disappeared. deductions don't get this corgi found out you can ride off 9 70 30. oh, all night to the center. that's why it's on. the show. six susie and man's as low as well above. yeah shop observer of human make david hasselhoff space. senior girl. man puts fishies in history. friends. alan juicy speed over schneider and boucher share me. have to pee in his pants. just to stay until. it's jennifer drew, but laid his wife or would not getting to first base in real life. yeah so many jews, it can you switches channels? crisis rather than the wrong! because his brother has a penis . gave us. happy to you. that's nice. stop looking at me. this is how you win them from standing judas beauty and we cheat. at the training in his grave spin. there's no one like you said. youtube you make this laugh? keep straight employed. you make me proud to be a jew. you deserve this elaborate club for return. please. 24 human. thank you all. under smartest man alive. prices wrong! you're out. doyle rules. now you're all in big, big trouble. i want you to marry a girl who has the same belief as the family. i said that that why should i marry a girl? thanks so much, mark. let's welcome a very funny young man, adam sandler, adam there are two guys from a religious cult about their new restaurants of food good or what? the foul miss of dark. love you, kid. you too, dad. he's great. he's the greatest guy. everyone's seen how wonderful you are. go on the loop could have been brought to my attention yesterday. oy what i call quality duo. nobody is pointlessly next guest. conan o'brien. thank you. ladies and gentlemen. distinguished guests. family friends. and esteemed members of the kennedy center mark twain prize committee. i come before you tonight to state in complete honesty. and sincerity. you're making a terrible, terrible mistake. god in heaven. kennedy center. what have you done? no award has screwed up this badly since the macarthur genius grant was given to vin diesel. seriously. people have not been this shock since they won a latin grammy. it was 2019 look it up. shakira and i was killed it. i'll grant you. a lot of amazing amazing people have flown to d. c to say nice things about adam sandler. but if you ask yourself why so many of adam's friends were available to speak tonight. i'll tell you why. because when adam isn't working, they aren't working. everyone everyone speaking on this stage tonight, suckles on adam's teat. there's going to be so much milk on this floor, people going to slip on the way out. i alone can speak with honesty because i've never been in one of adam's 650 movies. i'm sorry. 6 52. he made two on the way in tonight anyway. technically i was up for one role, but adam called me and said sorry, pal. i had to give that part to my uber each driver. better at first than i thought, you know, it's good. schneider's working. madman. that is two of 75 tonight, ladies and gentlemen, get ready. for me tonight and me alone. you will hear the unvarnished, ugly truth. this whole train proceeding is an abomination. eugene o'neill called mark twain, the true father of all american literature. factor described twain as our sovereign of the written word. adam sandler said, is he shania twain's brother? i get it. this is a big night for adam. it's the first award he's received where he hasn't been slimed, which is nice. you may ask, who am i to judge? want to tell you. i've known adam since very early in his career. i will never forget that moment we met at saturday night live. this is a true story. i was working late in my office on a tuesday 1919 91, and suddenly adam appeared in the doorway. his pants around his ankles. his eyes were crossed. this is true and a pencil was sticking out of his bottom. ah there he is. i exclaimed. our twain. now. adam is not mark twain. but then again, no one is that is not what this night is about. this prize rightly celebrates giants of american humor each distinctive in their own way. and in that regard no one is more deserving of this honor. but adam sandler. adam is a uniquely american voice bighearted, joyous, outrageous, angry, absurd and more insanely prolific than any of his peers. adams comedy doesn't preach or instruct. like twain. he's down in the muck with us, laughing at himself. he has creatively restless. a giant film star of comedy and drama. who still tours the country. like a vaudevillian. i don't know what drives adam. frankly i don't want to know. i'm scared. but he is beloved around the world more than anyone i can think of. he really is. now? yes, i'll be honest. adam is a friend. we are neighbors. he has been to my house many times and one day i hope to be invited to his. spade says. it's great, but like everyone else tonight, i'm here because adam deserves this honor. not for his legendary kindness and generosity, spirit. but because he is the funniest man i know. it's a thrill. to see his insane genius rewarded here. with this richly deserved mark twain prize. i love you, adam. and you deserve this. thank you so much for coming. thank you so much for coming. it means so much that you're all here. it's so lovely to see all your faces. and i'm going to introduce the great henry blinker, and he's gonna say a few words. what an amazing thing that we are here at sandler burst. but the amazing thing that people flew in from all over the country. i feel like everyone here, gut. uh invitation to a very intimate dinner with sandler like just his best friends, right? and it was just his best friends, and then it turned out to be like 200 people still because he has that many best friends. they told me to dress nicely and then look how you're dressed. like a down on his luck. who i am detective. i wouldn't change anything about adam. it's perfect the way he is. maybe you know, maybe your shirt every now and then. the mark twain prize r american humor celebrating adam saner is presentedy wells fargo, presting sponsor of the kennedy center mark twain prize. not going with this girl , dad. you see, miss. i did it. fargo helps thousands of students go to college he got in $107 million in scholarships and programming for diverse communities. don't worry. i'll be back does what it says you can do it. opportunity happens doing gets it done fargo bank of doing one back. the school play was really coming together. until disaster struck. pensions were high. luckily replacement costumes were shipped with fedex . which means, mr harvey good picture the perfect night. fedex can help you be ready for what's next. we got the house. handles the driving packet. your pace. store your things until you're ready. then we deliver to your new home across town or across the country thoughts, your personal moving and storage team . the virus that causes shingles is sleeping in 99% of people over 50. it's lying, dormant, waiting and could reactivate. single strikes as a painful, blistering rash that can last for weeks, and he could wake at any time. thank you are not at risk for shingles. it's time to wake up. because singles could wake up and you if you're over 50 talk to your doctor or pharmacist about shingles prevention, introducing the new sleep number climate 3 60 smart bet, the only smart but in the world that actively cools. warms and effortlessly responds to both of you are smart sleepers get 28 minutes more restful sleep per night. proven quality sleep only from sleep number. lois knows you never come in for just one thing to know a lot of things about a lot of things like, what makes you loan thrive , painted that color in one code and the dishwasher that handles all the dirty work. you got this. we got you. i'm eva longoria exploring mexico to see how the people have shaped a culinary tradition as diverse i screwed up. mhm. i got us t-mobile home internet. now cell phone users have priority over us. and your marriage survived that? you can almost feel the drag when people walk by with their phones. oh i can't hear you... you're froze-- ladies, please! you put it on airplane mode when you pass our house. i was trying to work. we're workin' it too. yeah! work it girl! woo! i want to hear you say it out loud. well, i could switch us to xfinity. those smiles. that's why i do what i do. that and the paycheck. for shipping like were cut in half, just like that station .com slash try and get two months free in new york, and this is cnn. i've known adam sandler a long time. we both started out in new york. i think we first met around 1989. that was also the year a miracle happened for me. i was hired by saturday night live. i got the job because my blood, sweat and tears finally paid off when my father called lorne michaels and asked him to hire me. actually that's not true leading up to that job. i was working very hard, developing and directing my own short films. adam was on an mtv game show playing a character named stud boy. i would fine tune my scripts go over my shot list rehearsed with the actors work into the late hours considering every aspect of my comedic vision, adam would put on a silk robe and asked contestants against what celebrity woman he recently had sex with. both of our early creations are currently up on youtube, and it's