Transcripts For FOXNEWS Gutfeld 20240709

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the best impersonation in history. what the hell was that? there was more. >> 40% of all products coming into the united states of america on the west coast go to los angeles and alma,, what am i doing here? >> long beach ray. >> long beach. >> i do have plans to visit the southern border? there before i been there before i should go down. wages are up. >> freedom i have the freedom to kill you. >> my guess is, start to see gas prices to calm down as we get by and going into the winter, i mean excuse me into next year in 2022. i do not have a near-term answer. [applause] >> mr. president,. [laughter] >> by the bed to famous guys. >> ab they were beavis and butthead brick that was thepp opposite of comforting braid seems his only strategy is to deflect from our current mystery to promising more misery. that and fake stories about trains. >> a lot of folks in amtrak became my family, not a joke. angelo, came up to me one day when they had just announced i had flown 1 million x number of miles on air force aircraft. comes up and he says joey baby and i i thought the secret service were going to shoot him prey said no, no, no, he's good true story. >> true story. ramming about trains my human train wreck. the only biden who knowsde about rails as we snorted a few fresh ones. is america worried? joe tells a debunked a story about a dead amtrak worker parade this guy's memory so bad is plagiarizing his own rise but as for the supply chain fiasco we did that story last week.id but like the presidents of memory it's only gotten worse. empty shelves, escalating prices, panic, a cat cannot even buy hair. it. [laughter] he is the true victim. still nothing change because the it does not affect the politician, the rich the activist class who are responsible for this mess. it affects you measly country bumpkins and you do not rate. i meant when was the last time you were a designer dress to a gala event? to me it was thursday but i digress. certainly drag a buttigieg out of his forte made of marshmallows and kittens to make a statement he offered nothing but sorry you are stuck with it. he is clever but he has no leader he is eddie haskell. at eight haskell from leave it to beaver. except he does not like the bebeaver. [laughter] what? never watch the show? i have got nothing against paternity leave, sorry it's mayor pete that gave paternity p a bad name taking off a few months? it's not like his actor mom, he did not have eight kids by c-section. getting a cushy federal park filled position and bailingla for two months as the country languishes, who do you think you are? kamala harris? i even bail in my first year at college and that was after realizing it was a holiday inn express. i thought that was funny when i wrote it. it. [laughter] the fact is no one is in charge and no one cares. biden is a big rickety trojan horse being dragged into your living room by jen psaki there are no warriors inside just dust. to put us in the halloween mode this presidency is the headless horseman. is not a costume it's real and the cobwebs for the decorations come from inside biden's head. you know how you can felt tell no one is in charge? where are the infamous executive orders biden and lease when he got in? that was meant to show how he was in charge when it was symbolic, take the border crisis all he wanted was to reverse a trump era policy let the new policy fail in revertha back to trump's act like hee saved us from the disaster he needlessly put us in. now if the massive prices nothing he could do something but he won't. speaking of trump he would have nuked the supply chain crisis like it was a hurricane for the same way he solved north korea, the middle east with the abraham accord and of course the vaccine. he would've targeted the issues and blown them up like they were soleimani on the way to the airport. [laughter] with the supply chain he created a warp speed and a trucker hat with his hells angels connections alone they would already be teeming with christmas toys. oh wait that's right his tweets were sometimes abrasive. let's replace him with a cross between gilligan and thurston howell the third period the results, biden remorse. with no one claiming responsibility for solving this problem, not pete, not joe not even, she's too busy avoiding the immigration crisis, even migrants don't run from the border like she does. meanwhile we found that the clown show merrick garland had targeted domestic terrorist, i.e. parents based on the fact free letter from a left wing group that colluded with the government beforehand. it was all manufactured with this guy is dirtier than dana perino's mouth after two shots of fireball. [laughter] he also said he gets most of his info from the news. i guess meeting cnn which explains his empty head pretty did not about the attack on the department of the interior of the rape inca loudoun county because cnn only reports news with room temperature iqs the politicians what the media andan the media quotes the politician, round and round they go. i will not use the crude expression for that kind of circle. i do not want jeffrey to