Transcripts For KPIX The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20240713

Reasons . Oh, yes, i have a few small lesions. Youll come along for the romantic dates. Can i get you a drink . Name your poison. Dairy, it gives me terrible gas. Its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, weight botchers and real news tonight talks to South Carolina voters. Plus, stephen welcomes tyra banks and wildlife expert coyote peterson featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen hi how are you . Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah hey happy friday. Audience Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen. Stephen happy friday. Lets go into the weekend strong, everybody yes thank you cheers and applause hello, my friends. Amazing. What an amazing crowd. What an amazing city. What an amazing world. How great to be alive. Welcome, one and all, to the late show. I am your host, Stephen Colbert. With all the news about the coronavirus, i hope everyones doing everything they can to stay safe. If you need information about how to stay healthy, dont ask donald trump, because were learning more about the president s approach to wellness from former white house physician and man describing the size of trumps hoagie laughter ronny jackson. Dr. Ronny is evidently running for congress down in texas, and in a recent interview, he said one of his biggest regrets was not being able to establish the diet and exercise regimen he had planned for trump. Really . Thats the thing he regrets . laughter not being abusive to his colleagues or loosely handling prescription pain medications, or that one time he wrecked a government vehicle while drunk. Look, i dont know if hes qualified for congress, but hes definitely qualified for the supreme court. laughter applause now, jackson says now, jackson did have one strategy to keep trump healthy. Apparently he hid veggies in trumps mashed potatoes because nothing makes a paranoid tyrant feel secure like hiding stuff in his food. as trump jared, i need you to be my taster. I think someones trying to poison me with nutrients. Check your calendars its february 28, which means just one more shopping day in black history month. To celebrate, the Trump Campaign will be opening 15 Community Centers to reach black voters. Its run by a group called black voices for trump, which sounds surprising, because trump hs a lot of African American support. For instance, theres this guy, the same guy at another rally, and the same guy again, all in different cities its like a wheres waldo, except much easier to pick out of a crowd. laughter applause now, this week cheers this week, the Campaign Launched a prototype of one of the Community Centers, and here it is. Its just stuff on a table, like a tshirt that just says woke. Woke . At this point, thats getting a little dated. Not as bad as their other black outreach tshirt dynomite. laughter but trump clearly needs to do something, since more than eight in ten black americans say they believe trump is a racist. The other two are ben carson and kanye west. laughter applause democrats democrats are dealing with their own controversy specifically, Senate Minority leader, Chuck Schumer, seen here on the cover of his jazz album, the sultry senate. Apparently, the New York Post looked into schumers f. E. C. Filings and found the shocking news that he has spent 8,600 on cheesecakes in the past decade. Now, as scandals go, this one is pretty mild. And very creamy. laughter but senator schumer still addressed it at a press conference this week. I give them as gifts. I use them as bets. Stephen you heard him, Chuck Schumer bets with cheesecakes. Us i had rollers know this is extremely common. Who could forget this classic scene from Casino Royale . Raise. Raise. applause laughter 14,500,000. Whoa thats a lot of cheesecake. Stephen fears fears of coronavirus i dont remember that last. Guy. I remember everything but that last guy. Fears of coronavirus are running high, and trump has been encouraging Government Employees to stay home by firing them for disloyalty. In fact, in the wake of trumps impeachment acquittal, the white house has created lists of disloyal officials. as trump im makin a list checkin it twice gonna fire you then eat a cake slice laughter applause so to handle the list schumer sent me cheesecake today so to handle the list, trump recently promoted his personal aide, john mcentee, and instructed him to purge the executive branch of anyone not loyal to trump. A purge that sounds like the soviet union. Instead of red square, its orange blob. laughter to help him purge the disloyal, mcentee promptly