in predicting ivf success rate. >> i'm too young for that. >> the stress of infertility can destroy a woman. i realize i was having a miscarriage. >> i couldn't achieve my way out of this. >> we have been trying for ten years. >> i'm from nbc news. i'm a journalist but also a mom, wife, friend, and sister. i have listened to so many stories over the years about what happens behind closed doors. but i believe it's time to come together and talk about it. i brought in some of my best friends and we decided to share openly and honestly. >> obviously this is happening to a lot of women, especially black women. >> just being able to help someone is why i want to talk to more people about it and let people know, it's very common. >> every woman has a story. this is ours. had. >> i know each one of you in different ways. we talk about the fairytale of, you know, first comes love and then comes marriage. i think about my bride's madz and all the girls that were behind me. my wedding day. and then when i close my eyes and think about all of my friends, you know, more than half if not half of them are having problems. we never saw it coming. tell me now when you are by yourself and your laying your head down in a pillow, do you allow your is environmental to grieve? >> for the longest time, i used to rely on my will power. just keep focused on the destination. at the time the destination is you're going to get the baby. i'm a problem solver. i can bear it if i get there. but then it's ten years and i'm like i'm tired. and there is loss. there is loss and infertility. there is pain and there is grief like you would never understand unless you've endured it. >> i have worn this dress only one time. this was the dress i had on when the doctors told me they couldn't find my little boy's heartbeat. >> when she said could you hold on a second, i'm going go get the doctor, i just lost it. i'm so sad. and i'm so broken. i have not been able to will myself to wear it again. i just kind of hide it in had the closet somewhere. >> my name is ada. i stopped ivf after number eight. my diagnosis was stage four endometriosis, diffuse and multiple fibroids. we have been trying for ten years. >> every month when you have a menstrual period, what you're shedding and bleeding is something called endometrium. the cells go back inside your tubes into your abdomen and in rare cases can implant in your lungs or brain and cause a lot of pain every time you have a period and sometimes in between. >> i watched mom every month have painful periods. mine happened at 11. i got to school and i remembered rounding the corner and i felt this rush of pain come in from my uterus that was consuming my entire body. i passed out. that was the beginning of a 25-year journey before i got a diagnosis. i responded not like a doctor would. make sure she starts taking tylenol a few days before the period. i would increase the amount a couple times a day. after 30 years, it takes a toll. for someone to just dismiss you and say, yeah, i hear you're in pain but just do this, you start to think, well, i guess this is a me problem. >> fibroids are ab overgrowth of the muscle around the uterus. 80% of women suffer from fibroids. black women are at higher risk of developing fibroids. there say general et uk component as to why fibroids do affect women of color disproportionately. unfortunately there is not enough research behind that to really identify those layers and really offense particular genes. when i would lay down, you kind of see this mountain, you know, like flat stomach, mountain and then i thought, huh, i wonder what this is? that little mountain was the fibroid. i finally got a name for it. now i can fix it. what was supposed to be 30 minutes was 6, 7 hours. when he went in, he said there was endemee tree oes is lesion efrz where. when he came out, his first comment to us was how did you bear there for so long? finally, somebody sees me and somebody can understand that i'm not crazy after all. i actually in my mind thought i've paid my dues. the i've dealt with the pain. i've missed classes. i rescheduled my wedding. so when it's time to have a family, you have a family. i never put two and two together. >> i didn't realize the spectrum of infertility versus fertility. i remember at that time also going to a learning about ivf session. i didn't expect to hear the stories that i heard. i was hearing ivf number eight because we get pregnant but i had five stillbirths. then i heard a lady say i'm in my 17th year of ivf. i packed up my keys and i ran out of there. because i thought oh, no. the doctor said i'm a great candidate. i don't know what they're talking about. so this is ivf number eight. from ivf four to eight was just awful. by the end of 2016-2017, we had four. out of the four, we lost three. and we're down to one. i would sometimes say i feel bad. i wish you swront married me because you didn't sign up for this. and he would say, don't tell me what i signed up for. i signed up to love you. but i still struggle with it. whether or not he knew he wanted kids then or later, i feel guilty. for the fifth ivf, i think something started to change because i started hearing him say i don't want to lose you. he would tell me i did not marry you for this. but i'm also not going to keep allowing you to do more ivfs and more surgeries. because with everyone comes a risk. i really think ivf and grief go hand in hand. there is this misconception with infertility that you should always be headed in some direction and it should end with a child. i'm okay with where i am am now. that this is what is for me. it just seems like now we're doing life. and it's a good place to be. >> for me, i always felt like i can't talk about it