really not important which one of them has fewer than 15,000 views. there's something about him. you know his work it just it all it all feels effortless. almost seems. i mean, i don't want to say lazy because that's not the right word and. i don't have a better word. so for now, let's go with lazy. under the surface. there's just there's just so much more to it. i mean, there has to be. i mean, how else can you explain a crazy hanukkah song? that's really yeah. it's really just a list of rhyming celebrity names , and yet it goes multi platinum and has become a holiday radio staple that my daughter forces us all to listen to. after we light the candles every year. that adam magic i bet if a different famous jewish comedic actor wrote away edge of your song about let's say young kipper. his representatives would call it embarrassing and beg him not to release it, even in if they heard that killer opening line. it's time to atone. so let's get in the zone. i got my dick caught in my zipper. and now it is young kipper. you know when it's adam, you can't let it bother you, right? i mean the same way. i'm never bothered when people come up to me on the street and go sandler, i love you. click save my marriage. i love it. i mean, you see him and you love him. you want to be his friend? that's the truth. my own son is a huge fan. he's constantly asking me. is there any chance adam would be in this with you so that people will like it? he's a kid. you know, it's cute, whatever. he doesn't understand how this business actually works. it's not like i can just, you know, corner adam and some huge event and trying to pressure him to commit to doing a movie with me. what would the idea even be? grown ups. three. there's a new grown up in town. okay sounds kind of good title alone has people sitting up a little straighter, but then what? right i don't know. i know. maybe i'm your characters estranged twin brother. were reunited because i believe there's treasure buried under our childhood summer camp. dynamite hook? sure, but then what? okay i guess maybe then we'd go out to the middle of the dead man's pond and stolen canoe and a giant snapping turtle would steal our paddles chopped into splinters and leave us stranded to heal family trauma before a big physical set piece where i'd say oh, i think i'm getting seasick and you tell me you can't get seasick on a pond. and then i'd argue that all boat based sickness is seasickness and you'd say we are not on the sea and have to be getting pon sick, and that doesn't exist. and then i say something like, well oh, good. that's a relief and immediately throw up on you. when you throw up on me, and i'd say oh, it looks like you're getting seasick, too. and you scream ponte sick, and that's the way i'm throwing up and throwing up because i had to watch you throw up and seeing people throw up makes me throw up and then finally, maybe spade rose out to save us. but then we both throw up on him. and, you know, he says something like, wow usually have to pay her chicks 600 bucks to do that to me. classic spade feels like a trailer moment. but you know i don't know. i haven't really thought about it. but you know, as great as that movie would be, and i can feel a lot of people are here are clearly juiced on the concept. even if i had a notarized contract with many on stage is not like i would ever ask you to sign it. although i guess it would be kind of legendary and generate the kind of you know, buzzy marketing push. you just can't buy these days. i don't know. maybe we get the safeties to direct or all right, forget it. real reason i'm here is to tell you, adam. how much i value. and since this is supposed to be the you know the sincere emotional part of my speech would like to conclude by disguising my real feelings under a silly fake accents. i won't seem too vulnerable. oh, adam sandler. i love you so very, very much. at moments when i'm feeling sad and overwhelmed , wondering if i have any value as a person, or i'm feeling insecure about my talent or lack of it. i know i can always call you and share my feelings in a way i can with no one else. it makes me feel better the same way i feel when i have a chocolate chip cookie. or a big board of energy now, alfredo. congratulations on getting this very special mark twain prize. and take a look at adam sandler stage television. alright alright, right there look good. finished the big book the other day. 421 pages. that's a lot of coloring. you know when you think about it there maybe having a little bad data. cabdriver don't know what was wrong and we're driving along and he killed a dog. he didn't have a dog with his car. he just got out and stabbed it. oh, god. another son, who just moved to hollywood, and she asked me to help you. one thing i don't miss with my mom rub the vick's vaporub on me. and then there was an awkward moment. you know, she's having it on my chest. you know, we'll make an eye contact occasionally, man. we're just good friends, you know? i'm not saying i did anything with my mother. i'm just saying, i think i could have house, indiana heated toilet. see, i gotta say it was made you relax, came out and said that like that heated tourists and where'd you get that? he goes, i don't have a heated toilets. i always get these emails from the kid's school that i got to come in. it's terrific tuesday, come by the school and you tell the kids how terrific they are. and father literally came to school . one time he opened the door in the middle of the test, and i hear where'd you put the rake? you put it on the nail. i think i did think not there. get it. i'll get it there after school. no, you get it now. mm hmm. leave you with what my pop always used to tell me growing up laugh and the world laughs with you cry and i'll give you a reason to cry, you little pansy. very much. my first fight drop. hi i'm adam sandler's former roommate, judd apatow. and i'm here to talk about what adam was like. right before success. when i first met adam in 1986, we'd never in a million years. imagine something like this could happen. adam is the only person i've ever known. the moment you met him, you knew he was going to be a big star, and so did adam. the same means going to be the biggest, you know, they can't stop the same man. i first saw him on stage doing stand up at the comic strip. i remember he grabbed the top of his sweatpants. and pulled it up high so that the bulge in his pants stuck out. and then, he said, this is my impression of mikhail baryshnikov. at that moment, he became my friend and my favorite comedian. two years later, we got an apartment together in north hollywood adams interior design sense was simple. a mattress on the floor covered with a sheet. that's it. i have no memory of him ever watching that sheet? i don't think we knew people washed sheets. we spent our days going to movies and writing jokes. at night, we go to the improv to try to impress bud friedman. so we'll let us sit at his table at the end of the night. back then adam had so much comic energy, but he had no outlet. there were no movies. there was no saturday night live so all the energy he now puts into his movies he used to put into making his friends laugh at dinner in the car at an apartment. he was the most fun person to be around. this photo kind of captures what he was like. 24 hours a day. at night, he would take this energy and make phony phone calls way more funny phone calls, then it's normal. he did it every day. sometimes i would come home and he'd be making phony phone calls by himself alone in the dark. adam needed a job. we had our own little group, rob schneider lived across the street, david spade lived down the block. sometimes jim carey would come over and try to write in living color sketches. i don't believe in himself so much that he started writing a screenplay for himself to star in even though he was basically unemployed, and no one was asking him to do this. man needed a job. then one day he gets a call to go to chicago to audition for saturday night live and i thought, how could he be a cast member on saturday night live? he doesn't do any impressions. he has no characters on staging mumbles and bombs about a third of the time. then i got a call from adam. he booked the show. he immediately moved to new york and left all of his clothes and his wallet at the apartment. and has never attempted to retrieve him. i still have all of it. this is his driver's license, which i still have from new hampshire. did not pick it up. i don't know how he drove. i don't know what happened. and then this is his fink. i'd. which is from joe biden's delaware. the one he used when he was underage . according to the date of birth . adam is now 60 years old. continued to pay rent for a really long time but never came home. so finally i moved out. i've gotten to work on a lot of projects with adam over the years, but i really cherish our friendship. you know a few times a year who called me in the middle of the night to talk about just how fortunate we are. you know, he'll just say, can you believe it actually happened. judd can you believe that? we get to do this? isn't this the best? and