Was still there. During an oval office event yesterday, President Trump called the coronavirus the invisible enemy, and said he views the virus like a war in other words, safely from thousands of miles away. Thats right, President Trump called the coronavirus the quote, invisible enemy. But to be fair, thats also what he calls the little piece of lettuce they try to hide in his burgers. Nice try, invisible enemy. After declaring yesterday National Nurses day, President Trump met with a group of nurses in the Oval Office Said trump, i just want you guys to know, you are my favorite category. German chancellor Angela Merkel announced yesterday that the country would begin the next phase of reopening from the coronavirus pandemic and this is cool, she might finally get to see her hairstylist. If we cant i know, but if we cant joke about that now, i dont know what else is there for us . Secretary of state mike pompeo is reportedly planning to travel to israel next week for a 24hour visit a
[ cheers and applause ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause seth good evening, im seth meyers. This is late night. How is everybody doing tonight [ cheers and applause thats fantastic to hear in that case lets get to the news according to cnn, fbi director Christopher Wray has made it clear that hes frustrated that President Trump is not listening to his advice. Regarding a controversial memo claiming the fbi abused surveillance laws. Youre surprised trump didnt listen to advice [ laughter ] this is the same guy who heard about the eclipse, and told the sun to bring it. [ laughter and applause so President Trump yesterday, praised chicago cubs coowner Todd Ricketts appointment as the rncs new finance chairman, calling him a great addition yeah, great if you want to win one election every 108 years [ laughter and applause republican chair of the house intelligence committee, devin nunes, yesterday claimed the changes made to a controversial memo about the fbi before h
You ask me, israeli unnecessary. Matt goldich wrote a joke whose punch line is israeli unnecessary. Mothers day is this sunday. So now all i have to do is figure out when sunday is. Is today sunday . Hmm. Ceo of grocery chain kroger said yesterday that americans will have meat during the coronavirus pandemic so long as they are quote, flexible. Although isnt being flexible on meat what got us into this in the first place . So tomorrow is no socks day good, because im starting to feel creepy Walking Around the house wearing just socks and finally, Budget Airline Allegiant Air has begun offering customers free health and safety kits on all flights to stop the spread of coronavirus. That story again, some airline you never heard of is offering you more help than your president. That was the monologue, everybody. And shout out to my son, ashe, who promised he would be quiet the whole monologue and he did it good job, buddy. Thank you seth we got a great show for you tonight. She a coach on
President trump told reporters today that he would release a report on his finances before the 2020 election. And said that people will be shocked that the numbers are many, many times what you think. Okay, but anything times zero is zero [ laughter ] [ applause ] duchess Meghan Markle attended the u. S. Open this weekend to support her friend serena williams. Meanwhile, the queen went to the jets game. [ laughter ] a man on a mission to visit every starbucks in the world, last week visited his 15,000th location in peru and what do you know, they finally spelled his name right [ laughter and applause a 73yearold woman in india is now believed to be the oldest person to ever give birth after having twins this weekend via csection. The woman is doing fine, but shes definitely going to wait a few years before trying for more kids [ laughter ] u. S. News and world report has released its annual ranking of americas best universities with princeton coming in first. And when they heard the ne
Discuss a peace agreement. And if youre wondering where we are as a nation, my first thought was, i dont know, ill believe it when i hear it from the taliban. [ laughter ] the Washington Post has published a new article calling former Vice President joe biden and senator Elizabeth Warren frenemies. Even crazier, they referred to john delaney and Michael Bennett as candidates. [ laughter ] President Trump told reporters today that he would release a report on his finances before the 2020 election. And said that people will be shocked that the numbers are many, many times what you think. Okay, but anything times zero is zero [ laughter ] [ applause ] duchess Meghan Markle attended the u. S. Open this weekend to support her friend serena williams. Meanwhile, the queen went to the jets game. [ laughter ] a man on a mission to visit every starbucks in the world, last week visited his 15,000th location in peru what do you know, they finally spelled his name right [ laughter ] a 73yearold wom