get excited. [laughter] like a joe and mayor pete, another headless horseman no ideas just threatening stuff and leaving behind piles of horse crab and had to shovel uppe right now he kicked a hornet's net of this bare feet. you think black lives matter and the tea party was a movement? trite millions of scorned parents from all economic groups of more racial diversity the 1980s and benetton act. garland kicked the mama bear and the bear has the temperament of a constipated bernie sanders. now parents may be disadvantaged as activists they are new added enough,us they are too busy to occupy apart, occupy highway or poop on the sidewalk. they have jobs, real ones but they also have kids, who i hate. but i get it, you get between parents and their children start a battle that will be over quicker than a typical joe biden workday. the headless horseman should be scared, he claimed he would unify a country and he did against him. [applause] welcome tonight's guest she only goes by one name like madonna geraldo host of kennedy on foxbusiness, kennedy. [laughter] he started and sold it took for this introduction author of woke. [cheering] he is so white he cannot be worn after labor day. fox contributor tom. and when life gives her lemons she rents out for avenue squeezing them in people's i boxes contributor cap tips. xo kennedy, is it me or does it feel like america is on autopilot? we do not have any plans to fix any big problems buried there pretending it's still summer. >> that is the one common thread that runs of this administration is no one takes responsibility no one maturely acknowledges there are problems to begin with. they just sit there and a holding pattern just waiting for the weather to clear so they can land and not have to discuss any of this ever again. doesn't matter what it is, inflation, afghanistan, immigration, all of these things are not going away. blaming people for ordering treadmills are blaming americans for not getting out isof afghanistan, those are not solutions to ongoing crises. it's the kind of thing where everyone thanks and i am one of those people a joe biden is run by committee pretty is when he is in a good mood when he is in a bad mood and he's got mush brain he's like no i'm still going to be the one in charge but not going to be the mexican i'm not going to let you do stuff. and it leaves the country in a real lurch. >> it's like they'd treatd every problem like a one night stand it's a bad idea it happened in the pretend it didn't happen let's move on. when he said what am i doing here? that could be a slogan 2 for 2024. it's the existential question. >> i am wondering the same thing but i'm going to make a prediction greg is not massive from joe biden's for theri people who manage and the more we see supply chain shortages the more inflation we see the more foreign policy disasters we see, the more woke smoke were going to start hearing. that is what this is all about but not just insulating from accountability but distracting people changing the subject as this administration goes south i predict right now, mark my words were going to see more declarations about racial inequity were going to see more discussion about transgender is impaired were going to see more discussion about the kinds of cultural issues that are designed to distract the publicto fromar thr own failures. and you know what, the magic trick it might've worked in the beginning part of people start pay more on the credit card pay more the pump are not going to fall for it anymore. i think this could be the medicine we need actually as he put the guy in office, suffer the consequences a little bit and i think. >> all of those politically correct woke as a platitude you can indulge in on the time of lecture in panic they're exposed for what they are utterly worthless and destructive because they keep symbolic action keeps you from real action which i tellfr tom all the time. joe says the buck stops here then he print something else the buck stops here over there. [laughter] which buck? there are so many things going wrong we did not even talk about all of his restrictions on liberty. we watch him bubbling around the states or something funny about it. it makes you think he is a harmless figure. it would be one thing if you were just doing nothing and the world was getting worse but is actually doing things is forcing masks on children and adults that's not good he's forcing injections on people that is not good pretty shutting down the economy the shutdown may hurt so badly he is doing a real harm but it looks like mr. magoo so we forget he is really hurting the country so much. greg: don't smear mr. magoo. voiced by jim bacchus. >> thurston how the third, while. wow, my entire brain is on fire right now but.ow >> it is a simulation be. >> everything is a simulation, cat what is interesting to me and i assume it's interesting to you because you work for me. i have never seenr a leader nonchalant about bearing bad news. it's almost like it is not his problem. it is your problem, suck it up a lower expectations it's kind of weird. >> it is an effective tool actually if you want to give someone bad news you act like it's no big deal and