sometimes he calls when he's out of gas, and they'll say, i don't know if i have anything left in the tank. maybe that's it. is it over? and then in the next year to he'll make uncut gems, hustle and murder mystery to i guess it's not over. how happy he has made people is truly remarkable. he's our eddie murphy. but he's also our marx brothers. and now he's kind of our jack nicholson to. i feel like we're in the early stage of another amazing sandler era. congratulations adam. i love you. i love your family. and i also love the congresswoman representing the 11th district of california, nancy pelosi. take a walk on the. spoke. to all over years ago. who said you're getting ready to roll up right now is the best time to roll into verizon and switch this incredible iphone 14 pro on them. love the camera on ipad. that's how i roll. wow this apple watch all three on them nice. that's right. switch now and get iphone 14 pro on us. there's more you get apple watch sc and ipad three on us. that's the value of up to $1700 rolling with verizon. get one more people choose it. but hurry. this offer won't last long, verizon best pipe profile kidnapping. i understand. last time you were involved in something like this. everybody died. well everybody know. this time i'm driving. we need to show and audrey spitzer all about what here. you never mind. mystery to 13. one day you might realize it's time to switch things up. thank you sisters come to town and you say me crushed it, little bro. when your friends come over to watch the game no, when you go to the game remove when you realize your vacation days won't use themselves and it's time for an out of office. way out. when you're with a max. it's never a question of if you'll make it happen. it's when. experience the exhilaration of the performance line. at the invitation to lexus sales event. good morning, everyone we do begin with breaking news. joining us now are two lawmakers from different sides of the aisle also live in ukraine, dr sanjay gupta self is a new way to build credit and savings at the same time, download the app today. eva longoria, searching for mexico premieres tonight at 10 on cnn. captioning brought to you by meso book .com. we offer a free book on mesothelioma call for the free book and receive so much more call 1 808 31 37 100. adam sandler gave me my first chance. my first opportunity in hollywood one day i got a call in my office in mexico. mr. sandler wants to meet you. what are you talking about? i mean, is he here? call. at my house. he's like there he is that i'm saying i'm like. hey, buddy, how you doing? oh, my god. my whole family's tripping out and be like it's out of family right? that became years and years of adam calling and he said, hey, man, i got a job for you, man. and that was click and i remember he said, hey, man, you like wrestling we're doing sandy wexler. he said. hey, you're going back to santa fe. we're doing ridiculous. sick i'm very grateful for every movie that sailors put me in, and there's a script that came called grandma's boy sailor goes, neal and i really hope you do this. it was not a big hit. no one's going to see it anyway. you sort of feel like you have to do movies with him, because if you don't he'll scream at you. again and again and again. in that, whereas you down. i'm on my way to being the next job, love. it's at this point, and i recognize that and most of that is because of adam and then and then every movie i'm in question is the part of a pervert. why am i always a pervert? it's funny. you're funny. love it. it makes me laugh. so i said, can you put me in your next movie, and then he did it? he did it and i played a pervert. please billy, no gibberish tonight, please. i beg you. you want to have what they call social skills that people don't understand. you get the hell out of here. me, don't you? no, no, no, i don't hate you. that's why you never have any friends disagree. i will work on behaving, but i ain't going to act like a stiff out there. it's all looking. paul why didn't you just go home? that's your home. are you too good for your home after me? i can do this. if i set my mind to it. you ain't cool unless you pee your pants. parenting. thanks. you my therapist, take a walk. stick there. somebody should move. it senses human funny, every bit of it. i think she's starting to remember who i am. do you take care of everybody to insult people and never worry about yourself my own horn. smell it does take it goodhearted guy who we think is a weirdo because he doesn't share our sense of ironic detachment, vicki and she likes me back and she showed me a boobies, and i liked them too. so much strength in me. you have no idea. i have a love in my life makes me stronger than anything. you can imagine the board. mistakes they changed their lives can go. you have something that he doesn't have speech impediment to think i am the best guy out there. you will see the whole world will be silky smooth. thank you so much for being my friends. best man, everybody best man, the better man. come here. i'm here. save the best for last right? work third or whatever i am. i don't know how many people have been here before me. all blends together, you know? colonel like adams movies. hey, buddy. when they asked me to say a few words about my friend adam, i immediately said. whatever. where is it? d c. yeah, typical sandler. i never get cast. in his movies in hawaii or south freaking africa, but oh, dc. yeah, let's get the bush on a bus and get them down here. that's what he calls me, boosh. makes no sense. i've never understood that. i'm sorry. so congratulations, buddy. you got your big comedy and more. comedy. am i right? now. i was a serious actor before i met you, man. i did edgy indies. have you ever tried that? in a way, i'm not talking about playing yourself in unedited gems. i mean, yeah. you're good in it. but the whole time i was i was watching you in it. i was thinking stay in your lane waterboy. anyway i suppose i should read these words that the writers texted me this morning. thank you. he doesn't act like a movie star. doesn't look like one either. i mean, and he actually sucks at golf. okay it's more like crappy gilmore. hail. seriously, all drinking aside. i love you, adam. i love you, buddy. nobody makes me laugh like you and nobody has taken better care of me in this business than you and it's yeah, he does this. it does this for all his friends. he's done it for so many people, all the guys that you came up with their either writing or directing or producing or acting in your films. i love it when you scream at me off camera like funny things to say, and i just try and say them like you. and then when i hear you laugh at the funny thing you told me to say i'm in heaven. no, i love it. but for me, i think the best part of working with adam with you. it's just it's just getting to hang out with you, man. congratulations adam. your deservedly getting this award for your legendary career and knowing you. and your talent and your big heart. the best is yet to come. how can i please go to hawaii with you next time? okay? hi how are you? hmm. you welcome big daddy sandwich. to me every day. everybody. i'm having his mom. adam is my youngest child. when he was ready to be potty trained. i was busy with household chores and the older children's homework, so i couldn't take him to the bathroom. as much as i wanted to. well one day i was walking past the bathroom, and there was adam at 2.5 years old. our puppy dog shirt, khan, who i also was party train. peeing on the paper together. that's when i knew he was going to grow up to be a comedian proved me right good. when he was young adam always like wearing comfortable clothes , shirts, shorts and sweatpants . whenever we asked him to wear a suit he would carry on and say it was too itchy. we still made him wear one. i think he rebelled against that. there are adam sandler days at schools now , and students dress up like adam. is a fashion easter, they say, and i say he's a slog. much of that, and success is due to his beautiful and loving wife. chilled terrific daughters and we are so proud of him. i want to thank the kennedy center for honoring adam with the mark twain prize for american humor, and i want to thank his fans for seeing his movies and shows remember, always keep laughing. it's good for your health and all of mankind and adam. i'm sure dad is looking down on all of us and shouting. terrific. at this. let's go gobble gobble that seem bigger legs on the turkey rude. who are you? 