Transcripts For FOXNEWS Gutfeld 20240903

Happy labor day, everyone. Greg and the rest of the gang are off today so i thought i would check in to see how you were doing. That good? i am happy to hear that. We had some fantastic shows this summer with really great guests. It is tough to pick some of the best segments, but let's try anyway. President biden is angry at nancy pelosi for ushering him out the door but he understands why he didn't do it facetoface since hers was out for repairs. Cheap shot. In under five weeks, judge march on will sentence donald trump. He could go to jail. If he wears an orange jumpsuit, he will look naked. The world health organization has declared a global emergency due to monkeypox and recommends until this blows over, you should only have with oran orangutans. Astronauts are still not marooned on the international space station. Every time they think they are close to rescue, gilligan bleeped it up. Stupid, but it works. A saudi arabia man earned a guinness world record by hooking up 440 video game consoles to a single tv. Now if only he could hook up with a woman. Following complaints from peter dingle and she, disney's snow white reboot will feature cgi dwarves instead of little people, costing the company millions when they had to digitally edit the original c cast. She is not even looking. She is not even paying atte attention. Oh, it is me. May be pay attention to the show. Tim waltz defended himself against those accusing him of stolen valor, saying back when i was a fourstar general in korea, we would have shot people for that. A robot using the deep mind ai is able to beat a human at table tennis. Keep in mind, this is the human. It is not like he watches. You know what democrats hate the most besides student loan payments and me? it is when you see what they are doing, something that involves lube. Every day there is a headline that goes republicans pounce. Republicans sees, they accuse. The thing republicans are pouncing or seizing on a something the democrats are actually doing. Case in point, the new york times has a piece titled immigrants are becoming u. S. Citizens at fastest clip in years. They brag about how many new immigrants they are pumping through the system and how many are going to vote. That is in addition to all of the illegals they let in every day. That is how democraticcontrolled states have gained seats. Trunk tried to end this by forcing the senses to ban the goal to increase how many electoral votes. A state can gain extra votes in congress. God forbid an urban neighborhood gets a whole foods, but ms13 sets up shop, that is just more votes. One expert notes the surge in naturalization efficiency is reshaping the electorate months before a pivotal election. Since new citizens tend to be democrats, i get it, why not vote for the people who keep promising you free stuff. After another election or two when they realize the democrats suck, there is a new wave of naive voters coming in. The democrats can't win if everybody knows better. They have to keep pumping in new things to exploit. They are playing chess while the republicans are playing with themselves. When they do the things they are outright bragging about, they call you a bigot. They don't call it replacing. They call it reshaping. They do this a lot. It is never their fault for cheating. It is your fault for noticing. Politico had this headline. Trump moves to tie harris to biden on the economy. They are a team. We are supposed to forget joe and kamala harris met. How dare you assume they are a team just because they land as the bidenharris team. Kamala harris said she was teamed joe up until last month. She said to tell my teammate i love her as he bit down on his feeding tube and drifted towards purgatory. That is just tromped lying again. If he said the sky is blue, they would say not at night, you liar. Before the debate, she was the dead weight. They are desperately sawing at that chain. How about this, back in 2020 they demanded joe biden select a black woman as his running mate. He went with the one who called him a racist for opposing busing, never guessing one day she would chuck him under one. They demand diversity over everything else but then it is your fault for noticing. Finally, when a male prisoner who talks his way into a women's prison where he goes around rating everybody, it is his fault? no, it is yours, for noticing. They embrace policies that make them look bad, so they call you racist. If they could pass a law that would throw you in jail every time you noticed, they would do it tomorrow. Let's welcome tonight's guests. She once interned as a ball ballerina. Dana perino. Women throw their brawls at him because they want him to wear a. He has had more ups and downs than oprah's weight. Dave landau. She's got a book and a baby on the way and for $10, she will sign both. Good to see you, as always. It has been hours. Is in it interesting and clever it is called reshaping instead of replacing? that is not even coming from the government. That is coming from the media. If i wanted