use that bad news and abuse that repeatedly. greg: example please question for. >> i'd rather not that all of my work would be for nothing. >> that is true. i will say the most alarming thing about the town hall remember it last week they let us all know earlier this week all of the questions will be prescreened. there were no surprises there. and that still happens. [laughter] he forgot the name of the port of long beach and that is what is called the port of long beach. [laughter] >> and kat, how hard is it to remember a long beach? >> it's not he knew about all those questions. [laughter] how does that happen? >> i don't know i don't know the scary thing about it is he was way better on the debates and he is now and not suggest this thing is going in a rather quick direction. i am not a doctor although i do pretend to be went on the weekends. [laughter] >> are you saying he was juicing and hopped up on some of the hunters a bug or sugar? >> that's exactly what i was saying kennedy. i am not saying he wasn't doing an eight ball before the debate. but i'm not not saying, that's raise a question. >> i am just asking questions. >> alright we must move on what a great start. cap next a marine was courageous while crooks were. [cheering] [applause] mission control, we are go for launch. ♪♪ t-minus two minutes and counting. ♪♪ um, she's eating the rocket. -copy that, she's eating the rocket. i assume we needed that? [chomping sound] ♪♪ lunchables! built to be eaten. she has eaten the rocket. 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[laughter] when ever the bad guys are around i am like this guy i react immediately. >> really? >> never goes as well as it does with this guy. [laughter] it takes me five -- ten seconds into the karate kid one leg and stands at like to get into. and then the guys just start laughing and it goes downhill from there. >> actually knowing karate does not help. >> i don't know karate but time he set a timer here we go. [laughter] there you go. usually scares them off and i do this. >> i am a littlee scared. [applause] kat you are married to a vet veteran not a veterinarian. >> i would have saved a lot of money. >> yes you would have. it is saying this happened inspire you, make you feel good we have true heroes in our midst all around? i like to think of myself as a true hero. >> thank you for your service. >> it's important to tell you that every day. yes i mean it was crazy. >> art women into this as much as we are? when we watch it we all put ourselves in the place to look at that? >> my sexually attracted to that man? greg: yes. >> not really. [laughter] greg: you hate america you hate the military break grid okay that's a totally fair conclusion. address from the fact i do not have with that particular man. therefore i hate the truth. >> you are somehow attracted to the armed robber. >> may be a little bit. >> i knew it always the bad guy. you make me sick to my >>. did you have a point or should we move on? >> i think i made a very important point. >> yes you did i don't if it is important but you did make a point. would you have done in the situation you are an investor, multi- zillion dollar guy, you would have had bodyguards but. >> i salute this guy he did it himself. do not makes me sad about it isto they've got to save their cool moves now to use in american than places like afghanistan. now the stuff is happening in our gas stations here. it's an inspiring story of the guys clearly awesome when he to do something for him. i think the fact you're seeing america's cities, chicago might be a scarier place than half of the places in the middle east were going to have to deploy here at home to say people and gas stations of the defined a police cannot do it that's the sad part of the story but good for this guy we can actually give them a hand. i don't know his name on it that's on purpose. he doesn't want a box of my panties and mailed to him. greg: is that like my pillow might panties have healing powers. [laughter] >> you do not need them to get into a bathtub sideways but speaking of a bathtub site actually put this on a loop i didn't do it had my 12-year-old daughter do because i have no idea how to use an ipad or technology. and then i sat in a bubble bath with a vibrating egg and a bottle of chardonnay. watch this for about six hours. i want to think that man for his service credit wanted him to thank me for my cervix. [laughter] it is a great thing great thing. >> went a little blue there. i want to to know i amhi disgusted by this behavior. i try to keep a clean show here. [laughter] >> that was fun i have to say. up next china will if you say tibet should be freed. new projects means new project managers. you need to hire. i need indeed. indeed you do. when you sponsor a job, you immediately get your shortlist of quality candidates, whose resumes on indeed match your job criteria. visit indeed.com/hire and get started today. you know, you hear a lot about celiac, whose but i neverndeed match thought my dnaria. would tell me i had a higher risk for it. i mean, i'm a food critic. i literally eat for a living. this can be a game changer. do you know what the future holds? >> china will show