ben s body was just getting weaker. his arrhythmia had been back. he was getting more tired. i felt like things were getting out of control. jake came running in the back door and he said, mom, it s ben. his face was already blue. stacy s mom has got it goin on stacy s mom has got it goin on stacy s mom has got it goin on [ male announcer ] the beautifully practical and practically beautiful cadillac srx. get the best offers of the season now. lease this 2014 srx for around $349 a month. during the season s best event from cadillac. on the table by not choosing the right medicare d plan.
ben and his health. and after we were finished, ben prayed for us. he prayed we wouldn t be sad or scared for him anymore because he wasn t sad or scared. and he added, i m okay with whatever god decides. did that bring you peace? a lot, yes. he wasn t afraid of dying anymore at that point. the day he chose to make this video, we had that home church that morning, and we didn t know what he was doing afterwards, but that s when he went into his room and made this video. so a week later, christmas day. we actually had a wonderful christmas morning together. we opened presents as a family. we were all laughing and ben was very adamant about playing our annual family game of monopoly. and it was right after that that he went outside with jake and watched him jump on the trampoline with his friends. i was in the kitchen starting to fix christmas dinner, and i looked outside my kitchen window and i took a mental snapshot of ben standing there smiling. that was the last time i saw
how nervous were you that he could die? i was afraid everyday that i would go downstairs or go to his bedroom and he may have passed away in the middle of the night. one time we were driving in the car, and ben, with a different tone in his voice, said, mom, how do we know if we get to go to heaven. and how old was he? he was four. i told him you just let jesus know you want to be there. he asked jesus if he would be his friend for the rest of his life. was he emotional when he had this conversation? he was. he actually had tears in his eyes. [ sirens blaring ] i remember the paramedics gathering around ben and measuring all types of vitals and that sort of thing.
the ambulance arrived and they put him into the back of the ambulance with my mom. there was a moment there where you just let go. there was a point in there where i realized that the answer to my prayer maybe was going to be, i m going to take him home, to heaven. finally they were wheeling him from the e.r. to a regular room. and i was walking alongside the gurney holding ben s hand. and this warm little hand, which i was loving at the moment, ben was looking straight up and he said, mom, do you see that light? no, i don t see anything. but he said, it s there, can you see it?
was so cold so i asked why he was there. he said i think god gave me that vision so i won t be afraid of dying and i know that heaven is worth it. i asked him if he is happy that he had woken up. he said i guess and then he started crying really hard. and that was the hardest thing i ve ever had to hear him say. but i had to remind him that if he came back, it was for a reason. the week before christmas, your family held church at home. that was the morning after ben had experienced his fourth cardiac arrest. my dad felt like we needed some peace of mind. so he shared philippians 4 and 6 with us. and we took turns praying for ben and his health. and after we were finished, ben prayed for us.