[ cheers and applause jimmy oh, my goodness. Look at you guys thank you very much thats a hot crowd [ cheers and applause i love ya. Mwahmwah. I love ya. Please have a seat welcome, everybody welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show. [ cheers and applause thats a good buzz here tonight. You guys, coming into work today, i saw a bunch of paparazzi outside, and i thought, well, youve still got it, jimmy. And then i remembered my guest tonight is Kim Kardashian west so i go, okay, well [ cheers and applause i actually ran into kim backstage and asked if she would post a picture of us on her instagram. She was like, no problem. Thatll be 2 million. [ laughter ] lets get to some news here. Tomorrow night is the third democratic debate on abc so it will be jeopardy and wheel of fortune, followed by a debate full of people who watch jeopardy and wheel of fortune. [ laughter ] tomorrows debate on abc is scheduled to be three hours long [ cheers ] americans are like, um, the only
Its interesting. They talked a lot about earthquakes today. I forgot, what an earthquake actually is, its technical, but basically an earthquake is when the planet sneezes and a tsunami is when the world pees a little after sneezing. So try to avoid them both. Hey, speaking of shakeouts, another member of the Trump Administration is on his way out. Secretary of energy, rick perry reportedly informed the president today that he plans to resign. He did not explain why, although i think we have a pretty good idea. Perrys been secretary of energy since the beginning. But soon, like all the others, hell be gone. When ben carson wakes up, hell be like, where the hell is everybody . The president reportedly blamed rick perry for getting him on that now infamous call to in this story, the president and his admirers have been insisting there was no quid pro quo involving the call about the bidens. Mulvaney went before reporters and blatantly admitted that there was. The demand for an investigat
I know more about steelworkers than anybody thats ever run for office. I know the h1b. I know the h2b. Nobody knows it better than me. A lot of people dont realize abraham lincoln, the great abraham lincoln, was a republican. laughter i love the poorly educated laughter its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, not so sharpie plus, stephen welcomes Vice President joe biden. And musical guest pixies. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen hello how are you . Jon please have a seat, everybody. Thank you very much. Welcome, welcome, one and all, to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. The big story the big story continues to be Hurricane Dorian, which, as we speak, is churning towards my hometown of charleston, south carolina, which is under a mandatory evacuation. I hope everyone down there stays safe. Dorian devastated the bahamas over the weekend. And we a
And ive had my doubts in the past but i think this time shes serious. [ laughter ] President Trump spoke before the u. N. General assembly today. And i got to say, dude, whats going on with your face . [ laughter ] youre starting to look like the nailed it cake version of yourself [ laughter ] [ applause ] thats right President Trump spoke before the u. N. General assembly today. And to prove hes not a robot, he read a captcha. Lgbtq [ laughter and applause seth President Trump this morning denied reports that he withheld military aid from ukraine in order to pressure of the country to investigate former Vice President joe biden and his family he denied it and thats how you know he did it [ light laughter ] not because he always lies because that story is too weird and confusing to just deny [ laughter ] if someone told you, hey, people are saying you withheld military aid from ukraine to force an investigation into joe biden. You wouldnt say, no, i didnt. [ laughter ] youd say, wait,
Tonight, join jimmy and his guests Lupita Nyongo dane cook, jay sinatraa won and matthew super delisi musical guest, the Avett Brothers and featuring the legendary roots crew questlove 1135 steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause jimmy thank you very much, thats a hot crowd welcome, everybody, welcome to the tonight show. Youre here. [ cheers and applause you made it. Thank you for being here what a show we have for you tonight. Lupita nyongo is here [ cheers and applause dane cook is here. [ cheers and applause jay won and Matthew Delisi are here [ cheers and applause and the Avett Brothers are here [ cheers and applause and im sorry, but after reading that, were already out of time. Good night, everyone [ light laughter ] lets get to some news here, guys today a federal judge ordered President Trump to turn over eight years of his tax returns im not saying its bad, but right now trumps accountant is climbing over his border wall into mexico