[ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] democrats last night won the governorships in virginia and new jersey. Or as fox news reported, are emojis turning kids gay . [ laughter and applause ] last night, danica roem became virginias first openly transgender person elected to the house of delegates. [ cheers and applause ] defeating robert marshal, a conservative republican who wrote a controversial antilgbt bathroom bill. So bad news, robert. She did get to choose her own bathroom, and she chose the one in your old office. [ cheers and applause ] President Trump tweeted today that quote, noko has interpreted americas past restrain as weakness. This would be a fatal miscalculation. Do not underestimate us and do not try us. Strong words except for noko. [ light laughter ] youre trying to talk about an existential threat to the world. Dont make it sound like a cool new york neighborhood. [ light laughter ] my friend grayson just got a loft in noko. Hes opening a hot sauce museum. [ laughter
Peace. If you get the small half, stab the the guy with the big half. If you can still hear your heart beating youre not eeght enough. Raise your standards, for gods sake. And finally, if youre alone on thanksgiving, dress up your turkey and seat it at the table. Then instead of feeling bad about being alone, you can feel bad about eating your only friend. And so many other life boosters. So order awaken the turkey within today. Grab that drum stick of possibility and dunk it in the gravy of achievement. Pluts it makes for great stuffing. Mmm thats going to be moist tomorrow. Its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, trump ends charity. , plus stephen welcomes John Leguizamo, and musical guest elton john. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen hey, welcome, welcome to the late show, everybody. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Tomorrow is thanksgiving and im so excite
The the guy with the big half. If you can still hear your heart beating youre not eeght enough. Raise your standards, for gods sake. And finally, if youre alone on thanksgiving, dress up your turkey and seat it at the table. Then instead of feeling bad about being alone, you can feel bad about eating your only friend. And so many other life boosters. So order awaken the turkey within today. Grab that drum stick of possibility and dunk it in the gravy of achievement. Pluts it makes for great stuffing. Mmm thats going to be moist tomorrow. Its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, trump ends charity. , plus stephen welcomes John Leguizamo, and musical guest elton john. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen hey, welcome, welcome to the late show, everybody. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Tomorrow is thanksgiving and im so excited to reunite with all my loved ones pum
Working for your father in queens. [ laughter ] a right wing preacher and friend of Alabama Senate candidate roy moore said this week that moore dated teen girls because when he came back from vietnam all of the women his age were unavailable. [ laughter ] you couldnt get a date so you went after underaged girls . [ light laughter ] thats like saying, oh, i only killed that guy because i had laryngitis and i couldnt yell at him. [ laughter ] the fcc released a plan yesterday to repeal regulations ensuring net neutrality. And i just got to say, this is the most [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] and i wouldnt have crapped my pants in the first place. John rogers, the Communications Director for controversial Alabama Senate candidate roy moore resigned his position today. I guess he wanted to get out before take your daughter to work day. [ laughter and applause ] according to a new poll, 25 of americans are trying to lose weight. For example, this lady would love to drop about 260 pou
Going to have to go back to working for your father in queens. [ laughter ] a right wing preacher and friend of Alabama Senate candidate roy moore said this week that moore dated teen girls because when he came back from vietnam all of the women his age were unavailable. [ laughter ] you couldnt get a date so you went after underaged girls . [ light laughter ] thats like saying, oh, i only killed that guy because i had laryngitis and i couldnt yell at him. [ laughter ] the fcc released a plan yesterday to repeal regulations ensuring net neutrality. And i just got to say, this is the most [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] and i wouldnt have crapped my pants in the first place. John rogers, the Communications Director for controversial Alabama Senate candidate roy moore resigned his position today. I guess he wanted to get out before take your daughter to work day. [ laughter and applause ] according to a new poll, 25 of americans are trying to lose weight. For example, this lady woul