hired james bacon, a 23yearold College Senior. as trump you had me at bacon. laughter applause now jon wow stephen a College Senior clearly, as long as youre blindly loyal, trump doesnt care about age or experience. Here to tell us more about the administrations new hiring and firing policy is white House Management director, kayla mckenzie. Thank you for joining us. Thank you for having me, stephen. Stephen so, kayla director mckenzie. Stephen my apologies. Director mckenzie, what do you actually do there at the white house . My job is to cull the weak, stephen. Stephen really . How old are you . How dare you ask a woman her age. What else to expect from fake news cbs. Youre as bad as the nevertrumpers. Weve got a great show for you tonight. Tyra banks is here. But when we come back, our real news anchor goes to South Carolina to see what voters really think. 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Me . vo i want to rock rock rock rock rock i want to rock im the founder of the honey pot. My name is beatrice dixon. To have a retailer like target see you and believe in you, is everything. The reason why its so important for honey pot to do well is so the next black girl she could have a better opportunity. That means a lot to me. Wild thing, you make my heart sing. You make everything. Groovy. Done yet . Yeah, yeah, sorry, sorry. You sure . Hmm. Mmm. Come on, come on, wild thing. If you ride, you get it. Geico motorcycle. Fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more. VoMike Bloomberg has a recordgue of doing something. As mayor, he protected womens reproductive rights. Expanded Health Coverage to 700,000 new yorkers. And decreased infantmortality rates to historic lows. As president , hell build on obamacare, cap medical costs, and will always protect a womans right to choose. Mike bloomberg a record on Health Care Nobody can argue about. Mike im Mike Bloomberg and i approve this message. [ fastpaced drumming ] band playing cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody, welcome back. Give it up for jon batiste and stay human. Beautiful friday night. Happy friday. cheers and applause happy friday. Jon jon we in it. Stephen happy friday, my friend. Jon happy friday. Stephen do you have any plans for the weekend . Jon yeah, im judging a music contest. Stephen really . Jon yeah. Stephen who and what . Jon i cant say. Stephen well, then, why are you teasing me with that information, jon . Jon its what im doing this weekend. But i cant say what the contest is. Stephen okay, okay. Jon im contractually bound not to say. Stephen oh, wow jon yes. Stephen now i really want to know. Jon i can tell. Stephen im contractually bound to find out. Wow, yeah. Ask me what im doing . Jon what are you doing this weekend . Stephen none of your damn business, jon. Hows that feel . Hows that feel, jon . Im doing other things with other people who are paying me not to tell you. I dont have any plans. laughter folks, tomorrow is the South Carolina democratic primary. To win, candidates have to get the support of black voters, and heres why they make up 60 of the democratic voters in the palmetto state. But trumps giving those democrats some competition, because hes already made this Campaign Promise were going to travel to every location across the country, to every community urban, rural and suburban and were going to campaign for every last African American vote in 2020. Stephen hes going for every African American vote in 2020. But hes got his work cut out for him, because back in 2016, he received only 8 of the black vote. Must be tough news for the president to hear. Fortunately, we have our own inhouse news team, real news tonight, who are dedicated to giving donald trump only positive news he wants to hear. And lead anchor, Jim Anchorton, is such a devoted supporter of the president , that he went down to South Carolina to see how great trump is doing in the democratic primary. Jim . The South Carolina democratic primary yuck. But i go where the news is, so im here in charleston to talk to voters, see what theyre thinking, maybe even bring some over to the winning team, team trump. In South Carolina, theres only one demographic that apparently matters black voters. So i found the perfect guy, the chairman of the South Carolina Republican Party minority outreach program. Leon winn. Donald trump, great president or greatest president . To me greatest. When it comes to the black community for me, hes the greatest president . What about lincoln . President lincoln freed the slaves in the south, but he kept slaves in the north. You gotta walk before you can run. Thats right. What is black