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Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20131219

Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org [cheering and applause] jon my show. My beautiful show. Here it is, your moment of zen. People are holding tickets that match the winning numbers in the 636 million Mega Millions drawing. Lets go from the best of luck to the worst of fate, its still not clear why a gunman walked into a medical buildi captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org test. Stephen tonight is santa claus an american, well, he is fat and wears a velvet track suit. Then a shocking taste of government waste. There is nothing wrong with the old hampshire. And my guest is keanu reeves who stars in the new samurai movie 47 ronin, oh, three more and he can get the free ronin. Stock tores say an apple a day may prevent heart attack, if only there were some sort of rhyme to remember that. This is the colbert report. cheers and applause cheers and applause welcome to the r

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20131219

Here it is, your moment of zen. People are holding tickets that match the winning numbers in the 636 million Mega Millions drawing. Lets go from the best of luck to the worst of fate, its still not clear why a gunman walked into a medical building captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org test. Stephen tonight is santa claus an american, well, he is fat and wears a velvet track suit. Then a shocking taste of government waste. There is nothing wrong with the old hampshire. And my guest is keanu reeves who stars in the new samurai movie 47 ronin, oh, three more and he can get the free ronin. Stock tores say an apple a day may prevent heart attack, if only there were some sort of rhyme to remember that. This is the colbert report. cheers and applause cheers and applause welcome to the report, everybody, good to have you with us. Stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen thank you so much. Thank you

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20140106

cheers and applause welcome to the report, everybody, good to have you with us. Stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen thank you so much. Thank you so much. Ladies and gentlemen, you are watching the cole bert report and i certainly hope that you are. You know that i love ranking things in lists. In fact, i say lists ranking ranks as my number four passion. Right after two fingers of bourbon and Three Fingers of bourbon. Now of course among rankophiles the cream de la cream de la crop is the American Customer Satisfaction index which ranks Customer Satisfaction among 190 major brands. Is the most trusted ranking of corporate likability next to people magazines sexiest corporation alive. laughter wouldnt mind sprinkling some brown sugar on that. Now according to the acsi this years top customer satisfier was mercedesbenz, the cadillac of cars. So congratulations on the extra effort, mercedes, which of course was a complete waste. Because Bloomberg

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20131220

Some brown sugar on that. Now according to the acsi this years top customer satisfier was mercedesbenz, the cadillac of cars. So congratulations on the extra effort, mercedes, which of course was a complete waste. Because Bloomberg Business week crunched the data this week comparing the satisfaction ranks with each companys stock price and found that Customer Service scores have no relevance to stock market returns. The most hated companies performed better and your con tempt really truly doesnt matter. If anything t might hurt Company Profits to spend moneymaking customers happy. Thats right, folks, the free market has spoken. And it said [bleep] you. laughter stephen for instance, the stock of one of the lowest scoring companies in the survey Time Warner Cable surged 450 over the past five years, which is particularly surprising since five years is how long youve been waiting for the cable guy. Remember, remember, they said hed be there between 2009 and 2014, so dont go anywhere. And

Penelope Ann Judithlynn Meixel | News, Sports, Jobs

Penelope Ann Judithlynn Meixel, the 4 months 19 days old daughter of Erin N. and Scott A. Meixel, Sr. of Lewistown, passed away Sunday, April 7, 2024, at the Penn State Children’s Hospital, Hershey. She was born Nov. 19, 2023 in Hershey. In addition to her parents, she is survived by three siblings, Colt Ronk, […]

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