to reshape some something, i would buy. If i wanted to replace something, i would get a boom job. I am not going to do either of those things. Instead, i will just be myself. And that is all you get. That is all it is. One other thing. In some ways, people are thinking about this in the wrong way. For people who are worried this means all of a sudden all the guys from venezuela have come across the border and now they are citizens in voting for the democrats, that is not what is happening. You are married to an immigrant, i am married to an immigrant. The same immigrant. We are in a multiple spouse marriage. It is really unusual. Peter is such a great cook. And alayna can really do the dishes well. Sexist. In the last three years, the administration has done a terrible job at the border. Who is the most mad about that? immigrants. The people getting the citizenship now are the ones who have been in the pipeline for years, waiting for this opportunity. If you look at the numbers before the biden drop out, trump was doing better with hispanics and with black americans. He still has black americans who drifted towards him. They had not gone back to the democrats even after harris has come on board. I don't think this means the immigrants are becoming citizens all of a sudden will be loading democrat this time around. Joe, you look great. Thank you, i dressed appropriately. I didn't show up in just a tshirt. I like the dress shirt and jacket combo. You look kind of like mark mark cuban. I am going to start with my talking points. What really bothers me about this is, if you think about it, the media has given a bad connotation to the word pounce. Pouncing is a good thing in my world. It was a basketball game, see joe pounce on that rebound? joe pounced on those free doughnuts. Joey banderas is single. Time for me to pounce. I don't understand why the media isn't pouncing on all of the horrible outcomes of the policies for bidenharris. They are the ones who should be pouncing. Instead, they propagate the statistics like unemployment goes down. People quit, they give up looking for work and quitting makes the statistics look good. Quitting shouldn't make you look good, except when i quit pouncing on all of those doughnuts. I apologize for making that reference. But we are leaving it in. You know it is interesting. What is amazing, if somebody calls me out for whatever i believe in as a conservative, i am like, okay but when you deal with the left, they say i don't believe that or they run screaming from the things they believe in or they try to redefine it or they call you a name for pointing it out. If you are talking about this, with the reshaping, it is very interesting. It is like looting duane reade on 14th street. It is amazing to me. The other countries are sending us their worst and they have admitted it. This is your new neighbor coming to let you know he is on a sex offender registry and your response is cool, do you want to babysit? so now they are all here to vote and we have to pretend they are not stealing. If you bring it up to anybody on that side, they get furious. They say it's not stolen and they admit that they brought in a bunch of people and gave them jobs and social security numbers. They call it reshaping. It sucks. Dana makes a great point. By the way, immigrants are way more conservative than the credits give them credit for. And they are way more racist. It is jarring. They are also racist against other emigrants. It is insane. You can have a cabdriver that rips another cabdriver based on race. Yes, he is throwing stuff you have never heard. I didn't even know that was a stereotype of guatemala. Katz, what say you? i am not a democrat. What i am about to say is not part of my plan to have a bunch of voters for the team i am not on. My view on immigration is simple. Anybody who is nonviolent who wants to contribute to our economy should be welcome to do so. I take the contribute to our economy part seriously. It is about the free stuff, when you give them the incentives to come, why would they not come and have the hotel room and everything else, when it comes to how they are, what they believe, i am for a free marketplace of ideas. Throw your own ideas out there. I am all about free markets, free ideas, but not free stuff. You want immigrants to come here for opportunity, not for free stuff. Most want opportunity, but what we are seeing is the free stuff and you can't blame them if they come here, if they are getting phones and hotel rooms at nice hotels that you can't even afford. Well whose fault is that? [laughter] you are like, in the college version of shark tank. These are all compliments. We have to move on. Did trump win any hearts? we will look at the best parts. If you have chronic kidney disease, you can reduce the risk of kidney failure with farxiga. Because there are places you'd like to be. Farxiga can cause serious side effects, including ketoacidosis that may be fatal, dehydration, urinary tract, or genital yeast infections, and low blood sugar. A rare, lifethreatening bacterial infection in the skin of the perineum could occur. Stop taking farxiga and call your doctor right away if you have symptoms of this infection, an allergic reaction, or ketoacidosis. ♪ farxiga ♪ hey folks, chris counahan here with leaffilter, america's largest gutter and gutter protection company. Leaffilter has over 150 locations and has been installed on over a million homes. We've been protecting homes now for over 20 years. 