china will not kill your shooting hoops unless you're one of their immediate dupes. nba plays along because the revenue stream is so strong. boston celtics i'm told played basketball and not salutes, been pulled from chinese immediate after celtic players -- celtic player and his canter called for tibetan independence. >> the chinese government border role tibet people basic rights and freedoms are nonexistent. they are not allowed to study and learn their language and culture freely. they are not allowed to travel freely they are notey allowed to accept, the tibetan people are not even allowed to worship freely. the brutal dictator of china, i have a message for you and your henchmen, free tibet, free tibet, free tibet. >> it is now a menace that's illegal in china they don't like any calls for freedom elicit the freedom to enslave uighurs tose make shoes for basketball players. so on wednesday chinese streaming giant, 10-cent cut the live broadcast between the knicks and the celtics is almost as fast as the white house came the feed wouldn't bite inserts answering questions. [laughter] why does this matter question for china reportedlych counts for at least 10% of the nba's revenue. the leak is reluctant to piss off the dictatorship or two years ago nba executive tweeted support for democracy in hong kong and is teams games are still banned from tv there. maury later apologized, likely pressured by the nba to do so. but the nbad and other american companies like nike who rely on china to sustain their growth pretty ninth ignored the human rights record supporting tearing down 100-year-old statues of slaveowners is one thing, but publicly oppose thehe actual slavery were profiting off of in 2021, don't look at us but maybe the nba's waiting to see which pronoun the slaves prefer before releasing a statement. meanwhile celtic games they plan to show thisin instead. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ the bird's got some balls. kennedy, you are a friend? it takes a balls at definitely juxtaposes from some of the other players. >> the level of courage it takes for him, this is someone his entire family has been imprisoned in turkey because he has spoken out against the turkish dictatorship of the president there. hey cannot speak to his family. he cannot see them, they would love for them to go play and a country where he can be extradited so they could throw him in prison. he knows what he is up against he knows is putting his reputation and career on the line but he really spends his time and puts his mouth where the danger is. greg: i have done that. [laughter] >> he stands up for people who are truly oppressed. not only standing up against lebron james but the celtics who benched him during that game because he was wearing a pair of shoes that weree painted by a chinese artist that said free tibet and had a picture who set themselves on fire which is what people are doing. >> might've been a different story. this is your wheelhouse. feel free to answer whatever question is already in your head. >> what you said about kneeling it does not take a lot of courage to kneel when everybody else is kneelingtt during the national anthem areag painted black lives matter on the court. this took courage and i respect that. think china is the single greatest threat to the integrity of the united states and free world over thefr next ten years. i think they're going to invade taiwan things in the early 33 right before the next presidential election are not going to take that risk. i want to see with the nba says. we know semi's going to stand upright lebron james was the first person to come to china's public defense. he is corporate and celebritys cronies of china are really in the nba and every celebrity recently, shamelessly apologizing to china for calling taiwan a country. this is everywhere. this is a guy who stands up to the system butto it got to give him a b little bit of credit for that. more people are going to need to do it if we don't make sacrifices for the goals we seek in china that prevents you from entering the market if you criticize. this is a guy who's willing to make that sacrifice. >> the show is full of heroes. there is me and those other people. [laughter] katz, house and before the nba forces this guy to apologize? the question is will he? >> i don't think he gives. by doing this it's not like there's going to be no consequence he already knows that. it's not like lebron james for examples under the impression china is good. he just does it doing what he does in good for his own bottom line for if you are going to proactively go out and do this he's not going to apologize. >> he played the nba didn't you tom? >> i would have loved it. >> are not quite tall enough are you? >> or goode enough. i think this guy is great. he is a hero but it is amazing what it takes to be a hero now just stating the obvious. >> and this guy is with philadelphia for they don't show philadelphia's games in china either. all it takes is one player to speak up and they are blacklisting the team. thatth is why we need other heroes like this to state the obvious. maury, all he said if ita remember correctly was we stand with the people of