voices for trump . Its just any organization that comes together in the voices of black people thats saying, i support the president of the united states. If you had to raise your voice and be a member of black voices of trump, what would that voice sound like, you know . If i was in black voices for trump, itd probably be like hip hop a hibby to the hibby. I love trump. Man, im in my 60s. Im past hip hop past hip hop . Im past it. Give me some gospel. I believe that trump is the best president you fin i believe and you that trump is the best and you actually the greatest and you actually the greatest presiden better than lincoln what do you think . Pretty good. I wouldnt pay for it. laughter now in your bio, it says that you used to be a police you used to be a Police Officer. Yes. With the columbia, South Carolina, police force. First of all, blue lives matter. Highfive. All right. How long were you a Police Officer . In columbia, about two and a half years, if i remember correctly. So youve been a police. Officer. A used car salesman you do. Right now, youre a pastor. Yeah, im a retired cosmetologist. Yeah . In your professional cosmetology opinion, um, what color is trumps face . laughter applause hunh. Inspired, i set out to connect with more African Americans who love trump, my people. President trump has made a vow that hes going to win every single African American vote in 2020. What can we do to make that happen . Is he going to get your vote . Well, hes not going to get my vote. I guess the only way for him to get the black vote are you calling the president a liar . Oh, yeah, most definitely, most definitely. I mean, im not a big fan of the president right now. Oh yeah . Why dont you like trump . I dont know. He just rubbed me the wrong way from the jump, you know, the things he says. How do you like to be rubbed . How we doing . Who are you guys supporting in the primary . Trump. You supporting trump . Hell yeah, highfive you support trump . Me, too yes, i do what about you . Trump. All right in your opinion, what is the greatest thing that trump has done for you . Well, in my opinion, i just think hes done a very solid job on the economy. I think hes done a very solid job in showing our dominance as americans. And i think hes rejuvenated the dominance as well. Rejuvenated the dominance. Yes. Sort of like one of those pills you take to rjuvenate your male dominance . Yes, exactly like that. Yeah. So trump is like a boner pill for america. If you thats actually a very good analogy. It wasnt easy, but i eventually found some black voices f trump. They just happened to be. White. All right. Pound it out on the boner pill. All right. cheers and applause stephen thank you Jim Anchorton and congrats to real news family on their newest reporter, oscar anchorton. Well be right back with tyra banks. Stick around. Look closely at the perfection that is the quarter pounder and youll see its actually made of countless imperfections. 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Healthy, beautiful smiles for life. Preorder a galaxy s20 now for up to 200 in samsung credit. Steyer wall street banks took of millions of americans during the recession. So, my wife kat and i took action. We started a Nonprofit Community bank with a simple theory give people a fair deal and real economic power. Invest in the community. In businesses owned by women and people of color. In affordable housing. The difference between words and actions matters. Thats a lesson politicians in washington could use right now. Im tom steyer, and i approve this message. band playing cheers and applause stephen welcome back to the show lovely, lovely. How lucky are we to have these people . Folks, my first guest tonight is a supermodel who created americas next top model, the tyra banks show, and, of course, the smize. Please welcome to the late show, tyra banks. This is really big whoa stephen welcome. Hello stephen nice to have you on. Nice to finally meet you . Im so excited to meet you. I had no idea this studio was so huge. Stephen full of the most beautiful people. Stephen well, you had an amazingly varied career, some things i was not aaware of. I new model, tv producer, talk show host. Stanford Business School professor. Lecturer. I teach at stanford, yes. Stephen whose career are you modeling . Who do you admire . Who is the person . You know who i really love, richard branson. I like that he goes into these different worlds, whether its records, whether its airlines, whether its cruises stephen ballooning. Ballooning. I like how you said that ballooning. And then he makes it different and unique and interesting. Stephen is