Jon yeah welcome to the daily show my name is jon stewart. Weve got a great show for you tonight. Weve got a show youre going to be very excited that you tuned in tonight. Ill be talking to the great Salman Rushdie will be joining us later, about his new book, knife. Fabulous book and great surprises. But before that, its a big day for donald trump. Huge. His campaign for president was interrupted today by the trial about the other time he tried to run for president. Lets check in on the latest in another installment of americas most tremendously wanted. [cheers and applause] the whole thing is a scam. Jon after a week of jury selection, today, it was finally time for opening statements. And it turns out the prosecution and the defense dont see eye to eye. The prosecution arguing that trumps alleged scheme to keep an adult film actress quiet is election interference, pure and simple, in those words. Trump defense lawyer todd blanche told the jury that the former president , though, did
That im more than what you see on paper. Today im the ceo of my own company. Its the way my mind works. I have a very mechanical brain. Why are we not rethinking this . I am more. Im more than who i am on paper. I love this place, but i need better credit. Bad credit . You could just open a new card. But you kinda need. Ugh. Sfx [phone buzz] wow, i could build my credit that fast . Nice. Everything you need to outsmart the system. Intuit credit karma. And so today, south park held a parade to honor officer barbrady and his heroic work on the chicken case. Thank you, everybody, thank you speech, speech what . They want you to give a speech. About the whole experience over the last couple of days. Oh, okay. Well, first of all id like to thank the town of south park, the town that bore me and eventually will rob me of my life precious. Second, id like to say to all those out there who think they can screw chickens just to teach people to read, your days are numbered and finally id like to
Do it for me. The many impeachable offenses of Hannah Baumgartner can barack obama can no longer be ignored. So its time to impeach. Jon its time to impeach. Actually, i think its time to stop checking sarah palins facebook page, but she posts such cute pictures of baby gun. [laughter] well, since clicking on that page there already caused facebook to change all my popup ads to snow machine and moose clubbing products, lets stay with it. Enough is enough of the years of abuse from this president , his unsecured border crisis, for me its the last straw. It makes kind of the battered wife say, no mas. [audience reacts] jon now, if i may, it appears exgovernor palin is finally finished with mangling the english language and has moved on the making spanish incomprehensible. Shes like a serial killer of language. Or whatever the opposite of a Rosetta Stone is. Anyway, the point is this her point is the real victim of children fleeing violence in Central America is latina sarah palin. It mig
[laughter] but first, the real question is this what time is it . Did you really just shout party time . You didnt recognize im setting up a bit of a routine here . [laughter] just got out of college, just a reflex. What time is it . Party time a little bit quiet now. A little bit quiet now. You may be thinking to yourself, time have the tv on in the background while i have sex. Wrong [laughter] nothing else . Im not even going to tell you what time it is. Im going to let my friend sarah do it for me. The many impeachable offenses of Hannah Baumgartner can barack obama can no longer be ignored. So its time to impeach. Jon its time to impeach. Actually, i think its time to stop checking sarah palins facebook page, but she posts such cute pictures of baby gun. [laughter] well, since clicking on that page there already caused facebook to change all my popup ads to snow machine and moose clubbing products, lets stay with it. Enough is enough of the years of abuse from this president , his
Thank you for joining us. My name is jon stewart. Tonights guest, actress emma stone is going to join us. A couple actors talking. All right. One actor talking. [laughter] but first, the real question is this what time is it . Did you really just shout party time . You didnt recognize im setting up a bit of a routine here . [laughter] just got out of college, just a reflex. What time is it . Party time a little bit quiet now. A little bit quiet now. You may be thinking to yourself, time have the tv on in the background while i have sex. Wrong [laughter] nothing else . Im not even going to tell you what time it is. Im going to let my friend sarah do it for me. The many impeachable offenses of Hannah Baumgartner can barack obama can no longer be ignored. So its time to impeach. Jon its time to impeach. Actually, i think its time to stop checking sarah palins facebook page, but she posts such cute pictures of baby gun. [laughter] well, since clicking on that page there already caused face