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(♪♪) it's a video of the day. Only trump had the balls to threaten housecalls. Our video of the day comes from sage steele, who interviewed wesley hunt and byron donald's and they shared one of the most amazing stories you are ever going to hear about trump. Watch this. My favorite president trump story. When we were negotiating with the taliban while he was the president, he wanted to get out of afghanistan on a conditionsbased withdrawal. You do what we tell you to do and we will pull troops back slowly as long as you abide by our rules. They were talking to taliban leadership in the room and they had one translator in the room. Trump said this. I want to leave afghanistan but it is going to be conditionsbased withdrawal. The translator said if you harm a hair on a single american, i am going to kill you. The translator goes and trump goes, tell him what i said. Reached in his pocket, pulled out a satellite photo of the leader of the taliban's home and handed it to him. Got up and walked out of the room. Whenever you think of trump, he knew how to motivate people. Joe's most potent weapon is threatening to sit near you while downing a plate of prunes. When you hear that story, how can you not? it gives me tingles in my man parts. It goes back to the same thing. It comes down to, what is your choice? trump comes in, he does it. Here is the gangster part. Every man needs to have one of these in his life. When you put down the ultimatum and you know you don't have to wait for an answer. Here it is and walk out. The guy at the table is going 's advisor is like you tell me. This is your house, not mine. Or, wonder if you can help me out with something. I found this in my pocket. Is this my home? i am going to go with the other one. I had one of those moments, i had some appliance store and i said i don't like that type of handle, do you have something may be in beige. I actually don't believe you were that assertive. That must warm your heart, to see someone who cares about saving lives. The biden administration makes me so angry because admittedly, they wanted to hit the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks. Literally, actually, people died for a symbolic victory, selfish, political reasons. That is so gross. Later, on our live chat, we make money off of that. Exactly. You are considered one of the experts in masculinity. Where on the spectrum of, one being, jamie tuten being joe mackie, where does that anecdote fall? that is an 8. 5, that is in your job tutorial range. Trump was great at dealing with foreign adversaries in his first term but the problem was, he dealt with domestic adversaries his first term by putting them in his cabinet. The good thing about trump is that when they messed up, he fired them. Joe biden did not fire anyone and when the disaster of the collapse of afghanistan happen, instead of apologizing and firing people, they sold it as an evacuation on the promise was and the problem was it wasn't supposed to be an evacuation. That is like saying the titanic was a success because they made a movie about it. You guys are going to go down, all right, in history. [applause] jamie, during your divorce, did your wife show up with a picture of your house and just hand it to you and go, i am taking that? she goes i am taking that and that is not you. This is a little frustrating for me. Trump does this whole picture thing. I did it once on a first date. I am a creep. She goes, i have to get home and i said i know, feed your dog. There is a similar story to give biden credit. He takes a card out of his pocket and it says, could you write down who you are, what we are doing here. They were going to let his plan work. He laid out for them to play it out. The taliban guy was not light, trump is out, we don't have to worry about that anymore and they said no, you can do it your way, just undo trump. On that note, conspiracy nuts dream that joe was hit by an energy beam. And in psoriatic arthritis, can mean less joint pain, and help stop further joint damage. Serious allergic reactions, severe skin reactions that look like eczema, and increased risk of infections some fatal have occurred. Tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms, had a vaccine or plan to or if ibd symptoms develop or worsen. ♪see me♪ hi. I use febreze fade defy plug. And i use this. Febreze has a microchip to control scent release so it smells firstday fresh for 50 days. 50 days!? and its refill reminder light means i'll never miss a day of freshness. ♪ man suits, claims stripper lied. David is suing a stripper for $38 million, alleging she