that why ive got this photo of you which makes sense to me now. Is this whats going on here . That is me one halloween as richard branson. Yeah. I wanted to be my idol for halloween. Stephen stephen wow, thats something you and i have in common. What do you mean . Stephen because i actually did a cover shoot for one of his magazines years ago. And i did. Oh, my gosh that actually looks like the same person stephen i know. That looks like a closeup of him and a wide shot himself. You are my brother from another mother. Stephen yes, and have you talked to him . Have you met him . I have. Yes, so i was him for halloween, and then he saw it, and he reached out. His team reached out, and theyre like he was like, ive never looked so beautiful in my life with all that hair on my face. And then i ended up going to london and judging an entrepreneurial contest that he was doing with sara blakely. And then after, we went to dinner with him, and i was like, i want you to mentor me. And he said, i can get my people to help you out. I said, i didnt say your people. I said you. Expivment called him twice, and i never called back. And i ran into him somewhere. And he said you are the best mentee you called twice and you disappeared. Stephen have you been down to his he that island in the caribbean. Have you been down there . I went with friends once. He wasnt there. I went and it was really amaze glig havent been. Is it nice . Thats where you are going to end up when you are retired, like, federa 50 years from now. I will have to moisture if its 50 years from now. Youre in the history books now, because youve coined a word in the english language, smize. The entomology, if im not wrong, is smiling with your eyes. Yes, to smile with onesize, correct. Stephen how is my smile . A little too much energy. Novocain mouth. Like bentist, blabla. And i need to you put eye lid from the bottom to the top yes, yes a little bit more. Chin down chin down oh oh oh yes that was so good oh, that was stephen thank you. You have been practicing . Because that was good. Stephen a little bit. An instant facelift, amazing. You have other terms you introduced into the english language. Many. I love making up words. Stephen i have a list of them and i havent the slightest damn idea what these mean. Why dont you oh stephen are those yours . Yes, these are my words. You dont know what my words are . Stephen i might. I dont think i do. Hit me and ill tell you if i know. T2 t. Stephen hot to trot. No, head to toe. You must mod frel head to toe. I dont care if a person is taking a picture of your face. You have to filt energy from the tp of your head to your toes. Thats modeling h2 . Stephen t next sinsicent. Stephen youve been bad but youre essentially an innocent person. Exactly in a photo. Give it to me now. Five, four, three, two, one oh, yes good oh oh oh stephen im turning me on. That was a little stephen im turning me on over here. That was not innocent. Flossem. Stephen flawlessly awesome. No. Stephen flossing in an awesome way. No stephen flossem. I awesome, flossum oh, awesome with floss. There you go. Your flaws there but who cares because are you flawsome baby. That is flawsome. Stephen i would love to do that for you but i have no flaws. Stephen the next one. Can you stand up for this one . Oh stephen what are we doing . The last one is booty tooch. applause cheers stephen booty tooch. Stephen let me teach you what to do with your booty . Its touching the booty. Can everybody chant with me. Booty tooch. Bend the knees, stick out booty. Pump it out. Pump it out. Pump it out. Yes. And hold it. Hold it for the photo. That is a booty tooch. Youre really good at all these stephen im exhausted. Im exhausted. I dont know if we can do that on cbs. Well find fought we can do that on cbs. You totally can. Its totally p. G. Stephen im reading your barre there, and it said modalland. It is a place i have created that is a brickandmortar destination for the entire family to come and live the ultimate modeling fantasy. Stephen by brick and mortar,it is actually a place. It is a place in santa monica, california. You can buy a ticket, and you can come and do photo shoots and be in this immersive theater i have created where are you in this revolution to end beaut standards, to say we are all flawsome and we are all beautiful. You can come with your family. Theres tips and tricks. Stephen tips and tricks . Whats that . Tip tips and tricks on how tt your smize right. This is smize 101. When you come to modelland, it is smize103 think harry potters hogwarts meet the next top model. She is the head of the mott ling school and says everyone must look like