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join me. eva longoria on a brand new culinary adventure. first stop. mexico city. my as a business owner, your bottom line is always top of mind. so start saving by switching to the mobile service designed for small business: comcast business mobile. flexible data plans mean you can get unlimited data or pay by the gig. all on the most reliable 5g network, with no line activation fees or term contracts... saving you up to 75% a year. and it's only available to comcast business internet customers. so boost your bottom line by switching today. comcast business. powering possibilities™. everything's changing so quickly. before the xfinity 10g network, we didn't have internet that let us play all at once. every device? in every room? why are you up here? when i was your age, we couldn't stream a movie when the power went out. you're only a year older than me. you have no idea how good you've got it. huh? what a time to be alive. introducing the next generation 10g network. only from xfinity. the future starts now. a fiber freelancer. good morning , everyone we do begin with breaking news. joining us now are two lawmakers from different sides of the aisle live in ukraine, dr sanjay gupta award in denmark. please welcome tim meadows. yeah that's right. that was me tonight. announcer. announcing myself. i'm also in charge of safeguarding the actual mark twain prize until it is presented. and adam, don't worry. hey, what's up, buddy? i will guard this thing with my life because i know how much it means to. you might want to check the color on this thing ran i mean, this is mark twain or damarcus twain. great. there's so purposes to make adam look good in movies, please welcome jennifer aniston and drew barrymore. there's an old things that success is a truth serum that achieving your goals and being on top will bring out who you truly are. in hollywood that can be a very scary thing. not like here in washington, where, regardless of their success, everyone's just scary. but with adam success has shown what a true gem he is. yes he's just joyful. he's silly. someone who leads with kindness takes care of his friends and who genuinely loves his work. adam when you and i first met at that diner with my wild punk hair, i mean, we just laughed and we connected. and i knew that we were cinematic soulmates like hepburn and tracy. it's so funny . you say that drew ah, because just didn't really last week at our press junket. didn't someone compare us to bogey? and bacall? was it? nicholson may who said that? anyway, back to adam. your career has stood the test of time, my friend. i am so grateful that our chance meeting at jerry's deli lead us to such an incredible relationship of on screen and off 30 years ago. yes. that's nice. another great thing about my very close. longtime friend and collaborator, adam. is that he is so supportive so true. he loves the morning show every time it airs first text i get from adam. what that is so sweet . i know because i literally get one every morning when? after my talk show errors i mean way to go drew. you really brought out the funny side of evil, longoria. carrie washington tomorrow. i don't know how he keeps up with all those texts. i'm going to need to see your phone backstage. remember? when adam gloomy to maui on a whim just to hang out with him and jackie and the kids, but i was in maui with him. when we made one of the many films we've done together 51st dates, which goes $150 million in the movie theaters. oh i just love that movie when i saw it 12 years ago. adam and i actually have a movie coming out this month. when we did just a few years ago , and probably another one. after that fingers crossed, yeah. we never wanted to make sequels. but you guys finally made a good movie together and i say milk gravy train, run it into the ground. she's just kidding. she's just kidding. we're just playing. you know what the truth is, he really treats all of his costar so well well and because adam really cares for us true, i mean, whether it's you know where the simple low maintenance type or the really, you know, needy, flashy, big president kind of guy. is are adam's okay, look, you know what i i'm sorry. i don't i have to share something really personal. right there. yes come and do that on my show. that's what we do we share and we have a much younger demo. thank you for that, but i would really would really like to say it here. with the entire 55 to 64 year old cnn audience watching. five years ago. i was really down and he wrote a song for me. then he sings it to me every new year's eve. and it's called no one is a closer friend than you. and that's why this song is so secret. no. me for you, too. what. okay to meet me. oh my god. i can't believe it. so he's just playing all of us. i guess he's just yeah, really, adam, really, and we dragged our asses down here to give you this little award. sorry sorry, man. honestly the year please. i want you to just enjoy your little beheaded mark twain award. alright mr huckleberry. really sorry, jackie. and i'm really sorry kids, okay? schneider. i'm just always sorry for you. good evening to long saturday night live has failed to enrich the cultural and artistic traditions of this country tonight, all that will change as we present the following special performance by adam sandler, adam saddler, adam sandler hero adam. hello god. here we go. what's going on out? don't know what the hell is going on there , who last last last loudest. what gives? what? the hair. i don't know what you're thinking . somebody went to supercuts and fell asleep in the chair, okay? having translator. that'd be good for you. can t do is run fast. won't run that by me again, pal. second time, more great. next year vacation and go to franz. oh, give someone else freaking chance. i am ready to meet you there. yes you're such a whore. let me give your grandmother a bath boy. give the old lady of van. what a job! about the time on the show where i lose it scared. i was fired, was fired. nbc said that i was done. then i made over $4 billion at the box. so, uh, i guess you could say i won. would you mind? um, ending this sketch? like his guest to end. uh yeah, i would. through the eyes. glad to be here for your brother. and before i start my hilarious stories. i was wondering if you could just turn the teller prompter off for a second. i just want to speak from the heart. just quickly. i wanted to say that um turn it back on. i can't think of anything but. anyway adam has always been a moron. can you make it bigger? first of all, let's start with adam is very generous guy as we've heard tonight, we all know this. he has hired his whole family tree to work for him. they call sheet looks like ancestry .com. i first saw adam at the improv wasn't improv. yeah, i don't know. they wrote this, um the improv on a random night, and his style was so different as you know, and it caught my attention right away. i laughed the whole time, and i just want to be friends with them. so we want to be in friends. eventually he came to sign it live. that was a few months after i did, and you never know how it's going to be there. it can be tough for some people. but the first time you did weekend update he completely killed just blew the roof off. i was probably 10 ft. away watching and i was saying to myself. it! it's better than me already. jesus. you know, it's amazing the career adam has had if you don't know this $4 billion in movies with this much talent. it's unbelievable. so much with. this much talent. i mean, tv movies, records and can you push it this much? can you get that? this where you can take a picture that much with this. it's very, very commendable on a serious note. adam sandler just had hip surgery, and that's the first time adam sandler and hip shared a sentence. these ones are for your kids. this is like giving the nobel prize in medicine and dr pepper. adam sandler. thousands of stand up shows dozens of movies one haircut. never been done before or since. adam start and billy madison dresses like billie eilish. calls himself the sandman i use in a sense, no one who's 56 should still call themselves the sandman. you know, in all seriousness, one time, a family member. passed away and. people were scared to call me they didn't want to say anything. they don't know what to say. and adam called. i didn't answer. he drove over. and, uh, yeah, he came in. he wouldn't he wouldn't leave until i answer. so he whispered to me. yeah. come on, boy. boy, y'all y'all. oh, depression. and you know what? it's what i needed to hear at the time. i love you, sandman, take care, brother. the mark twain prize for american humor celebrating adam sandler is presented by wells fargo, presenting sponsor of the kennedy center mark twain prize. or did they discuss. wells fargo has donated $50 million in support of indigenous peoples. including funding solar furnaces. that converts sunlight coming to the warm house. household national center done fargo bank of doing who's on it with guardians. three jump. we're the ones getting it done. we're managing type two diabetes and heart risk on it with guardians joined the growing number of people who are on it with the once daily pill guardians. guardians not only lowers they want see it goes beyond to reduce the risk of cardiovascular death for adults with type two diabetes and heart disease. and guardians may help you lose some weight cause serious side effects, including keto acidosis that may be fatal . dehydration can lead to sudden worsening of kidney function and genital yeast or urinary tract infections, a rare life threatening bacterial infection in the skin of the perineum could occur. stop taking guardians and call your doctor right away. if you have symptoms of