until i get the baby. i'm talking about it now because this is a place. i think there are more people in this place of what if if never when? f if never when our retailers have been sharing the love with those who need it most. now subaru is the largest automotive donor to make-a-wish and meals on wheels. and the largest corporate donor to the aspca and national park foundation. get a new subaru during the share the love event and subaru will donate two hundred and fifty dollars to charity. there's a different way to treat hiv. it's once-monthly injectable cabenuva. cabenuva is the only once-a-month, complete hiv treatment for adults who are undetectable. cabenuva helps keep me undetectable. it's two injections, given by a healthcare provider once a month. hiv pills aren't on my mind. i love being able to pick up and go. don't receive cabenuva if you're allergic to its ingredients or taking certain medicines, which may interact with cabenuva. serious side effects include allergic reactions post-injection reactions, liver problems,...and depression. if you have a rash and other allergic reaction symptoms, stop cabenuva and get medical help right away. tell your doctor if you have liver problems or mental health concerns, and if you are pregnant, breastfeeding, or considering pregnancy. some of the most common side effects include injection site reactions, fever, and tiredness. if you switch to cabenuva, attend all treatment appointments. with once-a-month cabenuva, i'm good to go. ask your doctor about once-monthly cabenuva. how not to be a hero: because that's the last thing they need you to be. you don't have to save the day. you just have to navigate the world so that a foster child isn't doing it solo. you just have to stand up for a kid who isn't fluent in bureaucracy, or maybe not in their own emotions. so show up, however you can, for the foster kids who need it most— at helpfosterchildren.com fertility is something that a lot of families deal with, whether you're white, black, asian, it doesn't matter. what is it about being a woman of color that bothered you? >> my family came from a colonized nation. and still that sense of your worth is tied to what you can produce. if you're not producing, then there is no reason to even consider you a woman. or consider you a value. and that comes through all of our foremothers to us on this couch in this moment. joan. >> generational trauma is impossible to undue in some cases. >> my mom says you're supposed to be getting married yourself. you're not meeting this expectation. it just felt like if i don't get started on this, i'm going to be a huge disappointment. >> i'm tracy groom. i'm in my early 40s. growing up there was an expectation that i'd be a good girl. and good girl and i don't have a boyfriend. and then all of a sudden, there was a mandate that i had to find a husband. for me, marriage wasn't necessarily and it wasn't the finale of the show. they may not get there anymore. may as well have fun. that's what i did. once we got married, i was like, great. and then, you know, the questions of are you going to have children, he said to me, this is not a maybe we will, maybe we won't thing to me. this is a obviously we will. and i said to him, well, for me, it's a if it happens, it happens. if it doesn't, it doesn't. and looking into his eyes and saying now what if we never have children, all of that is on the table. and it created a deeper connection with my husband. because it was an opportunity for honesty. we laid the groundwork for later the real serious hard work of partnering. we were on a ski trip in utah. and i thought i was pregnant. i bought a pregnancy test. i got up early. still twilight outside and went to the bathroom and took the test and sat there all by myself. and two blue lines. climbed back in head. tapped him on the shoulder. showed him two blue lines. he flipped out. i flip ourt. we're crying. it was a beautiful morning. and then we got back from that and then i started to miscarry. three months went by. then it was some healing and some space and some sense that first of all, the amount of pain that i went through hypofocused me, i think i really do want this. i want us to raise a baby together. i want to feel what it's like for this moment. i want that with you. after months and months of trying, it just wasn't happening again. we're not getting pregnant. i'm seeing things are not moving. i go to my gyn. my gyn says you need to speak to a specialist. this is the hardest part. the doctor explained to me that we have to do a test called an hsg which tests your fallopian tubes to make sure they're functioning the way they're supposed to function. then we get to the procedure. it's extremely painful. i'm screaming. screaming. please stop. stop. stop. i can't. he's like just -- just -- you're going to be fine. i'm just trying to push. sometimes we can push it through and we can open it up. please stop. the nurse is holding my hand. finally he's like all right. he flips around the screen and he says, see, here, here. those blockages. you have to have ivf if you want to have a baby. thanks. and i'm just laying there. my husband called me. he says how is everything? you okay? first breaking the news to him that you can't have children. so it was a death of a lot of expectation, points of my own body. in vitro fertilization. at the end of that seven to ten day and the trigger shot. we have an egg retrieval in the operating room. i think it's very important noej that it can be a long road. the process is complicated. it's emotional. it's trying. to think that most people will be successful if they persevere. but that doesn't mean that it happens the first time for everyone. but you should not give up. >> these