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Transcripts For BETW The Daily Show 20170308

Comedy central from comedy centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with trevor noah. cheers and applause trevor thank you so much welcome, everybody, welcome to the daily show. Im trevor noah. Thank you for tuning in. Our guest tonight, maker of some of the funniest comedies around, judd apatow is here with us. First, real quick, do you guys remember nigel farage, trumps b. S. S. , and the antiimglant politician against brexit, the guy who looks like a muppet and smokes . That guy . Well dont worry about him. Just watch the kid. Her majesty, its time to knight mr. Farage. If you would like to kneel there. Dont hurt me. Well, thank you. You are now sir nigel farage. Thank you very much. Im honored. My mommy said you hate foreigners. No, no, listen, girl, no, no, no. Youre not supposed to say that. Thats very naughty. Trevor no, no, no, no, no i dont normally like kids, but that one can stay. That one can stay. How did they find the only fiveyearold with a ha

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20170308

Welcome, everybody, welcome to the daily show. Im trevor noah. Thank you for tuning in. Our guest tonight, maker of some of the funniest comedies around, judd apatow is here with us. First, real quick, do you guys remember nigel farage, trumps b. S. S. , and the antiimglant politician against brexit, the guy who looks like a muppet and smokes . That guy . Well dont worry about him. Just watch the kid. Her majesty, its time to knight mr. Farage. If you would like to kneel there. Dont hurt me. Well, thank you. You are now sir nigel farage. Thank you very much. Im honored. My mommy said you hate foreigners. No, no, listen, girl, no, no, no. Youre not supposed to say that. Thats very naughty. Trevor no, no, no, no, no i dont normally like kids, but that one can stay. That one can stay. How did they find the only fiveyearold with a hard opinion on immigration . And look at her, shes all cute being so royal. The only difference between her and the queen is the keen keeps it inside. But thats

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20170308

Welcome, everybody, welcome to the daily show. Im trevor noah. Thank you for tuning in. Our guest tonight, maker of some of the funniest comedies around, judd apatow is here with us. First, real quick, do you guys remember nigel farage, trumps b. S. S. , and the antiimglant politician against brexit, the guy who looks like a muppet and smokes . That guy . Well dont worry about him. Just watch the kid. Her majesty, its time to knight mr. Farage. If you would like to kneel there. Dont hurt me. Well, thank you. You are now sir nigel farage. Thank you very much. Im honored. My mommy said you hate foreigners. No, no, listen, girl, no, no, no. Youre not supposed to say that. Thats very naughty. Trevor no, no, no, no, no i dont normally like kids, but that one can stay. That one can stay. How did they find the only fiveyearold with a hard opinion on immigration . And look at her, shes all cute being so royal. The only difference between her and the queen is the keen keeps it inside. But thats

Transcripts For WUSA The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20170307

For instance, i heard president obama tapped your phones. Just tweet that and the hounds are off your trail obama i knew he was up to no good how low has president obama gone to tap my phones during the big sacred election process . This is nixon watergate. Bad. Boom donald, stop abe maam lincoln . Dont listen to nixon he was the one who tapped the phones in watergate. Shut up, abe dont you have tickets to the theater tonight . Donald, nixon had to resign for lying. Oh, damn it president lincoln is right. Donald, you dont want to end up like me. To paraphrase myself, i am a crook but the rumors about you and the russians are just spooky just admit what happened, fake ghost news somebody help das vedana who will you be calling . Vlad putin its the shore with Stephen Colbert tonight stephen welcomes Anderson Cooper, judd apatow and musical guest jidenna, featuring jon batiste and stay human. Now live on tape from the ed sullivanat theer in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and ap

Transcripts For KPIX The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20170414

Phones. laughter just tweet that and the hounds are off your trail obama i knew he was up to no good. How low has president obama gone to tap my phones during the big sacred election process . This is nixon watergate. Bad or sick guy. And. Boom goes the tweet amite donald, stop Abraham Lincoln . Dont listen to nixon he was the one who tapped the phones in watergate. Shut up, abe dont you have tickets to the theater tonight you stupid neckbeard . Too soon donald, nixon had to resign for lying. Oh, damn it president lincoln is right. Donald, you dont want to end up like me. To paraphrase myself, i am a crook but the rumors about you and the russians are just spooky just admit what happened, donald fake ghost news somebody help dasvidanya who will you be calling . Vlad putin its the late show with Stephen Colbert cheers and applause tonight stephen welcomes Anderson Cooper, judd apatow and musical guest jidenna, featuring jon batiste and stay human. Now live on tape from the ed sullivan t

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