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Because you always put things where i cant find them always, maude you always put things where i cant find them youre right, walter. And im sorry, sweetheart. Actually, if you want your suspenders, youll find them hanging off the roof. I find them very handy for washing the basement and second story windows at the same time. Maude. Im sorry, honey. Ill help you find them. You know, were gonna be late. Im gonna miss all the guest celebrities come on body whos anybody is gonna be there tonight. Durward kirby, pupi campo, carmelita pope, arlene francis, the entire panel from whats my line . Oh, you dont care if i miss all the fun. Pupi campo . Tsk. Well, go on i cant get moving, francie. What are you waiting on . sobs hinkley, would you cool it . It aint gonna be easy to outtalk maude findlay. Shes the worlds champ. Shes got a bigger mouth than muhammad ali. Okay, but just make sure you lay it on real good about your father beating ya up. Why cant i just tell her the truth . cause why gam ....
Ency said that this woman is a gem, a treasure. Carol, i can hardly wait for her to get here. Mmhmm. Is she black . No. The agency was fresh out. No, but this woman is not only a fantastic housekeeper, shes supposed to be a fab doorbell rings thats mrs. Naugatuck mrs. Who . Close your mouth, walter, and try to look intelligent. Coming findlay residence . Yes. This is from mrs. Naugatuck. Carol, honey, would you do me a favor and take that up to the guest room . Guest room . Sign here. Maude, were not getting sleepin help, are we . Sweetie, dont worry. You wont even know shes in the house. Sign right there. Maude, why didnt you ask me before you hired sleepin help . Walter, i tried to bring up the subject the other night after dinner, and you said, thats your department, maude. Do whatever you want, maude. And then you burped and fell asleep. You know i cant stand a stranger sleeping in the house, maude. If you dont sign soon, youll have two strangers sleeping in the house, maude. You l ....
Ree hours before the party. But mother, youll never guess how much i paid for oh, lord, my nails are a mess. Here, carol, buff this. Mother, i buff, carol, buff youll find silver polish in the den. By the way, mother, im three months pregnant. Carol, i dont care what you do at the office. When youre home, you work. Now, scooch. Walter, are you still here . maude, will you calm down . Its just a little party. A little payou call a sitdown dinner for 12 people a little party . For crying out loud, maude, it isnt even your party, its vivians what are you doing all this for . Because poor vivian is a nervous wreck as anyone would be when her husband calls at 4 00 in the afternoon and says, oh, by the way, dear, therell be 12 extra for dinner tonight, and then hangs up. Mmm. All that work for royalty certainly paid off. Oh, where did you get this fabulous recipe . The medicare enrollment deadline is just a few weeks away. Now is the time to find the coverage thats right for you. At the righ ....
Evening, maude. Oh, hi, honey. clucking sweetheart, i havent seen you all day. Dont i rate a kiss . Not now, maude. Ever since lunch, ive had a caraway seed stuck in my in my back tooth thats driving me crazy. Wheres the dental floss . You know, i can never find anything in that cabinet. Honey, its on the righthand side. I always very carefully put everything pertaining to dental hygiene in the same place. Since when . Since the morning you gargled with my lydia pinkham. Oh, and honeyhoney, would you hurry it up . Arthurs dropping by and i invited barry over for cocktails. Barry . Barry witherspoon . Not Barry Witherspoon. You cant mean Barry Witherspoon, maude, not again, not again i knew youd be pleased. That conceited, pompous windbag is coming over again tonight . Shes gone to the dog show with her dog, chuck since when does she enter chuck in dog shows . She doesnt ....
E going to blow thee on. audience laughing mrs. Naugatuck, this is going to be a fabulous party, the most fantastic party ever. I mean, i guarantee you, this is not going to be one of those typical new years eve disasters where all the guests sit around waiting for guy lombardo to come on while two drunks throw up in their paper hats. audience laughing your dull partys going to be any better . Because i have a big surprise, the greatest, most funfilled idea i have ever had for a party. And id tell you what it is, except you have a big mouth. audience laughing i couldnt care less. Youre going to hear it whether you want to or not. audience laughing do you know what it is . Do you know what it is . Something that hasnt been done in years. Isnt that marvelous . I planted little gifties all over the house. The guest who finds the most little gifties gets a really big giftie as a prize. Whats the prize . A paper hat to throw up in . audience laughing mrs. Naugatuck, dont be silly. Its going ....