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COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart July 17, 2014

Sometimes the q a in the beginning gets a little out of hand is what im saying, but if youre like many of our viewers, youre probably watching this show right now while driving. And if thats the case, stop very dangerous, not because it pulls your focus from the road but because of the road itself. The federal Highway Trust Fund is about to become insolvent. Jon oh, my god [laughter] first of all, i cant believe our federal highways have a trust fund. Get a job. Your parents didnt pull themselves up from gravel just to have you lay there. Well, actually. Now, i know our federal highways are the vital circulatory system of our nations commerce, but what exactly happens if it loses its trust fund . The Highway Trust Fund runs dry next month. Upkeep and repairs needed for an aging highway system. 65 of roads are in lessthangood condition. 25 of bridges need significant r ....

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COM The Colbert Report July 17, 2014

Show you know, and i take this seriously, my most solemn duty is holding our elected officials accountable. And tonight i have reeled in the biggest fish in the big apple, our mayor. cheers and applause no, not michael bloomberg, bill de blasio. Ive waited a long time to hold de blasio seat to defire because we all know what this man is. Mayor de blasio is a socialist, all right. Hes just flat out a socialist. Americas leading leftist, mr. Tax the rip, the mayor of new york bill de blasio. Bill de blasio, this your mean socialist. I think bill de blasio is a socialette, i call him comrade mayor. Comrade mayor bill de blasio is going to sock it to the rich, sock it to wall street. I wouldnt be surprised if wall street leaves new york. Stephen thats right. Thats right. Thanks to comrade de blasio, wall street is going to leave new york and move to the part of the country where people like them. Ill get back to you on that one. His honor launched his
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COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart August 6, 2014

Border bedlam. Humanitarian nightmare. Chaos and despair. The situation is so dire. The crisis at hand demands action. Unless we sit down and reason together, were going to end up with the status quo. Jon so all we need to save ourselves is for congress to sit down and reason. [laughter] together. Oh, my god [screaming maniacally] can they do it . [laughter] did they do it . Because actually, spoiler alert, you could have watched the news between friday and monday and you probably already know, but if you did not because you were at the theater, heres how it went down starting on july 8th the white house today asked congress for 3. 7 billion to deal with the flood of unaccompanied children coming into the United States illegally. Jon okay. But i dont think they asked for it by putting it on a white board on a fence. 3. 7 billion dollars. Thats a lot of money. Congress . Were not going to write blank check for 4 billion. [laughter] ....

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COM The Colbert Report August 6, 2014

In america, when my parents seemed very tall and youd get a gold star just for using the toilet. laughter folks, before we delve into the socalled scandal that cost us this great leader, lets get to know the man. Richard nixon was born in 1913 in yorba linda, california. Even at an early age, he refused to wear makeup, which is why even his mother preferred kennedys baby pictures. laughter after serving in the navy, nixon was elected to congress and rose to political prominence as a member of the house in the house unamerican activities committee, where he accused state Department Official alger hiss of being a soviet spy. It was a dark time in our nations history, when it was considered wrong for government workers to spy on americans. laughter in 1952, while campaigning as Dwight Eisenhowers runningmate, nixon wins gulfed in scandal when the media reported he recei ....

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COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart August 1, 2014

You about corporations. Corporations, theyre a lot like us immortal. [laughter] shielded from liability, accountable tom shareholders. Oh, wait, thats opposite of us. Sorry. But there is one thing corporations do have in common with the rest of us. They dont like paying taxes. Hate it. Fortunately, they rarely have to. Its the subject of tonights oh, no. Thats not. I dont. I did not approve this, and i feel that this is disrespectful in some ways. Its about. Okay. That i dont. That i dont. Lets go with the first one, and then well just. Okay. Thats fine. [laughter] anyway, this seasons hot new tax loophole for corporations, a onceobscure tax dodge known as the corporate inversion, which sounds like the business equivalent of gender reassignment, and it kind of is. Its a liberating procedure for companies that have been raids american but know in their heart theyre really irish. Tax inversions, thats where companies reincorporate overseas simply to cut their u. S. Tax bills. Accompanied ....

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