this infection, ketoacidosis allergic reaction and don't take it if you're on dialysis, taking guardians with the cell phone area or insulin, blood sugar, the pill that goes beyond lowering a one c we're on it on it. we're on it with guardians, your doctor about guardians. women don't need a day we need every day. that's right. nothing to try anything. just be ourselves am emotional, irrational. check the labels at the door. you get to be unlikable, awkward, hilarious, and you're messy, sometimes were marvelous, and sometimes we're a bag of fleas. here all are welcome. watch us exactly as we are. if you've had thyroid disease for years, and you're inflamed eyes are so watery. they need windchill drivers. it's not too late for another treatment option to learn. more visit, treated dot com that's treat .com. hi. now, how are you people? so. that's from the movie punch, drunk love. and if you haven't seen it yet, that's right. come on. if you haven't seen it yet. what the heck you doing at a half saddle tribute. what are you doing? it was a great movie the first time that i work with adam. you know what working with paul thomas anderson, who then boogie nights and magnolia, too? great movies . i said, wow, i think adam going to be out of his league working with this guy, but you know what? adam created his own league. working on punch drunk love. he went out of his comfort zone to do a poor thomas anderson movie. that's not easy and he did it. and we became really good friends. he was so good friends that he called me up one time said, hey, i got a part for you in a movie. i'm doing mr deeds now i wo yeah. babe. he cut my scene out of the movement. he gave me residuals. and as he called that reparations. now have you ever noticed that when adam cast his on screen interest is opposite. jennifer aniston. drew barrymore. salma hayek. we, latifah. so. when it was time to cast his real life wife, jackie. an onscreen love. interest who do you think they get? you think they get me. hey, baby. okay paul. jackie i'm sorry, jackie, but she was asking for like brad pitt. and who did she get? gomez adams. get to okay? jackie can forgive you for that. i can forgive you for cutting me out of mr deeds is an institution. i'm proud of him. i'm proud to call my brother, my friend. thank you keep doing what you do, and do i get residuals for this? thank you guys. sandler has been a staple in our lives since we were born. we grew up watching all of his movies and seeing him on snl. and honestly , like as three jewish girls from the valley. we needed someone to look up to. that was like, oh, jews can be cool. jews are cool, and i think the one that really did it for all of us was the wedding singer because it involved music. that was the first time i've ever heard love stinks. live c stinks. yeah love stinks. there's also somebody killed it, please. please. and then jon lovitz comes out and goes, he's using his mind and i'm reaping the benefits anyway . we like to cook clearly. yeah i love how we're like talking about adam as a for like best friends like literally. it's an honor for us to be here. i can't even believe i get to talk. we're not talking about him as a friend we're talking about. we're fans like big think we are his biggest fans who is you know you were going to do that. i knew you were going to do that. that's bad. that's bad. like i do a terrible adams alert. i'm in dc i feel like i should do some politics. i don't know, you know. i'm working on our president as we speak, joe, so says very sincere. come on. i'm not kidding around serious, serious. i love when he whispers. i love when he's like my dad used to do that. adam sandler mark twain prize. because he did a lot of great movies. adam okay, this is everyone do think that this is true because i was doing very well on the show. when adam showed up and laura michael said dana, would you just sort of, you know, have a meeting or checking on on sadler, you know, see what he's all about, right? so sandman comes to my office looks like 13 big smile. and i like how you doing? i'm adam. how are you? and i go. what do you thinking for the show, and this is true. and he bent over and he goes. i'm thinking i got a guy kind of goes about autobot. ah but you know, it just goes crazy. i go. yes really good. where's that? where's it going to go to a go? sometimes i go a shopper, too. so i went back to lawrence office. i told him what i heard, and i and lawrence lawrence said, keep an eye on him. i said , i think he's going to be a big star and lawrence said right? it's fun to do this in front of the master. uh huh. yeah. we had some fun together. we won't say your locket. a flash of pepper. better than you thought. yeah. but this is really a family night. adams and family man and this is a great event. there will be a parties and everything but eventually adam will be back at the hotel. with jackie. and jackie will look at him with those eyes and say i've never made love to a mark twain prize recipient. and adam will say. oh, and jackie will sing. take me much rain man. check me my train me, hahahaha. take me much, dwayne. man take me around the clock. me mark between man with your mark twain. where is your mind? it's twain and break. they'll make sweet love and adam . of course, we'll probably get up before the morning sun. open the window. at the hotel. look at the moon and the stars. and i kind of feel like he might sing the sandman song of joy. and it goes like this. shabba doo. oh, try. and man got the twain his friends got on a plane. we never fly, whether anybody boston sandman. congratulations, my friend. great comedian. but a better man. i'm not going to believe this girl, dad. you seen this? i did it. fargo helps thousands of students go to college he got in $107 million in scholarships and programming for diverse communities. don't worry. i'll be back does what it says. do it. opportunity happens doing gets it done fargo bank of doing was my best friend to us to you. treason what i'm accusing you of is your. how many times do i have to tell you? i am not a traitor. kim must be brought to heel before it's too late. we're trying to get me killed. give me one reason why not alone song. tonight. feeling this electric is invite only fortunately, you're invited experience the elevation of electrification. at the invitation to lexus sales event. best high profile kidnapping. understand last time you're involved in something like this, everybody died. well everybody know. this time i'm driving. we need to show and audrey spitzer all about what? i can't hear you. never mind. mystery to 13. we got the house. handles the driving packet. your pace. store your things until you're ready. then we deliver to your new home across town or across the country thoughts, your personal moving and storage team called if i ever heard, but yes, it is. by killing themselves. they ensured. their immortality. [ ominous music playing ] here we go! level up your speed. mario! yea! [ screaming ] introducing the xfinity 10g network. super fast internet today. with even faster speeds tomorrow. woo-hoo! five times faster, and we're saving a ton station dot com slash try and get two months free. longoria searching for mexico premieres tonight at 10 on cnn. thank you so much for having me. i'm like so honored to be here. really? this is like , kind of ridiculous for me. um i love you, adam. you're like my hero. and i mean, like, look at this line up. i feel like we're all here for the same reason to remind you how much better snl was in the nineties. yeah. and deserves an award just for being the only rich comedian over 50 who doesn't need us to know what he thinks about trans people. thank you for that. this joke has been done 15 times, but adam is the voice of a generation of voice that says it sucks when you're watching other people and you're like i can't do that. they took the shaman two duis. i'll never forget the first time i met adam. i was 18 years old, and i had a general meeting with some of his buddies on the happy madison sony lot. then adam just appeared. like an angel, and he was wearing a giant t shirt, basketball shorts and uggs. you saw how excited i was like, oh, my god, it and he just looked at me and he went, uh did my wife send you here to make me look fat? i was like, no. defending his wife that i don't know. no so nervous, and then he just left him and he went. hey, you're going to be all right, kid. he was wrong. i'm not okay. but it was like really nice thing that he said it was so nice and i really needed that so badly in my life and i hold onto that memory, and he's still calls me whether if it's like one of my movies, bomb or i get into a car accident or if i'm rumored to be dating, i spice. adam sandler is always there to say you're going to be all right. and i love you, adam. thank you for having me i love the sandlers. and please don't die because then judd is going to make a 50 hour documentary about yourself. good night. alright we're gonna play guitar a little bit for you. love to 8 30. i love to eat turkey. yes i will go back to school achieve for me when you feel like the only kid in town without a christmas tree. no man will