We have years of experience prosecuting imaginary voter fraud. Even with zero evidence, we will prove you lost because of glitches, not enough observers, too many observers, counted illegal votes, counted legal votes, sharpies werent allowed, sharpies were allowed, vote written on a sandwich, youre a terrible candidate, dead people voted, not enough dead people voted, and people voted. But dont take my word for it, listen to these satisfied customers. translated roger cornsworth is my lawyer for life because he made me president for life. translated i received two votes from my uncle one from him and the other from the dog i fed him to. translated if it wasnt for roger cornsworth, filipinos would be parading through the streets with my liver on the stick. We wont stop til your democracy is a pile of ash and your ego is soothed call today if you want power thats a cinchely call the attorneys cornsworth and pinchley 1800coupcoupcachoo announcer its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonig
Call your aunt ronda because of the restraining order . Deep state. And just like your actual crazy uncle, he doesnt know when to leave. Its pronounced kamala. Casa blanca . No, its kama, then la. Kookaburra . Yahtzee. This is settlers of catan. belches blowup crazy uncle. Because a family that inflates together celebrates together. You know any female sex dolls you can set me up with . Hell, give me a beach ball. Im not picky. Announcer its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonights transition to greatness. Plus stephen welcomes glenn close and musical guest kane brown with sway lee and khalid, featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan Theater Office building in new york city, its Stephen Colbert stephen hey, everybody welcome welcome heres mud in your eye to a late show. Im your host Stephen Colbert. Im very excited. Im also a little tired because i got up way early this morning and interviewed barack obama today. The only thing keeping me drivi