hong kong. and then the nba apologize? i hate to pick up the players. the nba, he is a real hack in a flack for the chinese communist party. it's the corporate hacks but i don't know any of their names but they are all a bunch of jerks. greg: it is a family show. [laughter] >> it is amazing. go ahead finish it up. >> we have two essentials a we end up going is blaming the players for standing up. it is the corporate cowards of the nba and we should let them know we do not like what they are doing pre- >> the problem is we like our sports. so we go yeah, yeah, yeah we watch the game for that's why ticketed the nba. i don't watch it because i don't watch any of the sportsman. >> i watch all of the games pretty watch all the games for you pretty thought this was america. >> that's my point is i never watch anything it's like a state boycott per like to boycott things. >> i was not watching them anyway but now i am not watching. [laughter] >> coming up a monster with a messed up face talks about offending the alien race. [applause] ivenerve relief from the world's #1 selling nerve care company. nervive contains alpha lipoic acid to relieve occasional nerve aches, weakness and discomfort. try nervivenerve relief. ♪upbeat music♪ transitions™ light under control. ♪upbeat music♪ transitions™ signature gen 8™ available now, in 4 vibrant style colors. transitions™ >> a popstar cares about ufos species spent a pop star cares about species but is she just full of feces? [laughter] this is a family show i could have said. in a recent interview with an australian outlet, singer said we have to stop calling them aliens. because it is a derogatory term. inch said she prefers to call intergalactic beings, et. but do little green men really care? only one creature can get to the bottom of this but i say creature because he ain't from around here please also the leader of the greatest band the site of the milky way. welcome back how are you. [applause] [cheering] >> i am doing good, congratulations greg, king of the nighttime world. greg: that is true pretty phallic i owe seven of it to y you. >> that is what i think. [laughter] greg: do you agree that alien is a derogatory term? >> well look let me get this out of the way. i am a complete, i love. [laughter] but, but do i believe that she is saying is true? no i don't% of the aliens can't watch movies and know what we think of them, we being people on the planet earth. i am actually an ailing and i do not personally take this as an offenseg of rape in your long enough i consider myself part of the gang here. i can tell you, we do not mind being called aliens it it's what we are. greg: you come to earth, you do not look like earthlings. are you ever discriminated against because of how you look? >> well, sadly yes. usually it is more a structural sort of discrimination. there is a lot of doorways i cannot fit through. greg: you're saying there is a systemic bigotry against space aliens and that is bothersome to you? >> and fat people yes. a laugh mark. minister to there is a harvard professor that said aliens created universe in a lab, do you believe this? >> this is the same guy who is talking about a mullah mullah do i believe? i know i was created in the lab item about the university. greg: you're created a lab? this is interesting here is a philosophicalev question to you believe the universe was created or was the universe always here? >> i think the universe actually is, it is what some kid is experiencing as they are playing a video game will smoking a lot of weed. that is what the universe really is. >> i feel that same way. >> did it all happened before he went to kmart and bought game? i don't know. [laughter] greg: do you believe in the big bang? >> i certainly do. [laughter] i have a gang of them. what did you think of william shatner's ten minute ride to space? were you impressed by it? >> way to met was he in that wiener rocket? >> yes. everything was good until he came back to earth and started talking to jeff bezos'. he got really dramatic about it. i have not seen him that excited since he went to cracker barrel the last time. [laughter] you would not believe what happened the transcendent experience. [laughter] [laughter] i do feel a kinship. yes, i do feel a kinship i've got to tell you this. and the reason is because i also am non- binary i am non- per-share area i don't know what you call it. i have got for so what does that make me? >> i cannot wait to see it up close and come to the studio. thank you berserker blothar. get his latest work break up next, enjoy these from hell before they start to smell. centrum multigummies aren't just great tasting... they're power-packed vitamins... that help unleash your energy. loaded with b vitamins... ...and other key essential nutrients... ...it's a tasty way to conquer your day. try centrum multi gummies. now with a new look. moving is a handful. no kidding! fortunately, xfinity makes moving easy. easy? -easy? switch your xfinity services to your new address online in about a minute. that was easy. i know, right? and even save with special offers just for movers. really? yep! so while you handle that, you can keep your internet and all those shows you love, and save money while you're at it with special offers just for movers at xfinity.com/moving. 