her, which is a clone. However, there are some students that have opened up a portal that says, oh, hell, no, belladon awe are opening up and everybody will learn to toot and booch, and smize from h to t. Stephen i actually fmed that. Did you . Yes. Stephen americas top model, 24 seasons. Yes, we have had 24. One of the longest reality shows in history. Stephen you have an eye for spotting models. Can i ask if i have what it takes . Oh, okay. So this is really god. I do not know what the heck is going on with that top claw of a hand on that knee. That wrist should have been resting on the knee. But other than that, that would have been fantastic. And you dont have enough neck. Theres a little bit noneck monster there. laughter i am so confused. There is no booty tooch. This is just flaws but not awesome. Oh, damn yes this is amazing this is so amazing this is everything the gate, the look over your shoulder as if you dont care. Stephen i dont. And it just looks like you just dont. Stephen and, of course, this one i had to earn. Oh laughter that one is actually i just it makes meantime i threw up in the back of my throat a little bit. Stephen you know what . Thats too much. I dont think thats sexy, that tummy thing. Stephen would it help if i told you thats just an applique on the tshirt . Would it help if i told you that i know that . Stephen tityra, a pleasure. When can we go to modelland . You can get them right now, theyre on sale. Modelland. Com. Its a song modelland. Com. Sleep this amazing . Thats a zzzquil pure zzzs sleep. Our gummies contain a unique botanical blend, while an optimal melatonin level means no nextday grogginess. Zzzquil pure zzzs. Naturally superior sleep. howling wind howling wind officially hitting the us. Virus man the markets are plunging for a second straight day. Vo Health Experts warn the us is underprepared. Managing a crisis is what Mike Bloomberg does. In the aftermath of 911, he steadied and rebuilt americas largest city. Oversaw Emergency Response to natural disasters. Upgraded hospital preparedness to manage health crises. And hes funding Cutting Edge Research to contain epidemics. Tested. Ready. Mike im Mike Bloomberg and i approve this message. And i start to pray till the tears run down from my eyes lord somebody, ooh somebody can anybody find me somebody to love . Alexa, play queen on amazon music. [music playing] its an honor to tell you that al[ applause ]een thank you. Music. Liberty mutual customizes your Car Insurance so you only pay for what you need. I love you only pay for what you need. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Gfor kohls cash anniversary. Sale friday through sunday. Everyone gets 15 kohls cash for every 50 spent earn it on everything spend it on anything the more you spend the more kohls cash youll get this weekend. At kohls and kohls dot com. howling wind howling wind [ fastpaced drumming ] band playing cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody, welcome back. Hey, everybody, welcome back, folks. My next guest is a wildlife educator and conservationist with over a billion views on youtube. He now stars in animal planets brave the wild. Please welcome coyote peterson coyote, good to see you again. Thanks for being here. Thank you, stephen. Stephen now, youve got some very interesting animals for us today, and theres a theme to these animals. Yes. Stephen explain to the people who were going to see here. Today we have got some amazing ambassadors that are australian animals. As you guys know, a lot is going on in australia, a lot of animals are losing their home stephen up to a billion animals are lost in the fires. And counting. Fires are still burning right now, so there is a lot of help needed for the creatures and the people on the front line. Stephen we have suggestion on colbertlateshow. Com australia. Please go there and check it out and give generously. Before we do, you remember what happened last time, right. I came prepared today, just in case. We have a potty pad pad so we dont run into what happened with the iguana. Stephen all right, good. Lets bring out the first critter. The first say wallaby. Its about as adorable as it gets. Stephen wallaby hes very cute. A ball walla bee looks like a kangaroo. Whats the difference . Its kind of like the small cousin to a kangaroo. They vary in size. This one is still a baby. They dont get quite as big as the kangaroo, not quite as athletic, but when it comes to being adornable, equally as cute. Stephen and he has a powp. As a mass soupial and youngster they like to stay cradled in a pouch. I know its a all these lights and cameras. It makes them feel more