Stephen my god. Today mankind let slip the surly bonds of earth, and finally steps forth into a brief new wait a second laughter we took a wrong turn someplace. Everybody back in the space penis come on its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, stephen welcomes Lupita Nyongo. Donnie wahlberg. And john prine. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody thanks so much. Stephen hey cheers and applause thats very pleasant. Thank you so much. Thank you so much, everybody. Im Stephen Colbert. Welcome to the late show. I dont know about you, but im still detoxing from mondays debate. Shake shaone off. Thats, like, a twoday hangover. laughter kind of makes meantime to drink again, actually. Everybody is trying to spin this thing their own way. Donald trump says all the polls show he won, and the polls say hillary won. laughter and, you know, its kidn of like a he said reality
Those of you who have been posting your opinions about who won the debate last night on facebook. Heres the thing. Anyone who already agreed with you will continue to agree with you. Anyone who didnt, wont. [ laughter ] next time, instead of writing out a long, passionate thing, take a nap, youll be glad you did. How many of you watched the debate last night . [ cheers and applause ] at least half of you are lying, i just know it. If i have to go around and interrogate everyone, i will. As predicted, this was the mostwatched debate in the history of ever. More than 84 americans watched on television alone. They covered national security, the economy, rosie odonnell, everything that needed to be covered. Trump warned our economy is in a big fat ugly bubble, and when he is president it will be a tall, thin, beautiful bubble. With perky, enormous bubble breasts. He said he wants to bring back stop and frisk, whereas hillary wants to bring back stop, collaborate, and listen as part of her
Well get to the show. First, heres what everyone is talking about. Of course, it is still the election. And i saw that Hillary Clinton actually went to her granddaughters Second Birthday Party instead of preparing for the first debate against trump. Yeah. I guess she figured being around a bunch of screaming toddlers might help her even more. [ laughter and applause ] thats right, hillary went to her granddaughters Second Birthday Party. Apparently she played her Favorite Party games duck, duck, question and pin the blame on the i. T. Guy. I never heard those while speaking to the students at the university of New Hampshire yesterday, Hillary Clinton said, quote, isnt this one of the strangest elections youve ever seen . And then college kids were like, uh, were 18. [ laughter and applause ] it is the only election weve ever seen. Havent seen that many. And get this. Hillary said that when she was a young woman going to law school, she had to take out loans, because her dad couldnt bec
Posting your opinions about who won the debate last night on facebook. Heres the thing. Anyone who already agreed with you will continue to agree with you. Anyone who didnt, wont. [ laughter ] next time, instead of writing out a long, passionate thing, take a nap, youll be glad you did. How many of you watched the debate last night . [ cheers and applause ] at least half of you are lying, i just know it. If i have t as predicted, this was the mostwatched debate in the history of ever. More than 84 americans watched on television alone. They covered national security, the economy, rosie odonnell, everything that needed to be covered. Trump warned our economy is in a big fat ugly bubble, and when he is president it will be a tall, thin, beautiful bubble. With perky, enormous bubble wants to bring back stop, collaborate, and listen as part of her vanilla ice initiative. Trump repeatedly denied saying things he absolutely said, on tape, and in writing. Trump told some whoppers. Four Fact C
And featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 541. Oregon. Steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon . . . . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you. Please, please have a seat. Welcome enjoy yourselves welcome. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for being here. Welcome to the tonight show [ cheers and applause ] this is it. This is it. This is the hot show of the year. Come on. Thank you for being here, guys. Lets get to some news that everybodys talking about. Of course everyones talking about tonights big debate it was the first chance americans got to see Hillary Clinton and donald trump debate at the same time. But, more importantly, it was the first chance americans got to mute both of them at the same time. [ laughter and applause ] just press one button and thats it. You dont hear them. Steve mute. Jimmy the debate was actually split into several themes. Americas direction, americas prosperity, americas security, and then strangely americas ninja warrior. Steve wow. [ applause ]