are all the used needles. side by side. they will measure the length of the kitchen. >> i think i had fertilized seven embryos. only two ended up being that really high quality. on implantation day we had two embryos. she did implant two embryos. and then it was the waiting period to see if the embryo did implant. the waiting period is a very big thing in ivf world. it's a lot of, god, it's like you're almost doing a rain dance while you're drinking juice. i mean, it's all the things. you're doing everything can you think of so that this is a successful implantation. then we get the pregnancy confirmation. it was a beautiful morning. and a year later, i had her. i was holding her in my arms. i was destined to be a mom. i know that my daughter is considered a rainbow baby. i'm very grateful to see and hear what you vaul been through. after spending my life as a single person, once you reach a certain age, you start asking, like why am i not married? what's wrong with me? ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ this looks great. awesome. alright. thank you! what... what recipe did you use? oh. my nonna's! she a good cook? -no. ♪ limu emu... & doug ♪ ♪ superpowers from a spider bite? i could use some help showing the world how liberty mutual customizes their car insurance so they only pay for what they need. (gasps) ♪ did it work? only pay for what you need ♪ liberty. liberty. liberty. liberty. ♪ spider-man no way home in theaters december 17th want your clothes to smell freshly washed ♪ liberty. liberty. liberty. liberty. ♪ all day without heavy perfumes? now they can! with downy light in-wash freshness boosters. just pour a capful of beads into your washing machine before each load. to give your laundry a light scent that lasts longer than detergent alone, with no heavy perfumes or dyes. finally, a light scent that lasts all day! new downy light, available in four naturally-inspired scents. ♪ i'm a reporter for the new york times. if you just hold it like this. yeah. ♪ i love finding out things that other people don't want me to know. mm-hmm. [beep] i just wanted to say... ♪ find yourself in these situations and see who you are. and that's just part of the bargain. ♪ there's another he piece of this we have to talk b i was telling some of my friends about this project we're doing. everybody is asking me about whitney. because she's 35 now. single. beautiful. doing well. work wise. but still searching for a life partner. >> yeah. i mean, a lot of people are married at my age. you start reaching a certain age, why am i not married? what's wrong with me? >> so i received all my medications in the mail. this is what we're working with. >> my name is whitney. i'm 35 years old. i'm an entertainment lawyer. and i always saw myself getting married and having kids. >> this is everything. >> on my 34 nl birthday. i came home from work. i just started my dream job. had my apartment in new york. there was nobody to share it with. i'm alone. i literally have no one to share my life with right now. and i cried. now that i'm 35, and have a family and it is getting shorter and shorter and shorter. i was in my early 30s when i start mid endocrinology fellowship. that's with our doctors and mothers and friends and just leads to stress. and the information they're on. that is really difficult to overcome. it's extremely frustrating. they may not have to go through if they had the proper information. so i started talking to my sister about it. and she was in college. really encouraging her to take control of her fertility. as i was in school. i probably would not have frozen my eggs if i didn't have a sister who is a fertility specialist. it really and truly wasn't until my 30s that my sister started encouraging me to freeze my eggs. when she pulled me aside, really, i think you should think about freezing your eggs. my initial response was, no. i'm too young for that. my future is ahead of me. >> it's really difficult to watch my own sister go through egg freezing. i don't want her or anybody else to feel like they're giving up hope. wh they choose to freeze eggs. it's really empowering more than anything else. but that's a difficult message to get across to someone who may feel like they're not where they want to be in their lives. i hope hope she reached out to her friends and we just start taking charge of our fertility. >> all right. this is day four of taking medicine to freeze my eggs. >> i asked my parents if they thought i should do it. they were like, oh, yeah. you should definitely do that. and i was actually very surprised by that reaction. and so i was like, well, damn, i guess i should just go ahead and do this. >> i'm starting to feel a little bit on the moody side. i'm sure that is everything related to the hormones i'm taking or if it's just the state of life. >> i thought of egg freezing as something people do when they have given up hope on their dating life. freezing their eggs is the only option for now. ready and -- >> it honestly was not what i thought it would be. first thing's first. we get the test results back. giving yourself shots. my follicles. >> i'm in for the third retrieval. it's the first time. i have 14 mature eggs. and this time as somebody who doesn't like to believe that my fertility is dwindling every year. the older i get. and it's very empowering. there say difference between giving up hope and then feeling empowered. it's for people to lift that embarrassment and shame that they feel and be vulnerable with their friends. and i think one of the things and that san understanding. i had a miscarriage and went to one of my best friend's baby showers that i think -- >> same day. 50% more lotion, puffs bring soothing relief. a nose in need