comfortable. I see we have some little treats here. Stephen we do. Ive seen online that the australian firefighters, besides fighting the fires, people have been they have been dropping Sweet Potatoes and carrots to the wallabies. Thats correct. Stephen may i try to give him a carrot. Stephen would you like a carrot. Looks pretty good. It didnt come of come out of an airplane. Maybe not the right brand. Stephen maybe smaller. Thats a super baby carrot. We peeled these for you. Stephen how about an apple . Oh, apples are good. Hes like look at all these cameras. Id rather eat cameras. No . Thinking about it . What do you think . No apples today . Youre just like im just going to be super cute. There we go. laughter ill do it. Stephen who else who else do we have . Good job, buddy. Good job. Our next Little Critter is super cool. This is one of the smallest marsupials youll see. This is mash mallow. Theyre also marsupials. Theyre nok tornl, and this is the perfect combination of a little creature up in the trees that does its best to stay hid fren predators. And, again, when it comes to being adorable stephen he has that in spades. Its nocturnal. It is. Stephen so it can only be on late show. It cannot be on cbs this morning. Can i try this . It might not eat the a. M. , but they have pretty sharp teeth so be careful. There we go. Stephen thats all right. We have insurance. We have the combination of apexpel banana. Stephen look at that. Yum. Different flavors are good. Watch those fingers, stephen i like to eat my apples and bananas do you want to pet . Stephen i do. Where is the best place to pat. Is that why theyre called sugar gliders. Its because they like sweet things. And it looks like its covered in sugar. Stephen and why glider . Like flying squirrels, they have flaps of skin on the side of the body so to escape a predator moving from tree to tree, they can gleep leapand glide to the next stop keeping them safe or looking for their next food surface. Stephen that would be a good name for a super hero. Hi, buddy. Youre super adorable. Say bye to stephen. Bye, stephen this next one, this is a kangaroo, this is everybodys favorite from australia, right . And these kangaroos are so incredibly athletic. This ones a baby. Hi, buddy, how you doing . Stephen i can touch the tail. What will happen . You can touch the tip of the tail. It should be fine. They love a scratch on the back of the head and the chest when theyre in the pouch like this. Stephen hello to you hello, stephen. Stephen how are you doing . Will he eat a carrot . Probably not. You probably want to see what a kangaroo looks like actually standing up. Stephen sure. Lets go over to here, and were going to be very gentle, and basically this is just a little roll maneuver to get him out of here. Stephen ooo here we go. Oop, there you go. Stephen do they kick . I hear they kick . I did hear you are a little nervous around roos. Stephen im not nervous around kangaroos. Who told you i was a kangaroo coward. I heard you had roophobia. They will not kick you but use the feet as a defense against a potential predator. A dingo, when a rang radio is out like this, you dont want to pet it behind its back. That seems like a predatory approach. Just a little scratch on the back. Stephen how big will this fella get . Pretty big. You dont have anything to worry about. If you found yourself in a position to get kicked by a kangaroo, youve done something wrong. Stephen coyote thank you so much for bringing these animals by. Eb out there, if you would like to help down in australia, go to colbertlateshow. Com australia. 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Old town road by lil nas xs i got the horses in the back horse tack is attached hat is matte black, got the boots thats black to match im gonna take my horse to the old town road, im gonna ride til i cant no more doritos® cool ranch just got cooler. I aint dancin. Doritos® cool ranch just got cooler. A lot of folks ask me why their dishwasher doesnt get everything clean. I tell them, it may be your detergent. Thats why more dishwasher brands recommend cascade platinum. With the soaking, scrubbing and rinsing built right in. For sparklingclean dishes, the first time. Cascade platinum. Im loooooving the allnew camera system on iphone 11 paul and i love how at sprint. sprintern . You can get the amazing iphone 11 for zero dollars a month when you tradein your iphone 6s or newer. paul in any condition. sprintern seriously, in any condition. For people with hearing loss, visit sprintrelay. Com. Officially hitting the us. Virus man the markets are plunging for a second straight day. Vo Health Experts