had. i know each one of you in different ways. we talk about the fairytale of, you know, first comes love and then comes marriage. i think about my bride s madz and all the girls that were behind me. my wedding day. and then when i close my eyes and think about all of my friends, you know, more than half if not half of them are having problems. we never saw it coming. tell me now when you are by yourself and your laying your head down in a pillow, do you allow your is environmental to grieve? for the longest time, i used to rely on my will power. just keep focused on the destination. at the time the destination is you re going to get the baby. i m a problem solver. i can bear it if i get there. but then it s ten years and i m like i m tired. and there is loss. there is loss and infertility. there is pain and there is grief