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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20160429

Cruz. laughter hes a man despised by basically everyone the democrats hate him, fellow republicans hate him. When babies are born, they cry because being alive means they might some day meet him. But the people who know him on a personal level are the ones who truly revile him. Listen to how former republican speaker of the house john boehner talked about ted cruz yesterday. He absolutely tore into him calling him lucifer in the flesh. I have democrat friends, republican friends, i get along with almost everyone but i have never worked with a more miserable son of a bitch in my life. Trevor damn lucifer in the flesh that is so cold on top of that, boehner just called cruz the most miserable son of a bitch hes ever worked with. Do you understand, ever worked with do you know how many terrible people john boehner worked with . Let me put it this one, one was sent to prison and was a child molester and john boehner is like, no, trust me, kids, cruz is the worst. But apparently there is at

Transcripts For COM The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore 20160506

Larry Larry Larry Larry gracias, gracias, thank you very much. Feliz Cinco De Mayo yeeeaaah cheers and applause im celebratin con this burrito grande larry, stop it. Larry grace parra, everybody yes, hello, hi. Larry hey, grace happy mexican july 4th oh, my god, larry its not mexicos independence day. Cinco de mayo honors mexicos unexpected victory over the french at the battle of puebla in 1862. Larry yay cheers and applause mexico beat the french wooo until the french returned a year later and beat the bleep out of mexico lakes of blood, corpses everywhere. Larry oh, okay. Yeah. Larry all right, maybe ill just have a margarita cheers and applause even though Cinco De Mayo was invented by Beer Companies to sell their swill to spanish speakers. But, hey, if you want to exploit our culture just for an excuse to drink, knock yourself out. Larry grace parra, everybody its parrrra larry get out you of here. All right, fine. Okay, that was a slightly inappropriate celebration. I wonder who

Transcripts For COM The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore 20160506

Comedy central cheers and applause larry welcome to the nightly show, yeah Larry Larry Larry larry larry gracias, gracias, thank you very much. Feliz Cinco De Mayo yeeeaaah cheers and applause im celebratin con this burrito grande larry, stop it. Larry grace parra, everybody yes, hello, hi. Larry hey, grace happy mexican july 4th oh, my god, larry its not mexicos independence day. Cinco de mayo honors mexicos unexpected victory over the french at the battle of puebla in 1862. Larry yay cheers and applause mexico beat the french wooo until the french returned a year later and beat the bleep out of mexico lakes of blood, corpses everywhere. Larry oh, okay. Yeah. Larry all right, maybe ill just have a margarita cheers and applause even though Cinco De Mayo was invented by Beer Companies to sell their swill to spanish speakers. But, hey, if you want to exploit our culture just for an excuse to drink, knock yourself out. Larry grace parra, everybody its parrrra larry get out you of here. Al

Transcripts For COM The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore 20160506

cheers and appuse larry welcome to the nightly show, yeah Larry Larry Larry larry larry gracias, gracias, thank you very much. Feliz Cinco De Mayo yeeeaaah cheers and applause im celebratin con this burrito grande larry, stop it. Larry grace parra, everybody yes, hello, hi. Larry hey, grace happy mexican july 4th oh, my god, larry its not mexicos independence day. Cinco de mayo honors mexicos unexpected victory over the french at the battle of puebla in 1862. Larry yay cheers and applause mexico beat the french wooo until the french returned a year later and beat the bleep out of mexico lakes of blood, corpses everywhere. Larry oh, okay. Yeah. Larry all right, maybe ill just have a margarita cheers and applause even though Cinco De Mayo was invented by Beer Companies to sell their swill to spanish speakers. But, hey, if you want to exploit our culture just for an excuse to drink, knock yourself out. Larry grace parra, everybody its parrrra larry get out you of here. All right, fine. Ok

Transcripts For COM The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore 20151216

A shooting instructor in california is training churchgoers to carry concealed weapons, which explains why the priest keeps saying, in the name of the father, the son hes got a gun. And bill cosby saying his accuserss Sexual Assault allegations defamed him. No, it was the stories about the raping of the women that did it. This is nightly show, bleep . Lets do it. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central cheers and applause larry yes thank you very much. Twok nightly show. Look at this audience. Larry Larry Larry Larry thank you so much. So kind of you. Such a great crowd. Im so excited. I shaved my head clean tonight. laughter just a little tiny hairs. laughter turned around. Its all good. Its all good. Taye diggs joins us on the panel tonight, taye diggs. cheers and applause you know, some nights we just have several stories that really tell us who we are as a people. So tonight, were putting a few of those together in a segment were calling murka. Murica now, we begin in that moment mu

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