take what my father has built unless that man is me. your teeth. q. tip your ear take off your sister's new brazil. what else did i forget? salmon you need tons of ship notebook. my goal. my pain, my crossbow. my pocket knife. oh god! my wife. factor head like ari byu's e. you see that? yes. could be so nice. green and creamy. greening me. dream of grinders, hoagies and grinders, beans, navy beans, navy beans and grinders, hoagies and grinders. maybe means navy means long sleeve lady last. festival of lights. one day a presence. hell, no. we get the crazy. put on your yamakawa comes hanukkah so much fun celebrate hanukkah. tell your friend veronica. it's time to celebrate hanukkah. i hope i get a harmonica. lovely lovely hanukkah. drink your gin and konica don't smoke mad. marijuana if you really, really want to go tanaka. on his 18th birthday. i was in the audience for his first official stand up performance in 1985 did not go well. i worked with him at saturday night live and have collaborated with him on 31 motion pictures. with a combined rotten tomatoes score of 59. you could say that. i know adam pretty well. and yet i've had to sit here and listen to speaker after speaker talk about what a great guy here what a mensch! how nice he is. so let me tell you the truth about adam's allen. he's actually very nice. you know who else is very nice. my mailman. but my mailman ain't getting no mark twain prize. so there must be something beyond niceness going on here. and i believe it to be the dirtiest four letter word and show business w. o r k you see during our college years while the rest of us were doing colleges, things adam was maniacally crafting his stand up act first in the little clubs near n y. u finally getting good enough to play the uptown clubs. comic strip catch a rising star than the improv out in l. a which led to set out live. then music albums, writing 30 songs and sketches for 10 track album making legendary music producer brooks arthur's few remaining hairs fall out as it did take after take after take until he nailed it. only a relentless comedic minds if you look at hanukkah lunch ladies and a red hooded sweatshirt and say, i think there's a song there. and, of course, acting. 30 years of rewrite after rewrite, take after take edit after edit. did he have any help? absolutely. some have said genius level help. but. but adam is the mastermind behind all these movies, and he somehow makes hundreds of hours of work look like going on vacation with his friends. but if we sat and watched the whole totality of it zohan, the buffoon, canteen boy, pedro, donny berger, audience guy happy gilmore, bobby boucher , jack jill, the guy from click the talking goat. hubie dubois, the stud boy. robbie hart, cajun man count dracula longfellow deeds. steve pollock, annapolis , the herlihy boy, billy madison , politifact er, sandy wexler, stanley sugarman and crazy spoon head. dinner. we would see the end. result of all that work that 80 hours has brought actual joy to millions and millions of people. it's been my honor to be a part of it. congrats, buddy. thank you. i just love talking to the guy. i've known him so long. and you know we knew each other. you know, like when we were broke. we met me and sally used to make like seven bucks a night. could i imagine any of this? no. i mean, where do we are hoping for it, but we didn't you know. but not was like none of us thought we were as good as eddie murphy was basically the standard of excellence, one back, the school play was really coming together. until disaster struck. tensions were high. luckily replacement costumes were shipped with fedex . which means, mr harvey good picture the perfect night. fedex can help you be ready for what's next. introducing the new sleep number climate 3 60 smart bet only smart but in the world that actively cools. warms and effortlessly responds to both of you are smart sleepers get 28 minutes more restful sleep per night. proven quality sleep only from sleep number. lows knows it's not just what we've got. it's who we've got. that's why we got nearly 300,000 associates that got your back. sure lows, knows the tools, materials and tech to tackle it on his nose. you also need the house to crew and the partners process. count on lows knows no matter what you're taking on. it's always easier when you got the right people. the right products all at the right place. you got this ? we got you. if you've had thyroid disease for years, and things are a no go because you keep seeing double. it's not too late for another treatment option to learn. more visit, treat ted dot com that's treat to eat dot com . seth you're getting ready to roll up right now is the best time to roll into verizon and switch this incredible iphone 14 pro on them. love the camera. also an ipad. that's how i roll. okay. wow, this apple watch all three on them. nice that's right . switch now and get iphone 14 pro on us. there's more you get apple watch sc and ipad all three on us. that's the value of up to $1700. now that i'm rolling with verizon, get one more people choose it. but hurry. this offer won't last long, verizon i'm eva longoria. i'm exploring mexico to see how the people have shaped a culinary tradition as diverse we 500 companies who will join your team from home. oh not yours. expand your team with a fiber freelancer. good morning, everyone we do begin with breaking news this morning. thanks to netflix. he's richer than most of us here tonight, please welcome chris rock. start. paul pelosi, the only guy that knows how i felt. me and you, babe. alright. so i met sandler. here's the weird thing. i went to school in the seventies i was 1972. i was bussed to school, right? and i was like the only black kid in my school. i was only me and two other black girls. it was just us and brooklyn. and uh, you know, it was it wasn't selma. but wasn't selma, but it was like boston. from boston, right? now how many times do you think a kid asked me to hang out at his house? once. once and like 16 years, david moskowitz. the jews, nice people. nice people. so i. met sailor at the comic strip. here's the thing about the comic strip. i started before sandler. and it takes about two years to get a weekend spot. you know? so you still like, you know, stack chairs and mop floors and i do my little spots and at very late and it took forever took me two years to get a weakened spot. the comic strip. one year. i'm gone for about 10 days. eddie murphy saw me at the club flew me to l a. i'm going for two weeks, right? come back on a saturday night. and who do i see on stage? adam sandler. i've never seen him before in my life, and we're like, kind of the same age and he's on a weekend and i'm like, is this guy? that he gets a weekend spot so fast, right? so i was supposed to hate him. and i'm watching him and he does this joke about wilt chamberlain . wilt chamberlain once scored 100 points in the game. and sailor. does this joke and goes ? ah here's my impression of the coach of the other team. who's got will. so i've watched this like the funniest joke in the world. i'm like i'm laughing so hard. and i was like, god it! this guy is good. and right away all that jealousy and hate and whatever, just like washed away. it's just like okay and he comes off stage. we meet this first time we met. then he watches my set. and i did okay. and then the greatest thing in the world to the guy who no one wanted to play with. adam goes. hey we're going over to my dorm. you wanna hang and he's been letting me hang ever since. and i love the guy because he you know jews, you know? got to love it. that's my guy. that study has been my god, i've known this guy for 30 years and you know your kids are here. the oscars are you know they're. if they don't want to give my man his props we will tonight, ladies and gentlemen. mr adams said. please welcome jackie sander. thank you so much for being here to celebrate adam . it means everything to him to look out and see all of our families and friends faces. adam and i met 1998 at our friend's birthday party. he had very long hair and very long sideburns, and it was working on a movie he kept referring to as a cinematic masterpiece called the waterboy. for us, it was love at first sight and instant attraction. magnetic hearts. he was wearing glasses with this beautiful, smiling eyes underneath. the softest, sweetest cheeks and the cutest smile and a perfect nose. our eyes locked and we knew he would always be together. it would be me and you and you and me. we would sit on stairs in different parts of l, a eating corned beef sandwiches and holding hands for hours. i love those hands. i knew i would hold on to those hands for a lifetime. those new hampshire hands would pick me up the first time i tried skiing, those hands would grab the steering wheel of his new saline mustang to rush me off to the hospital to deliver sadie and then sonny are to california babies. those hands would show the girls how to play piano and different chords on the guitar. those hands would hold the girl's bike seats as he ran alongside trying to teach them how to ride. until his back gave out. then those hands would dial