Jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause jimmy oh, my goodness, thank you very much. Hello. [ cheers and applause thank you very much. Please, have a seat. Have a seat. Oh, my goodness. Welcome to the tonight show. Hot crowd. Hot crowd tonight. [ cheers and applause guys, guys, please keep it down you might wake up Jeffrey Epsteins prison guard [ laughter ] so i dont want it just came out that the guards in charge of Jeffrey Epstein were asleep on the job. Signed to guard El Chapo Steve what [ laughter ] jimmy guys, some 2020 election news democratic candidate John Hickenlooper is considering dropping out of the president ial race. [ audience aws ] dont do it, said absolutely no one [ laughter ] do you guys know about John Hickenlooper . Audience no. Jimmy yeah, thats part of the problem. [ laughter ] hes leaving the race. When he broke the news to all his supporters, they were like, cool dad, thanks for telling us. [ laughter ] it makes sense, right now hes pulling at 0 . [ laughter ] im no
Was honking the whole time [ laughter ] investigators are saying that the guards at the jail holding sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein may have been asleep at the time of his death worse, they were asleep in their beds at home [ laughter ] oh, we were supposed to stay there . [ light laughter ] politico has published an article about two College Students who have become popular deejays amongst Trump Supporters and go by the stage name, milk n cooks which is incidentally the secret Service Names for these two. [ laughter ] walmart has launched an investigation after a North Carolina mother found that the baby formula she purchased turned out to be flour she suspected it was flour after noticing changes in her baby [ laughter and applause no, he seems fine hes very happy. Gunos cambios e [ laughter ] yeah, no, you touch his belly button and he just giggles. [ light laughter ] else ve biey the blog, vogueworld, posted an article yesterday entitled brad pitt proves that fedorasie can actually
Latching on to your face. Announcer its the late show with stephen colbert. Tonight hot mess plus, stephen welcomes john oliver. And joe namath. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. Now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Stephen cheers and applause stephen hey hello cheers and applause please, have a seat. Welcome, one and all, to the late show. Im your host, stephen colbert. cheers and applause its friday. Thats a friday crowd right there. I hope everybody is cuddled up with a loved one tonight and then shoving them away because its too damn hot. laughter because the country is in the middle of a massive heat wave. This week, it has been 90 degrees or warmer for nearly 90 of americans. Let me put it this way if you know anyone who uses natural deodorant, no longer know them. laughter now, if youre wondering what that kind of heat looks like on a map, check it out. There it is. In fact, if you zoom in, youll see new jersey is now just a flamin hot
Else is worrying about the flip side of this is also true, there is no point in getting excited about something that everybody else is eagerly anticipating why . Because when the vast majority of investors agree something will happen, that tends to be priced into the stock market the real economy moves at its pace, you got to borrow money to build that equipment and use that to manufacture goods and transport them to retail outlets and wait for the customer to come along and buy them. The stock market has no such limitations. Stocks dont travel at the speed of light well, how about the speed of thought . They come pretty close so the moment of preponderance decides its flat lining, stocks start trading. Instantaneously. It takes time to build that consensus which is why you rarely see the moves happening at once but once the big institutional Portfolio Managers are on the same page about something, you can be confident its baked into the averages instantaneo instantaneously, that week
Leads the democratic primary race, despite the best efforts of this man. [ laughter ] the New York Times is reporting the former Vice President joe biden is trying to reduce his number of gaffes by using a teleprompter for speeches unfortunately, hes already been caught on camera massaging it. [ light laughter ] the Trump Administration has announced starting in october, immigrants applying for a green card will be subject to a wealth test it will look Something Like this [ audience ohs ] according to fact checkers, President Trump has called someone good looking or great looking in speeches or tweets 35 times since he took office, and still, no ones said it back [ laughter ] youre very good looking. Thank you. [ laughter ] do you have anything youd like to add . Goodbye [ laughter ] officials at Hong Kong International airport suspended flights for the second day in a row after political protesters took over the terminal, and laguardia suspended flights after a rat was seen working at