Live next to the alley behind the Police Station so, jeff parks his car at the gas station at the end the alley so that i can run out, go pick up krasney, and take her back to the car. Im freaking thrilled. I hadnt seen her in years so, we were all going to go have dinner and catch up. Now, i get out of the car and go down the alley and because jeff is watching me, i skip down the alley to her house to make him laugh, you know but little did i know, skipping down a Police Station alley is a big nono. Because i end up skipping towards a cop car thats driving at me down the alley the sirens go off. A cop gets out and his gun is drawn. And he goes, put your hands on the hood of the car put your hands on the hood this man is furious. I comply and his partner pats me down now this man is livid. It makes no sense. His anger level towards me is insane i am a young, adorable, delight literally skipping down the street, and ive infuriated him. So, this man asked me, where are you coming from .
And when he says Something Like that, you know its true. And the president fired the crowd up sharing many tales of victories and he did that at the state of the union. On tuesday, i delivered my address on the state of the union. And i had somebody behind me, who was mumbling terribly, mumbling. Mumbling, wah, wah, ho, ha. Mumbling. Very distracting. Jimmy we did some digging, and we went through all the footage to figure out who was mumbling behind him, and i believe we found the culprit. Here, on this land, on this soil, on this continent. I love you, i love you, i love you. I love you. Jimmy its nice that they still have that spark after all this time together. As he often does, trump covered a wide range of subjects, including the time in 2017 when a man with a gun shot louisiana congressman steve scalise. Scalise was at the rally with trump. A very brave man. He took a bullet. He got shot. And he got up, he was going to die that night. I tell this story all the time. His wife, sh
And walked off stage [ laughter ] despite President Trump claiming that athletes and protesters have disrespected the national anthem, video surfaced from trumps Super Bowl Party showing him fidgeting, pointing and pretending to conduct an orchestra during the song. Take a look. And the rockets red glare the bombs bursting in air [ laughter ] seth oh my god, youre the leader of the free world and you look like a 5yearold kid an hour into a catholic mass [ laughter ] do you have to [ applause ] i mean, seriously, do you have to pee or something . Well, you should have thought of that before you went insane. [ laughter ] the New Hampshire primary is now a week away, which means were only a few short months from finding out who won iowa [ laughter and applause multiple districts in iowa had to settle ties at last nights caucus by coin flip. People still use those things . Said Michael Bloomberg [ laughter and applause former new york mayor Mike Bloomberg today announced he is doubling his
Inaugural committee. [ laughter ] according to a new poll, half the country now believes President Trump should be impeached and removed from office unfortunately, the other half believes that Hillary Clinton should [ laughter ] according to sources, President Trump has put his soninlaw, jared kushner, in charge of overseeing border wall construction and thats smart, because if he cant squeeze between those bars, nobody can [ laughter ] First Lady Melania Trump spoke to a group of students today in baltimore about the dangers of drugs. Lets just say, they either hate her or love drugs. [ booing ] [ laughter ] [ audience aws ] if she asks, thats just how americans say we love you. [ laughter ] according to reports, billionaire president ial hopeful Mike Bloomberg has already spent 37 million on television ads. Of course, if tv ads were all you needed, this would be our president. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause according to reports, raccoonrelated delays on new york subways doubled t
His lawyers has been really busy causing the impeachment hearings [ laughter ] President Trump on friday called for an Environmental Review of bathroom fixtures [ light laughter ] and claimed that, quote, people are flushing toilets 10 times, 15 times as opposed to once. [ light laughter ] huh . Apparently its harder than i thought to get rid of a wedding ring [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause Time Magazine has released its list of finalists for person of the year, which includes President Trumps personal attorney Rudy Guiliani though im pretty sure he hasnt been a person since 1649 [ laughter and applause a team of three men announced last week they have set a new Cross Country speed record driving from manhattan to los angeles in 28 hours. How did you get from new york to l. A. That fast . Said spirit airlines. [ laughter and applause an arizona man recently registered a swarm of bees as emotional support animals. [ light laughter ] and so far theyre doing a great job. [ laughter an