a ray of sunshine. Lets kick it off with the heros of the pandemic. Since black panther and thor and other losers only work in avengers movies, weve come to realize our true heroes are the essential workers who are keeping people alive and fed and, yes, they might not seem as cool as batman and spiderman, but all of that is about to change. Mattel is honoring essential workers on the frontline to have the covid 19 fight with a special edition line of Action Figures. They are called thank you heroes. The 16 collectible Action Figures include doctors, nurses, e. M. T. S driver and a little set that includes a Grocery Store worker. Each set costs 15. Dollar from each sale will be donated to the First Res

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20240713

Its like im seeing double. I said, get out of my way aahhh [bubbling spatter] [cartman cyborg] ew. Look, i think that infusing with Rosie Odonnell has made trapper keeper sick. [cartman] euhhh. Bad pie, bad pie. This is your chance, kyle, cartman is weakened. Got him. He did it [all arguing] okay, children, the lawyers for ikes side have agreed with the lawyers on filmores side to hold another meeting regarding form 22f. Do we all have that form . Is this the kindergarten classroom . Jesse jackson . Thats right. I believe the africanamerican students in your class were misrepresented. We dont have any African Americans in our class oh bye. All right, so apparently what were gonna do now is hand count each persons ballot. Mr. Garrison, i concede. You you what . I dont wanna play anymore cause this game is stupid. Yeah, it doesnt make any sense. Ike, you could be class president. I pooped my pants can we finger paint now . [together] finger paint ah yes, yes, lets finger paint you did it

Transcripts For KPIX The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20240713

People, okay, and if you dont give me the cash im going to release pictures of that dog of yours humping your neighbors leg nonconsensually. Isnt that black mail . No, its blue mail. Oooh, i dont feel so good. Whats wrong, mailbox . I have been selfmedicating. Welcome to booze clues laughter oh, god gagging announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonights open sesame, plus stephen welcomes Phoebe Wallerbridge with a special e and stayby s homin. Now live on tape from a safe distance, its Stephen Colbert stephen h hello and welcome to a late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Where are my glasses . Throw head. That gives you an idea of whats going on in the squirrel cage now. I hope youre holding up in this crazy time. I feel pretty good. We hope to make you feel better with our show every night. Eerybody at the show is happy to be doing this for you right now, and we know were lucky to have jobs because in the last month alone 22 million americans have been laid off and, unf

Transcripts For KGO ABC World News Now 20240713

Future of fitness is at home. The mirror. New amazon customers looking to have their groceries delivered to their homes will have to wait. The company is putting new signs up for amazon fresh and Whole Foods Market on a wait list. It also plans to hire 75,000 more employees. People in the big cities are increasingly finding it difficult to stock up from the grocery store. Long lines, empty shelves, and those Home Delivery services. As we say here in new york, ive been practicing, fuggetaboudit. Shoppers are being forced to get creative. Heres abcs becky worley. Reporter this may look like a Convenience Store shelf. But oh no, its a restaurant. Selling these provision items is a great way to give back to the neighborhood that maybe cant leave their house right now or doesnt want to leave ded om us,re ttalo gcere items. Reporter local restaurants pivoting to sell grocery items. That would otherwise be used for serving diners. Get panera delivered today. Reporter Even National chains join

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