deserves puffs indeed. america's #1 lotion tissue. ♪ you've got to try a little kindness ♪ ♪ yes, show a little kindness ♪ ♪ just shine your light for everyone to see ♪ ♪ and if you try a little kindness ♪ ♪ ♪ (man) still asleep. (woman vo) so, where to next? (vo) reflect on the past, celebrate the future. season's greetings from audi. (burke) this is why you want farmers claim forgiveness... [echoing] claim forgiveness-ness, your home premium won't go up just because of this. (woman) wow, that's something. (burke) you get a whole lot of something with farmers policy perks. [echoing] get a quote today. ♪ we are farmers. bum-pa-dum, bum-bum-bum-bum ♪ alice loves the scent of gain so much, she wished there was a way to make it last longer. say hello to your fairy godmother alice and long-lasting gain scent beads. try spring daydream, now part of our irresistible scent collection. another thing is carrying the secret when moving forward with your life. we're working, school, relationships and carrying this secret and one of the biggest and most painful things inside. >> i feel like when i went through miscarriages, at first i felt like i could only talk about it with strangers. so if i was on a flight. you start chatting with the person on your flight. >> as long as you don't know them. >> right. >> and we would start chatting. somehow it would come up that i had a miscarriage. and almost inevitably they would tell me about their fertility challenges as well. i'm one of those people that likes handles things on my own. i'm 41 years old. i always knew i wanted a house full of children. i dated my husband for about two years before we got married. we got pregnant two months after our wedding. we were not trying to get pregnant that quickly. having gotten married a little later at 36, i said this is a little sooner than i had planned, but fine. you know, i was very excited. we were both excited. and it never crossed my mind that when i was ready to staurt start our family that we would have challenges. >> a little wiggle worm. >> i remember touching my stomach all the time. just feeling, oh, my gosh, there is a life growing inside of me. i started thinking what this child would look like. that happens right away. i just started spotting. i did some research. it said that sometimes spotting can be normal. it did say if the spotting gets heavier, then go see your doctor. you may be having a miscarriage. i remember sitting on the toilet and i think at some point i realized that i was having a miscarriage. i looked into it that miscarriages were fairly common. it happens all the time. the doctor said the same thing. she said it's sad. it happens. give your moddy and emotional self a couple months to recover and then try again. about six months later i got pregnant right away. i went to the doctor at the 10 week pintment. i'm thinking i don't have any issues so good. when the doctor was doing the ultrasound, they heard and saw the heartbeat. it was weak. the doctor told me that your heartbeat today but next week you come in, we probably won't. i came to terms with it. i just accepted that this was going to end in a miscarriage. you have an option to have the baby removed from your uterus. i tend to want to take a natural approach where possible. allowing it to happen naturally was taking control back and saying that i have control over my body. i don't want to do anything that i don't want to do. i really felt like i want this to happen naturally. if they're supposed to pass naturally, let's let them pass naturally. i had a friend's baby shower i had to attend in new york. on this particular weekend, i felt cramping. i started spotting. and i was like oh, man. this is going to happen. and so at 2:00, 3:00 in the morning in my friend's apartment, i went into the bathroom. and i miscarried. this one was definitely a lot more sad than the first one. it's just a lot going on in your head and a lot of emotions to deal with. i have to deep moving and keep pushing. this will not break me. this will not derail my plans, my life. so that's when i was like i want to go to a fertility specialist. i want to see if there is something wrong and diagnose and fix or work through. i'm just problem solver by nature. all of the tests came back with no issue, no problem. ment of eggs. you're healthy, fertile. sometimes miscarriages just happen. that's what my fertility doctor said and ob/gyn said. that's what the research says. i took a couple months and we tried again. that summer. and we got pregnant right away. getting pregnant has never been an issue for us. some of the excitement and carefreeness and joy that you think of about being pregnant is taken way from you because you're worried every day. and this time i remember sort of praying that i didn't have a third miscarriage. i remember saying, god, i just can't. just, you know, come on. like i just can't. i can't do another miscarriage. please let this be the pregnancy that comes to fruition. and it did. i have a beautiful daughter. it's such a rush of just emotions and excitement and amazement. the pain that you go through for however many hours you're in labor didn't matter. i'm meeting my baby for the first time. she was perfect. ways just over the moon to finally be at this place in our fertility journey. now having two beautiful healthy wonderful daughters, the conversation in our household are we going to try for more. and retrospect, i probably would have kept it in so much. because any time i spoke with someone or shared my story, it was healing. don't keep it to yourself. make sure the family you swabt very much attainable. i think if you don't have that motivation, if you have your first miscarriage. and you feel like it's never going to