Noah. Trevor so, election day is over, but because its 2020, election week has just begun. And that means its time for more election coverage in our continuing segment votegasm 2020 the awkward day after. Lets kick it off with really the only news right now. Joe biden looks like hes on president of the United States. At the time im saying this, he has leading in enough states to win the whole thing, and it may even be declared tonight. In fact, you might even know, watching this right now, if the election is over. And if you do, dont tell me no spoilers i like this feeling of stress. Now, this is all happening after a chaotic, nervewracking Election Night that featured all sorts of weird moments, predictions flipping left and right, ballots being delivered with a police escort, Steve Kornackis khaki butt. But maybe whats weirdest is that after all of that, the night actually ended up going mostly as everyone expected. Trump jumped ahead early in a lot of states because republicans most
inhaling rumbling man we have launch. Hey, romper stomper get up you got a visitor. Eric hey, romper stomper wow ive never had a visitor before. Well, thats not all. I snuck something in for you too. You did . You know how you told me you always wanted to see disneyland . Yeah. [grunting] [water splashes] theres pirates of the caribbean. Whoa [grunting] here comes space mountain [grunting] [water splashes] oh, yeah [grunting] its a small world [water splashes] splash mountain comes next [grunting] trevor hello, everybody. Welcome to the daily social distancing show. I am trevor noah running on four hours of sleep. Today is wednesday, the 4th of november, which means we are on day two of election day. Its almost like a hannukah miracle that no one wanted anyway, coming up on tonights show we look at how donald trump has had it with all these votes, roy wood jr. Will never trust the polls again, and well find out why hispanic voters are going maga. So lets do this, people welcome to the
New york city to your couch somewhere in the world, this is the daily social distancing show with trevor noah. Trevor lets kick things off with the tore that everyone is talking about. Mitch mcconnells hands. This was terrifying. What the hell happened . You see his hand . Guy looks like he was them wrestling a raccoon. Whats going on with that color . Looks like he was thinking about doing blackface but decided to start slowly. One hand at a time. Didnt say anything about black hand. Mcconnell says hes fine and has no medical condition to be worried about. So that shits just like normal i guess. Im glad hes fine but i guess that means his hands patchily look like a banana that fell under the fridge two months ago. Makes it taste sweeter, maaa. Last night was the second and final president ial debate of all time no, of this election. And Donald Trumps last president ial at the bait ever until 2024 because, no matter what happens, we all know hes running again, people, hes not going any
Tonight, taylor devine. Plus teefn welcomes mindy kaling and former c. I. A. Director john brennan. Featurinjon batiste and stay homin. Now live on tape from the ed sullivan Theater Office building in new york city, its Stephen Colbert stephen hey, everybody welcome to a late show. Im your host Stephen Colbert. You might notice when the show is open these days im leaning back in the chair a lot. Im either very comfortable in this job these days or i no longer have the core strength to sit up. Lets figure out which it is. Folks, the coronavirus pandemic continues to rage in americas hot zone 1600 pennsylvania avenue. And reports say the west wing has turned into a ghost town. Previously, the only ghost haunting the mansion was mike pence. Hes at least a zombie. Why else is he attracting all those flies . Things have gotten especially tough for white house correspondents like cnns joe johns who had this happen to him during a broadcast. Get there he is roaring the damn, frickin raccoons,
Tv, emptied on our door which is not great, but whatever, not a big deal. But then im looking at it and im wondering how did it hit at that angle . Did the bird come in sideways, like it was sliding into second base . How did this get there . And thats when i realized that the pigeon guano was coming from inside the door it was inside. I still dont know how it happened. From a physics standpoint, it doesnt make any sense. I guess, logic tells me that the door must have been open and the bird somehow edged over and did that thing birds love doing to us, the revenge of the birds, but the door wasnt really open for a moment i had to think, is it possible that this came out of me . Maybe i sneezed or something . I mean, to hit the glass at that trajectory, theres only one bird in the world that could make that shot and hes retired. He hasnt crapped on a window in years. Anyway, i dont know how this happened, but i know it was a bird. It must live in the area. My plan now is to find that bi