Reasons . Oh, yes, i have a few small lesions. Youll come along for the romantic dates. Can i get you a drink . Name your poison. Dairy, it gives me terrible gas. Its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, weight botchers and real news tonight talks to South Carolina voters. Plus, stephen welcomes tyra banks and wildlife expert coyote peterson featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen hi how are you . Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah hey happy friday. Audience Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen. Stephen happy friday. Lets go into the weekend strong, everybody yes thank you cheers and applause hello, my friends. Amazing. What an amazing crowd. What an amazing city. What an amazing world. How great to be alive. Welcome, one and all, to the late show. I am your host, Stephen Colbert. With all the news about the coronavirus, i hope everyones doing everything they can to stay safe. If you n
Stephen anyway, have a great show. But you know who else loved it is when i washed yo yo mas cello, and he was so grateful. Stephen you washed his stradivarius . Oh, a stradivarius. So, its, like, 300 years old, so really dirty. So no wonder he was so grateful. He looked at me with tears of joy. It was so nice. laughter playing off key stephen anyway, great to see you. Break a leg tonight. Hey, stephen, stephen. Stephen yeah . Want me to give those glasses a good cleaning for the show . Stephen uh it helps. Stephen sure. Yeah, sure. No, you can leave them on, thats fine. Yeah, there you go. Splash it up good. There you go. Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight at dershowitzs end plus, stephen welcomes steve martin and musical guest steve martin and the Steep Canyon Rangers featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert stephen come on cheers and applause wooo hello, citizens. Hello, citi
[ laughter ] President Trump delivered the state of the Union Address last night and claimed that he has led a, quote, Great American comeback. Please everyone knows the Great American comeback is thats what she said. [ laughter and applause something we as a nation have to be proud of. According to the latest numbers, applause accounted for a third of President Trumps 78minute state of the Union Address [ light laughter ] but he did promise to do it less next year. [ laughter ] House Speaker nancy pelosi was seen tearing up her copy of President Trumps [ cheers and applause of President Trumps state of the Union Address last night once trump finished talking. To be fair, trump also destroyed that speech when he tried to say the phrase, he directed the december assault. He directed the december dassault [ laughter and applause seth thats what she said. [ laughter ] Vice President mike pence this morning said that House Speaker nancy pelosi tearing up a copy of President Trumps state of
The address was hillary clintons. [ light laughter ] President Trump this morning accused last nights strike by iran on u. S. Targets as being funded by money given to them under the obamaera nuclear deal man, is there anything he wont blame obama for . Mulligan, thats obamas fault. [ light laughter ] the u. S. Army issued a warning yesterday about a fraudulent Text Message Campaign claiming to draft recipients for world war iii. Come on. If you get drafted youre not going to get a text. Youll youll get a tweet [ laughter ] prince harry and duchess Meghan Markle announced on instagram this afternoon that theyre stepping away from the royal family and moving to canada, or as it was reported in british tabloids, meghan kidnapped harry [ light laughter ] prince harry and duchess Meghan Markle also announced they will quote work to become financially independent. While william and kate announced theyve sold the queen and theyre going to cabo. [ laughter ] after laying off her entire Campai
Think of a number. Im thinking to have the same one. laughter all right, the South Carolina democratic president ial debate has just wrapped up and, guys, it was a little crazy. Tom, i think she was talking about my plan, not yours. I think we were talking about math and it doesnt take two hours to do the math. Lets talk about math. You wrote the crime bill. Where we come from thats called johnny come lately. You didnt write that bill. I wrote the bill. Okay, you did. Took out to have the hands of look at a fact check. Ets look at the fact check. talking at the same time senator sanders, a quick response. Im not out of time he spoke overtime and im going to talk trevor damn it was wild tonight. I havent seen white people go at each other that hard since khakis were on sale at banana republic. Its not surprising the debate got that hot because the stakes could not be higher, people. This debate is the last one before the South Carolina primary this weekend and, remember, a few days afte