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[ finger snaps ] hmm. ♪ ♪ the kohler walk-in bath features an extra-wide opening and a low step-in at three inches, which is 25 to 60% lower than some leading competitors. the bath fills and drains quickly, while the heated seat soothes your back, neck and shoulders. kohler is an expert in bathing, so you can count on a deep soaking experience. are you seeing this? the kohler walk-in bath comes with fully adjustable hydrotherapy jets and our exclusive bubblemassage. everything is installed in as little as a day by a kohler-certified installer. and it's made by kohler- america's leading plumbing brand. we need this bath. yes. yes you do. a kohler walk-in bath provides independence with peace of mind. call... for fifteen hundred dollars off your kohler walk-in bath. visit kohlerwalkinbath.com for more info. right a lot of jokes we don't use them so we keep them for now call them leftovers. i have not read them yet. so here it goes. what am i talking about that i've ate many stroke? write this week a hundred protesters into downtown portland smashes door windows, set fires and a half a million dollars in damage. or cnn calls it a happy time a pumpkin patch party. a. [laughter] joe biden is getting creative in inventing americans is $3.5 trillion budget will work. it is latest version he claims we're going to pay for it with kohl's cash. [laughter] walmart is reportedly trading management critical race theory. it makes sense if thereth is one place that debunks the theory thatup white people are superior, it is walmart. [laughter] this is kind of shocking bribe into walmart several times i could not find anybody who worked there. [laughter] it is true. [laughter] in honor of the trading walmart is change their slogan to save money, live better -- you. [laughter] according to the report microsoft executives had to order bill gates she stopped sending flirty e-mails to a female subordinate. early stop mentioning her virus protection had expired. [laughter] chicago mayor laurie lite that was spotted breaking her old mask rules and a huge crowd at the wnba finals but even more shocking, there is a huge crowd for w nba game. that is so something like tom shillue at seybert ohio college students were reportedly angry and scared after gender men had entered their storm to install a greater. going forward promises longer to said repair meant until the students can safely freeze to death. [laughter]re apparently the last straw was when the guy installing the radiator showed some butt cleavage. [laughter] republican senator in bill cassidy said cognitive test should be mandated for federal government leaders when he heard about this, joe biden said there will be no such test as long as i am the president of putting it. [laughter] washington state university head football coach has been ousted after refusing the vaccine but meanwhile i'm vaccinated players have been advised to stay 6 feet apart while tackling. [laughter] that is not possible, catch. >> thank you. >> i know you didn't laugh. a robotics company has a new robotic dogs that comes equipped with sniper rifles. great i finally found a new hunting dog said dick cheney. [laughter] is if youme don't remember he shot somebody in the face. there are no plans for civilian use but if the robot dogs tries to sniff your crotch you better let him. [laughter] california real estate agent in promoting the million-dollar with nude photos of himself. the price is considered firm, but not as firm as it used to be. [laughter] bands class with transit right protesters outside of netflix corporate offices for the event was mostly peaceful's repeatedly interrupted by message asking are you still watching? [laughter] a woman is suing kellogg for $5 million claiming their strawberry pop tarts do not contain enough strawberries. she claims have been bulking them up with cheap fillers like apples, bananas and whatever tom cruise has been putting in his face. [laughter] the lawsuit claims the pop tarts are filled with lower quality ingredients and red erdye number 40. which is my favorite at the same color i put on my butt to attract baboons. [laughter] i don't do that. i should really look at this stuff. finally, a woman survived a four hour operation to remove and ask from her head but she described the pain as quote still not as bad as watching the view. [laughter] don't go away we'll be w right back. i didn't realize my dna could tell me if i had a higher chance for type 2 diabetes. so when my 23andme report said i did, it was a wakeup call. ♪ ♪ do you know what the future holds? greg: set your dvrs every night so you never miss an episode. thanks. our delightful studio audience. i'm oprah gutfeld and i love you. with ♪ rsh jesse: welcome to "watters' world," i'm jesse watters. problems aren't progress. inflation, hostage crisis, gas crisis. empty shelves. labor shortage, high crime. pandemic. chinese missiles and a stalled agenda. the biden presidency is facing all these things at the same time. the alarm

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