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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20240712

Fart, but is actually silent but deadly. Mike pence is refusing to stand behind plexiglass at his debate with Kamala Harris tomorrow. Blows my mind. Forget plexiglass. After what weve seen at the white house this week the only place pence should be allowed to debate is inside an aquarium made of purelle. But we cant talk about those stories today because donald trump is back at the white house. Yep. He did that thing that tough guys do in the movies where they tear the i. V. Out of the army and say, im checking myself out of this hospital then he very carefully walk down the steps to his car. Look how he pats the banister like a puppy. Needs to reassure himself its there just in case. This covid thing is a rale dilemma for President Trump because sick man leaves hospital to continue to get roundtheclock medical attention at home is not exactly a flattering story, but sick man kicks virus ass and can never get sick again, thats a good story. I just left Walter Reed Medical Center and i

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20240712

With trevor noah. Trevor lets kick things off with google. The Search Engine that constantly is trying to finish your no no no, your sentences. Its dominance has raised concerns in the Justice Department for years. And now theyre finally doing something about it. Now to the blockbuster antitrust lawsuit against google tonight. The Justice Department accusing the tech giant of being a monopoly gatekeeper for the internet. They claim the tech giant has been engaging in anticompetitive tactics, paying phone manufacturers and Tech Companies billions to allow google to be their default Search Engine. Prosecutors alleging that ties were so deep a senior Apple Official wrote our vision is that we work as if we are one company. Today google responded saying the lawsuit is deeply flawed and would do nothing to help consumers. Google say this would only prop up lower quality Search Engines. Trevor yo google versus the u. S. Government, this is going to be huge, and honestly i dont know who is go

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20240712

The greatest fraud in the history of elections. Theres no way you can go through a mailin vote without massive cheating. The blat ballots are lost, frau, theft, all over the place. China, north korea, iran, these countries can grab those ballots or print forgeries. People get the ballots and hand them to people down the strait. Theyre mailin ballots and they send them to anybody. Two or three were sent to dogs, one sent to a cat. Trevor holy shit, guys, trump is freaking out. People are cheating, cats and dogs getting ballots. If im perfectly honest, i dont mind dogs voting but cats, you cant trust them for shit those assholes will vote for jill stein just to mess with us meow trump stories about kids and Foreign Countries rigging the election sound pretty terrifyin hey, kid, go get ballot from mailbox and i will reward you with delicious russian candy. Its frozen onion. Regardless of how it happens, trumps goal is to stir up fear about fraud, and if you commit fraud, youre going down,

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20240712

Going on in the reeled world, roy wood, jr. On the vote and the crazy plot to kidnap the michigan governor. Lets do this. From trevors couch in new york city to your couch somewhere in the world, this is the daily social distancing show with trevor noah. Alsos be honest guys, there have been a lot of upsetting news over the last few weeks. Suks months, year and a half, four years and it only seems to be getting worse. Coronavirus, the supreme court, election anxiety, emily in paris, the list goes on and on. But it turns out there is still good news out there. So lets de compress for a moment with another installment of our ongoing segment, a ray of sunshine. Lets kick things off in peru, the country best known for its adorable living pun atas. Luke most of the world the south american nation has been in lockdown for coronavirus. But this week it reopened its biggest attraction for one lucky guy. Patients have paid off for a japanese tourist who refused to let the pandemic ruin his trip

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20240712

Welcome to the daily social distancing show, im trevor noah. Today is wednesday the 14th of october. Which means that if you live in kansas, rhode island or tennessee early voting is now open in your state. So go out there, get your vote in early because that way youll get the house to yourself when all your roommates are voting on election day. Think about it, it will be the first alone time you have gotten all year. And you know what that means shake up a martini and celebrate being home alone, baby, yeah, anyway coming up on tonights show we catch up on what is going on in the reeled world, roy wood, jr. On the vote and the crazy plot to kidnap the michigan governor. Lets do this. From trevors couch in new york city to your couch somewhere in the world, this is the daily social distancing show with trevor noah. Alsos be honest guys, there have been a lot of upsetting news over the last few weeks. Suks months, year and a half, four years and it only seems to be getting worse. Coronav

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