happen. and it's pretty common aspect of the fertility journey. that information will help you know. and i don't have to be ashamed about it. that's how pregnancies work. i don't have to feel hopeless because, you know, there may many other steps along way. it's important to be informed and sometimes going to the doctor's office can be very intimidating. and in our medical system, they have to move on and move very quickly. y quickly. on us, when you trade in your old or damaged phone. here, the phone everyone wants, on america's most reliable network. better? (guy) better. (kate) that's not all. the new iphone, and up to 7 entertainment subscriptions for your family. like apple music, apple arcade, and more. better? (family) better. (kate) not done. the new iphone, the entertainment, and up to $1,000 when you switch. (carolers) ♪better♪ (kate) this year, holiday better, with verizon. because everyone deserves better. want your clothes to smell freshly washed all day without heavy perfumes? now they can! with downy light in-wash freshness boosters. just pour a capful of beads into your washing machine before each load. to give your laundry a light scent that lasts longer than detergent alone, with no heavy perfumes or dyes. finally, a light scent that lasts all day! new downy light, available in four naturally-inspired scents. there's a different way to treat hiv. it's once-monthly injectable cabenuva. cabenuva is the only once-a-month, complete hiv treatment for adults who are undetectable. cabenuva helps keep me undetectable. it's two injections, given by a healthcare provider once a month. hiv pills aren't on my mind. i love being able to pick up and go. don't receive cabenuva if you're allergic to its ingredients or taking certain medicines, which may interact with cabenuva. serious side effects include allergic reactions post-injection reactions, liver problems,...and depression. if you have a rash and other allergic reaction symptoms, stop cabenuva and get medical help right away. tell your doctor if you have liver problems or mental health concerns, and if you are pregnant, breastfeeding, or considering pregnancy. some of the most common side effects include injection site reactions, fever, and tiredness. if you switch to cabenuva, attend all treatment appointments. with once-a-month cabenuva, i'm good to go. ask your doctor about once-monthly cabenuva. (vo) subaru and our retailers believe in giving back. that's why, in difficult times, we provided one hundred and fifty million meals to feeding america. and now through the subaru share the love event, we're helping even more. by the end of this year, subaru will have donated over two hundred and twenty five million dollars to charity. this is what it means to be more than a car company. this is what it means to be subaru. the information out there is either lacking or is too much. either way, it is frustrating. you legitimately don't know which direction to go down. everybody's story is different. >> the doctor initially said i don't recommend that you even try to have baby. because of the risk it would pose to you. >> sure, my husband certainly felt the same way. that, okay, we get married and then when we start to start a family, we start a familiarly. do you feel guilty. you feel as if you're taking something away from them. i have done everything that you can imagine in terms of being protective. and so i realize that i can achieve my way out of this. my name is joy. i always believe that first comes love, then comes marriage, and then comes baby carriage. life is difficult. are your periods heavy? but how i do know what heavy is? how do you know what is normal? all i know is my body. and i saw i made a pro trugs. i'm thinking like what's going on? is this normal. >> then around 2 3shgs 24 going to the doctor and him telling me i had a fibroid. i had never even heard of a fibroid before. my immediate reaction to him was am i going to die? unfortunately, i think that we don't hear a lot about it because it affects women of color. and it starts to feel like nobody cares. my initial question is why am p i growing these? he said your body likes to grow them. i never had an ob/gyn felt slowed down in that process. it was just there are certain size, you're having the symptoms, you have to have them taken out. we're going to get you scheduled for surgery. so when i had the surgery first off i was told that i would have a very small bikini line incision. i woke up straight up and down fileted. the position of it and size of it, they were not able to get it out through the small incision. every now and then when i notice the scar, i sometimes think to myself, is there something i could have done? the doctor initially said we're going to make sure we preserve your eggs to have children. absolutely. okay, great. took it out. okay. fine. i'm fine now. just went from a normal annual. and the doctor is like, they're back. you have fibroids again. this is not a surgery you want to continue to repeat. the impact of how you are getting removed you have this problem. they cause the tan lines. we want to start a familiarly. knowing my history and knowing i had foye broids, he said, listen, the surgeries impacted the uterus to the point that i don't even recommend you have a baby. i just thought there was a complete lack of awareness for showing empathy and essentially he was just saying you should get a surrogate. you don't know my financial circumstances. you literally is have told me i have no other options. >> infertility is one of the top three stressors in terms of a medical diagnosis. up there with cancer. the stress of infertility can make a woman question her own being. >> you have friends and family members and you touch