Wait, 800 worth of bitcoin, this is the colbert report. cheers and applause stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, steve, stephen. Stephen welcome to the report, ever. Good to you have with us. Thank you so much. cheers and applause stephen thanks, folks. You know, you know, we are coming up on election season as a newsman, my job to bring you the latest, baseless speculation on who might be running who is thinking about running and who was recently seen running. laughter why is he running . Is it because hes running . Well, on monday one dark horse candidate has officially announced hes running for president , bashar alassad. Here he is president bashar assad is announcing his candidacy in the upcoming president ial elections. He will run for a third seven year term in june. Stephen bashar assad has thrown his hat in the ring. And by hat i mean nerve gas and by ring i mean people. laughter and while syria is technically in the middle of a civil war, you know, you
Matt kenseth at the outside in the 20. Theres patrick to the inside of ryan newman. Why did we ever believe we could not be talking about matt kenseth before this night was over because he was a lap down. Hes been outside the to 7 most of this race. For 200 some laps we havent spoke much about him. Its showtime. Matt always figures out a way to be up there at the end. Need ear factor in practice or qualifying. As Kevin Harvick and jeff gordon both just logged their fastest laps of the night. Kyle larson in that 42 right now hes running in the 12th position and there you see greg biffle in the 16 just behind him in 13th. Biff has a little right side damage. Got in the wall going off turn one but wasnt very severe and hasnt affected the car much at all. That was early on, several laps ago. He makes battling for 3rd, Dale Earnhardt jr. And jeff gordon. Jimmie johnson moves to the inside of Brad Keselowski for 14th. On that last caution, Jimmie Johnson took four tires, Brad Keselowski they
Israel and palestine . Oh, man, can a brother gate batman sequel . For gods sake. [laughter] i just need day off. Thats all i need. The audience wants me do the same. What would you do . I dont know. I just want some pizza. What do you want from me . [laughter] but tonight id like the talk to you about corporations. Corporations, theyre a lot like us immortal. [laughter] shielded from liability, accountable tom shareholders. Oh, wait, thats opposite of us. Sorry. But there is one thing corporations do have in common with the rest of us. They dont like paying taxes. Hate it. Fortunately, they rarely have to. Its the subject of tonights oh, no. Thats not. I dont. I did not approve this, and i feel that this is disrespectful in some ways. Its about. Okay. That i dont. That i dont. Lets go with the first one, and then well just. Okay. Thats fine. [laughter] anyway, this seasons hot new tax loophole for corporations, a onceobscure tax dodge known as the corporate inversion, which sounds lik
First hit in years. The roots of this conflict cheers and applause stephen folks, the roots of this conflict are, of course, byzantine and ancient. In 2012 Orlando Bloom was married to australian model miranda kerr, collectively they were known as morlando blur. Then in november of 2012 kerr who had long been suspectsed of being a radical belieber was seen with justin after a Victoria Secret fashion show. From the looks of this picture, she was either canooling with or babysitting him. From that moment from that moment Justin Bieber and miranda kir were known as mustin keebler. Well, not long after the formation of the mustin keebler alliance, morlando blur broke up. God knows what they are called now, im not sure who dot got custody of the original name. Of course at the time bieber had his own bilateral relationship with disney hatchling selena gomez. Their couple group el name was i believe jelusty gobbler. Confirm that, judges, that is correct. Then possibly in retaliation to biebe
Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central [theme music playing] [cheering and applause] stephen welcome to the report. Good to have you with us, ladies and gentlemen. [audience chanting stephen] thats it. Hit their mark right away. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much. [cheering and applause] thank you, ladies and gentlemen. With an open like that. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I will try to live up to the adulation you just gave me. Nation, president barack obama has been one big national disgrace. First it was the embarrassing mom jeans. Then there was the embarrassing mom blouse and the embarrassing mom hairdo. Of then there was the embarrassing realization they was looking at a photo of my mom. [laughter] thanks a lot, obama. Folks, his biggest blunder yet came at a recent visit to away chipotle. Take a look at this picture. See anything wrong with that . Oh, yeah. He actually sneezed over the sneeze guard. He reached over the sneeze guard. Thats just not cool. Stephen its more