warn the us is underprepared. Managing a crisis is what Mike Bloomberg does. In the aftermath of 911, he steadied and rebuilt americas largest city. Oversaw Emergency Response to natural disasters. Upgraded hospital preparedness to manage health crises. And hes funding Cutting Edge Research to contain epidemics. Tested. Ready. Mike im Mike Bloomberg and i approve this message. band playing cheers and applause stephen hey, welcome back, everybody. You know, folks, every night before taping, i come out here and take questions from the audience. And its so true what they say there are no stupid questions. There are only my stupid answers. And we record all of that and show them to you. Jim . applause sir, youll have to do. Yes . What . I have done it. I have grown a mustache and a beard twice not like that, no. No. applause ive grown a beard, though. Ive grown a beard. I have grown what people call the colbeard. I dont dye my hair. Im actually gray up in here, but my beard comes out snow white, and it really makes it look like i dye my hair, so i cant do it. Oh, that helps. laughter i saw you first, young lady. Yes . One thing i love about my life . My wife. applause my wifes sister is here tonight. Shes going to tell my wife i said that and its just all going to be smooches when i get home. Let me check. Let me check. Yeah, but hes naked. So i cant ask him to come out. Yes, sir, in the plaid. laughter . Stephen did you really . Did you really . laughter applause audience Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen no, ive never done that. Are there any other questions . laughter applause yes, sir . Do i love poetry do i like poetry . I do like poetry, yes. Ill tell you the first poem i sent to my wife when we were first dating. I wanted her to know that i liked her, and i didnt know how to tell her they liked her, they found her attractive, and we had been talking the first time we ever met about e. E. Cummings. And i sent her this thing. I said, really like cummings poem mr. Yous p and the poem goes, mr. Yous neednt be so spry, each to his taste, but as for i, i likes a certain party. Ill take the heman solid bliss for yous ideas ill match yous. A pretty girl who naked is will match a million statues. applause its a good one. Its a good one. And were married and we have kids and everythings great. And i found out after we were married, she never looked it up. laughter applause yes, maam, right over there. Stephen oh, mahalo. Mahalo, my friend. I have been to hawaii once. I went there on my honeymoon, actually. It was really quite lovely. I had a great time. laughter well, we didnt film it, actually. laughter applause that i know of. How about the young lady right there in the second row . When i was a little kid, i wanted to be a marine biologist. I wanted to be jacques cousteau, more than anything else. And stopped want ago i didnt stop wanting to but i gave up on that when i lost my eardrum in this ear because im not waterproof. So i gave up on that. And i said, i guess ill go into improv comedy and host the late show. applause yes, sir. laughter i think jon. I think jon. Hes the smartest guy i know. Would i be on his ticket as Vice President . bleep that. Im a star. laughter yes, maam, down there, yeah. It donald trump wanted to be on the show . How would i want to interview him . Behind bars cheers and applause stephen well be right back. When i came home from prison my sons were in their teens. So i got involved in juvenile justice, i didnt want them to go through the same thing i went through. Michael bloomberg created the young mens initiative. In helping keep other young men and young women from entering into the criminal justice system. And we see it, we see it in young people being employed. We see young people being removed out the system. Running for president , what better platform for him to speak about real justice, real reform. Im Mike Bloomberg and i approve this message. [ fastpaced drumming ] tomtrump on the economy. Ald his people over profits plan makes a living wage a right. Creates thousands of good paying green jobs in california. And provides a 10 tax cut for everyone making under 250,000. Toms plan also makes health care a right, by adding a public option to obamacare. Protects union negotiated plans. And ensures californians can make their own health care choices. Im tom steyer and i approve this message. Stephen thats it for the late show, everybody. Tune in next week when ill be joined by ty burrell, james taylor, and keith urban. Good night captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry where it is you come from itll be all right its the late late show