Stephen. Stephen thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen. cheers and applause thank you so much. Ladies and gentlemen, weve got to folks, i gotta tell you, one quick thing, one quick thing. I know weve got a big show to do tonight, but one thing before we get started, there was some big news last week that slipped through my news crack, and it concerns someone ive admired for years, and yet surprisingly is not me. Im talking about david letterman, who last thursday night announced his retirement. And i am going to miss this good man. Dave has been on the air my entire adult life, late night debuted my first year in college. I learned more from watching dave than i did from going to my classes. cheers and applause . Especially especially the ones i did not go to because i had stayed up until 1 30 watching dave. applause this man has influenced every host who came after him, and even a few who came before him. Hes that good. laughter and i gotta tell you, i do not envy whoever they try t
Stephen tonight, science finds the key to a long, healthy life. Whatever it is, i bet it tastes good fried. [ laughter ] then, controversy over the new bin laden film. They shouldnt have let him do his own singing. [ laughter ] and my guest, chris kluwe, is an nfl punter and gay rights advocate. Wow, pretty brave for an nfl player to admit hes a punter. [ laughter ] jimmy kimmel starts in his new 11 35 time slot tonight. But since hes my direct competition, i refuse to mention him. This is the colbert report. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central [the colbert report theme music playing] [cheers and applause] thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the report. [crowd chanting see stephen] [cheers and applause] thank you, ladies and gentlemen. [cheers and applause] welcome to the report, folks. I have to thank you for that and i want to thank you for joining me in here, out there nation, we all know the economys not in great shape. Just today the dow dropped fifty five of whatever i
We get started, there was some big news last week that slipped through my news crack, and it concerns someone ive admired for years, and yet surprisingly is not me. Im talking about david letterman, who last thursday night announced his retirement. And i am going to miss this good man. Dave has been on the air my entire adult life, late night debuted my first year in college. I learned more from watching dave than i did from going to my classes. cheers and applause . Especially especially the ones i did not go to because i had stayed up until 1 30 watching dave. applause this man has influenced every host who came after him, and even a few who came before him. Hes that good. laughter and i gotta tell you, i do not envy whoever they try to put in that chair. cheers and applause Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen cheers and applause stephen folks, folks, those are some huge shoes to fill, and some really big pants. laughter nation, wedding vows are supposed t
stephen: tonight, how is technology affecting your health? i ll google symptoms until i get the one that frightens me the most. ( laughter ). and controversy at the breakfast table. did kristen cheat with count chockula. my guest liza mundy is here to discuss how women are becoming heads of households. hey, it s adam and eve, not eve and adam. ( laughter ) july was the hottest month in u.s. history. i blame magic mike. this is the stephen colbert. captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) stephen: welcome to the report, everybody. stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen: good to have you with us. thank you so much. folks, let s get right to it. so much to talk about tonight. for years now, i have been warning about the looming dangers of obamacare. i sounded the alarm about death panels, nobody listened. i told you about rationed care but it fell on preventably deaf ears. but still, still, the terrifyin
jon: that s our show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. here it is, your moment of zen. captioning sponsored by comedy central stephen: tonight, how is technology affecting your health? i ll google symptoms until i get the one that frightens me the most. ( laughter ). and controversy at the breakfast table. did kristen cheat with count chockula. my guest liza mundy is here to discuss how women are becoming heads of households. hey, it s adam and eve, not eve and adam. ( laughter ) july was the hottest month in u.s. history. i blame magic mike. this is the stephen colbert. captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) stephen: welcome to the report, everybody. stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen: good to have you with us. thank you so much. folks, let s get right to it. so much to talk about tonight. for years now, i have been warning about the looming dangers of obamacare. i sounded the alarm about dea