defrauded him while pretending to be his exclusive girlfriend for a decade. Alleges she had another boyfriend in vegas while she pretended to be this man's girlfriend. You are a strip club aficionado. You like to just go there and hang out of the bar. A lot of people, they think they are demeaning to women, but i think they are empowering. The one i go to, they have a big sign out front that says live, girls and i think that is nice. It is inspirational. [laughter] it is nice to go out every now and again. This guy made a mistake. If i were the judge, i would love to be the defense attorney. She's a stripper. Case closed. She is a stripper. That would be great if they entered into evidence one of her lap dances. The judge would like to see her perform. You are a relationship expert. Does the guy have a case? how do you define exclusivity if you are a lap dancer? i love how he described it as an extensive, fraudulent scheme. That describes every relationship i had in my 20s and none of them were with strippers. I think it would have been healthier if they were. That is a little more upfront. You don't need to ask how your day was at work. You kind of got an idea. That is how we met. That is how he met the stripper. You have been to her work. I wonder if they have a take your daughter to work today at strip clubs. They call it recruitment. I bet you could name three strip clubs off the top of your head. I am going to be quiet in commercial breaks from now on. I refuse. Continue. Don't clap for that. Have you ever been hoodwinked by the stripper, let on when they said you smelled nice? weights? that is not true? i am different. Can i put my legal hat on for a second? what this gentleman is saying is he gave money to a young lady he thought was interested in him and now he wants the money back. Isn't that called dating? what am i missing? and in the weirdest of weird scenarios were a judge lets this go past the summary judgment stage, and in some way, the guy wins, what happens to the sugar daddy industry? this is literally the foundation of the sugar daddy industry. Those sugar girls, based on my research on the fox news computers today, it basically says, these girls have a lot of daddies. They are not exclusive and they are making a lot of money. I am going to get fired because of that search. No. Hr is really good with that. I am doing the math here. He spent $3 million on this girl on lap dances. His groin must be sanded down to another. [laughter] do you know any strippers? female strippers? i didn't want to get personal. Since i am past the halfcentury mark, they are no longer stripping. Why did you ask me that? you know people on the st street, you slung around. I am of the people. They are like all professional women. Since you didn't ask me, the one in daytona beach, that is my favorite. I read the court filing on this. She was his girlfriend for a decade. She is actually not young. She is now well past her mid40s. She met her when she was in her mid30s. She got $3 million in cash and a home at a busy intersection in a not great part of time and he is suing for $35 million in punitive damages. He doesn't have friends to tell him don't go to the strip club to meet your girlfriend and don't publicly sue her for $35 million when you find out she's cheating on your stupid ass. [applause] it worked out to be $350,000 a year. That is a bargain. All right. Coming up. Scientists try to design a bot that speaks canine. Always dry scoop before you run. Listen to me, the hot dog diet got me shredded. It's time we listen to science. One a day is formulated with key nutrients to support whole body health. One a day. Science that matters. Incoming dishes. —ahhh! —duck! dawn powerwash flies through 99% of grease and grime in half the time. Yeah, it absorbs grease five times faster. Even replaces multiple cleaning products. Ooh, those suds got game. Dawn powerwash. The better grease getter. Chase really knows how to put the hart in your local community. See what i did there? hey, jackie! (♪) evan, my guy! you're helping them with savings, right? (♪) i wish i had someone like evan when i started. Somebody just got their first debit card! ice cream on you? ooo, tacos! i got you. Wait hold on, don't you owe me money? what?! your money is a part of your community, so your bank should be too. Like, chase! it's video of the day part two. This defies belief. It comes from becky pringle. At their annual meeting, she gave a speech. Delegates, we can do this work. We must do this work. We get to do this work. We will do this work because our students are depending on us. To win the all of the things, we have to win all the things. All the things. All the things. Our colleagues are depending on us to win all of the things. Keep going, annie a. To preserve our democracy, we must win all the things. We won't go back. We will keep going forward because we are the nea. We are the nea. We are the annie a. And that is what we do. She raises an important question. What are all the things? what are all the things? do you know? everybody is making fun