no, i don t see anything. but he said, it s there, can you see it? and he told me it made him feel really good, and he thought it was an angel. nine years later or so, when he was 13, you took him to the cardiologist. he explained what was happening with ben s heart that it wasn t pumping properly at this point, and fluid was backing up. the doctor reiterated that we need to start thinking about heart transplant. so how did ben take this? when ben and i left the appointment, he just asked me very seriously, mom, am i going to die? so i said, yes, you will, and we all do at some point. none of us really know when that is. how hard was that conversation for you? it was really heart breaking. he was just so young.
able to breathe on his own. we didn t know what to expect and when he woke up, he looked at ali or me or one of us and said, guys, i need to get back to work. and that s the first thing on his mind. and we re like, okay, ben s back. ben s body was just getting weaker. his arrhythmia had been back. he was getting more tired. i felt like things were getting out of control. jake came running in the back door and he said, mom, it s ben. his face was already blue.
running in and said that a student was passed out on the floor in the commons and he was purple. and i remember saying, oh, my god it is ben. i mean, i knew he was not breathing. and then i just started doing cpr. and just thinking, please god, let him wake up. it sounds like the white light is back. what happened in that room? what did he tell you? it was like that pitch white light. he said, and then all of a sudden i realized kid cudi was with me.
and he started laughing. the rapper. yeah. and he said he had his hand on ben s shoulder. and he said there was this mirror. he said when he was looking in that mirror, he wasn t just seeing his reflection, but he saw his whole life. he said when he looked in the mirror, it was the best feeling and that he was happy with everything that had happened in his life and he was proud of himself. and ben thought he was going forward to heaven, but instead he woke up on the floor of the high school. i had come home from college to visit that weekend, and we sat out by the lake on our boat dock. it was very unusual to find him out in the dark in the middle of the night in the winter when it
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