Was a story in one of the papers maracas president trump, are you willing tonight to condemn White Supremacists and militia groups . crickets announcer its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight shut up, man plus, stephen welcomes john lithgow and jonathan alter. Featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan Theater Office building in new york city, its Stephen Colbert stephen hey, everybody welcome to a late show. I am your host, Stephen Colbert. I dont know about you, but i am still recovering from last nights agonizing president ial shoutfest, in which donald trump interrupted joe biden over 70 times while Chris Wallace tried to stop him like a baby throwing pennies at a battleship. Trump was out of control the entire evening. The whole thing gave a new meaning to the term white noise. But frankly, i dont know what Chris Wallace was supposed to do. At the next debate, they should just give the moderator a button to bring on the slime. Im not the
Tv, emptied on our door, which is not great, but whatever, not a big deal. But then im looking at it and im wondering, how did it hit at that angle . Did the bird come in sideways, like it was sliding into second base . How did this get there . And thats when i realized that the pigeon guano was coming from inside the door it was inside. I still dont know how it happened. From a physics standpoint, it doesnt make any sense. I guess logic tells me that the door must have been open and the bird somehow edged over and did that thing birds love doing to us, the revenge of the birds, but the door wasnt really open. For a moment i had to think, is it possible that this came out of me . Maybe i sneezed or something . I mean, to hit the glass at that trajectory, theres only one bird in the world that could make that shot and hes retired. He hasnt crapped on a window in years. Anyway, i dont know how this happened, but i know it was a bird. It must live in the area. My plan now is to find that
[ cheers and applause announcer tonight, on late night with seth meyers, Alicia Vikander, creators and stars of pen15, maya erskine and anna konkle an all new closer look. Featuring the 8g band with fred armisen and now, Seth Meyers Seth good evening, im seth meyers and this is late night. We are hoping youre doing well tonight. Lets get to the news. During a press conference last night, President Trump refused to commit to a peaceful transition of power if he loses to former Vice President joe biden and said, quote, well have to see what happens. See what happens for someone who wants to be a dictator, you sure sound like a spectator. You are coming off like Ryan Seacrest on american idol. Well see what happens after the break. I think the mistake was phrasing the question that way. You should have asked, if joe biden wins, do you commit to playing even more golf . Thats right, President Trump refused to commit to a peaceful transition of power if he loses to former Vice President joe
Hello, im sam water ston. You may recognize me from law order, or my personal pasta sauces where none of the money goes to charity. Tonight i will be your guide as we look at the the late show with Stephen Colberts 2020 Campaign Coverage. And while this will be a collection of some of the best moments from the late show, i assure you this is not some silly best of show. It is something much more important. Tonight, we fulfill a cotractual obligation to the network. We begin with some of colberts best monologues from the democratic primary. First, of course, the opening credits. Its a late show with Stephen Colbert 2020 Campaign Coverage special. Plus the best of candidat monologues, the best of candidate interviews and Campaign Field pieces. And Sam Waterston eating a giant sandwich. And now live on a burch of tapes from the ed sullivan theater, its Stephen Colbert trumps days are numbered. At least for his first term, because were getting closer and closer to the next president ial el
[ cheers and applause steve from Rockefeller Center in the heart of new york city, its the tonight show starring jimmy fallon tonight, join jimmy and his guests Chelsea Handler, senator Bernie Sanders musical guest the war on drugs and featuring the legendary roots crew and now, heres your host, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause jimmy thats your fault, yeah oh my goodness oh, hey. Thank you very much, everyone. Thank you. On a friday thats some friday love right there. Thank you. Welcome to the tonight show, everybody. Lets get to the news and jokes. Well, guys, everyone is still talking about last nights president ial debate. But based on the early ratings, it had about 7 million fewer viewers than the first one its not that 7 Million People chose not to watch, its that after the first debate they left the country [ laughter ] but based on some snap polls, trump won the debate by 98 to 2 thats according to the fair polling site guntotingeagle. Com. [ laughter ] but this is interestin