of this but i felt like it wasn't that bad. Comparatively to the stuff we have been hearing from teachers unions, at least she was saying they showed work. Do you not remember that, for two years teachers were like it's not safe for us to work and the thing about schools, no. They mention students as being a thing. On the list of issues with teachers unions, this was comparatively great. You used to say none of the things. You claim to be a performer. How would you rate her performance? terrible. It was so vague and disingenuous. I didn't know you can catch the holy ghost at these things. That is allowed anywhere? very awkward and weird and that is why we are criticizing. It is disingenuous, to say a bunch of vague things about a subject doesn't do anything. It riles everyone up. You see it on the view. With every sentence, it is just some limerick that gets a bunch of women in the crowd to clap. It is the dumbest. They will say nothing laying vaguely in a limerick. You identified this thing that grew out of 90s talk shows, where, they are no good and everybody goes yeah and that is you can do that here. Never. She never mentioned education or children. So nondescript. I thought that is what they were supposed to do. Our kids are free falling against the rest of the world in terms of education. If you are going to do something, do your real job. Forget about being in politics. Forget about the fearmongering. I am afraid of the kids that have to go to her schools and graduate unprepared for a world with amazing opportunities. We are living in the most amazing time. Most of it, nurtured in this country, that a large swath of our children will not participate in. We are creating our own enemies. They make that up to make up for the fact that you had so little faith in johnny in kindergarten that you gave him the watereddown test so by the time he graduated 12th grade, we give you free housing and food. Luckily more and more black people are rejecting that. This woman i hope is a dinosaur and on her way out. Last word to you, morgan. You have children, correct? i have a daughter. She is only three and a half. Could she speak two languages yes? she is in a hebrew immersion school. What do you think of this? it was weird. What is also interesting as i read before i watch the video this woman was under fire for spending $8,000 for a three day care appointment. When i saw the video, that was my thought. I wanted to say, i expected m more. If you're going to spend $8,000 of taxpayer money, you don't know what the before picture is. Good point. We don't know. She went into the salon and said give me all the things. All the things. Nicely done. On that note, he stole luggagelo all the timewe but won't pay for his crime. Well done. Of a voice. They are the group that is most bigoted against. Well, i have a picture of me from high school. I think you do. Oh, yeah? yeah. Based on that, i should be dead already. Inner beauty. Yeah. No, i was real that was the year that i started to get better looking. So you can imagine how i looked the first couple of years. And you can see by the way, behind the photo, my dad is hugging my sister. You look at me, you can understand why. Usually people gain weight after high school. That was weird. Tyrus, isn't this due to discrimination, that we discriminate against the unattractive. As men, we have to take a page out of women's books, and marry ugly dudes. He dies and she gets all the money, she doesn't have to wait. So me, marrying pretty women, to hell with that. Get you a ugly woman that will cook and clean. And when she drops off, you can start all over. That's a beautiful thought. How stupid is that. Not only do ugly people die sooner, at hope casket funerals they are often placed face down. We will be right back. If you have heart failure, farxiga can help you keep living life with the ones you love. Ask your doctor about farxiga today. Farxiga can cause serious side effects, including ketoacidosis that may be fatal, dehydration, urinary tract or genital yeast infections, and low blood sugar. A rare, lifethreatening bacterial infection in the skin of the perineum could occur. Stop taking farxiga and call your doctor right away if you have symptoms of this infection, an allergic reaction, or ketoacidosis. ♪ farxiga ♪ uggggh. (man 1) oh no, no, no, no, no, no! (man 2) what's my next step? oh! ugh. (girl) dad. (vo) you break it. We take it. (woman 2) we can take it. (vo) trade in any phone, in any condition at verizon for the new google pixel 9 with gemini. (man 2) give me a recipe with these ingredients. (girl) let's do that one. (vo) only on verizon. (vo) you've had thyroid eye disease for a long time. And you've lived with the damage it caused. But even after all these years, restoration is still possible. Learn how at tedhelp. Com. Thank you so much for joining us. We are back tomorrow with a brand new episode. Special report is next. I love you america. Good evening from washington, i am gillian turner, and you are listening to president

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