jim the bike whisperer and hire him to run with the kids who successfully taught them to ride. the kids jumped off their bikes and hug jim and i said girls. go hug your father. he did pay for the lessons. and yes, he is just as funny in real life as he is in the movies. he's almost exactly the same as he is on screen, except he eats more. sleeps more and yells a lot more. and it's just as great in bed as you all have already imagined for something. besides. adam. whether you're awake or not, it's always fantastic. for the last 25 years, adam has snuggled up to me in bed close to midnight and whispered, those sweet words. want to go to a comedy club and watch me try out some jokes. when adam goes on stage, he makes up weird lies about our sex life. our dog sex life. and his poor mother's sex life. with all the different characters and parties played his favorite role, yet has been the part of dad. sadie and sunny , sunny and sadie, and so many memories will be recalling forever. almost every movie shoot. we have traveled and lived in a new location because we can't stand being apart. family comes first. that's definitely our way. adam you're giving spirit and your loyalty is as legendary as your comedy. music lives within you. there is no place you are more comfortable than on a movie set with your friends or behind a microphone or in a studio while eating eggs with ketchup. but the thing i am the most proud of you for is you not reacting when your teenage daughters come down the stairs, wearing tight leggings and a third of a shirt. by far will always be your best acting performance. toph. you know, name enjoy your night. i would say the following about adam sandler. he is among. the men. she is human beings you'll ever meet in your life. it means like a genuinely good person. that is adam. he's just he loves and despite the fact that his face turns red, and he'll say things in a voice similar to a toddler there's something about him that really is very sweet. i thank you, man from the bottom of my heart. you tend to move through the world. just expressing love and joy man. couldn't get into a better guy. man couldn't happen to a better guy. thank you. actually. he got me. he taught me how to make a fool of myself as a way of life. i learned it from adams and adam always has worried about everyone wants to take care of everyone and how's everybody doing and he can feel the room very quickly. yeah yeah. you guys are still going okay? you're drunk. you know, i'm drunk man, not breed. next different. ah later, guys. all right out here, okay? okay? well i don't know if he had done as well if he hadn't been a jew. no . the mark twain prize for american humor celebrating adam sandler is presented by wells fargo, presenting sponsor of the kennedy center mark twain prize. did they discuss? wells fargo has donated $50 million in support of indigenous peoples. including funding solar furnaces. that converts sunlight into the warm house. household national center done fargo bank of doing. the driving packet. your pace store your things until you're ready. then we deliver to your new home across town or across the country thoughts, your personal moving and storage team. who's on it with guardians. free jump. we're the ones getting it done. we're managing type two diabetes and heart risk on it with guardians joined the growing number of people who are on it with the once daily pill guardians. guardians not only lowers a one c goes beyond to reduce the risk of cardiovascular death for adults with type two diabetes and known heart disease and guardians may help you lose some weight. serious side effects, including ketoacidosis that may be fatal. dehydration can lead to sudden worsening of kidney function and genital yeast or urinary tract infections, a rare life threatening bacterial infection in the skin of the perineum could occur. stop taking guardians and call your doctor right away. if you have symptoms of this infection, ketoacidosis or an allergic reaction, and don't take it if you're on dialysis guardians with a cell phone area, or insulin may cause low blood sugar pill that goes beyond lowering a one c. we're on it on it on it with guardians, your doctor about guardians. ever get a sign the universe is trying to tell you something around us. not that way. that's the one at university of phoenix. you could earn your masters degree in less than a year for under 11 k. four phoenix dot e. d u wait. there's gun. just what you need for your home. do they have stylish beds at great prices that is dreaming about five star dining sets. kelly clarkson, i love your work , find just what you needed wayfair. even a personal sauna. got just what i need. so what are we eating today? join me. eva longoria on a brand new culinary adventure. first stop. mexico city. my who start under 600 make on time payments of 49 point bump in their credit score, on average, download the app today. this is cnn, the world's news network. no man can do it like this man. please welcome rob schneider. i am honored to be here with all of adam sandler's friends and pete davidson. adam loves the song. and he shows his love by making us laugh. sharing his tremendous success with his family and the ones he loves his friends. you know, people ask me. you know why it is adam put me and so many movies, and it's because he wants to laugh. and share his tremendous success. with his friends, plus. i will do the really humiliating ship that he won't do. once we escaped his crazy fame, and we flew to hawaii, and we went to the far side of the island, and it's some private house, you know, and immediately we got really paranoid that we were going to get murdered, and no one would find our body for weeks. there is some guy working in the backyard on the building at one in the morning, and he was wearing flip flops and a tank top and short shorts, which is like is official hawaiian maintenance gear. anyway we said hi, and he turned around and he had this one milky eye. and adam said to me just like that, he said, you're gonna play him in a movie. you meant it? i knew it, you know, and i swear to god, it was like 12. months later, i'm wearing flip flops, short shorts and one okay, i got you know, like this one. my good eye. think about adam's most rewarding being his friend and being able to like someone who's you've been so kind enough to share your success with me is to see the impact of what it means for people because comedy and laughter. it's like music, and it's like really good music, and it's like really good food. it has an emotional memory attached to it when you make somebody laugh like adam has done, you make them laugh with your family. with your kids and your grandparents. they remember that forever, and that's why you're so loved. anyway i love your brother, and there's no other way for me to end this, but this way with our good friend dan paula, i met you 33 years ago before we got on saturday night live. i was making copies when the cajun men arrive. it's been quite an inspiration. growing old with you. you put me in, like 25 movies? how about we do 50 more to get even closer to you? i'm gonna move in next door. watch you drink your coffee through binoculars as i grow old with you. you've made some great flicks you rule netflix. you make people laugh like there's nothing to it. you play weirdos. you grew up beard 02 hydrogen. if you ever need a boost, you know, i'll tell you, you can do it. you wrote the hanukkah song celebration of the jews. you bite your tongue whenever i say something crazy on fox news. i'll try not to get you in too much trouble, but no promises grown old with you. you sing funny songs for us make me say hippopotamus. you made movies for 30 years, man. what incredible endurance. you do dramas. you love your mama. your or why the half the people here have their sag health insurance. ah! it's true. you've got two beautiful daughters and a wonderful wife. no big standards looking after you every day of your life. i love you like a brother. thanks for growing old with me. that's why we went to all this fuss. to say. tanks for growing. please welcome the chairman of the china kennedy center for the performing arts, david rubenstein. for over three decades on stage on saturday night, live in tv appearances and in the songs and his movies . adam sandler has used his humor, his jokes and his comedy is simply put bring us joy. he breaks down barriers between us and in so many ways in so many formats on so many stages, is invited us into his comedy world and made us feel part of his family. some of the greatest artist in the world came here for one reason and one reason alone to pay tribute to an artist. they respect they admire . they love and who does to them. what he does to us makes them laugh. and i'm so glad they joined us, as the kennedy center is proud to present adam sandler with the nation's highest comedic award that kenny center mark twain prize. thank you all. thank you. thank you. okay? well, thank you. that was this is a nice feeling, and thank you. i love you, and i appreciate it. so here we go. hello. my name is adam's handler. and i am 28 23. mark twain humor prayers award