their belly and feel the baby kicking and all the other things associated with pregnancy. . i'll never have that. of and so there certainly was a loss. so i need time to process that loss. you learn very early on as a girl into a woman that no matter what is happening with you, you still very much show up. i learned very early on to compartmentalize thinking about what is the priority right now? right now. we eventually decided to freeze embryos while we figured out what we wanted to do. you have to start with being on birth control for a month before you even start the process. you're getting blood work done. you are getting ultra sounds daily with that blood work to make sure they're monitoring the number of follicles developing. you're giving yourself shots. it is a commitment. and it's a lot. my first yield was over probably over 25 eggs. literally the next day was, okay, only 18 fertilized. literally it kept getting cut in half. i ended up with four embryos and so we just decided to, okay, we'll freeze for now. and we'll come back and just sort of figure out what we want to do. we both knew that we still wanted children. and we still wanted our own genetic children. the decision to go down the route of surrogate was a very quick and easy decision. it is very much like online dating. they do want you to tell your story. who are you as a couple, as a family, individually. what is your journey. i think that kind of helps the connect everybody a little bit. at the beginning of covid-19, it slowed down the pace at which they're able to match you. initially it was like yeah, four to six months. i've been waiting for seven months. but honestly, the waiting has allowed me to get to a place to recognize that everything has its timing. i know that i've done what i could. and to position myself and my family to be able to grow and i'm at peace with allowing the process. thinking about my journey through womenhood, there are times i had no one to talk. to you learn so much. you didn't know about people in the moment you start to open up. sometimes you just have to take the first step. you shouldn't be alone in. this i think you feel less shame because you feel less alone. but there is such a community in sharing. it's okay to decide to do something different. >> yes. >> and it's okay to stop and just re-evaluate because you're like in a condition to say i need to do these things. sometimes you say, i do want to? >> yes. >> everybody is experience is different. everybody's body is different. even navigating what is the best option for me is crippling. and that's why this conversation is so important because if we had those facts, we would prevent the suffering of so many women. so many women. iberty mutual, so we only pay for what we need. -hey tex, -wooo. can someone else get a turn? yeah, hang on, i'm about to break my own record. only pay for what you need. ♪ liberty. liberty. liberty. liberty. ♪ unleash the freshness... only pay for what you need. still fresh. in wash-scent booster. ♪ downy unstopables ebenezer. ebenezer. ha ha ha ha. marley? first you will see the past. excuse me! coming through! ugh! and then...the present. and finally, ebenezer...the future! introducing the all-electric eqs. happy holidays from mercedes-benz. a must in your medicine cabinet! less sick days! cold coming on? zicam is the #1 cold shortening brand! highly recommend it! zifans love zicam's unique zinc formula. it shortens colds! zicam. zinc that cold! as a dj, i know all about customization. it shortens colds! that's why i love liberty mutual. they customize my car insurance, so i only pay for what i need. how about a throwback? ♪ liberty, liberty, liberty, liberty ♪ only pay for what you need. ♪ liberty, liberty, liberty, liberty ♪ genexa is the first clean medicine company. what does clean medicine mean anyway? it's the same active ingredients you know and trust but without the synthetic stuff you don't want. well i don't want artificial dyes in my kid's medicine. is genexa right for me? yes! genexa uses clean non-gmo ingredients. -we've gone vegan. -and talk about it constantly. -is genexa right for us? -yes! -well i have a gluten thing. -yes! -well... -yes! -well.. -yes! is this just another stupid big pharma ad? -no! look for genexa, the first clean medicine company. it's another day. look for genexa, and anything could happen. it could be the day you welcome 1,200 guests and all their devices. or it could be the day there's a cyberthreat. only comcast business' secure network solutions give you the power of sd-wan and advanced security integrated on our activecore platform so you can control your network from anywhere, anytime. it's network management redefined. every day in business is a big day. we'll keep you ready for what's next. comcast business powering possibilities. turns out generations of women have been going through this. >> yeah, i had three or four miscarriages. it's like this is a lot. so you weren't going to share this with me? why? so it does feel like a betrayal. i think when you are, you know, successful and you have control over so many other things and you're winning, winning, winning, you know, and you encounter this thing that you feel like okay, i'm not winning at this. and raily don't have a lot of control about how to fix it. that's where it just feels like a betrayal and feels so frustrating. >> that's a very good way to put it too. i think that we live that way our whole lives. so much so that he went don't notice that we have been doing it all the years until we take a pause button and something doesn't work. >> it's interesting because i can identify with tracy a lot. we both grew up or have parents from africa. and when i grew up it was close your legs. if you