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Transcripts For KNTV The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon 20240712

Steve from Rockefeller Center in the heart of new york city, its the tonight show starring jimmy fallon tonight join jimmy and his guests Anthony Anderson, senator Elizabeth Warren, musical guest big boi and sleepy brown featuring killer mike and big rube, and the legendary roots crew and now heres your host, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause jimmy thank you very much, everybody. Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. Hello oh, my goodness, thank you so much, everyone and welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show and the week that Everyone Wants to go away seriously, can we just skip this week . I mean no one wants this week. If 2020 was a week, this would be it, we dont want this week lets get to the news and jokes. Well guys, were almost there. We made it to the night before the election seriously, havent felt this stressed out since literally every day since march. [ laughter ] thats right its election eve, and everyone is nervous, President Trump is going to spend all night waiti

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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20240712

My special election fallout shelter which is stocked with everything i need. Ive got a bottle of Hand Sanitizer to clean my hands and another bottle of Hand Sanitizer to clean the other bottle of Hand Sanitizer. If the power goes down, i have board games, i have a boom box over there and something close to a playstation. Most importantly, ive got this place locked down tight. This election fallout shelter is grade 5 military bunker level which means its impenetrable to nuclear weapons, Chemical Attacks and even the most roy wood, jr. Hey, whats up . Trevor how did you get into my election fallout shelter. Im doing the show live. This is top security, what are you doing . I got your password, wakanda 123. Trevor dont say it out loud. You want me to leave . Trevor no, youre in the bubble. Did you get tested . No, aint got no 5g in my neighborhood. Im good. Trevor you should still get tested. Its a joke, calm down, affect. Trevor i cant calm down on a night like tonight. Ready for Electio

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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20240712

Wait a second, all my results are child porn . I dont want this, undo, undo, i didnt ask for this. Oh no. Now i have to arrest myself and honestly i get where google is coming from, man. Like i tried using yahoo search the other day and even yahoo was like i dont know, hold on, let me google t that is a tough one. But to be fair, this is what monopolies do. They get rid of all their other petition competition and then say theyre the best which is technically true but also it is partly because of their action strks like if i guy named greg set up the dating app where the only option was greg. How about greg. No, i want to see some one else, swipe left. Okay k i interest you in greg. No. What about greg . Okay, i guess i will take greg . Fine choice m lady. Staying in the world of tech, last night alexandria ocasiocortez, new york congresswoman and supreme villain of your uncles facebook feed decided to pick up her controller to own the noobs and get out the gamer vote. Alexandria ocasio

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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20240712

With trevor noah. Trevor lets kick things off with google. The Search Engine that constantly is trying to finish your no no no, your sentences. Its dominance has raised concerns in the Justice Department for years. And now theyre finally doing something about it. Now to the blockbuster antitrust lawsuit against google tonight. The Justice Department accusing the tech giant of being a monopoly gatekeeper for the internet. They claim the tech giant has been engaging in anticompetitive tactics, paying phone manufacturers and Tech Companies billions to allow google to be their default Search Engine. Prosecutors alleging that ties were so deep a senior Apple Official wrote our vision is that we work as if we are one company. Today google responded saying the lawsuit is deeply flawed and would do nothing to help consumers. Google say this would only prop up lower quality Search Engines. Trevor yo google versus the u. S. Government, this is going to be huge, and honestly i dont know who is go

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Transcripts For KNTV The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon 20240712

Steve from Rockefeller Center in the heart of new york city, its the tonight show starring jimmy fallon. Tonight, join jimmy and his guests chris rock Jonathan Majors, musical guest sasha sloan. And featuring the legendary roots crew and now, heres your host, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause jimmy oh, hey ahha that was very nice thank you very much, everybody lets get to the news and jokes. Well, guys, last night, President Trump held a press conference and this one was out there even for him i mean, when time life releases a box set of trumps craziest moments, this will be on it. [ laughter ] yeah, trump was asked to commit to a peaceful transition of power if he loses the election and this was his response. Will you commit to making sure that there is a peaceful transferal of power after the election well, were going to have to see what happens you know that ive been complaining very strongly about the ballots. And the ballots are a disaster we want to have ge

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