recipient for greatness in american funny and bringing the thunder is belly left to this week. people of planet earth can i get a hell yeah. to all my amazing buddies who spoke earlier tonight. thank you from the deepest part of my heart. the whole time i was listening to you. i was filled with gratitude that the original people that kennedy center asked to come couldn't make it. seeing half been pacino all had prior dinner reservations. that they could not canceled. and as you guys babbled on and on about me, i couldn't help but think the hell would ratings in talent. you guys are my real friends. to my family, who all flew in from new hampshire and florida to watch me get this award. yes, i will pay for your hotel room. but you gotta pay for your own incidentals mother. how many pistachios can one woman e. no i'm kidding. i love you along, going to drop the voice and tell some trying to speak normal. and, uh, i feel bad. i've been making jokes about my mother mother for many years, but she is a great lady. and i'm sorry if any of them ever hurt your feelings, mom. alright, so, honestly, i've had an amazing life. i'll tell you. what kind of led me to this night. um i come from a great family suite. beautiful funny, incredible, caring, loving mother who played me. barbra streisand. johnny mathis. i had as cool as it gets. badass funny ponytail. dad who sang me johnny cash and johnny ray and he showed me the marx brothers jerry lewis. jackie gleason. whenever they were on, he called me into the room and growing up. my parents literally did everything they could. give me crazy confidence that literally everything i did. school sports singing, joking. they acted like i was the best at all those things even though other kids were way better than me. um my sisters, elizabeth and valerie. they included me and everything they did. they would always tell me to sing tell stories. they'd go to all my games. they root for me. they'd even take me on dates with their boyfriends. uh they just always made me feel like i was the star of the family. older brother scott. i shared a bedroom with him my whole childhood. and he was always nice to me. he's always calm with me. and he would just tell me i'm funny all the time. he say i was great on the guitar. tell me i could sing as good as as steven tyler. ah, tired told me to read mad magazine, and we'd watch benny hill together when it came time to pick my college major. so my brother was the one who said i should be an actor. i said, what should i do with my life? he said. you should be an actor. you're as funny as rodney dangerfield and eddie murphy. and i never thought of that. but he sort of he just made me feel like i was. he is the one who brought me to boston when i was 17 years old. i was a senior in high school, and he brought me to do a stand up comedy at stitches comedy club. he said it all up. uh he says, you're going to get on stage for you have five minutes to do jokes. what are you going to say? i said, i'm not sure i'll just wing it because i really didn't even i had no idea what the hell you know you're supposed to prepare. so i went up there. i was terrible. i don't i don't even know what i said. i was like in a fog. those weird fogs you get when you're a stand up sometimes when you lose your mind, i just kind of i was babbling. i remember one guy screaming out. he's still has a retainer. anyways, i left. for some reason on the way home. my brother made me feel like i had the best set of any comedian that night. he was like, you just got to prepare tax time, but they loved you and in my head i was like they did, but and then i went to n y u and first guy meat is the great tim herlihy. he was my roommate, and i asked him what do you want to do with your life? he's he said. i want to be a billionaire and i said, and he goes. how about you? i said, i want to be a comedian. he said. cool. and then he asked me. what are some of your jokes? and i said, i don't have any jokes. uh oh. and then he went to poughkeepsie to see his family came back and he handed me three yellow pieces of paper with jokes on him. he just did it on his own gave me these jokes. that's when we, like, became a team and started trying to kick ass together and all my buddies my buddy eric lamonsoff, four i grew up with and the guys from my dorm. jack garrett pudo frank karachi, allen colbert, who i met in my history comedy class. we just all got very tight with each other and comedy just became our obsession. and colin quinn, who's great comedian and i was he used to host a show at a place called the paper moon in greenwich village, and they used to book me all the time. and it was it wasn't due to my talent, but they knew when i showed up, so did at least 30 n y u students from my dorm, so they were like, let's hire that guy. but i really i had no idea i was being used because again, the confidence thing made me think. wow. is these greenwich village comedy clubs. they get it. i'm going to be a sensation. then i graduated college. but friedman he saw me cash arising. sorry told me i should move out to l a . and he said he would put me up at the improv. i told my dad should i go out there should i move out there? he said. well, bud friedman said, you should come out and you gotta go out there. that guy knows what he's talking about. so the next thing i know, i'm living. would judd apatow writing away laughing all the time had the best time together. dennis miller saw me told lauren michaels about me. then with the help of my manager , sandy wernick, nudging lauren . they hired me. i ended up on snl with all my buddies. ah, every one of these my castmates became my best friends. we all had each other's backs immediately. lots of lots of the cast mates and lots of the writers i got to know seem to have that same kind of confidence about themselves. i had some like a weird comedy confidence that we thought we knew what was funny and the world needed to see it. me and her early he started writing billy madison over the facts. and bob simmons, who produced airheads. he read the script, he said you were really want to make that movie. i can get it done for you. we were like, yeah, absolutely. and bob did that for us, and then we really started getting cooking. we just we started writing all our stuff and producing and directing and editing and we're very hands on and it became like an addiction. and we knew the movies. we worship growing up and quoted growing up, and we kind of wanted to attempt to do stuff like that for the next generation and having a kid come up to you and say they like the line from your movie or one of the comedy albums or something like that. that literally was the best feeling i could ever get until and until one night. and that night was will always be my favorite night of my life. so stephen dorff i was having a birthday party. my agent and buddy adam bennett said to me, let's go. i go. i said at the table, my buddy dallas introduces me to that woman over there. and from from that moment on, i just couldn't keep my eyes off her. she was sweet. she was gorgeous. nice as it gets. and as luck would have it. she also had a habit of telling me i was great at everything. my jokes were great in my ship said i have good hair said i, my cheeks smell good. everything i did in her eyes. i was the best that's that's at least how she made me feel then. thank you. thank you. um and then. along came to of the true best things, baby showing up sadie and sunny and let a lot of our lives. most pride and joy that jackie and i could ever feel the life changes when they speak where we the laugh, tear up or just stare at him in amazement, every conversation we have every day every night, every drive every meal, every smile every hang. we have only wishing time will stand still being with youtube. and mommy. that's the best life can get. and they look like their mama and they're smart like their mama, and they also give me confidence every year on my birthday to buy bio me t shirts that say. world's best fighter. and i don't even fart that much. but i think it's fun. so anyway since summary my career's been tremendous. i nothing has let me down. i do work my ass off. it's fun. i wake up early. it's fun. i stay up late. it's fun. i go on locations. if i bring the family, it's fun. every one in this room tonight has made my life fun. people always would ask me. those bad reviews you get. how does that make you feel? thank you for your like ship and i'd say not a really doesn't i think the reason i get to say that didn't hurt me because so many of you guys in this room made me feel great. about what? what we've done together and all my fellow comedians, actors, writers, collaborators, crew members, people on the streets, my family, my kids, my forever girl, jackie all make me feel like the critics didn't know what they what the hell they were talking about. so thank you for all that. thank you for creating a delusional psychotic man. who is now the proud owner of the 2023 mark twain award for athleticism. ass. sexual powers. good tar virtuosity and best cheeks smell. good night. keep lying to yourselves. everybody and god bless america. thank you so much. ♪ ♪