look at penis, you die. you know what i mean? and then the same people that are saying don't have sex, wait until you get married, you get married, then the same people, what's wrong with your uterus. and i'm just like what do you want from me? like i've done everything wrong and still being judged. and it's j just so -- >> and for our daughters this is the thing. i was so happy to have a girl. because i just want to keep the good stuff of our culture so much, so much. and i also want to -- i just want transparent with her as much as possible. >> another thing i want to talk about is when you're moving forward with your life. people are working. we're in school. we have relationships. and yet it's one of the biggest and most painful things a lot of people dealt with. how do you describe that? >> i feel like it's absurd. i know when i had my first miscarriage and i got up the next day and went to work and i had meetings and i had reports i had to give and i just functioned as if nothing had happened. it's very abnormal to do that. if you had a death in the family or you were going through something you would take time off of work. and everyone was support you and say take your time. you know, come back when you're ready. but because we feel like we can't share, i feel like we push through life as if you're not experiencing, you know, the loss and the agony sometimes that goes with feeling, you know, j just so alone. >> and somehow, you know, it's that whole veil around women's fertility, what women are experiencing monthly. honestly, i know we say this, but if men were experiencing a period, we would have a week off. they would all be synced up. and we would be talking about it so openly. but because femininity has always of these veils, veil after veil after veil after veil, we feel like we can't talk about things like miscarriages. >> there's an expectation that we are -- we go through life just moving on. we say all the time, check on your strong friends. and we're all our strong friends. there is an expectation that you're supposed to keep on moving. why you would crumble? you're going to crumble because of that? happens to plenty of people. you never feel, you don't know what that expectation is. i know for me, i think it's important for people to be informed. more than anything else. right? like ask questions. i think sometimes going to the doctor's office can be very ib tim dating. -- intimidating. and our medical system, it's like they have to move on. they move oon very quickly. and sometimes you can't even ask a question before they're out the door an seeing the next patient. >> that's why this conversation though is a fertility specialist and ob/gyn's dream. first of all, i live and breeng the struggles of each one of you every single day with everyone that i see. and i just can't tell you how meaningful it's going to be for everyone that you're sharing. and i think it will help to remove the stigma, remove just the feeling of inadequacy as a woman and women not getting the appropriate attention to their health and health care. and that's true. that's real. that's real. you know, the amount of even just research dollars and funding that goes towards women's health, it's just abominable. so i just am so happy to see all of you sharing and really taking this to the next level and step of where we need to be in women's health. and specially minority women's health. >> the veil wasn't open until i started sharing what was happening to me. whenever i was in a conversation with someone would was sharing their challenges, i he immediately opened up about mine. >> hopefully it's first of many conversations. she is and will always be my sister. i don't know what happened to her. i don't get to say good-bye. it's so awful. it makes your whole world fall apart. >> if you took her, please, just let her come home. >> her name is heather elvis. it was news nationwide when she vanished. >> she had a new job. she was going out of state. >> it was all so overwhelmingly

Related Keywords

Husband , Stories , College , Big One , Dwoent Tell , One , Infertility , Ivf , Age , Diagnosis , Terms , Stressors , Factor , Pricetag , Three , 0000 , 10000 , 20000 , Miscarriage , Way , Woman , Stress , Success Rate , Ten , Sister , Mom , Friend , Journalist , Wife , Nbc News , Behind Closed Doors , Lot , Women , Someone , People , Friends , Some , Story , Wall , Marriage , Ways , Girls , Eyes , Madz , Bride , First Comes Love , Fairytale Of , Head , Half , Problems , Pillow , Laying , Baby , Destination , Will Power , Spain , Loss , Grief , Problem Solver , It , Dress , Doctor , Doctors , Heartbeat , Second , Little Boy , Somewhere , Ada , My Name , Number , Fibroids , Endometriosis , Four , Eight , Something , Endometrium , Bleeding , Cells , Cases , Tubes , Lungs , Abdomen , Brain , Corner , 11 , Uterus , Body , Rush , Beginning , 25 , Tylenol , Amount , Say , Times , Toll , 30 , Overgrowth , Me Problem , Color , Risk , Component , Muscle , There Say General Et Uk , 80 , Mountain , Research , Genes , Flat Stomach , Layers , Fibroid , Name , Little Mountain , 7 , 6 , Somebody , Us , Where , Comment , Lesion Efrz , Tree Oes , Endemee , Mind , Wedding , Dues , Classes , Family , Fertility , Spectrum , Two , Ivf Session , Learning , Lady Say , Stillbirths , Keys , Five , 17 , There , Candidate , The End , 2017 , 2016 , Raily Don T , Tell Me , Kids , Whether , Everyone , Surgeries , Hand In , Ivfs , Child , Direction , Misconception , Life , Place , Love , Donor , Retailers , Now Subaru , Meals On Wheels , Love Event , Share , Subaru , Charity , Aspca , National Park Foundation , Two Hundred And Fifty , Two Hundred And Fifty Dollars , Injectable Cabenuva , Adults , Hiv , Hiv Treatment , Injections , Me Undetectable , Ingredients , Reactions , Side Effects , Medicines , Healthcare Provider , Hiv Pills Aren T On My Mind , Reaction , Pregnancy , Help , Liver Problems , Symptoms , Depression , Breastfeeding , Mental Health Concerns , Treatment Appointments , Injection Site Reactions , Tiredness , Fever , Thing , Foster Child Isn T , World , Hero , Kid , Emotions , Helpfosterchildren Com Fertility , Foster Kids , Isn T Fluent In Bureaucracy , Doesn T Matter , Families , Black , Asian , Sense , Reason , Nation , Worth , Value , Foremothers , Couch , Trauma , Joan , Expectation , Disappointment , Girl , Mandate , Of A Sudden , Boyfriend , Tracy Groom , 40 , Marriage Wasn T , Fun , The Show , Wasn T The Finale , Questions , Children , It Doesn T , Connection , Table , Opportunity , Work , Partnering , Honesty , Groundwork , Ski Trip , Utah , Test , Bathroom , Pregnancy Test , Sat , Lines , Shoulder , Blue Lines , Ourt , Healing , Space , Hypofocused Me , Things , My Gyn , Part , Specialist , Hsg , Stop , Procedure , Screaming , Nurse , Hand , Screen , Everything , News , Thanks , Blockages , Death , Points , In Vitro Fertilization , Seven , Process , Trigger Shot , Egg Retrieval , Operating Room , Noej , Road , Time , Embryos , Kitchen , Length , Needles , Side By , Embryo , Implantation Day , Lot Of , God , Drinking Juice , Rain Dance , Implant , Ivf World , Implantation , Pregnancy Confirmation , Arms , Daughter , Rainbow Baby , Person , Nonna , Recipe , Liberty Mutual , Car Insurance , Superpowers , Spider Bite , Limu Emu , Doug , Pay , Gasps , Perfumes , Boosters , Beads , Clothes , Washing Machine , Downy Light , Capful , Theaters , Wash Freshness , Spider Man , December 17th , Light Scent , Dyes , Scents , Load , Detergent , Laundry , New York Times , Reporter , Situations , Bargain , Beep , Everybody , Whitney , Single , Project , Bi , Beautiful , 35 , Life Partner , Work Wise , My Name Is Whitney , Medications , Mail , Entertainment Lawyer , Birthday , Nl , 34 , Home , Nobody , Apartment , Dream Job , New York , Mid Endocrinology Fellowship , Information , Mothers , Eggs , Fertility Specialist , Control , School , Response , Wasn T Until My 30s , Hope , Egg Freezing , Future , Anybody , Wh , Anything , Lives , Message , Medicine , Charge , Parents , Bit , Side , State , Hormones , Option , Dating Life , Shots , Test Results , First , Yourself , My Follicles , Retrieval , 14 , Doesn T , Difference , Empowered , Shame , Embarrassment , Best Friend , Baby Showers , Puffs , Lotion , Need , Nose , Relief , 50 , Yes , Kindness , Flight , Lotion Tissue , Try A Little Kindness , 1 , Vo , Oman , Woman Vo , Season , Greetings , Audi , Farmers , Forgiveness , Forgiveness Ness , Quote Today , Farmers Policy Perks , Alice , Scent , Scent Beads , Gain , Bum , Fairy Godmother , Pa Dum , Try Spring Daydream , Scent Collection , On My Own , Relationships , Secret , Miscarriages , Strangers , Fertility Challenges , 41 , House , Fine , Little , 36 , Challenges , Wiggle Worm , Feeling , Stomach , Gosh , Spotting , Point , Toilet , Sad , Moddy , Six , Issues , Ultrasound , Pintment , 10 , Won T , Approach , Baby Shower , Weekend , Cramping , 00 , 2 , 3 , Diagnose , Plans , Issue , No Problem , Tests , Fertile , Fix , Nature , Ment , Fertility Doctor , Ob Gyn , Excitement , Joy , Carefreeness , Come On , Saying , Fruition , Fertility Journey , Amazement , Moon , Labor Didn T Matter , Conversation , More , Daughters , Retrospect , Household , Motivation , Aspect , Office , Pregnancies , Steps , System , Phone , Better , Network , Iphone , Entertainment , Phone Everyone Wants , Entertainment Subscriptions , Music , Kate , Apple , Guy , Apple Arcade , Carolers , Verizon , 000 , 1000 , That S Why , Meals , Feeding America , One Hundred And Fifty Million , Car Company , Two Hundred And Twenty Five Million , Two Hundred And Twenty Five Million Dollars , Familiarly , Being Protective , Heavy , Baby Carriage , What S Going On , Pro Trugs , 24 , Question , Pi , Size , Ob Gyn Felt , Surgery , Incision , Position , Bikini Line , Fileted , Scar , Problem , Tan Lines , Impact , History , Foye Broids , Listen , Surrogate , Options , Awareness , Lack , Empathy , Circumstances , Woman Question , Cancer , Being , Members , Friends And Family , Baby Kicking , Belly , Show , Matter , Thinking , Birth Control , Priority , Commitment , Blood Work , Blood , Ultra , Developing , Follicles , Yield , Cut , 18 , Figure , Decision , Dating , Couple , Route , Journey , Kind , Pace , Covid 19 , 19 , Waiting , Timing , Womenhood , Peace , Step , Community , Shouldn T , Sharing , Condition , Experience , Facts , Turn , Record , Suffering , Hang On , Iberty Mutual , Ooo , Tex , Freshness , Booster , Unstopables Ebenezer , Ha , Ebenezer , Marley , Then , The Future , Ebenezer , Holidays , Eqs , Mercedes Benz , Cold , It Shortens Colds , Cold Shortening Brand , Love Zicam , Must , Medicine Cabinet , Zifans , Unique Zinc Formula , Liberty , Liberty Genexa , Dj , Customization , Throwback , Genexa , Medicine Company , Stuff , Trust , Gluten Thing , Talk , Big Pharma , Network Solutions , Guests , Devices , Cyberthreat , Power , Comcast Business , Sd Wan , 1200 , Big Day , Security , Business , Activecore Platform , Anywhere , Network Management , Business Powering Possibilities , Betrayal , Generations , Turns , Winning , Doesn T Work , Pause Button , Notice , Legs , Penis , Africa , Don T Have Sex , Culture , Meetings , Nothing , Support , Agony , Veil , Men , Veils , Femininity , Moving On , Ask Questions , Anything Else , Tim , Door , Patient , Ob Gyn S Dream , Struggles , Health , Health Care , Attention , Inadequacy , Stigma , Funding , Women S Health , Level , Veil Wasn T Open , Conversations , Job , Heather Elvis ,